“And I’ll be left to live alone for the rest of my life,” muttered Jamie, “In complete and utter misery.”
“Complete misery,” Phillip agreed, but then he suddenly got a light in his eyes and he sat up as he said, “Unless...”
“Unless what? C’mon, say it man. . .”
“Unless Smithton didn’t ask ‘er today; then you’ve still got a little chance, and you can ask her to marry you. And you won’t have to live alone in misery!”
“I can ask her to marry me,” repeated Jamie, thinking over the words carefully before adding, “Of course, that’s it. I’ll have to make sure I’m not drunk when I do. I don’ want to be speakin’ nonsense to ‘er.”
“That’d prob’ly be a good idea.”
Although he may have been drunk, and although he may not have spoken in proper English, Jamie’s intentions were sincere. He truly did love Ellie; and if he hadn’t been drunk he would have ridden over to her house that very instant and proposed.
Chapter 22 - The Proposal
The following day, after Jamie had completely gotten over the effects of the vast amount of alcohol he’d consumed the previous night with Phillip, he tidied himself up a bit: washed his face, combed his dark hair, and even trimmed his fingernails. Then, he dressed. Wearing a clean charcoal-colored suit, shiny black shoes, and his black fedora, he felt quite handsome. Without letting anyone know where he was off to, Jamie snuck out the back door and over to the stables. Sitting atop a large chestnut-haired horse with a silky black mane, Jamie was just about to head off when a little boy with dark curls stopped him.
“Where are you going, Jamie?” Wesley asked.
“Out for a bit,” Jamie replied vaguely, “But I’ll be home soon.”
“Can I come too?”
“Not this time, little man. Sorry.”
“O-tay,” Wesley replied, obviously not too hurt by the refusal, “Bye, bye Jamie!”
“Bye, Wes-man!” Jamie gently kicked the horse’s sides and they were off, leaving young Wesley waving behind him.
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and a light layer of snow had fallen the day before, creating a winter wonderland of Donners Bend’s hills.
Before long, Jamie had reached his destination: the house of Jon Smithton.
It was a quaint little residence. On either side of the wooden house were the mere structures of two large trees with no leaves visible. It looked to only contain around three to four rooms; far different than the type of abode Jamie was used to.
Straightening his tie, he hopped off the horse and walked up the way to the door. He knocked twice before it was answered, and there stood Jon.
Strange was it to see two so vastly different men as these: Jon was a simple, small town boy, while Jamie was a brilliant, yet from time to time arrogant and contentious man with a youthful side to him. Jon had no riches or wealth to speak of, while Jamie had lived in a mansion since he was a boy, for the Rhodes were one of the wealthiest families in all of Donners Bend. Jon wore a collared, plaid shirt and khaki pants; and his whitish-blond hair was, as always, slightly out of place. Jamie wore an expensive suit and fedora and his dark locks were neatly combed.
Despite their obvious differences, the two men had one thing in common: their adoration of Miss Eliana Mae Henderson.
“Hey Jamie,” said Jon, quite confused as to why this man was at his door, “What can I do for you?”
“Could we sit down for a minute? I’ve got something I need to discuss with you,” Jamie replied.
“Of course.”
Jon led Jamie into his humble living room and as they sat down opposite one another on the uncomfortable sofas, Jamie removed his hat politely.
“Now, I know this isn’t something you’d normally expect to be asked,” Jamie began, “And I’m sure you’ll be quite bewildered as to why I came to you for this, but I,” Jamie paused, “I just thought it was necessary.”
“What’s going on?”
“Usually a man would go to the father when asking such a question, but I felt you were the best person to ask,” Jamie took a deep breath and finally admitted the reason as to his surprise visit: “I want to ask Ellie to marry me, Jon, and I came to ask for your permission.”
Jon leaned back, completely and utterly shocked. Putting a hand to his head and then running it through his hair, he simply sat and thought. It took a moment for him to process Jamie’s words and when he did, he smiled.
Jamie instantly felt a wonderful sense of relief, for he’d been worried that Jon would be the one big roadblock standing in the way of him and Ellie. He was wrong.
Jon, despite what the people in town thought, didn’t and had never thought of Ellie in a romantic way. He loved her though. He loved her with all his heart, but only as a friend does. Jon knew something had been going on between Jamie and Ellie, he’d felt it, and so he was happy to see his friend find someone he felt would make her an amazing husband.
“What do you say, Jon?” asked Jamie, still waiting intently for his answer. A smile wasn’t enough to assure his suspicion that Jon was okay with everything.
Jon chuckled and his smile widened, “Of course, Jamie. Go ahead! Ask Ellie to marry you.”
“So I have your consent?”
“You absolutely do.”
A few minutes later, Jamie left the house and boarded his horse once more.
“Goodbye!” he called back to Jon, “And thanks again!”
“Good luck!” Jon shouted back with a wave of his hand, “Goodbye and good luck!”
With that behind him, Jamie was off to his second destination: Ellie’s simple cottage.
He found her sitting in a large armchair near the warm and crackling fire. A cream-colored blanket had been spread across her lap as she sat reading a book quietly.
A significant amount of difference had been made in Ellie’s health in the past week. She still felt very weak though, and found it hard to support herself when standing. So, she spent most of her time reading or sewing by the fire; and when she needed to get around, she used the wheelchair Jamie had brought her. Instead of a nightgown, she wore a simple yellow dress; and after she’d parted her hair on the side, Ellie pulled her hair back into a simple ponytail with a ribbon.
Although she’d tried very hard though, Ellie couldn’t erase all signs of her illness. Her eyes still appeared sunken in slightly, her fingers would tremble every so often, and her body still seemed slightly frailer than it had before since she hadn’t gotten much nourishment during her time in bed. Jamie still thought she looked beautiful though.
“Jamie!” Ellie exclaimed when she saw him, “I’m so glad you stopped by.”
“Are you feeling any better?”
“Yes, much better,” Ellie replied, slightly exaggerating her condition.
“Good, good. I’m glad.”
There was a slight moment of silence before Ellie asked, “Is something wrong, Jamie? You seem... oh, I don’t know, you just seem different.”
“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Jamie kneeled down beside her chair and looked up into her eyes, “I’m positive.”
“Okay. Never mind then.”
A few more minutes passed. To Jamie, every minute seemed to last ten times longer than it did in reality. He just didn’t know exactly how or when the right moment would be.
Ellie could sense something changed about him, but it was hard for her to pinpoint just exactly what that something was. Usually, he had a confident air about him, but today he seemed slightly nervous and apprehensive. He kept looking up at her and then turning away again as though he hadn’t done a thing.
Finally, Ellie asked again, “Jamie? What is it? You’re driving me mad with all this constant eye moving, you’re jittery and really making me nervous – what’s wrong? What is it?”
“You’ve already driven me mad,” Jamie whispered to himself.
“Hmm?” asked Ellie. Whe
n she didn’t receive an answer she continued in quite a simple, yet pleading, tone, “Please tell me if something’s wrong, Jamie.”
Jamie took a deep breath and asked, “Would you like to join me outside for a moment?”
“Of course, but whatever for?”
“Just feeling a little stuffy, is all.”
Jamie lifted Ellie into the wheelchair and pushed her outside onto the porch. She smiled as the cool air hit her face. Jamie began to walk back and forth before her, trying to calm his nerves a little. He’d never felt this way around a girl before, but then again, he knew that Ellie was not just any girl. She was the one that he intended to spend the rest of his life with.
“Ellie?” he asked.
“Yes?”
“I have something that I… I need to ask… I mean tell you.”
“Go ahead.”
He stepped toward her and took her hands, kissing each one in turn, “Ellie, I never thought I’d say this when I first met you. I thought you were just another of the children’s nannies,” he paused, “but I was wrong. Over time, and through many difficulties, I’ve... well, I’ve come to love you Ellie.”
Ellie didn’t, and couldn’t speak.
Jamie continued, “And I know this isn’t just some phase that will soon come to pass. I know that no matter what I do, I’ll love you forever, and I want to live the rest of my life with you. I know that if I don’t do this now, I’d regret it everyday for the rest of my life, for I love you far too much to ever forget you. Ellie, I want you to be my wife, to be mine, and only mine forever. Will you do me that honor, Ellie?”
He got down on one knee, pulled out the ring, and kissed her hand again, “Eliana Mae Henderson, will you marry me?”
Ellie still couldn’t find words to speak, but finally she was able to whisper, “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Jamie assured, “Just a simple yes would make me happier than you can ever imagine.”
Ellie hesitated, because she knew she couldn’t say yes, and she didn’t.
The silence was deafening, yet she couldn’t quite break it. Her relationship with Jamie had always confused her greatly, and this only heightened that confusion. She didn’t love him, or at least she didn’t think she did; but yet she couldn’t deny that she had feelings for him. What they were exactly, she had no idea. All she knew for sure was that she felt a strong devotion to him that she couldn’t deny.
Since the accident, Ellie found herself strangely unable to accept change and unable to make up her mind on things. She was very reluctant to answer anything, fearing the dread of making a wrong decision. It was as if her inability to control things surrounding the accident destroyed her confidence that she once relied so heavily upon.
“I don’t know, Jamie,” she shook her head, “I just don’t know.”
“You don’t know about what? What’s wrong?” he pleaded, “Because if it’s something about the future we would live, I assure you I could give you anything you wanted: a big house, children, anything.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
“I just don’t know,” she repeated, “I don’t know if this is the right thing for us.”
“I love you, Ellie. I love you more than you know, and you love me as well, don’t you?”
Ellie shook her head again, “I just don’t know, Jamie. It’s hard to say.”
“What do you mean? Do you love me or don’t you? It’s a clear cut question.”
“I can’t be sure.”
“But if you had to say?”
“Then,” Ellie stammered, “T-Then I’d have to say no. No, I don’t love you, Jamie.”
“No,” Jamie repeated solemnly to himself, “No.”
“Please don’t be angry with me Jamie,” Ellie begged, “Please let us still be friends.”
Jamie didn’t want to be just friends anymore; he wanted more than that. He’d already embarrassed himself: he never expected this response, and he didn’t want to stick around any longer.
Placing back on his fedora, Jamie said monotonously, “I’m sorry, Ellie, but I really must be going.”
“Please don’t go, Jamie!” Ellie called back. If she could have, she would have chased after him, but in her wheelchair she was confined to only the porch. Wheeling it to the edge, she called again, “Please don’t be angry, Jamie! Please stay!”
“Goodbye, Ellie,” he said with the tip of his hat, and then he was gone, riding off into the distance and leaving poor confused Ellie on the porch.
Chapter 23 - A Rash Decision
Jamie felt the cold wind blow past him as he rode through the hills faster than he ever had in his life. Continually, he would kick the horse’s sides and order it to go faster still. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. He decided that if he fell off and died at that moment, it wouldn’t really matter all that much. Ellie had refused his proposal, and that was all that really counted.
He didn’t want to be one of those men who spend their whole lives chasing after a girl that doesn’t feel the same way. He didn’t want to have to try and convince Ellie to marry him. He wanted her to have accepted and be excited about it on her own will, not with zealous prodding.
So that was the end, he decided. That was the end of him and Ellie. It just must not have been meant to be.
He couldn’t go home now. He needed time to think, and so he led the horse toward a different direction, one that led to Phillip’s house.
They spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing of importance; it was a day of mourning.
Back at the Rhodes’ house, no one had any idea where Jamie was or what he’d done that day. Robert and Louise had absolutely no clue that any sort of romance at all had been going on between their oldest son and the nanny, let alone a possible marriage. They didn’t know where he was, but no one was too worried. It wasn’t unlike Jamie to go off for a day to himself every so often.
Finally, after hours of trying to forget about Ellie, the subject was no longer susceptible to being hidden.
So now Phillip and Jamie sat exactly where they had that night before: opposite one another on brown leather couches in a dimly lit parlor. Phillip was completely drunk again, just as he’d been the night before, but Jamie, though he’d also had several drinks, wasn’t exactly drunk. He was dazed though: dazed, delirious, and completely confused. This was how Ellie had made him.
Although he’d looked so suave and handsome at Ellie’s, his appearance had changed quite dramatically since. His jacket had been thrown carelessly onto the floor, his shirt sleeves were rolled up, and his tie loosened. Lying on the sofa, his fedora had been placed onto the top of his face, preventing him from seeing anything except darkness and from anyone seeing him. Only the tips of his dark, dark, almost-black hair stuck out from beneath.
Phillip, opposite him, was dressed more casually in khaki pants and a blue collared shirt. He’d already heard all about what had happened with Ellie, and was trying to comfort his friend as best he could.
“She’s a fool, Jame,” he insisted, “A dang fool. If she was smart she would’ve known how stupid it was to say no.”
“She’s not the fool, I’m the fool,” Jamie replied from beneath the fedora.
“Not yet, you’re not, but…” he paused, “but if you run after her, then you will be. For you don’t want to end up a man chasing after some hopeless cause, do ya?”
“No,” the hat shook back and forth.
“Good.”
Phillip really was in quite a difficult position. For I’m sure not many know what it’s like to comfort a good friend when he’s just been refused by the love of his life. Phillip felt like he needed to do something, anything to help Jamie get over it more quickly, but of course it’s also quite hard to think logically when you’re as intoxicated as Phillip Browning was.
“Phillip?” Jamie asked in a mumble.
“Yeah?”
“What if that was it?”
/> “What d’ya mean?”
“What if that was my last chance at love? What if that was my last chance at marriage?”
“Aww, come on!” Phillip replied doubtfully, “You’re not a bad lookin’ guy and you’re smart to boot. Plus, you’ve got money enough to provide fer even the most demanding dames I know. No need to worry yet, Jame. You’ve got plenty of time ta spare yet.”
As Jamie shook his head, the fedora shook with it from where it sat upon his face, “No. I’m gettin’ old now. In a few weeks I’ll be twenty-five years old, for goodness sake.”
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