by Lila Huff
“Good night, and thank you for dinner.” I heard myself call from halfway down the stairs.
Paul followed me sorting through numerous things he might say, but he knew they would never make me stay. He took my coat out of the closet, helping me into it. “I’m sorry. She’s gone a bit overboard tonight. If I’d had any idea….”
I heard myself scolding him about wedding invitations and colors and I watched him apologize and offer to guide me around London. And then I left, after refusing to let him get me a cab.
He fought with the knowledge that I needed my space and the danger of the London streets before pulling on his own coat and following after me. I had managed to gain a sizeable head start and he ran off in the direction he knew I’d headed.
The street lamps flickered and went out and he was chasing after me in the dark, but he was no longer sure of which way I’d gone. After several minutes of running through the dark he stopped, deciding to give up, when he heard someone call out. “Jo!” and he ran toward the sound. But before he could get to the person who had called out, he felt a sharp knife as it plunged into his neck and then a flash of red before he fell to the pavement.
Darkness enveloped me and then I saw the six months he had spent in the basement, his Asakku brethren, and Gallu, cruel and disturbingly beautiful. There was no order to his memory, blips of his child hood mingled with what had occurred in the past six months, and I strained my thoughts trying to move past the blips that didn’t matter, but I had no control over these thoughts, Paul was in control of what I saw, but he could not hide his emotions from me.
And then we stopped on a memory that I knew from my own past. The time our families had spent together in Hawaii when I was seventeen.
The warm sun of the memory was comforting. That had been the best part of my entire junior year of high school. This memory was more organized than his others; he had spent more time thinking of this memory. I could feel that he had enjoyed it just as much as I had.
He slept through the flight, and woke just as they were landing over the sugar cane fields at Kahului. The drive through the interior to Kihei on Maalaea Bay he remembered as uneventful, Edie chattered most of the time. They spent the first day in Kihei, Edie sifting through the offerings of the local’s tourist traps while Bob and Paul followed and offered the occasional solicited opinion. His thoughts rushed through this first day, dismissing it almost as though it hadn’t happened. The second day they got in their rental car and drove around the southern part of the island to Lahaina, where my family had booked our hotel.
I watched a memory that I too held, but from a different perspective as he walked across the pool deck towards us. I pushed my freckled little brother, Todd, into the pool while he was distracted, and quickly jumped in too. Paul’s memory focused on me, in the pool, and didn’t leave me for the rest of the week that we spent there. He only said a few words to me here and there, but I had never heard the guarded nature of his words, until I felt the caution in his thoughts now.
It became increasingly apparent that Edie wasn’t the only one in the family that had considered a match between Paul and myself. Bob had offered the suggestion in their hotel room half way through the trip, and Edie had been gushing about it long before they had arrived in Hawaii.
We spent our last night in the tropical paradise at a Luau in Ka’anapali. Paul sat as far from me as possible and I saw the annoyed glances his mother cast in his direction. But he spent the entire evening watching me. I watched in embarrassment as my mother and I got up with several others and did a very poor rendition of the hula, and felt a smile come to my lips as I watched the enormous smile that formed on my brothers face as he shoveled chunk after chunk of pineapple onto his plate.
It was a good memory, a happy memory for us both, but it left me with so many questions.
I dropped his hand, opening my eyes and we were on that beach. I must have brought us here while we were in his memory.
Ka’anapali had been one of the most peaceful places I had ever been and it remained so now, even as the sun was rising over the green mountain of the West Maui Forest Reserve behind us.
I tore my eyes away from the water to look at Paul; his face was turned down in embarrassment. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
“Think about it, Ellie.” he said with a small laugh. “The age difference was a bigger deal back then. Besides, you still had to finish high school, and I was heading back to Oxford…” He shook his head and sat down in the sand. “It wouldn’t have worked on any level.”
I had nothing to say then, so I sat too and looked out over the water. The fragrant smell of plumaria wafted through the salty smell of the Pacific, and I closed my eyes, taking it in again.
“I was going to fill your room with these,” Paul said, interrupting my reverie.
I opened my eyes and looked to his outstretched palm. He held the small pink flower in his hand and I took it from him, the soft petals quivered as a sea breeze passed over the beach.
“But you weren’t there. I thought of your last name and it took me to your grave.” He sighed and I saw his shoulders cave forward. “I’m so sorry I let you leave.”
“Paul,” I said in a slightly more condescending tone than I had intended to. “You and I both know that there is no way that you would have kept me from leaving. I’m far too stubborn a person to have ever considered staying after what your mother put me through.”
“Well, then I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything, and just let her keep on like that. It wasn’t fair, and maybe then you wouldn’t have left.” His shoulders rose a little. “But the idea of being with me can’t really be that bad, can it?”
He laughed and I did too. The thought of being with him wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t what I wanted. I searched for a way to tell him that without being too harsh.
“Paul, I…” I began, but his arms quickly wrapped around me as he pressed his lips to mine. They were oddly warm, and seemed strangely soft. I could have pushed him away, but I didn’t, and I couldn’t answer my thoughts that demanded I tell them why.
When he pulled away I was left confused, but I knew that I couldn’t lead him on. “Paul, I…” this was much harder than I had expected. “I don’t feel that way about you.”
His mouth had been turned up in a smile, and it only slightly lessened. “that’s okay.” He looked out to the horizon, “we have an eternity for you to change your mind.”
He didn’t seem smug, and I was curious as to his expression. I had just rejected him, and he did not seem let down in the slightest.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, trying to search his black eyes for some sign of sanity.
“I’m just wondering how long it is going to take you to get tired.” There was a laugh in his words.
“Get tired of what?” I asked, it was like pulling teeth with him.
“Of the bloke with the melancholy expression back in the Lilitu’s hide-out.” he answered.
“It’s called Zephyr,” I informed him, feeling the contempt in my own words. “And what does Demetrius have to do with any of this?” And why had the mere mention of his name brought up this strangely protective feeling.
“I saw the way he looked at you Ellie.” The laugh in Paul’s voice was more of a sneer now, “I’m not an idiot, but even if I was I could have seen that he’s infatuated with you.”
I started to object, but he cut me off, raising a finger. “An idiot might not notice the way that you look at him, but I did. There’s something there Ellie, even if you’re not willing to admit it.”
We sat there for quite a while, as I pondered what he’d just said, and he watched my face. I didn’t think I was that easily read, but I had never been a good judge of my own weaknesses or strengths.
Was there something in my face that told Paul what my mind knew was false? For now I would just assume that it was jealousy that was giving Paul these ideas. I decided that it was easier for Paul to think that I liked
Metri than to try to explain the strange collage that was my emotions right now.
“We should get back to Zephyr before they think I’ve kidnapped you,” he said absently.
“They aren’t worried about you hurting me,” I said with a laugh.
“Why?” he asked suddenly, as though his manhood had been challenged.
I just smiled at him, knowing I’d lie through my teeth. “They worry about you around the others, but our previous connection, in life, makes Lilith secure in allowing you to be alone with me.”
“She thinks I won’t hurt you because I know you?” he asked, seeming skeptical of my explanation.
“Something like that, yeah.” I said as I stood up. I could hear the sand as it slid along the taffeta of my dress and suddenly regretted my decision to rest on the beach.
“Here,” Paul said as he took two steps towards the water and then turned back, “Take this.”
He placed a large sand dollar in my hand. It was almost perfect, there was only one small hole in it.
“It’s so strange to think that this was once a living creature,” I said with a sigh.
“It’s strange to think that we’re a lot like that shell now,” Paul said with an agreeing nod.
It was true, we were the skeletal remains of our living selves. we somehow continued on in death. And yet somehow, even in death and with all of our imperfections, I was certain that there were those who felt that we, too, were more valuable now, than when we had been with the living.
I sighed, took his hand again and closed my eyes. I felt myself breaking apart; it seemed to mirror the fragmentation in my mind. Paul had brought up some very strange thoughts, and I couldn’t ignore them. Paul might still feel the way that his past told me he did, but I did not return those feelings. I felt closer to Paul than anyone else in my life now, but only because he had been present in my actual life. And at the moment, the most that could be said for Demetrius was that I felt a certain camaraderie with him. He was the only other of my kind that I knew of, and I couldn’t trust any feelings I had towards him in light of that.
I opened my eyes and we were back in the room with the chess boards.
“Wait here,” I said with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be back shortly.”
I left the room, and walked down the hallway, walking wasn’t as fast, but I wanted the time to clear my head, and I sorted myself out by the time I reached the giant black doors.
They were all where I had left them.
Carla still seemed livid, she turned her nose up at me and then proceeded to pretend to ignore me; Earl just shook his head, probably annoyed by her behavior. Billy and Lizzie both stared at me inquisitively, and Nate and Christi didn’t seem to notice me; at least they didn’t look up from their game.
Lilith appeared at the other end of the room in a shimmer of vapor. “Joellen,” She said as she held out her hand to me.
I nodded to her and held out my hand. As I felt the effervescent tingle of her touch, I closed my eyes and focused only on Paul’s last six months. His time with the Asakku, and I succeeded in keeping the thoughts that centered on me from her. I don’t know why, but I somehow felt that it was necessary to do so. There were thoughts in my own mind that I didn’t need being shared with her.
“Thank you,” she said, her brow creased in confusion. “Demetrius, will you go get Paul for us?” She cast a sidelong glance at me and then turned back to Metri. “there’s no need to fear him.”
I watched Metri go with mixed feelings. I didn’t really think I wanted them talking. If Paul was right, I didn’t want his presumptions to give Metri false hope. But I didn’t have much time to dwell on those misgivings. Earl drew my attention almost as soon as the door had shut behind Demetrius.
“You need to know how to kill an Asakku,” Earl said as he crossed the hall toward me, his arms resolutely folded across his chest.
I rolled my eyes at him. “I am not going to kill Paul.”
Earl stopped mere inches from me and shook his head, “I’m not asking you to, but the Asakku are not going to be happy about his defection. They’ll want him back and they’ll be willing to kill you to get to him.”
I started to say something, but Earl continued, cutting me off, his dark blue-rimmed irises glancing sideways at me. “We know they can’t kill you, but they don’t, and they will try.”
“Mark your words,” I said sarcastically.
“Yes,” he turned toward me and stood as though he were about to lecture a class. With his hands clasped behind his back he began, “because you have the Lilitu powers, dispatching an Asakku will be easy.”
I raised my eyebrow, my skepticism wasn’t lessening. “Easy?” I asked.
Earl’s mouth turned down in a small frown. “Yes, stop interrupting.”
“Sorry,” I said, my mouth twitching up into a half-smile for less than a second.
“Billy, come here,” he said, motioning with one hand to where Billy and Lizzie were, “this will be easier to do to Billy than an Asakku.”
“That’s partially because I’m holding still,” Billy said with a grin as he stopped in front of me.
“And partially because as a Lilitu, he’s not affected by our power as much.” Earl, who was standing behind Billy, suddenly thrust his hand into Billy’s back; it came out of his chest and then pulled it back out again. “Each Asakku has a flame where their heart used to be. To kill them you must extinguish that flame.”
“They’re still able to function until that flame is put out, so even after you’ve removed it from their chest cavity, they’re still going to be fighting you,” Billy added as he walked back to where Lizzie sat, she was watching with a tired expression.
“You can also kill them,” Earl continued. “by placing your hand in line with where their heart was, and forcing a burst of air through them, this should snuff their flame, but it is not as effective.”
I thought for a moment. “So, how does one kill a Lilitu?”
“Forgive me if I don’t feel comfortable telling you that,” Earl said as he turned his back and walked away. “But if you ever want an actual demonstration, I can show you with Paul’s help.”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said while giving him an evil glare.
The doors reopened. I watched as Metri let Paul in, and gave me a sad smile before he shut the doors again, leaving Paul inside and him out.
I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t go after him now. Paul’s sentence was looming. He walked to the center of the hall, where Lilith was waiting for him, the essence of grace and beauty, and stopped several feet from her, ignoring the others in the hall.
“Knowing what I now know, I am willing to offer you sanctuary here Paul,” Lilith began to say.
“THIS. IS. REDICULOUS!” Carla shrieked from her corner of the room. “I cannot believe you are allowing this! First you let the half-breed stay when you know she could destroy us all, and now you are harboring an Asakku!”
Lilith’s face remained smooth and her eyes did not darken with effected gales. But Carla was infuriated beyond reason. A tornado like whirlwind swept up about her and she was gone. I expected Earl to go after her, but he turned from where she had been and looked at the floor, a sad determination covering his face.
Lilith seemed to ignore Carla’s outburst and sudden departure as well. “As long as you are here, Paul, you shall not be harmed by anyone who resides under this roof.”
Paul bowed slightly, “thank you for your understanding. Your sister would not have shown the same compassion.”
“You must understand,” Earl said from the corner. “We will not harm you, but our trust is something you will have to earn.”
16. Salvation
-Paul-
Ellie stood, looking up into the night sky, on the terrace of the room they had given me. Zephyr gave an unparalleled view of the stars, and the gibbous moon seemed close enough that I could reach out and touch it. Her skin shimmered in the moonlight. Silver-blue patterns wou
nd their way across her skin, glinting like a light dusting of morning dew.
“How did fate choose us?” She asked as she turned away from the stars. “Were we terrible people in some other life?”
“I don’t think this was our intended fate, Ellie.” I replied with a sigh, looking to the stars now to escape her sorrowful expression. “Jack made our intended fates forfeit with a single bite each.”
“I have imagined killing him many times over.” Ellie’s words were wistful.
“I don’t know that I would say it was necessarily Jack’s fault. He was acting as a soldier, fulfilling orders.” I wouldn’t have gone so far as to remove all blame from my former mentor, but I didn’t feel that he should shoulder all of it.
Ellie’s face told me that she felt he should. “Paul, he stalked me for three blocks and then took away my life, and my chance at death.” She seemed hurt by any thought that he was even partially innocent. “And he did the same for one of my best friends.” She gave me a reproachful look.
“I’m not saying he’s a saint. His crimes are terrible,” I said, “but I do not think that we should discount the fact that Gallu forces them to do these things.” I knew that she wouldn’t back down from her position, but I was stubborn enough to continue to fight her on it.
“I have seen what you have been through these past six months, Paul.” She said with a sneer. “But, I wonder if you might think differently if you knew what I went through that night.”
“Ellie…” She cut me off, raising her hand to cover my mouth.
“Close your eyes.” Her words were a bit more forceful than I was used to, but I did as she said, feeling her take my hand.
This memory was much more organized than my own, I found myself looking back at my former self on my parent’s threshold. I felt the anger she had felt, and the hurt. I was with her as she walked down the streets, her agitation lessening, until she turned and saw me – or the man that she thought to be me – when her anger flared like the fire within me often did.