Chad shot her a grim glance as he bent to retrieve the hall rug, which someone had apparently used as a kind of skateboard, leaving it wadded against the foot of the stairs. “I’m just glad they made sure nobody who was drinking drove themselves home. I feel guilty enough about this whole situation without any car crashes on my conscience.” The police had given rides to a few of the partyers themselves and called some parents to pick up others.
A groan from the direction of the living room reminded Stevie that she and Chad weren’t alone. She poked her head into the room. Alex was sprawled on the sofa, holding his head and looking as ill as Stevie had ever seen him. “Are you okay?” she asked worriedly. “Should I get a bucket or something?”
Not that it would make much of a difference if he barfed all over the couch, she thought ruefully, glancing around at the disaster area that had once been their living room. This place isn’t going to be appearing in any decorating magazines anytime soon either way. Cups and paper plates and shredded napkins were scattered everywhere. Most of the chair cushions were on the floor, and at least one of them was sporting a large black footprint. There was a large, sticky wet patch on one chair that she guessed was fruit punch, and someone seemed to have stomped several brownies into the carpet in front of the fireplace. CD and tape cases were lying open here and there, and it was anybody’s guess where their contents had gone. Someone had even drawn a smiley face on the TV screen with bright pink lipstick.
Stevie glanced back at Alex. Judging by the way he was clutching his forehead with both hands, his head had to be throbbing even more than hers was. The arrival of the police had sobered her up pretty quickly, but she could still feel a heaviness just behind her eyes that she was sure would eventually resolve itself into a pounding headache. Her limbs felt strangely heavy, too, almost numb, and her mouth seemed to have grown some kind of invisible fungus over every surface, making her teeth feel mummified. Even so, she could tell she was in much better shape than her twin, and she found herself wondering just how many beers he’d had.
He was on his second or third when I went outside and found him, she thought, trying to piece together her fragmented memories of the evening. Then we had one or maybe two together before we went back in, and he and A.J. went to get refills right after that, and then I think he chugged a couple with Phil when A.J. dared them to that time, and then—
“Hey, Stevie,” Chad interrupted her thoughts as he called to her from the hall, sounding annoyed. “Are you just going to stand there and leave me to clean this place up by myself?”
“Sorry,” Stevie said guiltily. “Um, but do you think maybe we should put Alex to bed first? He doesn’t look too good.”
Chad joined her in the living room. “Hmmm, I guess you’re right,” he said, walking over and staring down at Alex with his hands on his hips. “He’s not going to be much help anyway.”
With some difficulty, they managed to get Alex onto his feet and up the stairs. He moaned and groaned the entire time, but when his siblings lowered him onto his bed, he suddenly smiled.
“What?” Stevie panted, exhausted from helping drag and shove him all the way to his room. “What are you looking so happy about?”
Alex waved a hand weakly at his bedside table. Turning, Stevie saw a framed photo of Lisa smiling back at her. “Lisa and I—we made up,” Alex mumbled. The smile had already faded, and his eyes drifted shut. “We’re back together.”
Chad shrugged and rolled his eyes. But Stevie was surprised and glad at the bit of good news, which might have been the only bright spot in the sea of gloom that her life had suddenly become. She wondered briefly what had happened to bring the couple back together, but one look at Chad’s irritated face sent thoughts of asking scurrying away.
I’ll have plenty of time to talk to Alex about Lisa when we’re grounded for the rest of our lives, she thought grimly. If I don’t want to be shipped off to military school on top of it, I guess I’d better get to work.
The thought of trying to put the house back together before her parents returned early the next morning—the police had called the Lakes at their hotel in New York to tell them what had happened—made her feel even more exhausted than she’d already felt. But she knew she didn’t have any choice.
“Come on,” she told Chad. “We might as well start in the living room. That could take us the rest of the night.”
“Good.” Chad glanced at her as they left Alex’s room and headed for the stairs. “Because I have a lot I want to say to you.”
Stevie groaned. “Can’t the brotherly lectures wait?” she begged. “My head hurts as it is.”
“Even better,” Chad said again. “Maybe the next time you think about getting wasted, you’ll remember how it felt and change your mind.”
Stevie grabbed the banister, not completely trusting her legs, which felt a little wobbly. “Don’t worry,” she assured her brother. “I won’t make this mistake again anytime soon, that’s for sure.” She shrugged. “I’m not even sure how it happened this time.”
“I was pretty surprised myself.” Chad gave her an appraising look as they reached the bottom of the stairs and headed into the living room together. “I have to admit, Stevie, I never thought you were the type to give in to peer pressure. I thought you were, you know, stronger than that.”
Stevie tried to work up some indignation at the comment, but she couldn’t quite manage it. “It was an accident,” she said quietly as she stooped to pick up a crumpled potato chip bag. “I found Alex and A.J. drinking outside, and I didn’t want them to go inside where people would see the beer because—” She shrugged wearily and glanced around the messy room. “Well, because I didn’t want this to happen.”
“Let me get this straight.” Chad cocked an eyebrow at her. “You were trying to stop Alex from drinking, so you decided to get drunk yourself.”
She had to admit that it sounded pretty stupid when he put it like that. “It made sense at the time,” she said weakly. “I mean, they dared me, and I was just trying to buy some time—I was just going to play along, have a few sips to keep them happy while I tried to figure out how to convince them to lay off. But somehow, after those first few sips—”
“It didn’t seem like a big deal anymore,” Chad finished for her. He grimaced and tossed part of a broken juice glass onto the pile of trash that was growing as they talked. “Classic. Absolutely classic. You have no tolerance for alcohol, but you go ahead and have that first drink anyway because you think you can handle it. Instead, it goes straight to your head and makes you think another drink sounds awfully good, and so on and so forth.” He sighed. “We’ve all been there, I guess.”
“Well, whatever.” Stevie didn’t particularly like the idea that her behavior that night had followed some kind of predictable, common pattern, as Chad seemed to be saying, but she didn’t have the energy to argue. “Anyway, after a few minutes I guess I sort of forgot about trying to stop Alex and A.J.” She shuddered as a few more disjointed, fuzzy memories bubbled up slowly from earlier that evening. “Actually, I think it may have been my idea to go inside. And I’m pretty sure I was the one who convinced Phil to join in. He was really thirsty from dancing with Emily—” She gasped. “Emily! What happened to her, anyway? I didn’t see her when the police came.”
Chad shrugged. Stevie felt more terrible than ever as she realized that what had started as Emily’s special night had ended in such disaster. I just hope that someday, after she’s spent years and years in Australia and has forgotten some of what happened, she’ll manage to find it in her heart to forgive me for this, she thought sadly. I hope this won’t end up being her strongest memory of her friends in Willow Creek.
There was nothing she could do about Emily at the moment, though, except to hope that she’d found her way home safely. Stretching to grab someone’s sock off the top of the bookshelf, Stevie glanced at Chad. “Anyway, as I was saying, I talked Phil into having a beer. Then we were dancing, and getting hot and thi
rsty, and drinking some more, and having so much fun, especially since A.J. wasn’t upset anymore and we were all friends again.…”
“I know.” Chad shot her a sympathetic look. “Hey, like I said, I’ve been there. I wish you hadn’t done it, but I guess it’s not totally your fault. If Luke and I hadn’t left that beer here—”
“Don’t blame yourself,” Stevie said quickly, not wanting her brother to feel guilty because of something she and her friends had done. “Just because it was here didn’t mean we had to drink it.”
“Get real.” Chad shook his head. “I told Mom and Dad I’d keep an eye on things, and instead I ended up helping a bunch of high-schoolers get drunk.”
Stevie shook her head, though she immediately regretted it when her vision started to swim crazily. Blinking to straighten out the world again, she glanced more carefully at Chad. “You weren’t responsible for baby-sitting us,” she reminded him, hating the disappointment and guilt she saw written all over his face. “Anyway, it was just as much that jerk Luke’s fault as yours.” Luke had slipped out when the police had arrived, apparently deciding either to drive back to school or to find another friend to crash with, since his car had disappeared from the curb in front of their house. “I wish he hadn’t split on us,” Stevie grumbled, feeling more than a little sorry for herself as she peeled a wad of chewing gum off her mother’s favorite antique end table. “We could use his help right about now.”
“Luke’s not the kind of guy to stick around and deal with consequences if he can find an escape route,” Chad said ruefully. “He didn’t think the party was any big deal before the cops showed up. But he probably decided to make himself scarce when he realized that, technically, he was the one who supplied beer to all those minors, even if it was an accident.”
“Lucky him.” Stevie ran her tongue over her teeth, which were feeling furrier and more disgusting than ever. She was also feeling guiltier than ever about what had happened. It was just sinking in exactly how many people were going to be affected by what had happened that night. People she cared about. “I have a feeling the rest of us are going to be dealing with consequences for quite some time.”
In her kitchen at home, Carole was trying to keep her eyes open as her father continued the stern speech that he had begun a half hour earlier when she had arrived home from the party. Since she hadn’t been drinking, the police had let her drive herself home, and she’d ended up pulling into the driveway right behind her father, who was returning from a black-tie benefit dinner in Washington. His jovial queries about her evening had quickly changed to grim, tense questions when Carole had admitted what had happened at the party.
She’d known there was no point in trying to keep it from him—even though the police hadn’t called the parents of anyone they didn’t catch drinking, there was no doubt that the full story would be all over town by the next morning at the latest. Not that Carole would have lied in any case—after suffering alone through the guilt about her history test, she’d vowed never to hide anything from her father again. Ever since her mother had died, leaving the two of them with only each other to lean on, she’d confided in him about almost everything important that happened in her life. Knowing that she would never be able to tell him she’d cheated on that test had left a lonely hole in her soul that she had no intention of making larger with more lies.
Besides, who would have thought he’d freak out like this? she thought as her father listed all the people he’d ever known or heard of who’d been killed in drunk driving accidents. I mean, you’d think he would be proud of me or something. I resisted peer pressure. I didn’t touch a drop of beer. So what’s he getting so worked up about?
“Carole,” Colonel Hanson said sharply. “Are you listening to me?”
Carole realized that her head, which was resting heavily on her hand, was drooping toward the kitchen table. “Sorry.” She blinked at him and bit back a yawn. “I’m listening, really. I’m just getting kind of tired.”
Colonel Hanson glanced at the clock on the microwave oven and sighed. “No, I’m sorry, sweetie,” he said. “It’s really late, and I know you must be exhausted. I am, too. But I just want to make sure you realize how serious this all is.”
“I know, Dad.”
“I’m glad you didn’t drink,” he went on. “But I don’t like the thought that you ended up at that kind of party at all. I hope you’re going to spend some time thinking about what could have happened if the police hadn’t intervened. I know that when you’re young, it doesn’t seem as though anything bad could ever happen to you or your friends, but …”
Carole’s mind drifted off again as her father rambled on, his brow furrowed and his eyes distant and serious. I know he means well, she thought. And I guess I don’t blame him for being worried and all that. But I never would have guessed he’d be so riled up that he won’t even let me go to bed when it’s the middle of the night. She shuddered slightly as her mind wandered back to that history test yet again. I mean, if he’s reacting this strongly about something I didn’t do and admitted to, I can’t even imagine how he would react if he ever found out about what I did do and kept a secret. I guess it’s a really good thing I haven’t told him about that stupid test.
She bit her lip. Part of her still wished she could just blurt out the whole story of the test right then and there. It would feel so good to get it off her chest.…
But she knew it was never going to happen. Now more than ever, she was aware that at this point, telling her father would be an absolute disaster. Just look at where Lisa’s secrets got her, she thought, remembering how a few careless words had cost her friend her relationship. It gave her a desolate, empty feeling to think that her own relationship with Lisa might be damaged beyond repair, in addition to the guilt she felt about ruining things for Lisa and Alex. If I’d never opened my big mouth, Alex would never have needed to know about the thing with Skye. And he and Lisa would still be together.
I’m so glad that Alex and I are back together, Lisa thought pensively as she lay in bed, staring at the shadow of the tree outside her window, which was silhouetted against her ceiling by the milky white light of the moon.
She’d been lying there for almost an hour, feeling exhausted but much too overwhelmed to sleep. Thankfully, Rafe had already left by the time she’d arrived home from the party, and her mother had been too giddy about her own evening to pry much into her daughter’s. Lisa knew that her mother would hear about what had happened sooner or later—probably sooner—but she would just have to deal with that when the time came. Right now she had more important things to think about.
When Alex had accepted her apology and agreed to try to work things out, at first Lisa had been so relieved that she’d hardly thought about what that meant. But now it was all she could think about.
I still can’t believe how he acted tonight after our fight, running off and getting drunk and stupid, she thought, idly tracing the raised rose pattern of her comforter with her fingertips. I’ve never seen him like that before. I wouldn’t have expected it from him.
She didn’t like remembering what he had been like under the influence of all that beer. It had been almost as if Alex—her beloved, familiar Alex—had disappeared, replaced by a complete stranger. Even though they were back together now, remembering the shock of seeing him that way made her feel somehow more separate from him than ever. She still had no doubt that she loved him, or that he loved her. She was glad that their relationship was on the mend. But she couldn’t help thinking that things between them would never be quite the same again.
Too many things have happened that we can’t take back, she realized, still staring fixedly at the ceiling. On both sides. My secrets and lies, his jealousy and suspicion, and now, on top of it all, the memory of how he acted when he was drinking.… I’ll never be able to look at that girl Nicole again without seeing him running his hands over her hair and kissing her.…
She shuddered, willing the image away.
No, it certainly wasn’t going to be easy to forget that. But she had to try. She didn’t have a choice, not if she wanted to get through this with her relationship intact.
All I can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again, she thought, making a firm decision to do just that. From now on I’ll have to be honest with Alex, even if I’m sometimes scared about how he’ll react. If I want him to trust me, I have to trust him to love me no matter what. And I have to remember that no one can be responsible for anyone else’s actions or thoughts or feelings. Only their own.
That reminded her of her friends. Carole and Stevie had both been caught up in Lisa’s secrets, and they had both ended up suffering for it. Carole had made what Lisa realized now had to have been an innocent mistake, and Lisa had turned her into a scapegoat for her own failings. Meanwhile, Stevie had been put on the spot, forced to divide her loyalties between her twin and one of her best friends.
I haven’t been fair to either of them. Lisa closed her eyes, feeling sleep beginning to creep up on her at last. I’ll definitely have to see what I can do about that tomorrow …
FIFTEEN
On Sunday morning, for the first time in her life, Carole was tempted to call in sick to her job at Pine Hollow. For one thing, she had gotten only about four hours of sleep after her father had finally finished his lecture on the evils of alcohol, and she could barely keep her eyes open. For another, she couldn’t bear the thought of having to face Ben—not yet, and maybe not ever. Sunday was his day off, at least officially, but more often than not he ended up coming to the stable anyway.
In the end, though, her sense of responsibility won out and she cautiously entered the stable building at her usual time. Hurrying directly to the office, she quickly ascertained that Ben’s jacket wasn’t in its usual place on the hook on the back of the door.
“Thank goodness,” she muttered, relieved. He was almost always the first to arrive in the morning, so if he hadn’t showed up yet, he wasn’t likely to show up at all. For a second she wondered if the chance of seeing her had anything to do with his staying away, but she did her best to banish the thought.
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