by Love Belvin
My day began at eight and started hectic as usual, but today with an unusual turn of events. I wasn’t even scheduled to be in town but that didn’t lessen my responsibilities. I participated in a conference call from my office at the rec for the first hour. Brett made me aware of a few executive performance evaluations I needed to tend to, but before I was scheduled to do that I insisted that I went ahead with my cafeteria appreciation act.
We’d purchased gifts for the culinary staff and because of my hectic schedule recently I hadn’t gotten the chance to present them. I went down and hurdled them to bestow words of motivation and encouragement. I caught the batted eyes and giggles from a couple of female admirers. I had become accustomed to that type of behavior but didn’t allow it to faze me or cause me to conduct myself as anything less than their professional leader. I didn’t care for the horribly hidden attempts at flattery by them, but put it aside for the task at hand. They worked hard and was highly recognized by local appraisers. I was proud of their efforts to take my vision of affordable, yet distinguished culinary works and garner accolades.
As I was speaking I saw Petey burst through the silver double doors of the kitchen leaving them flapping in the air. His face was placid but his aura was far from calmed. He approached me and leaned in my ear, “Yo, Duke, Tara went into early labor. They say she needed a emergency blood transfusion.”
Why hasn’t someone called? I go to reach for my phone and immediately realized I’d left it charging in my office. It died on me last night and I was so fucked up from those events of the gala that I headed straight to bed and forgot to charge it. My thoughts shifted to Rayna wondering if she’d tried contacting me since I’ve been away from my phone.
I wrapped up the pep talk understanding they had to get back to work themselves. After flying upstairs to my office to retrieve my things we headed over to Cedars to see about Tara. On my way I viewed my missed calls and texts, relieved that none were from Rayna. I’d thought to hit her up but quickly decided against it recalling how distant we were just a few hours before. I did shoot Ray a text telling him where to meet me for pick up. I’m sure Petey had his own packed agenda and I’d needed a lift from the hospital. Ray hit me back in receipt.
Then inspiration hit me and I called Brett asking to have flowers delivered over to Rayna’s office only to have him check her calendar and learned she was in a staff meeting at the main branch. Callow thoughts raced through my mind to question if Thompson was in attendance of that meeting with her. I managed to fight it off.
I had begun to develop jealous tendencies concerning Rayna and it was so out of character for me. I couldn’t place the reasons behind it and that was killing me. The thought of Rayna being with another man caused my blood to rush heatedly through my veins. Prior to last night, those thoughts were distant nightmares but Thompson’s presence in the picture made the nightmares my reality. The last thing I needed was a man, who could give her a blemish-free future without the illegal baggage I carried, coming in and sweeping her off her feet.
“Yo, Duke, you look nervous back there. You good?” Petey’s calling out from the front seat snapped me out of my deep rumination.
I knew he was referring to Tara’s baby and the possibility that it was mine. Truth be told, I hadn’t given thought to it since Rayna learned about Tara’s pregnancy, when she all but left because of the mere possibility of me being a father. That’s how confident I was about the paternity. The only thing that concerned me previously was Rayna learning about it and once that cat was out of the bag my trepidations vanished.
“Nah, Crack.” I couldn’t fight my introspection as I sat alone in the back of the 750Li and endured Wop’s chancy driving. He kept bobbing in and out of lanes.
I knew the baby wasn’t mine. As callous as that sounds it was the truth. I hadn’t slept with Tara in nearly a year and the last I checked it took ten months to produce and incubate a baby. She was off my stick about a month and some change before getting knocked up.
We arrived at Labor and Delivery and was directed to the waiting room where we found her cousin, Stephanie, and several other friends and family.
“Oh my god, Azmir! You’ve made it!” Stephanie shrieked with panic in her eyes, running over to hug me.
“How is she?” I asked.
“We don’t know much about her yet. They had to take the baby via Caesarian section. Her blood cell count had already been very low and she lost so much blood that the doctor had to give her a transfusion. I’m just so happy that you’re here.” She damn near sobbed in my arm.
That’s when I saw Big D appear from behind the doors wearing scrubs. Did he help deliver the baby? His eyes were large and red as he sauntered over to the waiting party. His scowling of me was searing. I knew we’d have to address this at some point. I just wondered how soon now that the baby was here.
“How are things with her?” I asked once he arrived over to me.
“We tried calling and texting you. After failed attempts I called Petey. Were you indisposed?” Big D was being coy. He saw me standing there in a suit. It was clear that I had been working.
“My phone died last night and was forgotten while charging in my office. I attended my staff downstairs when I missed the calls.” Sufficient enough of an answer without giving him my life story.
He shook his head. “Ready to go back and see them?” His voice was low and calm, revealing his distressful state.
I’d quickly thought about how precarious this situation was. I nodded and glanced over to Petey who regarded me stoically in return, but gave a slight nod. I followed Big D back to her room and once we got to the nurses’ station of her floor I had to suit up in scrubs as the baby was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I didn’t ask any questions, though a few bounced through my head.
We entered a room where I saw nearly a dozen tiny newborns resting in incubators, some smaller than others. Many of them could fit in the palm of my hand. I followed D to one that had a pink card on it designed for a girl with the name A. Jacobs handwritten on it. Naturally it arrested my attention, almost like a punch to the gut.
Big D’s eyes rested on the pint-sized baby who had a tube running into her nose and bore a couple of bruises that I was later told happened during delivery. She laid there peacefully, resting on her back with her hands clawed. I observed her knitted pink hat covering her head and her miniature pamper. She looked so helpless and…precious.
So this is what parents experience while looking at their newborns. My mind jumped to Rayna and if she’d be overwhelmingly protective of our child had we ever been fortunate enough to deliver. Me a father? I can’t wait. Rayna would make a great mom and could show me how to care for a baby.
“Little miracle, huhn?”
Huhn?
Spun from my thoughts, I looked over to Big D asking with my eyes for him to repeat himself.
“Babies. They’re miracles. This little girl came a few weeks early but by miracle, she’s with us.”
“Tough delivery?” I’d guessed this was a good time to learn the story behind the early delivery.
“Yeah,” he sighed softly. “Tara woke up bleeding in the wee hours of the morning. She walked across the house to my bedroom leaving a trail of blood behind her. She only made it as far as my door before passing out. Seeing her collapse like that nearly cut my heart out my goddamn chest, man. I got her here and the docs said not a moment too soon,” his voice cracked. “She could have lost the baby and slipped into a coma herself. I was supposed to be on duty last night.” He expelled another cough to cover the break in his voice. “She would’ve been alone.”
I didn’t know what to say or do. I’d been on D’s shit list for months and not just for my estrange relationship with his daughter, but add to that, my announcement of officially leaving the game at the close of the year. Outside of business, he’d have no dealings with me. Ironically, because I’d been so wrapped up in my affairs with work and Rayna I had been shielded from his rese
ntment towards me. In spite of our troubled relationship, I didn’t like seeing him choked up like this.
“Let’s go check up on Tara.” I grabbed his shoulders giving him a manly clench. He led the way out and to Tara.
When we entered her room I saw her cousin, Danielle, holding a cup of water as Tara sipped through a straw. Danielle turned toward us and formed a scowl once her eyes landed on me. I ignored it and made my way to the side of the bed.
Tara lay there hooked several ways into a machine, appearing weakened and fatigued.
“TaHarry,” I jokingly referred to one of my former nicknames for her that I’d come up with years ago. It blended her first and last names. I wanted to lighten the somber mood.
“Azmir,” she croaked hoarsely. “You came.”
“Yeah. I told your dad that I’d forgotten my phone in my office charging.”
“I thought you were still in Africa, Miami or somewhere Peg said when I called last week. What’s in Africa?” Tara sounded so weak, but underneath that docile demeanor she was accusing me of being neglectful. I could tell she was still pushing the paternity issue.
“South Africa. Work.”
“Let’s leave these two alone. I’m sure they have lots to discuss,” Big D ordered to Danielle and they excused themselves leaving us in Tara’s private hospital room.
“What’s the doc saying?”
“I’ll be feeling back to normal in a week or so but I need lots of rest.” She shifted in her bed trying to sit up. “Azina is fine…fully developed but they need to keep an eye on her to be sure her lungs are working at 100%.”
Azina? What the fuck? Is she really taking things this far? I backed up a few inches into a chair to take a seat. Azina?
“Azmir, you’re going to need to look for my nurse so that she can give you the papers to sign the birth certificate.”
“Tara, my position hasn’t changed. I will not assume responsibility until it’s confirmed that I am in fact her father. With that being said, don’t you think it was quite presumptuous for you to give her a name so closely resembling mine?”
“I see you haven’t changed.” She sighed in disappointment. “Okay. We’ll just have to prove it to you, in the meantime I’m not changing my daughter’s name. Your connection will obviously be delayed but our world must go on.” Even in such a feeble condition the sarcasm in her voice couldn’t be missed.
“I can arrange for the test—”
“No. I don’t want you to have to do shit. I’ll take care of those details and contact you,” Tara cut me off.
“Whatever you’re most comfortable with. I don’t endeavor to disrupt your new world. She looks very precious in there and deserves all your attention and love. Let’s not prolong this cloud hanging over our heads.”
“Azmir, the only person predicting rain is you. Tell me,” she cleared her raspy voice. “What will happen when she turns out to be yours? Have you given any thought to that?”
“Sure, I have. I’d be the best father I could be with whatever necessary lifestyle adjustments it would take.”
“Including your new girl toy, the dancer?” Evidence of my hunch, Tara was still as bold and fiery as ever.
“Who I date isn’t up for discussion and has no bearing on my potential role as a father.”
“Will she agree with that?” she fired back.
“My personal life is none of your business and that’s final.” I was losing my patience. Ill or not, Tara was about to get cussed the fuck out in her sick bed.
“It is my business when it concerns my child…your child.”
“If the test result yields such facts I will handle the affairs of my life while you stay in yours.”
Her head jolted as her eyes grew. I knew that was a low blow. Tara still wanted to be together and I could tell she thought my feelings would change once this baby had arrived. I needed it to be clear that they wouldn’t right away. I looked at my pocket watch for the time.
“I have to go. Is there anything I can get you or the baby?”
She was still dazed and through her eyes I could see she was processing my question as my previous comments weighed on her mind.
“A car seat.” She murmured, lost in her ruminative thoughts. “The one I got from my shower has been recalled. I just sent it off yesterday with the intentions of replacing it but I had gotten so tired that I went home to rest thinking I had plenty of time…” her voice trailed and her eyes fixated on some distant object.
“Indeed. You’ll have it today. Call me if I could be of any help. I’ll wait for you two to recover before expecting the test, but I do suggest getting it done not long after.”
I rose from my chair and grabbed Tara’s hand as a means of being kind. No matter what our differences, she had meant a lot to me over the years. Our time had come to an end but my general respect for her was still present. She was Big D’s daughter, giving us a sort of agnatic connection.
She placed her left hand on top of my right. “Why can’t we work things out?” Her voice was drenched in desperation and diluted in regret. “Is it because of your new friend?” She referred to Rayna as she frantically searched my eyes. “If that’s the case, I can be patient, Azmir. I’ll stand back until you work your way out of it with her.”
Was she consenting to being a side chick? Tara was far more unhinged than I’d given her.
“You’re not accepting responsibility. You’re more culpable in this than you’re willing to admit, but know this one thing, T; you can fool a lot of people by not disclosing your blunders but when it’s just you and me in a room, alone with no outside influences, you cannot withhold them from me. Your indiscretions will never be forgotten, but let’s not allow your denial to get us to a place where we can’t be cordial. We have too much history not to be. Your dad doesn’t deserve a war between us,” my voice was low yet steady.
She heard every argument of my message, based upon her reaction. I peered directly in her eyes for seconds before leaving her room.
Big D was in the waiting area, in the corner on the phone when I made it back. I didn’t interrupt him because I didn’t want the questions, so I left out instead. Ray was waiting outside as arranged.
I hopped in the Bentley. After closing the door I instructed, “Katz, Smith and Adams headquarters,” and we peeled off. En route I couldn’t shake the experience of seeing those helpless newborns laying there waiting for the clock to tick for their growth and development. Parents going through that must be overwhelmed. I’m sure with the right partner I could get through it.
Tara was playing possum to the consequences of her indiscretions. She wanted people to believe that I was the negligent parent, but I was willing to play at her speed for a little while longer. I didn’t give a fuck about what people thought of me anyway. They didn’t affect my paper or my livelihood.
When I recalled Big D’s testimonial of Tara’s pre-term labor I couldn’t escape the dark and horrid thoughts of Rayna’s recent miscarriage. She was alone when her body dispelled our baby. Visions of her courage during those lonely hours, days had my head spinning. I would never allow her to experience that again. I swear.
I was in the reception area of Smith, Katz and Adams Sports Medicine Center, waiting on the receptionist to locate Rayna. The digital clock hanging over her head read eleven fifty-seven a.m. and my hands were speed typing on my blackberry, firing off instructions to an already busy Brett. I also had a few other business-related e-mails to address. I heard the door to the office area open and turned my attention to find it deploy several people dressed in either business attire or white coats. Most looked famished and overcome with boredom and others, indifferent.
“Mr. Jacobs, the staff meeting has concluded, as you can see they’re filing out now. Ms. Brimm should be making her way out as well. She never stays after,” the young receptionist revealed with a snicker.
Not many seconds later, I see Rayna appear from the door looking just as spiritless as her colleagues.
When she recognized me she stopped in her stride.
Her chest visibly rose before she exhaled, “Azmir, is everything alright?”
I nodded but remained silent. Her hair was set in a poof on top of her head with the ponytail in the back. That was one of my favorite of hers. She donned a cranberry blouse that came just to her ass and tied at her waist with a fitted ivory skirt that stopped just beneath her knees with bone shoes matching the skirt to a “T”. Her accessories were ruby red and gold. Rayna looked edible.
Now more collected after my response she asks, “How can I help you?” It was clear that she was still somewhat alarmed.
“I came to take you out to lunch, if that’s allowed.”
“I have my first patient at two.”
“Then we should hurry, shouldn’t we?”
I wanted to reach down to hold her, bury my face in her neck, and inhale her intoxicating tang so badly, but kept my composure. I was frozen in time for a minute drinking her all in. Apparently my amorous desires didn’t go unnoticed.
“Azmir!” Rayna hissed in a lowly tone.
I looked up to find a couple of the reception-area girls giggling at my lack of self-control.
“Let’s take this out of here.” She softly took me by the arm and pulled me towards the lobby, then out the door.
“Ray can drive us to lunch and drop you back off to your car.” I held the car door open for her and she crawled in, greeting to Ray as she scooted over leaving me room.
Turning to me she asked, “What’s this all about, Mr. Jacobs? It isn’t everyday that I am chauffeured to a spontaneous lunch date by an insanely sexy and irresistible guy. You had the girls at the front desk salivating. I’m sure you’ll be the core of water-cooler blather for the next week or so.”
“Or until something far more significant happens there in the lobby.” I caressed her cheek. “I’ve missed you,” my tone relaxed, my emotions raw.
“You’re finally feeling what it’s like?” she shook her head. “You saw me just this morning. What’s come over you?” she was crisp but I had probably deserved it.