“What exactly would we be agreeing to? Twin Souls are two halves of the same soul. That wasn’t a choice. You can’t choose your Twin Soul any more than you can choose your parents. And what kind of choice makes it so that you can never change your mind? How could two spirits know what their physical lives would be like?” I sighed in frustration at the end of my spiel.
I often downplayed my intelligence because I didn’t like having attention drawn to what I could or could not figure out-I had enough attention because of my physical abilities-but not being able to understand something, math problem or a simple recipe, it always burrowed under my skin when I couldn’t figure something out. There had to be a reasonable explanation. Claire appeared no less irritated.
“I don’t know, Uriah. Maybe you and Melody, and Daniel and I, agreed to search each other out when we took our physical bodies. Maybe promises made in the spirit world are more binding than they are here,” Claire said. “But Orenda talking about a choice and the lack of an origination story makes it seem like the bond isn’t really want we’ve been told it is.”
“Then what is it?” I asked. “And how do I take it back?”
That was my most desperate question. Before I left San Juan the first time, Quaile had called me Wakiza, desperate warrior. I certainly felt like a wakiza then, but I felt it even more strongly now. Not so much for the upcoming encounter with the Matwau, even though I felt sick every time I thought about it, but because of Melody and Claire. I wanted to believe I would take my precious Claire home to San Juan, but I was finding it almost painful not to think about Melody every second of the day.
The color of her hair seemed to be reflected in everything around me, the hint of fall in the trees, the lingering light of the sun at sunset, even the color of signs and cars that I passed on the road. Her scent was inescapable. I was sure I could smell it everywhere now. The gentle pulse of the bond in my heart seemed to match the cadence of my own heartbeats exactly. I couldn’t even escape her when the Twin Soul bond was nothing more than a faint line between us.
How would I ever walk away when I was faced with the full and all-encompassing allure of her physical presence? I had gained strength against the Matwau from the gods, but where was my added strength against the fiery haired woman who would no doubt steal my soul whether she wanted to or not? I needed more. But where would I find it?
Claire knew the battle I was facing. She knew the risks and possibilities. Letting my questions seep out of the cab and up to the clouds where maybe someone who knew the answer would hear it, I pulled Claire closer against me and said nothing. Neither of us had the answers. We had only each other to borrow strength from. I hoped Quaile’s words proved right. Where I lacked, Claire would bolster me up.
26: Limits
When no one explains the limits of what you can do, it’s easy to tell yourself that there are no limits. The answers to my questions about Twin Souls lay behind the veil of the spirit world. No living person could slip past that veil. Or so I had once believed.
I was very far from understanding even a small part of what Kaya did as a shaman and wanted me to do also, but I did understand that the knowledge she gained could only come as a gift from the gods. The gods were eternal. They gave hints of the future because that’s what people often sought, but what about the past?
Could I use the dreams to look back instead of forward? The choice had already been made once and could not be made again. If we were all born with our Twin Souls already set, then the choice could only have been made before birth.
The choice itself was an elusive thing, though. I couldn’t really conceive what the choice would have been, or why it was so binding to never be undone except by an art deemed too evil to be used by everyone but a mistaken Shaxoa named Samantha, but I knew it was the key to unraveling the mystery of the bond. If I could only understand the choice maybe I could puzzle out how to beat it and somehow rescue Uriah from the grasping fingers of destiny.
Not bothering to find out whether what I wanted to do crossed over the limits of my abilities, I settled my breathing into the slow practiced pace of my concentration exercises. Breath by breath, I drifted closer toward a purposeful sleep.
The picture in my mind contained very little, only Uriah’s and Melody’s faces. I had nothing more than a guess to go off of, but it seemed to be enough. As sleep inched its way across my mind the picture began to expand. Uriah’s face began to change. The little lines of worry eased out of his skin. The faded scars from working the ranch and schoolyard fights melted away. His features smoothed and I could no longer say exactly what his age was.
Turning to see Melody, I realized she had undergone the same timeless transformation. The world surrounding them was ephemeral and hazy, but it didn’t seem out of place. Uriah and Melody stood facing each other just I as I had pictured them, but they didn’t move. Frozen in my sleep-laced mind, they waited for the dream to begin.
Slowly the corners of their mouths turned up as they came awake and saw each other. Even knowing it wasn’t real, my heart ached to see my Uriah look at another woman in the way I thought was reserved only for me. I wanted to turn away, but I needed to know. The answers would be worth any amount of pain.
Losing myself in the dream, I released any control I still had and let the scene play out.
***
“Our time is coming soon,” Melody whispered excitedly. “We must decide now.”
Taking her hand, Uriah looked down at Melody. “I thought we’d already decided.” His confidence faltered by the tiniest degree. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, of course not. I just meant that we need to make our decision known,” Melody said. “I can feel our time running short. We’ll be parted soon. I don’t want wait until the last minute. I want to do this now, even though...”
Uriah leaned in close and brushed his lips against hers. Melody sighed pulled against his chest, fearful, yet firm in her decision. “I know. It will be okay. I love you, Melody. Nothing could ever change that. But you’re right. We should go before time runs out.”
“Let’s go then then, before we have to think about it any longer.” Pulling away from Uriah enough to take his hand, Melody began leading him through the insubstantial world.
Uriah’s expression grew even more serious as he let Melody lead him.
I stood watching the entire exchange. Neither one noticed me there. I hadn’t expected them to, not after having no ability to impact the dream of Uriah fighting the Matwau, but I had still hoped that somehow Uriah would feel me near him. The wolf had. Uriah was utterly absorbed in Melody, though. How much he truly loved her was plain.
Fighting back tears, I took a reluctant step after the fleeing pair. I needed answers.
Melody halted suddenly, and Uriah stepped up close behind her. Their hands locked together as they waited, so tight Melody’s already pale skin lost all its color. The shifting edges of the world that wavered between reality and dream seemed to solidify. Edges took on a more definite shape and something began to form in front of them. No, it was more than just one something.
Grace was the only word I could think of to describe the beings that took shape in front of me. Their bodies moved sinuously and their eyes held the wisdom of the world. I knew at once that these must be gods of light. A clear voice sounding like the wind rustling autumn leaves flitted across the space between them.
“Why have you summoned us?” she asked.
“We know that we will soon leave this place and we wish to take each other as Twin Souls,” Uriah said. His voice was calm and sure of his words, all but the way his voice got softer with each word. As his volume dropped, his hands held Melody’s more firmly.
My hands were shaking so hard I had to tuck them under my folded arms to calm them. Take each other as Twin Souls? Could it really be? Of everything that had been turned on its head, every unbelievable thing I had forced myself to accept, I had truly hoped this would not be one of them. I wante
d this to all be a mistake so badly. The soul had two halves. Two halves that yearned to be reunited. It was a pull outside of anyone’s control. That was how I wanted it to be. I didn’t want to admit that Uriah and I had put ourselves in this situation after all the anger I had harbored against the gods for interfering in our lives. Uriah couldn’t have chosen this. He couldn't have chosen Melody over me. This couldn’t be what Orenda meant when she spoke of a choice. I wasn’t really here. I had hoped it was still someone else’s choice, not ours. This was just a dream, not the truth.
I could feel searing tears roll down my face and fall hissing into the mists.
“This is not a decision entered into lightly,” the goddess said. She regarded the pair in front of her. “This choice cannot be unmade, though you may wish to when you leave this place. The responsibilities which come with such a choice are heavy and require much from those who enter.”
“We know what will be asked of us,” Melody said. Despite the ageless quality of her face, her words revealed her sweet naiveté. The goddess’s eyes held pity, as if she knew Melody had no idea how much she would truly face because of this choice.
The goddess regarded Melody more closely. “In this world you have known only happiness and joy. When you leave and begin your mortal life you will experience the hardship and pain that accompanies a mortal body. The events of your life will change you in ways you may not expect. But these will only be the beginning of what you must bear.”
“Nothing could change us enough to make us turn aside from the path we have chosen,” Uriah said. He truly believed what he was saying. The indignation in his voice at the suggestion that he would back out of his responsibilities was clear in his voice and the way he held his body.
I wished Uriah could see me. I wanted so badly for him to see me and turn away from this choice.
“So many before you have turned away, never fulfilling their mission, never even coming close.”
“I will fulfill my purpose,” Uriah argued. “We will.”
I felt so lost. What was the goddess talking about? What mission were Twin Souls supposed to fulfill? And why had none of them done it yet?
“So many before you have forgotten their mission as soon as the pull of the Twin Soul bond begins. I do not mean to criticize you, Uriah, but here in this world you have no way of understanding how intense the bond is. It grows stronger the more committed you are to you mission, the more important your destiny is,” the goddess said.
Her hands reached out toward Uriah, but halted before ever touching him. With her eyes closed she seemed to be sensing or feeling something. Whatever it was, her hands lowered as a satisfied expression settled on her features.
“You are a valiant man, Uriah. The strongest I have ever seen undertake this mission. The others who have tried have not been strong enough to warrant a warning to the shaman. For you, the shaman who attends your birth will instantly know that you have the potential to become the Qaletaqa. I have great hope that you will be successful, but hope cannot accomplish anything on its own. Only courage and strength will see you to your end.”
“Uriah can do this,” Melody said. The confidence she had in the man she loved radiated from her. I felt like I was going to throw up.
“Do you think Uriah will be the only one required to make sacrifices, Melody?” the goddess asked.
“No.” Melody choked back tears, but held her stance. “I know what I will be asked to give up. I don’t pretend I will face any less challenge than Uriah.”
The goddess nodded, appeased. “You could have great happiness if you simply accepted the bond and lived out your mortal lives with each other.”
“Wait! What?” I exclaimed. Frustration boiled under my skin. Nobody could hear me here! I stumbled forward, as if getting closer to the goddess would somehow make her words clearer to my mind. I must have misunderstood her. It sounded like Uriah and Melody were supposed to not give into the bond. But why would they be coming to her asking to be made Twin Souls if they were only supposed to shun it when they got to earth? My whirring mind struggled to latch on to the words Uriah was speaking.
“Our mortal lives will be short compared to eternity. We may have to give each other up in order to destroy the Matwau, but we’ll be together again after our mortal lives are over.”
“You say your mortal lives are short now, but you will not feel so when you are in the midst of the mortal world. Your minds will not recall this place, or its endlessness. You will only know the intensity of the emotions and desires of your mortal minds.”
“I won’t forget. I have watched the mortal world for centuries as I’ve waited in the spirit world. I’ve seen the lives the Matwau has destroyed, the pain he has caused. I can stop him. I know this in my heart. I won’t forget my purpose,” Uriah said firmly.
“I can see that you truly believe that. You are a strong man, one capable of amazing acts when you leave this world. Your capacity to love and be loved is very great.” Pride beamed from her features as she looked upon Uriah. “Are you willing, then, to give up the woman you cherish more than your own life to see that purpose fulfilled?”
Uriah’s brow scrunched down over his eyes in deep thought. So did mine. Why would Uriah have to give Melody up? Peering down at Melody, Uriah seemed to finally consider what the woman what saying to him. “It is the only way, is it not?”
“It is.”
“Then I will see it done,” Uriah said. Sadness and pride swam in Melody’s eyes. He looked at her deeply, and said, “We’ll be together again when the Matwau has been stopped. I promise you that.”
“I know,” Melody whispered.
The goddess stepped forward and laid her hands on Uriah and Melody’s shoulders.
“I have sent many couples down to the mortal world with this same task, but I have more confidence in you both than I have ever had before,” she said. “I wish you success, but that wish will mean nothing if I do not prepare you first. Before you leave I will give you the gifts you will need to defeat the Matwau, Uriah. They will grow as long as your soul desires to care for and protect others around you. Your own personal strength will determine the depth of your power. Melody, your gift will be singular, to remember.”
“Remember what?” Melody asked.
“Remember your life with Uriah. The more your soul holds onto the desire to make the mortal world better, the more you will remember. It will make the choice to abandon him more difficult, which will in turn make the sacrifice greater. As it must be. Power requires sacrifice, just as it always has.”
My body started to tremble. That was what Uriah didn’t want to tell me back in the hotel. Melody was starting to remember. I knew in my soul that I was right. Seeing them here, so in love, it sickened me to think Melody was recalling all of it, the feel of Uriah’s hand in hers, his lips caressing her mouth. Those should have been my memories alone.
No one noticed my anguish.
Uriah loved me. I knew he did. He loved Melody too, though. At least he did once. What would stop him from loving her again? What if Uriah remembered the love I see in his eyes now? Could his love for me ever be enough to overpower that?
The goddess paused, meeting both of their eyes individually. “Are you sure you want to proceed?”
I watched as Uriah and Melody’s eyes met. They still burned with the desire to fulfill their mission, but it was now tempered by a layer of fear. As much as I hated seeing the love in their eyes, I couldn’t help being awed at their devotion. They loved each other so much, yet they were willing to give it up to save others from death and pain. I watched, unmoving, as they faced the goddess and her companions, nodding that they would continue.
I crumbled to my knees, a combination of too many emotions stealing my strength.
“Please kneel before us and take each other’s hands.” Uriah and Melody solemnly took their places. “We cannot force the bond of Twin Souls and the task it requires upon anyone. It must be freely chosen. Do you both choose of
your own freewill to accept the bond of Twin Souls and the mission to destroy the Matwau?”
“We do,” Uriah and Melody said in unison.
Despite the hurt and confusion racing through me, I forced my mind to focus. There was something I still didn’t understand. Melody was here because Uriah had to have a Twin Soul to turn away from. But what did turning away from her get him?
The goddess smiled. “You are not the only ones.”
She turned, gesturing at the mists. I wasn’t sure what she was doing until I saw two figures take shape. Slowly the pair came into the clearing, stunning me more than anything else had so far. It was like a mirror had been plopped down in front of me. I gaped at myself. And at Daniel. We held hands as we walked toward the goddess, our faces serene, at peace. Uriah and Melody rose to greet us. Hugs were exchanged as I stared in confusion. Finally the goddess reined everyone in.
“Uriah, Melody, you know Daniel and Claire. They will be your companions in this mission. They have already accepted their bond and been given their gifts. Claire’s role as the chosen shaman will give her the ability to harness and transfer power when the time comes for her to act, though it falls under the same restrictions as Uriah’s. Daniel’s gift is similar to Melody’s.”
She paused, watching each of us carefully. “The power required to stop the Matwau will be great, more than one person can be given. By sacrificing the bond you will gain power and your gifts will begin maturing. The bond must be truly broken, not merely suppressed. Only then will you, Uriah and Claire, be ready to destroy the Matwau.”
Ice dripped down my spine. No, no, no, no, no. Everything was wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way! Uriah should have already broken his bond with Melody. He wasn’t supposed to face the Matwau before he had her given up. His extra power was still trapped inside the bond! And so was mine. What if our powers combined weren’t enough? My whole body started shivering, because I already knew the answer.
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