Miss Marilee returns forty-five minutes later with food.
“I went by Target to pick up some sheets and towels. I left them in the car. We can bring them upstairs after we eat.”
“Thank you so much, Miss Marilee,” I say as she hands me a paper plate. “I can’t ever repay you for all this. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I just give thanks to my Heavenly Father above for blessing me so that I can be a blessing to others.”
We take our plates and sit down at the table near the kitchen.
Miss Lucy says a prayer before we eat.
“I ate so much of this when I was pregnant with China. That’s how she got her name,” Miss Marilee tells us with a chuckle.
“For real?” I ask.
She nods. “I thought I was having a boy, so I didn’t have any names for a girl picked out.”
I really like Miss Marilee. Sometimes, I wish that I had her or Miss Lucy for a mom or that my mama was more like them instead of acting like a hoochie.
I can’t remember a time when my mama ever helped me with homework or even asked how school was going. She barely paid any attention to my report cards. The truth is that I could have signed her name to them without letting her see them. She never asked to see my grades. What parent doesn’t want to see their son or daughter’s grades?
Humph! If I decided I wanted to stay home from school, my mama was cool with it. Mama was never abusive to me, but she just never put me first in her life. Her men were her priority.
Miss Marilee’s words cut into my thoughts. “I’m going to take you two grocery shopping and get you a starter set for the kitchen. There are some towels and sheets for the bed in my car. Now, before you try to give me your first paycheck back, Kylie—this is my gift to you and Lucy. Consider them housewarming presents. Okay?”
I give in. “Yes, ma’am.”
She and Miss Lucy talk while I go down to Miss Marilee’s car for the bag of stuff she brought over for us.
I hum softly, tapping my foot to the melody as I wait for the elevator doors to open. When they do, I step inside and press the button for the lobby.
Her car is right out front. I unlock the doors, retrieve the shopping bag, and make sure that I lock up her car before heading back into the building.
I pause a moment and smile as I eye the mailbox, a huge grin on my face—a mailbox that belongs to Miss Lucy and me.
We have an address.
Chapter 5
The woman getting out of the black Ford Explorer across the street from the shop propels me out of my chair.
I come from behind the counter and walk briskly across the floor to the huge picture window in order to get a better look. My suspicions are correct.
It’s her.
My mama is just across the street, going into a shop with the man I’m assuming is Clyde, her new boyfriend.
The familiar tightness settles in my chest and I feel dizzy as I struggle to breathe. I begin to pant, gasping for air.
Miss Marilee surveys my face and rushes to my side. “Kylie, what’s wrong?”
“C-can’t breathe . . .”
She leads me over to a nearby chair in the reception area.
The attack passes, much to my relief.
“Honey, are you okay?” Miss Marilee asks. “What’s going on?”
“I have these attacks sometimes,” I say in a low voice. “My chest gets real tight and I can’t breathe.” A lone tear rolls down my cheek. “I hate it because I always feel like I’m gonna die. All I know is that it scares me, Miss Marilee. I don’t like feeling this way.”
“It sounds like you had a panic attack,” Miss Marilee tells me, giving me a hug. “Have you ever been diagnosed?”
“No, ma’am,” I respond. “I didn’t know that I could.”
“How long have you had them?”
“Since my mama . . .”
Miss Marilee gives me an understanding nod. “We need to get you in to see a doctor. Maybe he can help you by giving you some meds or something. How often do you get them?”
“When I’m under a lot of stress or feel scared, they happen more often. I thought that maybe I was losing it or dying. That’s what it feels like to me.”
“You’re going to be fine, Kylie. We just have to find a way for you to handle the attacks when they happen. However, I’m going to pray for your healing. The Bible says that by Jesus’ stripes we are healed. You have faith that God’s word is true and hold on to that promise.”
“You sound like Miss Lucy now. She always tells me that.”
“It’s true. God can take those attacks away from you.”
“I hope that He’ll do that,” I say. “I don’t want to be scared no more, Miss Marilee. I was scared all the time even before . . .” I stop short before I say something about my supposedly dead mama.
My eyes stray to the window. My mama’s car is parked across the street. From the looks of things, she might be over there for a time.
“Why don’t you step outside for a little while to get some fresh air?” Miss Marilee suggests.
“No, ma’am,” I say a little too quickly. “I feel fine now. I need to get back to work.”
“Are you sure?”
“Miss Marilee, I’ve wasted too much time already. It’s better for me to do this sooner than in a while.”
“If you’re sure,” Miss Marilee says with a smile.
I make my way back up to the reception desk, silently praying that my mama will stay across the street or, better yet, find another block to haunt. I hope she isn’t of the mind-set to get her hair done.
If she were to walk into Crowning Glory, I would just die right here on the spot. As Grandma Ellen used to say, I’d be no earthly good.
She bounces out of the shop across the street carrying two shopping bags. I guess Clyde must have some benjamins, because I know my mama can’t afford to shop like that with no job.
I hold my breath when it looks like she’s about to come across the street, heading straight to the salon. Clyde checks his watch and tells her something. Whatever it is, it causes her to change direction and head back to her car.
They get inside and drive off.
“Thank you, Jesus,” I whisper. The last thing I need is my mama coming in here and acting all ghetto. If she had any idea that I worked here, she’d be here all the time trying to get money and free services.
On Sunday, Miss Lucy and I attend church with Miss Marilee and her daughter. China’s baby girl is so cute, and she doesn’t cry when I hold her.
I’m stricken with guilt as I sit here beside the two people who have been nothing but nice to me.
Lord, please don’t strike me down for lying to Miss Marilee. I feel terrible about it and I want to tell her the truth—I just don’t want to lose my job or the apartment, so please don’t let her ever find out.
Sitting here in church only makes me feel like the worst person in the world. A girl like me has no right to be in the house of the Lord. I’m a liar.
Miss Lucy looks over and smiles at me.
I smile weakly back.
I raise my eyes heavenward and pray for forgiveness. I try to convince myself that God knows my heart and He knows why I lied in the first place. I even try to convince myself that He will forgive me since I’m basically not a bad person. I’ve lived by most of the Ten Commandments—at least the ones that apply to my life.
I have what my grandma calls a healthy fear of the Lord, so I tried to turn down Miss Marilee’s invitation to church, but Miss Lucy really wanted to come. She said that she was in desperate need of a word from the Lord. There was no way I would deprive her of that, so here I am, sitting here in church with a big L on my forehead.
It’s not like I want to be a liar. I just don’t know how to tell Miss Marilee and China the truth. I really don’t want them to hate me.
I shift uncomfortably in the pew, hoping that the good Lord doesn’t decide to strike me down. I can’t wait for chur
ch to let out—my nerves are going all kinds of crazy.
“What was going on with you during the service?” Miss Lucy asks as soon as we reach our apartment a couple of hours later. “And you hardly touched your food during lunch.”
“I feel so guilty for lying to Miss Marilee,” I confess. “Look at everything she’s done for us, and how do I repay her? I tell one heck of a whopper.”
“Kylie, why don’t you just tell Marilee the truth about your mother? She would understand. This woman cares a great deal for you.”
“Miss Lucy, I don’t want to lose my job or for us to lose our home.” I start to cry. “If she finds out I lied to her, we’ll lose e-everything, and we got it good r-right now.”
She hugs me. “Marilee isn’t gonna put us out. I don’t believe she would do that. It’s not too late to go to her and be honest about what happened between you and your mother.”
I wipe my face with the back of my hand. “You don’t think she’ll be mad?”
Miss Lucy shakes her head. “I don’t, honey. She just may want to know why you didn’t tell her the truth from the beginning. That’s what I’d do if it was me.”
The telephone rings.
I answer it. “Hello.”
“Hi, Kylie, it’s me, Rhyann.”
“Hey, girl,” I say. “What are you up to?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Miss Lucy navigate to her bed and take a seat on the edge to remove her shoes.
“Nothing,” Rhyann responds. “I was calling to see if you have any plans for today?”
“No. Miss Lucy and I are just sitting here talking,” I say. “Why, what do you have in mind?”
“Well, if you’re up for some company, I was thinking of coming over. I thought that maybe we could just talk or watch a movie. The only time I really see you is when we’re working.”
I break into a grin. “Rhyann, I would love it. When can you get here?”
“How about two o’clock?”
“That’s perfect,” I reply. “See you then.”
After hanging up the phone, I turn around to face Miss Lucy. “Rhyann’s coming for a visit.”
I’m excited about having a visitor. I miss my friends in North Carolina and want to find some girls here in L.A. to spend time with and just hang out.
“That’s good. It’s about time you started spending time with some girls your age.”
In my own selfishness, I forgot to consider if she felt up for company. “Miss Lucy, I’m so sorry. I should’ve asked if you were okay with it.”
“It’s fine, Kylie,” Miss Lucy assures me. “I can’t wait to meet Rhyann. Do you think she’ll want to stay for dinner?”
“We can ask her,” I respond. “Thanks, Miss Lucy.” I get up and go wash my face, then check out the apartment to make sure there’s not a speck of dust to be found. I don’t want Rhyann to find our home dirty.
When she arrives an hour later, I introduce Rhyann to Miss Lucy and proudly show off our new apartment.
“The lady across the hall was going to put this sofa in the dump, but Miss Lucy asked her if we could have it and she said yeah. We didn’t know it was a sofa bed at the time, but it is. This is where I sleep. We’re going to put a sheet over it for now until we can find a sofa cover.”
Rhyann surveys it a moment, then says, “To be honest, Kylie, it doesn’t really look bad. I can’t believe she was gonna throw that sofa away. I would’ve snatched it up, too.”
“It sleeps well,” I agree. “It’s better than a cardboard box any day or the futon I used to have to sleep on when I was with my mama.”
Rhyann drops down on the sofa. “Girl, I can’t sleep on those things either. I had a futon but ended up giving it to my sister to put in her guest room.”
I sit down beside her. “I’m glad you were able to come over. You’re my first visitor outside of Miss Marilee.”
While we’re chatting, Miss Lucy is over in the kitchen cooking up our Sunday dinner.
“It smells delicious over there,” I say. “Miss Lucy, you working it out.”
She laughs. “Rhyann, are you staying for dinner? There’s more than enough for me and Kylie. We’ll be eating on this gospel bird for two or three days.”
Rhyann chuckles, and I explain, “Miss Lucy calls chicken the gospel bird. Her pastor showed up every time her mama cooked chicken.”
“I’d love to have dinner with you and Kylie. That food is smelling real good, especially the gospel bird. I only had a bagel for breakfast this morning and some chips on the way over here.” Rhyann pulls out her cell phone. “Let me call my cousin and tell him not to come pick me up until around eight.”
I glance over at Miss Lucy and smile.
When the food is ready, we gather around the small table to eat our dinner.
Rhyann is so funny, and I really enjoy her company. I like that she is so down to earth and isn’t ashamed of going to a fancy school on scholarship or living near the jungle.
“So you really like going to Stony Hills Prep?” I ask. “The other girls, they don’t treat you differently?”
Rhyann shakes her head. “They treat me fine. I’ve made some great friends there. I love all of my classes except Physics. That’s my least favorite one. Latin is just okay. My favorite classes are English and World History.”
“Math and Science are my favorite classes,” I say. “If I could’ve stayed in school, I would be on the honor roll.”
“Now that you have this apartment, you can go back to school,” Rhyann points out. She wipes her mouth on the edge of the napkin.
“That’s what I plan to do,” I respond. “Now that I have a place to live, I can enroll in high school. I already know that I’ll probably have to repeat tenth grade, but I’m okay with that. I’ll do whatever I have to do.”
Miss Lucy finishes off her dinner roll before saying, “Marilee’s gonna help Kylie get back in school, and she’s gonna see if she can take some extra classes so that she’ll be able to graduate on time.”
“Do you know what school you’ll be going to?” Rhyann asks.
“Belmont High,” I reply. “I heard that it was a pretty decent school.”
“I wish you could attend Stony Hills with me.”
The very idea shocks me. “Rhyann, I couldn’t afford to go to the office in that place. I saw the campus on the news one time. It looks really expensive.”
“It’s definitely not cheap,” she tells me. “But there are scholarships. I wouldn’t be there without one.”
After dinner, Rhyann helps me clean the kitchen even though I tell her that it’s not necessary.
When we finish, we settle down on the sofa and watch television. Miss Lucy got money from her military retirement and used some of it to buy us a nice television from a store that was going out of business.
“I’m so glad you came over today,” I tell Rhyann.
“Thanks for letting me visit,” she responds. “You’re cool, Kylie. You just went up five notches on my friend chart.”
I laugh.
Her cousin Chester comes to pick her up shortly after eight. I walk down to the first floor with her.
“I’ll see you on Tuesday,” Rhyann tells me.
She walks outside where her cousin is waiting on her. He sees me and waves.
I wave back.
When she’s gone, I head back up to the second floor.
Miss Lucy is in the shower when I return. I pick up the remote control and surf channels, searching for something she and I will both enjoy. Since there’s only one television, we try to compromise.
Sometimes, I just let her watch TV while I read or listen to music. I bought myself an inexpensive MP3 player.
Life can’t get any better than this, as far as I’m concerned.
Chapter 6
W hen Tuesday arrives, I’m more than ready to get back to work.
Miss Lucy and I spent most of yesterday at the Veteran’s Administration office checking on all of her benefits. Things are
working out and she is going to get everything she’s entitled to, but it was a pretty long day, meeting with this person and that person.
Rhyann and I are working the same shift today, so we have lunch together. While we are at the deli down the street, her cell phone rings.
When I hear her mention Divine’s name, I can barely eat for trying to listen to her conversation.
She can’t be talking to Divine Matthews-Hardison.
Can she?
When I hear her mention an upcoming movie with Kara, I can barely contain my excitement. Rhyann is sitting here talking to Divine. She’s really talking to my role model. WOW!
“I wasn’t trying to listen to your conversation, but you really know Divine Matthews-Hardison like that?” I say when she gets off the phone. “You two are friends like that?”
Rhyann shrugs. “She’s like my best friend. We’ve been friends for a while now.”
“That’s so cool,” I say. “She’s in all of the fashion magazines with her mom. They seem to have a great relationship.”
“They do,” Rhyann responds. “Dee and Miss Kara are really close. Every summer they take this girls’ retreat to some exotic island. They always take Alyssa—she’s Dee’s cousin. They’re coming home this week, and I can’t wait. We always have a great time together.”
“Dee?”
“Oh yeah, I call her Dee.” Rhyann bites into her sandwich.
“A mother and daughter should be closer than close, I feel.”
Nodding, Rhyann agrees with me. “If my mom had lived, I think we would be like that.”
I don’t respond.
I love my mom, and my deepest wish is that she loved me half as much. I wish that she loved me enough to focus on me. Why can’t I be enough for her? At least until I can handle my own life.
“Kylie, did you hear what I said?” Rhyann asks, bringing me out of my reverie.
“Huh?” I utter. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
“I asked you about school. Have you decided to go back?”
“Yeah, but I’m probably gonna have to repeat my tenth grade year.”
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