by Terri Reed
Taking a breath to gain control of her emotions, she went in search of Nathanial and found him, his parents and the Kelleys seated at a round dining table. A hot bowl of soup and warm bread waited at the empty space next to Nathanial. She sat and ate the delicious food.
Mr. and Mrs. Longhorn regaled them with stories of Nathanial’s childhood and teen years. Audrey liked the couple. They were so in sync with each other, often finishing each other’s sentences and then laughing companionably. She wasn’t sure what made Nathanial think his parents’ marriage was less than happy. From her viewpoint they appeared to love each other deeply.
Audrey remembered what it had been like in her home before her father’s death. Her mom and dad had been like the Longhorns, their love and affection evident in all they did. That wasn’t to say Mom and Dad hadn’t fought. They had. Mostly about Dad taking the boat out in too-rough water or during a storm. He’d always counter her arguments with the brief statement that he had to make a living and the fish didn’t care what was going on above the water. Audrey knew her mother’s objections stemmed from fear.
A fear that had come true when his boat had capsized during a raging storm. His body had never been recovered.
Nathanial nudged her with his knee, drawing her attention. “You okay?” he asked beneath his breath.
She sat up straighter. Letting melancholy drag her down and distract her focus wouldn’t do. “Yes. I’m fine.” To Mrs. Longhorn, she said, “This is the best soup I’ve tasted in a long time. Thank you.”
“I’m so glad you’re enjoying it,” she replied.
When they were finished and had cleared the table, Sami drew Audrey aside.
“I think we should let Nathanial have some time with his parents alone,” the FBI agent said. “He might remember more if we’re not looking over his shoulder.”
“I’m not comfortable leaving him here alone.”
“We’ll wait in the car.”
Realizing Sami was right, Audrey grabbed her coat. She was prepared, after all, to do whatever necessary to help Nathanial fully regain his memory. Even if it was like pulling a fishhook from beneath her fingernail to let him out of her sight.
* * *
Nathanial watched the trio walk out the front door, leaving him with his mom and dad. As his parents had told stories of his past, he’d had flashes of memories that corresponded to their words. He sent up a silent prayer that his brain was healing and soon he’d regain all of his past, including the fateful day he’d disappeared from the rooftop in New Brunswick.
His mother hooked her arm through his and drew him to the couch. “I like your friends.”
“Me, too. They’re good people.”
“Your grandmother will want to see you,” Dad said as he took his seat in a leather chair facing the couch.
His grandmother. The word conjured up an image of an older version of his mother, with silver hair and a wreath of wrinkles around kind, laughing eyes. The ache of missing her clogged his throat. “I’ll talk to the others about a visit.”
“How long can you stay?” Mom asked.
“The night. The others have to get back to work, and I still have—” He stopped himself from revealing that someone was trying to kill him. He didn’t want to worry them. “We’re staying at the hotel on the edge of town.”
“The Renners’ place?” Dad asked.
“That’s it.”
“Nice people,” Mom commented. “Do you remember Skip Renner? He was in your grade?”
He didn’t. But he encouraged his parents to talk, to tell him more about his life. Though most of their stories weren’t familiar, every once in a while he’d lock on a memory. Bits and pieces of his life took shape in his mind. There were still holes, and later that night after promising to swing by his parents’ again in the morning before leaving, he lay in bed fitting the fragments together like a puzzle.
“Dear God, please help me to remember,” he prayed in the dark hotel room. With Audrey next door and the Kelleys across the hall, Nathanial let his faith rise, hoping God would help him fill in the blanks.
But no matter how hard he concentrated on the one image connected to the mission that had gone so horribly wrong, his mind wouldn’t move past that point of when he’d rolled over on that rooftop. He’d heard a noise from behind him. Something out of place. He was supposed to be alone. His heart hammered. He’d turned to face the threat...
Then nothing.
Always nothing.
He fell into a fitful sleep full of sinister figures that haunted his nightmares. And then there was Audrey banishing the shadows, offering him her hand, telling him it would be okay.
But would it? Would he ever remember? Or would he die first?
* * *
The next morning arrived with a swirl of fresh snow. Nathanial stepped out of the motel into the cold, tense with frustration and something else. A pending sense of doom that he’d awakened with and couldn’t shake. As he waited for the others, he turned his face toward the sky and tiny flakes landed on his skin like kisses. He purposely relaxed his shoulders, but the unease clinging to him wouldn’t release.
“You going to stick your tongue out and catch a snowflake?” Audrey asked with mirth lacing her tone.
Thankful for the distraction, he grinned at her and did just that.
She laughed, the sound cascading over him like sweet water, unaccountably smoothing away the frayed edges of his tension. An intense longing gripped him, making him want to whisk Audrey away, to go someplace where it was only the two of them. Somewhere the past didn’t matter and no one was trying to kill him.
But he couldn’t. The past did matter. He had to find the truth about it all.
And Audrey would never agree to shirk her responsibilities. He couldn’t shirk his responsibilities. Nor could he ignore the guilt camping out in his chest. He had to know what he’d done to Laurie and apologize, though he doubted an apology would make up for whatever heartache he’d caused.
“I’d like to stop by Bartlett restaurant on the way to my grandmother’s. I have to talk to Laurie again,” Nathanial stated. “Apparently we were engaged once. I need to know what happened.”
Audrey’s blue eyes widened and then darkened with understanding. He could always count on her to comprehend doing the hard thing.
“I’ll let the Kelleys know,” she said, glancing at the motel entrance.
It wasn’t long before the Kelleys walked out. Drew had his arm around Sami’s shoulders. She smiled up at him with a heartfelt love shining on her pretty face. A twinge of something unfamiliar panged within Nathanial’s heart. As they approached, he examined the feeling and realized with a start that it was envy.
He envied this couple their love, their togetherness. He wanted what they had with every fiber of his being. He almost let loose a laugh. Everything he’d heard about the man he’d been said he wasn’t the type to settle down. Blake had made it clear he dated a lot but never got serious. Because of what happened with Laurie?
“I checked in with Director Moore,” Drew said as he and Sami joined them near the SUV. “They received another tip that Kosloff is moving another shipment of arms north through the States. Blake and a team are going to intercept.”
Nervous energy bounded through Nathanial. He wanted to join in the mission, to bring in Kosloff and make him tell them what had happened to Nathanial. But since that wasn’t possible, he focused on clearing one aspect of his past at a time. He prayed Blake and the other IBETs team took Kosloff into custody.
“We’d like to stop by the Bartlett diner and grab breakfast,” Audrey said.
Sami’s eyebrows shot upward, and she pushed back a blond curl. “Okay. I could eat. And coffee would be welcome. But let’s make it to go. I don’t think we should linger.”
Drew met Nathani
al’s gaze. “You sure?”
Nathanial nodded. “Very.”
“All right. Load up.” Drew climbed behind the wheel with Sami taking shotgun once again.
Audrey and Nathanial climbed into the borrowed RCMP SUV’s back passenger seat. Heaviness pressed down on him. Was he doing the right thing by stopping there and wanting to talk to Laurie?
When they arrived at the restaurant, he hesitated. While Sami and Drew left the vehicle and headed inside, Audrey remained seated next to Nathanial.
“What do you hope to accomplish?” she asked. There was no judgment in her tone, only curiosity.
He told her what he’d learned last night from his mother. “I need to know why we broke up.”
“Why?”
“I need to understand. To know what kind of man I am.”
Audrey reached for his hand. “I don’t think it matters who you were then as much as who you are now.” She lowered her voice, and it seemed as if she struggled to say her next words. “I like the man you are now.”
He curled his fingers around hers. “How is it that you always know the right things to say?”
“It’s a gift.” She extracted her hand and climbed out of the vehicle.
He followed her inside the eatery, the bells hanging on the door jangling. The place had just opened so they were the first customers of the day. And Sami and Drew had a booth by the front window, where they could keep watch in case a threat appeared. They joined them. An older woman came to take their orders. Her short dark hair framed an oval face that reminded Nathanial of Laurie. Her mother?
She eyed him with surprise. “Laurie mentioned you were home,” she said with a smile. Her name tag read Martha.
“Is she here?” he asked. “I’d like to talk to her.”
Creases appeared between Martha’s eyebrows. “She’s in the back. When I put your ticket in, I’ll let her know you want to say hello.”
“Thank you.”
They each ordered breakfast to go, and then Martha headed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Laurie walked out. She had an apron on over jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Her dark hair was clipped back. Nathanial watched her approach and felt nothing. No stirring of attraction, no remembered intimacy. Nothing. She was a stranger to him.
She stopped beside their table. “Mom said you were asking for me.”
“I’d like a moment of your time,” he said and slid out of the booth. He gestured to the table a few feet away. “Can we sit?”
Her gaze settled on Audrey, who stared back at her with an implacable expression. Laurie finally nodded and moved to the table and sat. She folded her hands on the tabletop. “What is there to talk about? Are you still claiming amnesia?”
“Not claiming,” he replied. Suddenly he wasn’t sure if he wanted or needed to do this. What good would it accomplish? Knowing that he’d done this woman wrong would only eat at him. But he’d come this far; he had to see it through. He went for the heart of the matter. “We were going to get married. We didn’t. Why?”
A pained expression marched across her face. His heart rate tripled.
“You don’t remember the baby, either?”
He nearly choked. “I have a child?”
She shook her head. “No. I miscarried in the first trimester.”
He tried to absorb her words. For a short time he’d been a father. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
“You wanted to get married. You assumed because of the baby that was what we had to do,” she continued softly.
Confusion reared up. “I don’t understand,” he said. “You didn’t want to marry me?”
She lifted her chin. “Because of the baby I would have. But after...there was no point. I didn’t love you. Not enough to spend the rest of my life with you.”
He sat back as if someone had doused him with cold water, waking him up. Energy buzzed through his system. He wasn’t sure how to process her words. “We must have had some feelings for each other if we made a baby.”
She gave a dry chuckle. “Of course we did. We were seventeen and thought we were in love. But the reality of the baby and—” she waved a hand “—everything. It was too much for me. I couldn’t handle it.”
The guilt that had been slowly suffocating him let go. And he could breathe again.
“I know I hurt you.” Guilt flashed across Laurie’s face. “I’m sorry.”
He felt almost giddy with relief. He hadn’t dumped her. “I survived.”
Though he couldn’t remember the hurt, it didn’t take a degree in psychology for him to comprehend the wound of her rejection had kept him from seeking love again. He’d used the rejection as an excuse to keep from committing. Because some part of him had understood that he didn’t want to go through that kind of heartache again.
But was he willing to now? His gaze strayed to Audrey. She lifted her mug of coffee and met his gaze over the rim. He saw questions and concern in her pretty eyes.
She worried about him. He knew she didn’t have to—he was in no danger at the moment—but still she cared. Warmth spread through his chest.
And he searched his own heart and found the answer to the question. Yes. He was willing to risk everything for his beautiful deputy. But would he? Did he have the guts? This trip home might not have accomplished the desired effect of regaining his memories, but he’d gained something else. His heart back.
Movement outside the window behind Audrey snagged his focus. A gold-colored luxury sedan pulled up near the front entrance. He recognized the car. And the three men exiting the vehicle, all dressed in dark clothes and hefting heavy artillery in their hands. Their faces and heads were uncovered, which didn’t bode well.
Heart smashing against his breastbone, Nathanial jerked to his feet. “Kosloff’s men.”
Without hesitation Sami, Drew and Audrey scrambled out of the booth.
“Get the civilians out of here,” Drew instructed as he drew his sidearm from the holster at his waist. He moved to a partition near the cash register where he’d have the tactical advantage when the men breached the front door.
The men outside let loose an onslaught of gunfire from automatic assault rifles that riddled the front of the restaurant with bullets.
“Hurry!” Sami waved the few waitstaff toward the kitchen. “Stay low.” She hustled them out of harm’s way while dialing for backup. Sami’s voice sounded muffled in Nathanial’s ringing ears.
“Go,” he urged Laurie to follow Sami. Eyes wide with panic, Laurie jumped from her seat, toppling the chair in her haste to run to the back of the restaurant. The gunfire stopped.
Audrey rushed to Nathanial’s side. “Let’s get you somewhere safe.”
“No.” Nathanial resisted her prompting. He flipped the table over and they crouched down out of the line of sight behind it. “Do you have a backup piece on you?”
She hesitated for a fraction of a second before reaching for the small-caliber handgun holstered to her inner calf. She handed over the weapon. “We’ll never win a shoot-out against their automatic weapons. We need to get out of here.”
“We can’t run,” he said. He needed to end this. If they could capture one of the men and make him talk, then this nightmare could end. But it was a big if.
He put his hand on Audrey’s shoulder. “Cover me.”
Panic flared in her eyes. She opened her mouth to protest, but he was already moving toward the front door. He pressed his back on the opposite side from Drew. A busing cart rattled as Nathanial shoved it aside.
With jaw set, Audrey knelt behind the table, gripping her sidearm with two hands and keeping at the ready with the barrel aimed down but close to her chest. Her disapproving gaze burned through him.
Through the stuffy echo in his ears, Nathanial heard shouted commands.
“Send out Longhorn and no one else has to get hurt!” A heavily accented voice seeped beneath the front door. “We have the place surrounded. If we have to kill everyone, we will.”
Nathanial met Audrey’s gaze. She gave a vehement shake of her head.
He had no intention of dying today, but he also knew he couldn’t let anything happen to his team or the innocent people in the kitchen. Slanting a glance at Drew, Nathanial wondered what he’d have done before losing his memories. Would he have given himself over for others, or would he have found a way to escape?
Leaving, saving his own hide, didn’t sit well. In fact, the very thought was abhorrent to him. No way did he want to put others in unnecessary danger. “I’ll come out, but you have to promise you’ll let everyone else go.”
“Dude,” Drew barked at him. “We’ve seen their faces. They’re not going to let any of us live.”
“Sami is calling for backup. We have to stall for time,” he insisted.
Audrey scrambled closer. “No way. As long as they stay outside, we can fend them off or pick them off if they enter. The RCMPs in Meadow Lake will arrive soon. I have to believe that. God won’t let us die like this.”
Her faith was strong and inspired him to hope she was right. He sent up a silent plea for help, for wisdom.
Screams from the kitchen jolted through him. Adrenaline spiked, making his blood freeze in his veins while his heart struggled to pump. What was happening?
“Sami!” Drew was across the diner before Nathanial could take a step.
The kitchen doors were kicked open. A man with a shaved head and dressed in camouflage clothes stepped into the dining room with an arm around Sami and a gun to her head. Drew halted abruptly. His shoulders heaved, and his fists clenched.
Audrey hissed in a shocked breath and aimed her weapon at the man.
“Put your weapons on the floor,” the man said, his light eyes cold, devoid of emotion.
Nathanial held up his hands, showing the gun. “I’ll go with you. Don’t hurt anyone.” As he slowly bent to place the gun on the floor, he bumped the busing cart. The rattle of utensils inside a plastic tub on the bottom shelf set off something inside him, but he didn’t stop to think, he reacted. His hand reached into the tub and wrapped around the sharp blade of a steak knife. He met Sami’s gaze, saw her fury but also saw the slight nod she gave him.