The Revisionist

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The Revisionist Page 6

by Jesse Eisenberg

He says nothing. She looks at him expectantly.

  MARIA (cont.) David?

  DAVID I was supposed to go Kathmandu. I knew a guy who went there in the eighties and he wrote four novels in two months. I read one of them, it was terrible, but he finished it. But I always thought if I do something, something stupid or dirty or dangerous or life-threatening, I would become creative. That the only thing standing in the way was comfort. But I’m in Szczecin Poland with you Maria and I can’t write a fucking word. It’s not relevant. (faces her) I got rejected from three writers colonies in upstate New York and I applied to one in Scotland but I couldn’t afford the room. I knew a guy from college who moved to Nairobi and I was gonna go visit him—maybe cross into Tanzania and go on safari—I don’t know what I was thinking, I can’t think of anything worse than going on a safari—but he never e-mailed me back. (gently) You were a last resort, Maria, I’m sorry. Anyway, there’s violence in Kathmandu, there’s an insurgency of Maoists—so.

  She massages his head. He clasps her hands.

  MARIA David, I think you should stay here and live with me.

  DAVID Well.

  MARIA Is good for you, I think.

  DAVID Maybe.

  MARIA You can write your books in the other room.

  DAVID Maybe.

  MARIA I feed you all the meals. I learn vegetarianski recipe.

  DAVID That’s okay.

  MARIA Is good, we don’t have so many elevators in Szczecin.

  DAVID That’s true.

  MARIA David? I wonder what you think of what I tell you before.

  DAVID Yeah.

  MARIA (becoming desperate) I don’t know what you think about this, David.

  DAVID Right. Well, I guess . . .

  MARIA Yes?

  DAVID I don’t know. I don’t care.

  MARIA Okay?

  David abruptly gets up.

  DAVID I think I should I call my mother.

  MARIA David?

  DAVID She worries about me.

  MARIA She’s not worried.

  DAVID It’s been a few days.

  MARIA She’s sleeping now maybe.

  DAVID (beat, softly) Okay.

  MARIA Yes, I think she’s sleeping now.

  DAVID I’m kind of tired, Maria.

  MARIA Is late.

  DAVID It is late.

  MARIA (desperately) David?

  He turns around at his doorway.

  MARIA (cont.) So this—it will be okay? It will be good?

  DAVID I’ll see you in a little bit.

  MARIA I see you tomorrow. It will be Sunday.

  David closes the door to his bedroom. Maria stares after him, growing mortified.

  BLACKOUT—

  Scene 5

  The next morning

  Zenon sits center stage at the kitchen table, eating nuts from a bowl by the handful. David’s return plane ticket is no longer on the refrigerator door.

  Maria is getting dressed in her room. David is sleeping in his room, still wearing the suit jacket.

  ZENON Maria, I’m starving—

  MARIA Shh!

  ZENON I would like eggs.

  MARIA Zenon! Shh! He’s sleeping.

  ZENON All right, all right. Little punk.

  Maria enters the kitchen.

  ZENON (cont.) Let’s go already! Wake the kid up.

  MARIA Maybe we should wait five minutes.

  Zenon grabs an orange from the counter, peels it and eats the whole thing.

  ZENON Did you want some?

  MARIA No. Thank you.

  Zenon stares at his watch and slams the table with a fist:

  ZENON Come on already! I get pissed off when I wait.

  MARIA You’re a taxi driver.

  ZENON Exactly!

  David stirs awake. He slides out of bed, very hung-over.

  DAVID Hello? I feel like shit. Maria? (no response) Maria, are you up?

  Maria doesn’t move. Zenon jabs her—

  MARIA I am awake.

  DAVID I gotta puke. Next time, we use a mixer, okay?

  David crosses offstage into the bathroom. We hear a steady stream of piss:

  DAVID (OS) (sings Neil Young) “Old man lying by the side of the road with the lorries rolling by, Maria, blue moon sinking from the weight of the load and the buildings scrape the sky . . . ”

  Zenon walks into David’s bedroom and opens David’s suitcase. Maria follows Zenon in but hesitates:

  MARIA Zenon, I feel sick.

  ZENON You gonna help me or not?

  Zenon begins packing David’s belongings, which have been strewn about his room. He looks under the bed, pulls socks out, tosses them into the suitcase. He picks up the empty Hellmann’s jar, confused, and tosses it in.

  Maria eventually joins in, helping Zenon. They pack all of David’s stuff, cramming it into the suitcase as David continues singing in the bathroom, unaware:

  DAVID (OS) (pissing, singing) “Cold wind ripping down the alley at dawn and the morning paper flies, Maria. Dead man lying by the side of the road with the daylight in his eyes. Don’t let it bring you down, Maria, it’s only castles burning, find someone who’s turning”—Oh shit— (we hear David puke) Holy hell! “And you will come around” (pukes again) Whoo! It feels so good to puke, oh it feels so good! Maria, do you ever get to puke?

  “You will come around!” (pukes) Wow! The relief that follows a good purge, Maria, it’s almost worth it. This is really disgusting though. (We hear the toilet flush and the sink turn on; he is washing his face) “Don’t let it bring you down, Maria, it’s only castles burning, Just find someone who’s turning” (he enters from the bathroom) “And you will come around.” I would not go into that bathroom for a few days, if I were you.

  David stops, seeing Zenon. Maria eyes the floor.

  DAVID (cont.) What’s he doing here?

  ZENON Can we go now?

  MARIA Zenon, please.

  DAVID Maria, should we teach him some new words? Hey, Zenon, say “fuck.” Say “fuck!”

  ZENON What the hell is he saying? I don’t have all day.

  MARIA Zenon, I feel terrible.

  ZENON You have a weak stomach.

  DAVID Hello! I’m right here! What are you talking about? What’s going on?

  Maria stares at the floor.

  DAVID (cont.) Maria, what the hell’s going on? (sees his suitcase) Is that my suitcase? Did you pack my suitcase?

  MARIA Zenon take you to the airport now.

  DAVID Is he always three days early for pickups?

  MARIA You have plane in three hours, I think is good you leave now.

  DAVID What are you talking about? My flight leaves on Wednesday.

  MARIA I call and change the ticket. Is free, don’t worry.

  DAVID Why would you do that? Why would you change the ticket?

  MARIA Zenon say the security is more time, is good you leave now.

  DAVID Are you kicking me out? What the fuck is this, preschool? Should I go stand in the corner? Maria! Look at me!

  David tries to get to his suitcase but Zenon blocks his way.

  ZENON Where do you think you’re going?

  DAVID Get the fuck out of my way. (pushes Zenon, who pushes back hard) Maria! Zenon pushed me! He pushed me!

  David becomes frantic. He grabs the suitcase from Zenon and begins to unpack it, putting the clothes back into the dresser and his books back on the bed. Zenon picks up everything David puts away, putting it back into the suitcase. They look like children.

  ZENON Hey! Get back here!

  DAVID Who the fuck do you think you are? Maria, why are you doing this!

 
ZENON You’re a spoiled rich American son of a bitch.

  DAVID (grabs a sweatshirt from Zenon) Let fucking go of that! That’s mine.

  David tugs on the shirt but Zenon easily grabs it and shoves David violently into the wall, making a loud thud. Maria enters David’s room.

  ZENON He pushed me first!

  MARIA Zenon! You wait in the car.

  ZENON It was self-defense, Maria! He’s a fucking American!

  MARIA Go wait in the car, Zenon!

  ZENON I’m trying to help you, you ungrateful bitch!

  Zenon storms out of the house, slamming the door. After a moment, he pops back in, politely:

  ZENON I’ll be waiting in the car. (slams the door again)

  David remains slumped, in pain.

  MARIA Did he hurt you, David? (no response) Should I get you the ice? (no response) David?

  DAVID Why are you doing this?

  MARIA David, please you should go now.

  DAVID Why?

  MARIA David, please don’t ask me anything.

  DAVID Do you care about what you told me last night? Because I don’t care—

  MARIA I say David, you don’t ask me anything!

  DAVID Maria, really, it’s totally irrelevant. Are you embarrassed? Because I won’t tell anybody what you told me—I promise you—

  MARIA (plugs her ears and yells) David, you stop talking about this right now!

  DAVID (yells even louder in her face) Maria, I fucking don’t care about anything!!

  MARIA I think is best you leave now! You come!

  Maria grabs David’s arms to drag him out but he pulls away and jumps on the bed.

  DAVID It’s not up to you.

  MARIA Is only up to me.

  DAVID I thought we were getting along. I thought you liked me!

  MARIA You are a very hard person to like, David.

  DAVID Fuck you.

  MARIA You make a problem for me at every minute.

  DAVID Like what?

  MARIA Like what? We start at the beginning, you come to me three hour late—

  DAVID My fucking plane was delayed!

  MARIA And I want I should feed you, I want you should eat, I think you are hungry after long plane ride and you tell me you want you should go to sleep—

  DAVID So fucking what, Maria! I was tired!

  MARIA And you open my window! Ah! Do you open my window! You think I no know about this, but! You tell me you want—you need air! But I see you smoking cigarette outside the window.

  DAVID I didn’t want to blow smoke inside your house!

  MARIA Then you go outside!

  DAVID I can’t go outside with that! It’s not—I don’t smoke cigarettes! I have a bit of an issue, I need—yes, I have an issue, but it’s mine.

  MARIA And when you open my window, and I tell you this, my bill go up. You think I am rich, I buy you food, you think I am just rich!

  DAVID Okay! I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have opened the window. (reaches into his wallet, pulls out some money) Here! Take this. Please take it.

  Maria takes the money and stuffs it into her pocket.

  DAVID (cont.) Anything else?

  MARIA The worst thing!

  DAVID Oh yeah? What’s that? I left the toilet seat up?

  MARIA You hurt the pictures.

  DAVID What does that mean? I don’t know what that means.

  MARIA You turn down all the pictures in my house! Of my family!

  DAVID I turned down a few pictures! And you didn’t care about that. Because you’re fucking sane. You didn’t care about that!

  MARIA Is not your decision!

  DAVID Who fucking cares? I turned down some pictures. In my room!

  MARIA Is my room! You just sleep in it!

  DAVID Well, whatever, I put a few pictures down, who gives a shit?

  MARIA Who say you could do this? This is my family! This is my life! My relationships I have!

  DAVID Maria, I know you don’t care about the pictures! I know why you’re kicking me out and I’m telling you I don’t care about what you told me last night!—

  MARIA (continuing on about the pictures) They are my people! You don’t even know the names! How dare you! You are so stupid, you don’t even know the names! They are my family. I know about them. You don’t know anything! They are to me!

  She frantically tries to zipper his suitcase but it’s too full and she can’t bring the zipper fully around.

  MARIA (cont.) You are a selfish boy! You are stupid! You don’t even know their names! They are not to you! They are to me!

  DAVID I know they are.

  MARIA So you ask me why you must leave now? Now you know. Because of this! Because of rudeness! (trying to zipper the suitcase)

  DAVID I’m sorry, Maria.

  David grabs the suitcase and begins to help her close it. As they do it together, she struggles to push down the top:

  MARIA (pushing) You are terrible. (pushes) You are very terrible. (pushes) And you are terrible.

  DAVID No I’m not! (takes her hands forcefully)

  MARIA You are a terrible guest. You are a terrible guest to me, David. You are the guest, David. I hate you!

  DAVID Hey! No you don’t!

  MARIA I do! I do! You are a terrible person, David.

  He grabs her tightly. She acquiesces, falling into him.

  DAVID I’m not, Maria.

  MARIA I hate you.

  She weeps, her head buried in his chest. He strokes her.

  DAVID I’m not, Maria.

  The front door opens, Zenon stands there. Maria and David look up.

  ZENON What’s taking so long? Traffic is terrible right now.

  MARIA (wipes her face) He’s coming.

  DAVID What did he say?

  ZENON If we left five minutes ago we would have saved an hour. The way traffic works right now is every five minutes is equal to one hour. I’ve explained this to you before! You know this, Marysia!

  DAVID Maria. What did he say?

  Zenon exits the apartment, closing the door. Pause.

  DAVID (cont.) What did he say to you?

  MARIA He say there is a lot of traffic to the airport.

  David nods, grabs his suitcase, fixes his suit jacket and exits the apartment.

  Maria stands alone. Pause. She walks into the kitchen. She walks back into his bedroom. She begins to make his bed and finds his hoodie, which was lodged between the bed and the wall. She zippers it up and lays it neatly on the bed. She walks into the kitchen. Pause.

  She walks into the TV room and switches on the television. She sits on the couch. She flips through channels, landing on CNN International.

  CNN To say that Vietnam’s economy is booming is an understatement in the extreme. Last year, exports to the U.S. alone surged by 6.6 billion dollars. Hard evidence that the capitalist reform is sweeping through the communist state.

  The telephone rings; it is Sunday. Maria remains seated.

  CNN And Intel, the world’s largest computer chip maker, is significantly ramping up its presence in this country of 82 million people, investing up to a billion dollars in its operations there. This is a very important turning point for Vietnam, an opportunity to push for more reform to improve the business environment.

  The telephone rings again. She turns up the volume on the television. The lights slowly begin to fade—the telephone ringing, drowned out by the television.

  CNN Joining the WTO will make the country more dynamic and lessen the time for Vietnam to become a more prosperous nation. And with Vietnam bagging its place as the WTO’s 150th member, the door is now open for it to enter an entirely new economic era.

 
; BLACKOUT—

  APPENDIX OF POLISH DIALOGUE

  Below are Polish translations of the text that appears in italics on the noted page.

  SCENE 1

  Page 11, line 1: Halo? Dobrze, a pan? Wszystko dobrze. Tak?

  Page 11, line 5: Tak otrzymałam. Ale teraz nie mogę. Dziękuję za telefon. Do widzenia.

  Page 12, line 9: Halo? Tak? Dobrze. Dziekuję. A Ty? Nie, przepraszam. Do widzenia.

  SCENE 2

  Page 15, line 6: Halo? Tak, mam czas. Wiem. Nie, dziękuje. Ale dziękuje za telefon. Nawzajem.

  Page 23, line 27: Halo? Tak? Otrzymalam list. Nie, przepraszam, nie mogeę. Dziękuję za telefon.

  Page 29, line 8: Halo? Tak, otrzymałam list. Tak, przeczytalam. Wiem. Oczywiście. Nie dziękuję za telfon. Do widzenia.

  SCENE 3

  Page 32, line 15: Zimne rzczy schowam do lodówki, reszte zostaw.

  Page 32, line 16: Rób co chcesz.

  Page 32, line 22: Delikatnie. Nie pokalecz mnie.

  Page 32, line 23: Nie mów mi co mam robić.

  Page 32, line 24: To są moje nogi. Delikatnie!

  Page 32, line 25: Dobra. Uspokój się.

  Page 33, line 12: On tego nie znosi?

  Page 33, line 13: Nie! Dawaj . . .

  Page 33, line 22: Nie widac, ale miły chłopak.

  Page 34, line 3: Dla Ciebie więcej żarcia niż twoje ciało bedzie mogło tolerować.

  Page 34, line 11: Ni przeszkadzaj mu. On pisze nowele.

  Page 34, line 12: Nie mam takiego zamiaru.

  Page 34, line 24: On jest bardzo sławnym pisrzem w Ameryce. Jak mały Harry Potterek.

  Page 34, line 27: On zna Harrego Pottera?

  Page 36, line 1: On nigdy nie będzie mówił w tym języku.

  Page 36, line 8: David żonaty?

  Page 36, line 9: Nie.

  Page 36, line 10: Tak myslałem.

  Page 36, line 11: Czeka na odpowiednią dziewczynę.

  Page 36, line 14: To dobrze.

  Page 36, line 20: Kobiety sa jak diabły, ale na ziemi.

  Page 36, line 24: Wszystkie kobiety, czy tylko Twoja żona?

  Page 36, line 25: Wszystkie kobiety!

  Page 37, line 2: Ale nie Ty, Marysiu.

  Page 37, line 8: Dziękuję. Czuję się o dziesięć lat młodsza.

  Page 37, line 9: Wyglądasz jak nastolatka. Jestes piękna!

  Page 37, line 17: Jesteś najchudszym Amerykaninem jakiego kiedykolwiek widziałem.

 

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