Things had been blissful for Jeremy and Claudia. Despite his busy schedule, Jeremy visited her at least once a month. They spent most of that time in bed, and she could still see his vivid green eyes staring down into hers. Every day they were apart they held marathon telephone conversations that lasted deep into the night. They laughed and cried as they talked about everything from their childhoods to their hopes for the future. Jeremy was going to transfer to his company’s San Francisco office as soon as he could and they were going to move in together. They didn’t want to wait any longer; they wanted to start a family immediately. She was given the go ahead from her doctor and so she ditched her birth control.
They were in love.
Then things turned strangely quiet. Jeremy’s calls became less frequent and then his visits stopped altogether. She barely heard from him at all nowadays, except for a few short emails and the occasional voicemail message. She knew that he was in Zurich. He had been working there for the past two months. That is, if he hadn’t already dashed off somewhere else. His former fiancé had split with him because of his constant travel for work. Claudia feared she would break up with him for this reason too. Was the silent treatment his chickenshit way of breaking it off with her? Why had Jeremy cooled off so suddenly? He might just be busy, although the thought that he was seeing another woman had crossed her mind. Maybe Gil was right. How well did she really know Jeremy? Perhaps it was only a vacation romance after all and she was waiting for something that was never going to happen.
She felt like her life was on hold.
“Don’t put your life on hold any longer,” said Gil.
She still hated it when he got into her head.
“Come and see me,” he said. “I can have you on the beach here with me within hours.”
Claudia looked out the window at the gloomy grey skies and endless rain. She imagined herself wearing a bikini and sipping on a cocktail as she lay on the sand soaking up the sun without a care in the world, except for the fact that Gil would be there too.
Wait… how did Gil know that Jeremy was planning to move to San Francisco to live with her? How did Gil know her boyfriend’s name was Jeremy?
How did he do that?
Gil was obviously trying to plant a seed of doubt in her mind about Jeremy, but the doubt was already there. She had to admit, she wasn’t sure how well she really knew Jeremy, but how well did she really know Gil anymore? He was a different person nowadays. The man she was once engaged to was sensitive, kind, honest, and loyal. She would have stayed with him, if only he’d been a firefighter or a teacher instead of a psychic medium. The man she found years later was egotistical, unscrupulous, greedy, and manipulative. He was a womanizer who took advantage of Kate, Abby, Rainbow, and Dawn, and probably countless other women over the years. He was a charlatan who preyed on vulnerable people who desperately wanted to make contact with their dead loved ones. He led a risk-filled, thrill-seeking, hedonistic lifestyle. He was a far cry from the nice young man she once knew.
Who was the real Gil Godsend?
Then there were moments when Claudia caught glimpses of the old Gil. He was still quick-witted and intelligent, even if he was a walking, talking encyclopedia sometimes. She had never bantered with anyone the way she did with Gil. It had always been a weird kind of foreplay for them. He was charming and charismatic, and she couldn’t deny that he was handsome. He made her feel angry and gave her butterflies in her stomach at the same time. She remembered the way he used to gaze at her with his piercing blue eyes, as if there was no other woman in the world. He looked at her that way still.
She also couldn’t forget that Gil had told her she was pregnant and then warned her when her life was in danger. If she’d continued thinking her ectopic pregnancy was a stomach bug she could sleep off, she could have died. She didn’t know how he did it, but he saved her life.
For some time she had felt as though something was missing in her life.
Was that Gil?
“When you broke up with me all those years ago I was devastated,” he admitted, the pain in his voice still sounding fresh. “I tried to distract myself with other women, and with drugs, possessions, and power. I felt empty. I became bitter and hardened. It took years, but I thought I was finally over you… Then I saw you again…” he said, the flatness lifting from his voice. “In that moment, it felt like my heart started beating again.”
Claudia remembered her heart skipping a beat when she saw him.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since,” he said. “Claudia, you’re the only woman who’s ever challenged me. I’ve met my match in you.” He paused. “For many years I’ve felt like something was missing in my life. That something turned out to be someone, and that someone is you. It’s always been you.”
Gil’s voice was deep and low, clear and confident, smooth and sexy. It was hypnotic. His voice reminded Claudia of The Hypnotist, a poem by Leonard Cohen that she read back in high school.
I heard of a man
Who says words so beautifully
That if he only speaks their name
Women give themselves to him.
If I am dumb beside your body
While silence blossoms like tumors on our lips
It is because I hear a man climb stairs
And clear his throat outside the door.
When Claudia met Gil she realized that he was that man.
Gil Godsend was the hypnotist.
“Claudia,” said the man who says words so beautifully that if he only speaks their name women give themselves to him. “Come and see me.”
Her resolve was weakening.
“I haven’t been with another woman since I saw you again,” he said. “You’re the only woman I ever want in my bed.”
Maybe he was a bad boy who would be a nice guy… for her.
“We need to talk about everything,” he added.
She closed her eyes. She breathed in deeply and breathed out slowly. Who was she kidding? Despite her better judgment, despite everything that had happened, she still had unresolved feelings for him.
Claudia was always fascinated by people’s blind spots. These gaps in people’s logic allowed them to think rationally about some things, but to ignore their irrational thinking about other things that served their own biases. It’s hard to look inwardly and see your own prejudices. One of her best friends believed in ghosts but thought the idea of Bigfoot was stupid. Her uncle used to think that acupuncture was hogwash, but he made his own colloidal silver. That is, he did until he developed a condition called argyria from drinking the stuff and his skin turned as blue as a Smurf.
Yet here was Claudia, a “professional skeptic” who was drawn to the world’s most famous psychic. She had feelings for the man she had tried to ruin for years. This was a man whose whole belief system was completely at odds with hers. Gil was her blind spot. She was no smarter or better than anyone else. She was biased. She was a hypocrite.
She was human.
She realized that people only think rationally with their minds, but not with their hearts.
Gil wasn’t the nice young man she once knew; although Claudia wasn’t the young girl he once knew either. They had changed in the years that had passed. Gil’s fans worshipped him, and their unwavering adoration had warped his thinking. Claudia thought that she was skeptical, but she had grown closed-minded, cynical, and jaded over the years. They came from different sides of the fence but they saw themselves as infallible. Yet neither of them was perfect. Both of them had baggage. But perhaps they could leave the past behind and start afresh, especially if he gave up being a psychic.
“Why do you want to see me?” she asked. “I ruined your life.”
“No, you didn’t,” he said gently. “You saved my life. It’s been good to lie low and get away from everything for a while. I needed a break from the voices. It’s very laid back here and I wanted to take some time out to relax, do nothing, and… I don’t know…grow
a beard.”
Gil was lying low and growing a beard? That was just like Jimmy Lee Mercy! Next he was going to wear a white linen suit and change his name to Gil of God…
“Are you going to establish a spiritual healing sanctuary and father four children to different women too?” she asked.
He laughed.
“If that’s what it’ll take for you to be with me,” he joked. “Although there’s only one woman I want to have children with.”
Claudia was glad that Gil couldn’t see her biting her lip.
“We’re meant to be together,” he said. “Remember I once told you that we were married in a previous life? Remember I told you that Aunt Tillie said you were crucial to my success and happiness?”
“Do you really believe that crazy shit?” she asked him.
“Claudia, I don’t believe it. I know it.”
That’s kinda nuts, she thought.
Hmm…he said that he needed a break from the voices…
“So, are you still getting those headaches?” she asked him.
“…Yes, but everybody gets headaches,” he said, shrugging it off.
“Did you ever see a doctor like I asked you to?”
“Yes, and I was supposed to have some tests, but I never got around to it.”
Maybe he was sick and whatever was wrong with him was the cause of his behavioral changes. What kind of person would she be if she didn’t try to help him?
“I’ll visit if you promise to see a doctor again,” she heard herself say.
“Done,” he said. “I hear there’s a wonderful healer in Brazil by the name of James of God.”
Claudia gasped. Banachek was right all along! Gil was laying low for a while after his fall until he could reinvent himself overseas and eventually make a comeback in the United States because he missed television soaps and cheese in a can.
“You motherfucker!” she cried. “I can’t believe I was almost taken in by you. I know exactly what your game is… Well, you can have your gullible fans and slutty groupies. You can have your misguided fame and fortune. You can have your comeback where you push miracle spring water and religious breakfast cereals and then rise from the ashes to become even bigger than before!”
Gil paused.
“I was only joking along with you,” he said calmly, puzzled by her outburst. “You’re the one who mentioned Jimmy Lee Mercy.”
She tried to calm down.
“But it looks like you’re planning to do what he did.”
“I’m not,” he said firmly. “I don’t want any of that bullshit anymore… Claudia…I just want you.”
She wanted to hang up on him, but she wanted to stay on the phone with him forever. She never wanted to see him ever again, but she wanted to be wrapped up in his arms. Why did Gil have to come back into her life? She was elated that Gil was back in her life. What was going on inside of her head? She felt so confused and conflicted.
“Come and see me,” Gil repeated.
Things were clearly over between her and Jeremy, she thought.
“I’ll explain everything to you,” Gil promised.
She wondered what it would feel like to kiss Gil with his beard.
“I need you in my life,” he said in his hypnotic voice.
Of course, if she visited Gil she would probably end up in bed with him.
“Think about it and I’ll call you again tomorrow night,” he said.
Should she run in the other direction, or should she run with the devil?
“Okay,” she said.
Okay she would think about it, or okay she would go?
“Goodnight, Gil.”
“Goodnight, Claudia…and… I love you…”
She hung up the phone. Her cereal was too soggy to eat so she poured herself a glass of chardonnay and flopped down on the couch. She looked outside and it was still raining hard. In her mind she found herself packing a bag with a bikini, a pair of sunglasses, a bottle of sunscreen, and little else.
As she sat on the couch she spied the trashcan. She thought about the amethyst pendant sitting in there, waiting to be thrown out for good. She fished it out, rolled it around between her fingers and held it up to the light. She peered into it to make sure there wasn’t anything inside. There wasn’t, and that technology wasn’t around in those days anyway. Why did Gil copy this design for the amethyst pendants in his line of jewelry? Was it some weird kind of tribute to her? She had friends who ceremoniously burned letters from their ex-boyfriends and destroyed their old gifts that only reminded them of love gone wrong. Why did she keep Gil’s pendant all these years? Why didn’t she throw it away? She had to admit to herself that it still meant something to her.
What should she do?
To go and see Gil would be a mistake.
What would people think?
She didn’t know if it was the wine talking, but suddenly she didn’t care any longer. To hell with everyone else. There was still something between her and Gil and she needed to explore it. She wanted to make some magic in her life again.
“Fuck it. I’ll go.”
At that moment Claudia heard her phone ping. Someone had called a while ago and left her a voicemail message.
It was Jeremy.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he said, sounding tired but happy. “I’m so sorry I’ve been out of touch. I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking, as my old grandfather would say. In Aussie slang that means I’ve been really busy. They’ve had me working 12-hour days on this project for weeks on end. To make matters worse, the time difference between San Francisco and Zurich is brutal. When you’re awake I’m asleep and when I’m awake you’re asleep. The times I’ve called I’ve missed you. Hell, I’ve just missed you, sweetheart, but I have fantastic news for you… for us. I finally got that transfer to our San Francisco office that I’ve been begging for… starting immediately! I’ve packed my bags and they’re putting me on the next flight out to the Bay Area. I’ll have you in my arms again very soon. I can’t wait to begin my life with you... G’night, Claudia…and… I love you…”
Chapter 38
In his dressing room, Gil stood in front of the mirror wearing only a pair of blue boxer shorts that were embroidered with his initials. His carefully selected outfit lay folded across a chair and his shoes sat on the floor. He held a crystal flute of champagne, which he drank and then smashed into the fireplace. Mozart’s Requiem in D minor played softly in the background and he waved his hands in the air as though he was conducting the orchestra. A candle burned in the middle of the room, releasing the faint scent of sandalwood into the air.
Gil was ritualistic about dressing before an important event.
“I don’t know why you spend so much money having your underwear monogrammed when your mother could just write your name on them instead,” said a voice in the background.
Gil shook his head.
“I’m so thrilled to have you back in my life,” he replied.
He put on an ash grey-colored French-cuff shirt and a burgundy silk tie, both by Charvet, the tailoring family that had once dressed Napoleon Bonaparte. Gil wrapped a platinum Blancpain watch around his wrist and fastened the clasp. Then he opened a tiny red velvet box and took out a pair of white gold diamond cufflinks, which he inserted through the cuffs of his shirt.
“Nice cufflinks.”
“Thank you. They’re antique Cartier cufflinks that I bought from auction at Christies,” Gil said proudly. “They once belonged to Sir Winston Churchill.”
“I see…they’re second-hand. You spent too much money getting your underwear monogrammed to be able to afford a new pair. You know, you can get cufflinks from the thrift store if you’re hard up for cash…”
“Oh, so that’s where you found those shoes!”
It was a special occasion, so Gil wore his favorite bespoke suit made by Ferdinando Caraceni of Milan, a tailor so famous that Yves Saint Laurent used to have his suits made by them. Gil flew to Italy six times to be fitted f
or the charcoal grey suit, which was hand cut and sewn to his personal requirements. He slid on a braided Brunello Cucinelli belt, slipped on a pair of grey cashmere argyle socks and his burgundy Berluti Oxford shoes. Then he spritzed his neck with Chanel’s Égoïste, his new signature scent. He didn’t wear fragrances with musk anymore.
He was ready.
“You look like a gentleman in that stylish suit.”
“Thank you,” replied Gil, who was slightly shocked by the genuine compliment among all of the sarcastic barbs.
“Now all you need is a top hat, mutton chops, a handlebar mustache, and an ear trumpet.”
Gil raised his eyebrow as he fixed his tie in front of the mirror.
“I can have you removed by security in seven seconds flat,” he said.
A laugh echoed around the room.
The Reverend Doctor Jimmy Lee Mercy appeared behind Gil in the mirror.
He placed his hand firmly on Gil’s shoulder.
“I’m only joking,” he said with a hint of a southern accent. “I’m proud of you, son.”
Gil smiled.
“Thanks dad.”
When they stood next to each other the family resemblance between Jimmy Lee and Gil was striking. They were both tall with the same muscular build and strong jawline, piercing blue eyes, and luxuriant hair. Jimmy Lee’s hair was now salt and pepper and Gil’s chestnut brown locks were flecked with grey although both men were still as handsome and charismatic as ever.
They left the dressing room and walked side-by-side down the hall to the backstage area where they could hear the enthusiastic crowd cheering for Gil. Jimmy Lee peeked out through the stage curtain. His eyes widened.
“Look at that huge audience out there!” he said in awe. “Are you nervous?”
“No,” replied Gil without hesitation. “I belong on the stage.”
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