by Carian Cole
“That sounds pretty cool. I’ve never been on one.”
He bugs his eyes out at me as if I have ten heads. “What? Seriously?”
I nod. “I’ve always been scared of them.”
He smiles, and it lights up his entire face. “I’ll tell you what, Evie. Come spring, I’ll take you on a ride on this very road where we just crashed. It’s awesome that time of year. There’s a cool little waterfall a ways up that’s beautiful and so freakin’ peaceful. You’ll love it.”
“I don’t know about that . . .”
He’s making spring plans already? With me? What the heck have I gotten myself into here?
“Trust me. I’ll go slow and take you on my favorite bike. I promise you’ll love it.” He looks so hopeful that I have to agree to it. And he called me ‘Evie’. No one’s called me that since I was a little girl.
“I guess I can think about it. If you promise to go really, really slow.”
“Deal.”
I wonder if our little ride will ever actually happen. What if this storm gets worse and we’re stuck out here for days? What if no one finds us and we starve or freeze to death? Will the insurance company pay for my car damage? Will Michael remember to feed Halo?
I start to shake and breathe heavily, and my hand instinctively grips the door handle. I shut my eyes tight and will the fear to stop. Please, stop, I beg myself. Not here, not now, not with him. But it’s too late. The uncontrollable trembling has already started.
“Hey, are you all right, Evelyn?” Sarcasm is replaced with concern. I nod, unable to find my voice, gripping the door handle even tighter, fighting the urge to fling the door open and run. To where, I don’t know, but I have to get out of this truck. I have to get out of here and make the fear stop.
He puts his hand on my shoulder and leans toward me. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick? You’re all pale. Talk to me.”
A wave of dizziness washes over me, leaving me feeling nauseous and short of breath.
“Panic attack,” I whisper. “I’ve had them since I was a little girl . . .” My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears and now the feverish sensation is coming on, causing me to break out in a light sweat even though I’m freezing. I’m a mess.
“Oh, fuck.” He turns sideways on the seat, so his back is leaning against the door. “Come here.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me to him, my back against his chest. Covering us with the blanket, he then wraps his arms around the front of me in a bear hug.
“Just lean against me,” he says softly. “Close your eyes and just listen to my voice.”
My hands come up to clasp around his. My entire body is shaking and my brain is going a thousand miles a minute, hundreds of fears and bad thoughts rushing in. I hate this feeling so much. I just want it to stop.
Storm starts to talk, his voice soft and smooth, just above a whisper. “When I was little, I used to spend the weekends at my grandparents’ house. They lived on two-hundred acres of land, mostly mountain. It used to be a farm and the old barn and some other buildings are still on the property. My grandfather used them for storage. Their house is beautiful, all brick with lots of windows. It’s big; lots of bedrooms, a huge dining room, but super comfy. My gram loves to decorate. She’s one of those types who decorate for each season and holiday, like putting those little animated statues up at Christmas and shit. The living room has a huge fireplace and I loved to sleep in front of it in the winters. When all us kids stayed there, some of us slept on the floor in the living room.”
As he’s talking, he’s gently stroking my hand and fingers with his. The sound of his voice and his gentle touch lulls me. I close my eyes and allow my body to relax into his.
“Gram loved to bake and would make us these awesome snickerdoodle cookies, and real hot cocoa made from real chocolate with warm milk and homemade whipped cream. It was frickin’ awesome. My brothers, my little sister, and I used to walk the trails on the property, and we’d see deer and some foxes. If it were snowing, my grandfather would come outside and build these huge snowmen with us. One year, he even made us an igloo. Then we’d all go inside, half-frozen, and Gram would have homemade soup or stew ready for us. It was a really great way to grow up. I always felt safe and happy there. Even now, if I’m going through a fucked-up time, I’ll go stay at their house for a few days, and Gram will treat me just like I’m ten years old. And ya know what? I don’t even care, ‘cause sometimes we all just need to be taken care of a little bit. Right?”
I nod, my breathing and heart rate slowing back down to normal. “Thank you, Storm,” I whisper. My panic attack has stopped. I don’t know how he knew it would work, but it did. I didn’t have to take a sedative, or run home to hide, or sit in a crumbling mess for hours like I usually do when one comes on. All I needed was this man’s arms around me with the sound of his voice sharing sweet memories.
I sit up to move back to my side of the truck, but he gently holds me back against him.
“Stay like this. I’ll keep you warm.”
That’s true; I am much warmer wrapped against him. My brain struggles to accept that it’s okay to essentially cuddle with someone in a dire situation, even though he’s sorta weird and scary and wearing eyeliner for some unknown persona that has yet to be explained.
We sit in silence for a while, the only sound in the truck is the dog’s gentle breathing as he sleeps. Niko seems unfazed by our ordeal and content to just have Storm with him in the truck.
“Niko looks so peaceful now,” I observe. “I have a cat at home.”
Storm lets out a small laugh like he’s amused with me. “Really? Okay . . . tell me about your cat.”
Some of Storm’s hair is lying across my shoulder, mingling with my own, and it’s odd, to see a man’s long hair entangled with mine—his dark, almost black, against my cherry brown. I find it slightly erotic. I quickly shake the thoughts out of my head.
“His name is Halo. He’s pure white and he was born deaf. My mom gave him to me for my eighth birthday. He’s eighteen years old.”
“Eighteen? Are you kidding me?” he asks, clearly shocked. “He’s old enough to drive!”
I nod and giggle. “Yup. He’s great. Even though he can’t hear, he’s still really sweet. He follows me all over the house and sleeps with me every night. He has really pretty blue eyes. It’s like you could get lost in them, they are so blue. Like the sky.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever met a deaf cat, or a dog, for that matter. I love animals. Niko here is my best friend. He’s eight years old.”
“I’ve had Halo for so long I can’t imagine life without him. It’s hard to think he’s so old now. I worry all the time something will happen to him. Like now, I hope he’s okay. I hope Michael is feeding him and making sure he has fresh water.”
“Michael?” he repeats.
“My boyfriend. We’ve been together since high school.”
“Not married?”
Everyone says that and yes, it bothers me. Twelve years together and still no proposal. I let out an aggravated sigh.
“No, not yet,” I reply. “He wants to be more financially stable before he gets married and starts a family.”
“I don’t do relationships anymore. I can’t be bothered with all that shit.”
“So, you’re just single all the time? That sounds like it could get pretty lonely.”
“Single, maybe, but not lonely. I have a bunch of female friends who I hang out and party with. You know, friends with benefits. We hang out, have some fun, fuck for a while, and then they go home.”
I am entirely repulsed and move away from him, resuming my spot across the seat to glare at him. “Don’t you think that’s a little bit gross, Storm? Just screwing a bunch of girls?”
He shrugs at me. “No, not at all. They know where they stand. I don’t lead them on and let them think it might ever be something else. We have fun without all the bullshit. I travel a lot. When I’m in town, I call them u
p. We have some fun, and that’s it. I practice safe sex, so what’s the big deal?”
“It just seems so trashy to me, to have sex with no love or commitment.” I can’t even imagine a lifetime of nothing but a bunch of one-night stands.
He’s rolling his eyes at me. “Evelyn, there can be sex with no love. They don’t always go together, ya know.”
I scowl at him and pull the blanket further onto me. “Well, they should go together. Just screwing like a bunch of animals with no feelings sounds gross to me.”
He lights up a cigarette and stares at me for a few moments. I think I’ve insulted him just a bit. “Evelyn, love is an elusive thing. Not all people who say it, or claim to be in it, actually are. I think a lot of people get so wrapped up in other feelings, like being horny, wanting a relationship, being in lust, and all that shit, that they just label those feelings as love.”
He blows a ring of smoke across the truck. “But true love? The kind of love where you would just die for that person? Where you’d do anything just to be with them? I don’t really think many people have that. I know my parents do. I know my grandparents did. But I’ve yet to find that. So, yeah, I just fuck the chicks I can tolerate for a few hours.” He opens the truck door just a bit to flick out some ashes. “Let me ask you something, Evie. Do you really, really love Michael? Or are you guys just in one of those habit relationships? You’ve been together so fucking long, you don’t even know how you feel anymore because he’s basically become like an old piece of furniture you’ve had forever. You’re afraid to try something new because he feels safe. Feeling safe doesn’t mean love.”
Boom.
Maybe he’s right on a few points there, but I’m not going to admit it to him. The spark flew out of mine and Michael’s relationship quite a while ago, but that’s normal in a long relationship, right? We still have fun. We still have sex. Yes, he’s busy and distracted a lot, but I know he loves me and I love him.
Storm is smirking at me as I justify my relationship to myself. “You’re thinking about what I said . . . wondering if it’s true. Is it real love, or is it just a comfortable rut?”
“You’re an asshole. I love Michael and he loves me. We’ve been together for twelve years. Just because you’re not capable of loving and caring about someone doesn’t mean other people aren’t. I feel sorry for you. You’re going to spend your life being lonely and probably end up with an STD on top of it.”
“So, what does he do to show you he loves you? I’m just curious how you people on the other side live.” He opens the truck door again, letting a gust of air in for a second time, tosses his cigarette out and turns to me giving me his full attention.
So, no lie, my mind goes blank. I’m flipping through my brain like a maniac. “He bought me a GPS for my trip here so I wouldn’t get lost,” I finally point out.
Storm starts to crack up. Like, right in my face, he is doubled-over laughing. I glare daggers at him until he stops.
“Seriously? He bought you a little forty-dollar GPS system, which obviously didn’t work since you got pretty lost. But you think buying an electronic device for someone is love?”
“It’s care. He bought it because he cares about me. He knows I’m afraid of getting lost.”
“Holy shit, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh at you, but that’s legit hilarious. If he cares so much, why didn’t he just drive you up here himself?”
Okay. So I did ask Michael to drive me to the hotel and then come back Sunday to pick me up. He had no plans other than to just hang around and watch TV. He said he didn’t feel like it, then ran to the nearest store and came back with the stupid GPS. I hate driving and have a fear of getting lost and having a panic attack in the car, but he just brushed it all off and told me I was immature.
I feel defeated. “He said he didn’t feel like it,” I admit. “He wanted to watch TV and hang out on the couch.”
“I might be an asshole, but I know this. If I loved someone, I’d drive them a measly fucking hour or so to a meeting if they asked me to. If I didn’t love them or like them much? Then no, I’d be just like Michael and plant my ass in front of the TV and forget about it.”
“He’s tired. He works a lot. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Even I can hear the defensive tone in my voice.
Storm nods slowly. “Okay, I get it. That makes sense.”
This guy is a jerk. He has no right to judge me, or my relationship. People don’t stay together for twelve damn years if they don’t love each other. He just can’t understand it because he’s never experienced it. I feel sorry for him. The longest relationship he’s ever had is with his dog.
“Maybe we should try to just get some sleep.” His suggestion sounds great to me. Sleep means no more of his comments and judgment.
“Good idea,” I agree, leaning my head against the window, staring away from him so I don’t have to look at him sitting there watching me. We each pull the ends of the blanket up over ourselves and ignore each other. The cold is biting, but the blanket is extremely thick and heavy, trapping our body heat beneath it.
Hopefully, I won’t freeze to death in my sleep.
CHAPTER TWO
WHEN I WAKE UP, I’m disoriented for a few seconds as the memories of yesterday seep back into my mind. I slowly lift my head, my neck stiff from sleeping with my head leaning against the cold window. Rubbing at my sore neck, I glance over at Storm, who is sprawled out next to me with his foot on my lap. What the hell?
I push his foot and he starts to wake up. “Get your foot off me.”
I can already see he is not a morning person. He opens his eyes slowly and looks around, dazed.
“Huh? What’s going on?” He straightens out and looks over at me. “What are you doing?”
“Your foot was on me.”
“So the fuck what?”
“I’m not a footrest!”
“Jesus Christ, Evelyn. We’re cramped in a tiny space and I’m six-two. Excuse me for stretching out a little bit.”
“Well, don’t do it on me.”
I twist my neck around, trying to ease my sore muscles. “This sucks. My neck is killing me.”
“Mine, too. It sucks even more waking up to a bitch.” He stretches his arms out, just missing my face. “My whole body hurts.”
Niko is now also awake and looks back at us, whimpering and circling on the front seat, then stops and stares at Storm expectantly.
“He has to eat and go outside. I’m going to have to take him out there. I have a shovel in the back of the truck. I’m going to clear the snow off the truck, too. We can’t sit here with a foot of snow on top of us.”
I nod at him, then realize I also have to go to the bathroom. This is not good at all. There has to be over a foot of snow on the ground by now. And I’m still wearing these awful shoes.
“Um, Storm? I have to go to the bathroom, too.” This is so incredibly awkward. I just want to disappear.
“Well, damn. That’s a problem.” He runs his hand through his hair and chews on his lip. “Okay, lemme do this. I’m gonna take Niko out and shovel the truck off. Then I’m going to shovel a path a few feet away with a little area you can stand in. I’m going to have to carry you. Again.”
“I seriously can’t believe this.”
“Well, that’s all we can do. Our options are a little limited. I have some napkins up front.”
I am sure my face is a million shades of red. “Fine. Thanks. Be careful out there, okay?” The last thing we need is for him to fall and get hurt.
He pulls on his coat in the cramped space and nods at me. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to get you.”
While Storm and Niko are outside, I try to mentally get my shit together. I’ve never even been camping. Taking a pee outside in a snowstorm is not something I ever thought I’d be doing. My friend Amy is going to laugh her ass off when I tell her about this.
From the newly cleared window, I watch Storm roll up some snow and throw it for Niko, and he
bounds after it, biting the snowball then racing back to Storm. I can’t help but smile. I can see the love between them. Storm is laughing and rubbing Niko’s head, the dog’s tail wagging excitedly, anticipating another snowball to chase.
After he shovels off the rest of the truck and makes a little path, he opens the door. “Okay, sweet cheeks. Let’s do this.”
“Storm, this is really humiliating. I really don’t want to be carried outside to pee.”
“Okay, I get that, I really do. Let’s just get it over with. The snow is coming down pretty fast again, and the path I made is gonna get covered up. I’m just gonna carry you over there, stick you on the ground, and then come back for you, okay? No big deal.”
So let’s just say being carried around by a guy, then standing in the snow freezing your ass off while taking a pee outside is pretty much the most embarrassing thing ever.
When we get back to the truck, Storm rummages around in the back where he has one of those big metal toolbox things. Only I guess, instead of tools, his is mostly filled with groceries. His arms are loaded with stuff when he climbs back in, dropping it all on the seat between us. Bottled water, which is half-frozen, potato chips, granola bars, cookies, crackers, and cheese. We take turns feeding big dog biscuits to Niko, and I watch in awe when Storm takes one of the water bottles and gently tips it into Niko’s mouth and the dog actually drinks it.
“Wow. Now that’s pretty cool. How’d you teach him that?”
Storm is all smiles, beaming over his cool dog. “We travel a lot and sometimes I forget his bowl. So we improvise.”
I eat three granola bars and sip some water, which finally melted when I pretty much sat on the bottle. I’m actually afraid to eat too much because I’m afraid of having to pee—or even worse, number two—out in the damn snow. I shudder at the mere thought of it.
“I brought all the drinks in here so they’ll thaw out. I have orange juice, too. Want one of those?”
I shake my head. “Let’s have that tomorrow for breakfast, if we’re still here. You don’t happen to have any coffee back there, do ya?”