by Carian Cole
I blink at him from across the table. “Yeah, that variety is a bitch.”
He nearly spits his drink out. “Shit, Ivy, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
Clearly. “Don’t worry about it.” I catch his eyes ogling my chest again.
“You’ve had my interest for a long time, though, so who knows what could happen. Maybe you’ll be the one to catch me.”
Um. No. I gaze around the restaurant, hoping the waitress will show up with our food soon, and I do a double take when I see Lukas standing at the bar, laughing with a group of people. A gorgeous girl with long blonde hair is standing next to him, laughing with him, her hand on his arm. Oh my God. I gulp half my drink as he turns and his eyes lock on mine, as if he could feel me looking at him. Dammit.
I have no right to feel jealous, but I do. Again. He didn’t waste any time finding someone else to spend time with tonight, now did he? And here I thought he actually really liked me.
“I’m starving. I hope our food gets here soon,” Tim announces.
“Me, too. I haven’t eaten all day,” I answer vaguely, smoothing my napkin on my lap.
I look back over at Lukas to find him walking right toward our table. Uh oh. Something tells me this may not be good.
He stops next to our table and smiles down at me. “Hey,” he says. “What a surprise to see you here.”
I smile back. “Likewise. Tim, this is Lukas. Lukas, this is Tim. We work together.”
Lukas shakes Tim’s hand. “Nice to meet you, man,” he says, but I can see his jaw clenching. He doesn’t hide his feelings well at all.
I want to kiss the waitress for showing up with our dinner at that exact moment and saving me from further awkwardness. “Well, I’ll let you two eat,” Lukas says. “It was nice to see you again.”
“You, too. Enjoy your night,” I say back. He nods to Tim and walks slowly back to his date at the bar.
“Who was that?” Tim asks.
“Just a friend.”
Tim cuts his steak and makes a surprised face at me. “Him? He doesn’t look like someone you’d be friends with.”
“Why is that?” I inquire, offended by his remark.
“That hair and all those tattoos? And face piercings? What the fuck? How does someone like that even get a job? You’re in HR, Ivy. Would you hire someone that looks like that?”
I slowly chew my ravioli. “I guess it depends what the job was, Tim. He’s a tattoo artist, so the way he looks goes with his career choice. He actually owns his own business and he’s very successful. He’s not a criminal.”
“Well, he looks like one.”
And you look like an asshole.
My phone beeps in my purse, and I reach down to pull it out in case it’s one of the kids.
It’s a text from an unknown number.
Meet me by the restrooms please.
I look up quickly to see Lukas heading to the back of the restaurant.
“Tim, excuse me for just a moment. I have to go call my daughter.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, just parenting stuff is all. I’ll be right back.”
I make my way through the crowded restaurant to the hallway where the restrooms are, and find Lukas standing there, waiting for me.
“What are you doing?” I demand.
“I was going to ask you the same. Who’s that guy?”
I raise my eyebrows at him. Who does he think he is to be questioning me? “Excuse me? Why is that any of your business?”
“I guess it’s not. But you told me you weren’t ready to date when I asked.”
“It’s not a date. He’s a co-worker.”
“It looks like a date.” He looks back at Tim sitting at the table and then at me. “You could have just told me you were dating someone, Ivy.”
“I am not dating him. And what about you? You’re not here alone, either.”
“She’s just a friend. She’s actually dating one of my good friends. I stopped by here on my way home to grab a quick drink and say hello.”
Relief that I have no right to have washes over me. Suddenly, he moves and traps me against the wall with his body and lowers his face close to mine.
“Look, Ivy. We can stay here and eye-fuck each other across the room all night, or you can ditch this boring date you’re with and meet me back at my place in half an hour.”
I lick my lips and look nervously back at the table where Tim is waiting. I have zero interest in him. I should have never agreed to have dinner with him.
“And then what, Lukas?” I ask, turning back to him, our noses touching. “We shared one kiss, and it was probably a mistake.”
A sexy defiant grin spreads across his face.
“I told you already, Sunshine. I don’t make mistakes.” He bows his head down lower until his lips brush across my cheek. “I make memories,” he whispers. “Memories you’ll never forget.”
My heart pounds harder and faster in my chest.
“Lukas . . . please . . . you’re twenty-four. I’m thirty-six-”
His lips on mine quickly shut me up.
“Shh . . . be a kitten tomorrow,” he whispers, his hand sliding slowly up my arm. “Be a cougar tonight.”
I giggle in his face. “Oh my God, Lukas, seriously? Did you just say that?”
He laughs with me and leans his head against mine. “I did. I’m losing my mind over you. You have to agree to have dinner with me before more cheesy shit starts coming out of my mouth.”
I try to suppress more giggles. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
“I know.”
“You have to stop this,” I say, although I can’t stop smiling at him.
“I don’t think I can.”
I pull away from him and straighten my sweater. “You look pretty,” he says. “That sweater brings out the teal in your eyes.”
“Thank you.” I love that he used the word teal. How many men know what color that really is? Of course, he does because he’s an artist, and I absolutely love that about him.
“Lukas, I can’t just leave Tim. I work with him. I have to see him every day. I’m not a rude person, and I’m not going to start being one.”
He looks defeated. “Don’t make that face, please,” I retort. “You look just like my son.”
He pouts some more, making me laugh. “You better stop,” I say.
“Ivy, this sucks. We could be having a really nice dinner right now, at a nice quiet place, I might add, and instead, you’re with that poser and I’m bored out of my mind. Now, I’m going to go home alone and think about you all night. There’s no telling what I might do to myself thinking about you.” He grins deviously and raises his eyebrows.
Lordy. I can feel my cheeks getting redder by the minute. “You are naughty,” I tell him, shaking my head at him. He’s so damn playful, but I’m starting to love it.
“Come to my place after your non-date then,” he offers. “I’ll be there, just drawing probably. I’ll show you all my artwork. I have books of it. And we can eat the cookies and brownies my Gram sent me home with.”
I really need to get back to my dinner, or Tim is going to think I left him here. “Lukas, no. I am going directly home after this dinner, and I’ll see you at our appointment. I told you I would consider having dinner with you, since you’re being so crazy persistent, although I cannot for the life of me figure out why.”
“Because I feel like we’re meant to be together. That’s why.” He shrugs. “Laugh all you want. I don’t care. I felt it the first day I saw you, and I don’t fucking get it either, but you’re like a fucking magnet. I just keep getting pulled back to you. Even when I’m not around you, I can’t get my mind off you. And when I am with you? All I want to do is get closer to you.”
I want to tell him he’s crazy, but I can’t, because I feel the same way. So maybe we’re both crazy. Whatever it is, it’s scaring the hell out of me.
“I really have to go,” I whisper, looking up into his
eyes. “And I’m not laughing at all.”
Once again, as I walk away from him, that familiar ache from leaving him comes back.
“I was just about to come look for you,” Tim says when I return. “Is everything okay?”
I sit down and drink some of my wine. “I’m so sorry. My daughter was having some drama that I had to straighten out.”
“I think your food is cold. Do you want me to flag the waitress and get it warmed up?”
I shake my head and pick up my fork. “No, it’s totally fine. I’m so sorry I was gone for so long.”
He smiles across the table. “You can make it up to me.”
My insides cringe. There is no way that will be happening.
I force myself to eat. Time drags as we order coffee and dessert, while Tim tells me about his new flat screen television, which he seems way too excited about.
Just as our dessert comes, I look across the room toward the bar to see Lukas saying good-bye to his friends. He looks back at me, does his little wave, and then leaves. Alone.
“You seem distracted,” Tim says.
“No, it’s just a little noisy here. It’s hard to focus,” I reply, but I’m pretty sure he’s noticed me looking over at Lukas several times. Did he really tell me that he thinks about me all the time, or did my crazy brain dream that up?
When we leave the restaurant, Tim asks me if I want to go back to his place, which I wasn’t expecting at all and definitely have no interest in doing.
“No, thank you. I really should get home.”
He looks at me across the dimly lit car like I’m crazy. “It’s not even ten yet. Why do you have to go home?”
“My daughter is home alone. I don’t like to leave her alone at night.”
“She’s seventeen. I think she can manage for a few more hours. Or until the morning.”
“Tim . . . I don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t think I’d be taking you out to dinner and then taking you home right after.”
“Really?” I say, annoyed. “How many times have I said over the past few weeks that I wasn’t interested in dating yet? I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready for anything more. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
He takes his eyes off the road long enough to frown at me. “I figured when you finally said yes that it meant you changed your mind.” He reaches across the car and puts his hand on my leg. On my thigh!
I want to jump out of the car and just get away from him. “No, Tim, I’m sorry. I was just trying to be nice. I thought we could have dinner as friends.”
“Well, yeah . . . but usually there’s a little bit more than that. You know, friends with benefits? You really have no idea what goes on in the real dating world, do you?”
I refrain from telling him to go fuck himself in the real dating world, because no matter what, we still work together and I’m still the HR Manager, regardless of my bad decision to have dinner with him, and I’m not going to sink to his level. If the dating world consists of sleeping with people on the first date just for the hell of it, then I want nothing to do with it.
We don’t speak at all until he parks in my driveway, where I thank him for dinner and get out of his car, slamming the door behind me.
“MOM, what are you doing home so early?” Macy asks when I walk through the front door. She and Shelly are lounged on the couch eating popcorn, engrossed in the television.
“It was just a quick dinner with someone I work with. Can I get you two anything?”
They both shake their heads simultaneously. “Okay.” I take off my coat and hang it in the hall closet. “I’ll be upstairs. Enjoy your vampire marathon.”
After a hot shower, I curl up in bed and put a romantic comedy on, realizing Tommy didn’t call me to say goodnight. I hope that means he’s having a good time with his father, but I also feel a little bit forgotten about. I hate this separation of my family, but it looks like I’m going to have to get used to it.
At midnight, my phone beeps on the bed next to me. Picking it up, I swipe my finger across the screen, squinting at the glare in the darkness of the room. It’s a text from Lukas. I recognize his number now and quickly save it in my contacts.
Lukas: Hey
Me: It’s midnight
Lukas: And? You gonna turn into a pumpkin? ;-)
A smile spreads across my face as I type back.
Me: Very funny :)
Lukas: I wanted to make sure you got home okay. Your date looked like he was either going to bore you to death or grope you on the way home.
Me: Yes to both, but I survived. I came home and went right to bed. Exciting, huh?
Lukas: Same here. Came home, been sitting in bed drawing.
Me: What did you draw?
A few minutes go by, and just as I think he’s fallen asleep, I receive a picture message of a colored pencil drawing of a beautiful girl with long brown hair, her hair blowing to the side and fading into a butterfly wing. It’s breathtaking. The colors are gorgeous, and even viewing it on my tiny phone screen, I can see the details are incredible.
Me: Wow. It’s beautiful. Your talent is beyond words.
Lukas: It’s for you
Me: Really?
Lukas: Yes. I’ll give it to you when I see you at your appointment.
Me: Thank you. I love it.
Lukas: So he groped you?
Awww. Is he actually jealous?
Me: He put his hand on my leg and kinda hinted that he was hoping for more since he bought me dinner.
Lukas: WTF! This is why chicks don’t trust guys. Dinner isn’t exactly a trade off for a blowjob. Not in my book, anyway.
Me: I agree, and this is why I don’t feel comfortable dating. I haven’t dated since high school. That was a long time ago, and things are definitely different now.
Lukas: You can trust me, Ivy. You know that, right?
I stare at the phone and his tiny words in the green bubble. Yes, I do believe that he wouldn’t rush or hurt me. Even though he’s persistent, he knows when to stop, and he doesn’t get mad or make me feel like there’s something wrong with me. That’s what I need right now.
Me: I trust you as much as I can right now.
Lukas: Well, that’s a start. ;-)
Me: I wasn’t exactly expecting all this with you. I just wanted a tattoo. :/
Lukas: You got the bonus plan. And I wasn’t expecting this, either.
That shaky feeling comes over me again as I read his words.
Lukas: I felt like someone punched me when I saw you with that guy. Truth.
Funny. That’s exactly how I felt when I saw that beautiful girl with him.
Me: I don’t know what to say. I’m confused by all of this.
Lukas: I am, too.
The keyboard beckons me to type something, but I’m at a loss. I feel so much but have no idea how to say it, or if I even should. I feel like I’m playing with fire here, letting him in. The last thing I want to do is lead him on or get myself into something else I can’t deal with, like the mess I created with Tim and dinner.
Lukas: I know the age thing bugs you. I know you’re used to being with guys with short hair and no piercings who have swanky office jobs. I know I’m not what you would ever look for or want. I get it.
My throat tightens. It’s true . . . but he’s so much more than that. Slowly, I’m seeing that. He’s special. Unique.
My phone buzzes again.
Lukas: Just give me a chance. I’m not a fuckup. I know what I want. Stop thinking about ages and looks. None of that matters.
Me: I have never thought you were a fuckup. Quite the opposite, actually.
Lukas: Good
Me: I should go to sleep. Thank you for the drawing. I can’t wait to see it.
Lukas: Sweet dreams
I toss my cell phone to the side of the bed and roll over, hugging my pillow. It’s still hard to sleep in this room without Paul. We lived and slept here together for so many years that
now it feels haunted with memories of him, like he’s going to walk through the door at any moment. I’m starting to believe I really do need to sell this house and start over with new surroundings that aren’t tainted with memories.
My phone beeps again. Shaking my head and smiling, I reach for it, and what I see makes my heart literally jump. It’s a black and white photo of Lukas, lying against a black pillow, his hair falling over half his face. He’s naked from the waist up, covered in tattoos. A large cross hangs around his neck, resting against his muscled chest. He’s got a finger held to his lips. The room is dim and shadowy, and he looks hot as hell. I tear my eyes from the photo and read the words he’s typed in the next text message.
Shh . . .
Rest your mind, my love
I shall see you in our dreams
Open your heart, my love
I shall cherish you always
Shh . . .
There is only you and I
No need to be afraid, my love
Shh . . .
If you stumble or fall, my love
I shall catch you every time
No one has ever sent me a poem before. I read it ten times . . . no, twenty . . . okay, maybe thirty. I love it, even though I’m not sure what it means. I open up the photo again, drawn to the sensuality of it, wanting to be in that bed with him. Of course he has black pillows and sheets; somehow, I knew he would.
I should reply, but what do I say to this?