Thankfully, she had the whole of my body to support her.
As she leaned against my chest, I wrapped my free arm around her waist. She’d dressed warmly for skating, but even so, I could feel the curves of her body against mine. It made me lick my lips unconsciously.
Roxi took that as an invitation to kiss me again. This time, it was her tongue that sought access. Her sharp teeth grazed across my bottom lip. It didn’t hurt but the layer of sensation it added was enough to make me catch my breath.
Roxi wobbled again, more dramatically as she pressed herself against me. “Where’s a wall when you need one?” she asked, practically panting the question between kisses.
“Hey, I’m doing my best,” I teased. As a goalie, I certainly had heard enough jokes about being a wall before. “Come on, I know a place where we can get some hot chocolate,” I told her, moving away but only just. I skated to the edge slowly, making sure Roxi didn’t wobble again.
For a first time, this had obviously been awful, but perhaps next time she’d feel steadier on her feet.
We sat on the seats near the rink taking off our skates and putting our shoes back on. There was always an atmosphere when games weren’t on, just the weirdness of how grand the place was.
As if she could read my thoughts, Roxi’s gaze moved from the empty ice to the empty stands. “It’s usually so loud in here!” she said, shaking her head slightly. “It feels different when it’s quiet. Almost like a museum or a library.”
I nodded. “What’s it like when it’s just the team?” Roxi asked, leaning back and letting me help tug the tight skate off one foot for her. “I imagine there’s more energy than it seems like there should be for twenty or so men.”
“It’s certainly not quiet,” I laughed. “During a game, we get this buzz. It’s not even about the sound. Sure, there’s noise, but it often pales in comparison to the sound of skates. You learn to zone it out. But the atmosphere? Not so much.”
There was nothing that compared to playing a game. To having all these people behind you, supporting you. It was such an insane energy you couldn’t explain it without experiencing it.
“I don’t think I can even explain it. As a fan, you get it, too, but as a player it’s just...” I waved my hands then, to imply some sort of idea of ‘mindblowing’.
Roxi nodded. “That’s why I come to as many games as I do,” she told me. “Because I like feeling like I’m part of something bigger than myself.” Her description of it brought a smile to my face. It was a sensation I definitely shared.
As she put her normal shoes back on, Roxi peeked up at me. “And because I get to watch hot Swedish goalies up close,” she teased. It was impossible not to smirk.
“Are you a fan of any other sports?” she asked me. “Or is that not an appropriate question to ask?”
“Other sports don’t offend me,” I laughed. “I quite like handball. It’s pretty popular in Scandinavia.” In fact, I wondered if maybe it was only popular in Scandinavia, I always struggled to find a game on.
“Are you a fan of goalies of other nationalities?” I teased.
Roxi’s cheeks went pink all over again, which meant my question had definitely been worth it. “No,” she answered, shaking her head. Excitement tingled through me. Even though we were teasing, it felt good to be the only goalie that Roxi was a fan of. I wanted to keep it that way!
For a moment, Roxi seemed to pause, looking like she was considering her words. “What about your past girlfriends?” she asked. “Laura and Nova. Were they fans of yours before they became girlfriends?”
As I considered how best to answer the question, Roxi added, “I know people don’t usually ask on a first date, but -” I nodded my understanding. It felt like we were a lot further into getting to know each other than a normal first date.
And maybe people didn’t ask such things on a first date but that didn’t mean I minded answering it. “Laura liked the partying that came along with hockey,” I snorted. Between her and Nova, I had gotten a pretty wide spectrum of experiences.
“Nova didn’t know hockey at all. So, I guess, not really? Both got interested in hockey because of me.” It had never been something I thought much about, but truthfully, dating someone who took no interest in hockey would be hard, too.
Roxi nodded. “Like Lacey and Will,” she observed, smirking slightly. “Everything Lacey knows, she’s learned from me. I had to tell her that Will’s actually very good.” I chuckled. Will was very good, but I wasn’t totally surprised to learn that Lacey wouldn’t have known that without outside advice.
“I can’t claim to be as into hockey as you or the rest of the team,” Roxi observed. I wondered if hearing that Nova and Laura hadn’t been into it at all made her feel more comfortable about that. While it would be hard to date someone who had no interest in hockey, I also wasn’t counting Roxi out because she didn’t love it as much as I did.
Expecting anyone to love it as much as I did was pretty silly.
But even if Roxi’s skating abilities were lacking, her love of hockey was pretty evident. It might not make her light up the way riding a horse did, but that was okay, too.
“So, hot chocolate?” I said standing up and then, after only the briefest hesitation, holding my hand out to her. When she took it, I could hardly stop the smile that blossomed across my lips.
For a first date after a week of fake dating, I thought we were doing pretty well.
After we got back from Tennessee, I had called my mom, catching her up with the highlights of the trip. Those had, of course, included me asking Roxi out after we’d gotten back. As such, it wasn’t exactly surprising that, when I called her again, my mom’s first question was about how it had gone.
“Well, she can’t skate,” I informed my mom. “So I guess that’ll be a ‘no’ from me.”
Except, of course, it really wasn’t going to be. Roxi was, if anything, even lovelier and funnier and more attractive than she had been the week I’d pretended to be her boyfriend in front of her family.
Mom tutted, though I was certain she didn’t really believe I was going to turn Roxi down for the crime of not being able to skate.
“There are more important qualities in a partner than that they share all your hobbies exactly,” she pointed out. “Your dad doesn’t enjoy cycling with me, but that doesn’t mean our marriage hasn’t been a success.”
I smiled, knowing from my childhood exactly how true that was. “Do you have other things in common?”
That was a more serious question and I gave a hum in response to it. “I think so. We like all the generic things, films and music, you know. But we also just get on. Roxi’s very... determined, I’d say. I enjoy how she seems to just know what and how she’d like things.”
It wasn’t that I’d say that was different from me, but my own decisions were never so certain. It was refreshing to watch. “And I did ride a horse! Though, I don’t think that’s going to become a great hobby of mine.”
My mom laughed. “You have to do it once more, so that someone can take a photo for me,” she instructed. Since Roxi had said that she went riding every weekend, I didn’t imagine that would be too difficult.
“As long as you respect her hobbies, and she respects yours, that’s what really matters,” mom reminded me. “But…” She hesitated for so long that I had to check if the phone was still connected.
I put it back up to my ear just in time to catch a small sigh. “Do you trust her, Olle?” Mom asked. “If she will lie to her family…”
“I trust her,” I answered easily. “I don’t think she lied to her family as a... thing that happens a lot? You should have seen her with them, they’re all so close. Should she have made up a fake boyfriend? No, I suppose not, but hey, it’s worked out well for me.”
And it had! I understood where my mom was coming from, sure, but at the same time, I really wanted her to like Roxi because I really liked Roxi.
“Roxi invited me to come see her
at a competition. Like a small horse... riding? I don’t know what they do with the horses, but she’s on a horse and it’s an amateur competition,” I told my mom, getting stuff ready for dinner in the kitchen. “Imagine, me at a horse riding competition!”
I was actually looking forward to it a fair bit. Not that this really answered my mom’s concerns about whether I trusted Roxi but... I did. And I wanted to see her again. Maybe build something together if we could.
“It’s after the game on Saturday, so I might call you on Sunday instead?”
“Of course, that’s fine,” she agreed, but she didn’t sound as enthusiastic as I would’ve expected. It made a wave of uncertainty rise in me. Even if she didn’t directly say so, I knew my mom was worried.
And I had to admit, my past relationships hadn’t exactly given her reasons not to worry.
But Roxi was going to be different!
“You won’t be too tired, after your game?”
“No,” I told her confidently. I wanted to go because Roxi had invited me, so I’d make it work. My mom was just doing her mom thing of worrying, but I didn’t think she needed to.
So I told her as much, only for her to give a hum. “No really, stop worrying. You will like Roxi, I promise.” And sure, we’d only been on one date so far, but I was really very confident there were going to be many more dates for me to be excited about.
“I look forward to hearing about a riding competition,” she teased. It didn’t escape me that she hadn’t commented on whether she would like Roxi. Mom had been much more excited about my previous girlfriends.
Maybe this was all happening a bit too fast for her. She would warm up to the idea over time. After all, it had only been a week. Unlike me, she hadn’t spent nearly every minute of that time getting to know Roxi.
“Will it mean Roxi can’t be at your match?”
“I don’t think so,” I answered truthfully. “She’s got a lot to get ready with the competition and, well, it’s an important game, sure, but all playoff games are important.” That was more or less true, at least. It didn’t bother me greatly that Roxi couldn’t be there, not when I was going to see her afterward anyway.
Still, the kind of uncertainty that seemed to radiate from my mom’s questions put me on edge a little. It wasn’t her fault, I understood her concern. Could I trust Roxi, she’d asked. And yeah, the way she’d meant it, I knew I could.
But there were other things I would need to trust Roxi with and that was harder. Mom must have known that, too, even if she didn’t outright point it out.
“Anyway, why don’t we talk about you instead? How are you and dad doing?” I asked, knowing that mom would let me change the topic, she was always good like that.
I could think about her worries and my own later.
Chapter Fifteen
Roxi
When we realized that my show-jumping competition was the same day as Olle’s match, I’d told him that he didn’t have to come. He’d assured me it would be fine. He’d promised that, if the post-game interviews took longer than expected, he’d be late, but he’d still show up.
It wasn’t a big deal. I’d just thought it would be fun for Olle to see me do something I was really good at. He’d called me beautiful while I was riding, and that had only been beginner stuff.
All through the competition, my stomach had been fluttering with excitement.
It was only after I’d finished that I realized Olle wasn’t there. It hadn’t been too hard to work out why: the Pumas had lost their match. It spelled the end of their playoffs. They wouldn’t be winning the Stanley Cup this year. I could hardly expect Olle to feel much like celebrating after that.
I wasn’t worried. Not until late that night, when Olle had failed to answer three of my calls and uncounted text messages.
I told myself that I was being silly. Olle was upset, naturally, but he’d sleep it off and he’d bounce back. He knew that losing was part of the game.
But when Olle still didn’t call me back the next morning, I asked Lacey if we could meet somewhere - but only if Will could spare her. If Olle was taking it this hard, I assumed Will would be similarly dejected. I didn’t want to pull Lacey away.
But she just sadly told me Will had already gone to the gym to train and invited me right over.
I offered her a small smile, my stomach churning with anxiety now. “Will would know if anything had happened to Olle, wouldn't he?” was my first question. “If, I don’t know, he got into an accident on the way home or something?”
Frankly, it would probably make the local news if any of the Pumas had been in an accident, especially the day after a game.
The small pause that Lacey gave worried me a little, but then she shrugged. “Honestly, he’s probably just not up to talking. Will goes through this after a loss. I think maybe they all do. He’s tried to explain it to me before, how losses just hurt so much. Letting down all the fans, all that,” she explained.
It helped only a little to hear that. On one hand, knowing that Olle’s radio silence was normal made me feel a bit better, but on the other hand, my heart ached for him. I wanted to make Olle feel better even if I had no idea how to do that.
Lacey must have sensed it, because she gave a knowing hum. “Sometimes, they just need space,” she advised. “It’s tough, but I don’t think we really get the sense of disappointment they feel at losing a game. Especially when that game costs them the Stanley Cup.”
As a fan, I knew how disappointing it was to watch your team lose. But for me, even in those moments of greatest pain, there was a sense of feeling part of something. Of knowing other people shared my disappointment.
It must be different for the players. They had to carry the extra burden, as Lacey had said, of feeling responsible.
“So what do you do?” I asked. “I mean, what did you do before you lived together? Just wait for Will to be ready to talk?”
I could be patient. Maybe Olle had found my three calls last night too much to deal with.
“Yeah,” she admitted. There was a sadness to her tone and I realized that I got that. I understood the sadness, because, in the short amount of time I’d known Olle, I’d come to care for him very deeply. It was painful to think that he was suffering and that there was nothing I could do to help.
“It does suck.” Lacey shrugged. “I mean, it sucks a lot. But I tried pushing and, I don’t know if it works with someone else, but Will isn’t the being pushed type.” That wasn’t very surprising to hear. Olle, I felt, probably also wasn’t someone who reacted well to being pushed.
With the missed calls and the messages I’d sent, it wasn’t like he didn’t know I was there if he needed me.
Olle had only known me for a couple of weeks. It was probably too soon for him to let me in when he was feeling miserable. I could understand that.
“Alright,” I said, standing up and giving Lacey a quick hug. “It’s been helpful, seeing you and hearing how you deal with it. Makes me feel not so much like it’s something that I’m doing wrong.”
Will loved Lacey. If even he pulled away from her after a loss, there must still be hope for me.
Lacey hugged me back, promising me that Olle wouldn’t be disappointed forever. All I had to do was wait until he was ready.
Willing myself to have patience, I’d been prepared to wait a few days. If it hadn’t been for the week we’d spent pretending to be together, I doubt I would’ve given Olle that. Not when he hadn’t even sent a message to explain.
But I trusted that his disappearance really was about the match. He wasn’t ghosting me because he’d lost interest.
He would message, when he was in a better mood. At least, that had been my assumption.
Instead, my doorbell buzzed early one evening. Olle was lucky that I didn’t have something else planned, because I certainly hadn’t been sitting at home waiting!
My breath caught a little at the sight of him. Somehow, in only a few days, I’d forgotten just ho
w good he looked in person.
Mind blank, I just stepped aside to let him come in. I wasn’t quite sure what I should say. I wasn’t going to apologize because I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong. But I didn’t need an apology or an explanation from Olle, either.
“How are you?” was what I ended up asking.
What I hadn’t expected was the way Olle practically bounced. “I’m really good!” he informed me with a wide smile. That was also not what I’d anticipated hearing. “I’ve missed you, though!” he added and then leaned in to kiss me. It was only the fact that I was startled that meant I didn’t kiss back.
But he didn’t even seem to notice, moving deeper into my apartment.
“This is nice, nicer than I remember. When I was here last? But I guess I didn’t really look around very much. Do I get a tour? I’d love a tour. I should give you a tour of my house, too. Do you want to come over? You should definitely come over!”
I frowned. “But… you’re already here,” I pointed out. Granted, we hadn’t planned this, so there was no real reason we had to stay at my apartment rather than visit Olle’s house.
If he’d wanted to see me there, though, he could have called. He must know I was perfectly capable of driving myself over.
Maybe Olle was still upset about the match, and this was him trying to pretend that he wasn’t. I could understand why he might feel he had to cheer up if he wanted to spend time with me.
I hesitated, on the verge of telling Olle that I didn’t need him to feign happiness. But what if bringing up the match just made him feel worse?
“Sure, you can have a tour,” I said instead. There wasn’t much for Olle to see. “This is the living room. Big television set for watching movies, speaker system for dancing and parties.”
“Dancing and parties!” he exclaimed like the idea was novel. “It’s been ages since I danced! Well, I guess, not that long, we danced at your sister’s wedding. But party dancing! Do you want to go clubbing? I haven’t been clubbing in a really long time but we could! It’s not that late yet, but some clubs must already be open.”
Best Played (Salt Lake Pumas) Page 12