by Sam Kadence
He was gone before I had a chance to move. After I locked the door and dimmed the lights, all I could think of was the way his lips felt on mine. I’d never felt so connected to anyone before. Certainly not the handful of guys I’d had as lovers. My body felt sated, calm, and happy. I sighed and lay back on the futon, letting myself replay the kiss in my head as sleep took me away to dream of his amber-colored eyes.
Chapter 4
Kerstrande
YOU’D think after years of dodging the media, one would become a pro at it. Sadly, the time made them bolder and more persistent, and me, just more irritated. My head was too full of Gene to have enough capacity left to sort out reasonably intelligent lies to tell the scavengers. I brushed passed them all, went down to my car, and then headed out to the open road.
Gene’s talk of shadows infuriated me, mostly because I was pretty sure he was telling the truth. How much could I have escaped if only I’d seen them myself years ago? And oh, how his voice made me miss those old days. Back when I was truly young and innocent just like him. The music made me fly and nothing mattered but the song. He’d been right about it chasing the anger away. Whether it was really the sound of his voice or the pure, clear, magic-like innocence that poured free into his song, I didn’t know. Guess it really didn’t matter.
I parked in the underground lot of my building. Nothing else interested me tonight. I still felt the lingering heat of his lips, almost like a ghost. Would I ruin him if I went back for more? Everything else turned to crap. Triple Flight, Anya, life in general. Who knew signing a contract to become the next big musician at the age of fifteen would result in messing up my life so much?
A note pinned to my door with a knife brought the reality back down.
Apparently New York didn’t have room for one more monster. A map of the city, lines redrawn, told me I had to leave. Damn territorial bastard. Years of closely drawn alliances erased. Major players were missing. Was he whittling down the competition?
One vampire couldn’t handle a city this size on his own. Not even the King.
I’d play by his rules for now. Moving didn’t mean I had to leave altogether. The Park was still neutral ground, hunting grounds. And there were other pieces in play that interested me more, as the taste of incense and rain still clung to my lips.
Genesis
THE next few days were a whirlwind of contract negotiations and working at the club. I spent every spare moment of thought dreaming about Kerstrande’s kiss. I’d even looked him up online to try to get more information. Though just like his sarcastic personality projected, he didn’t share much with anyone.
On the third day, I dressed nice, left my hair in a seminormal color of red-brown, and made my way to Kerstrande’s apartment. He’d commented he didn’t like the liner and glitter, but I felt naked without something on my face, so I’d kept the liner light and used an almost nude shadow. It gave my eyes depth. Maybe Kerstrande would like it.
I knocked on his door, hoping to throw myself at him. Maybe he’d let me kiss him again.
The fact that the reporters had vanished from their camp around his building and mine proved his deception had worked. I’d been signed less than a day, and already the world had lost interest. For that I was more than a little thankful.
I knocked again when there was no answer. A cold chill ran down my spine, alerting me to the fact I wasn’t alone in the hallway anymore.
“He’s gone,” a female voice told me. She sounded ragged and tired, almost like a recording that was fading. Sometimes when a ghost was around for a while, they got that way.
“Who’s gone?” I asked without looking back. However she’d died, I didn’t need to see. The ones who lingered almost always kept their appearance at death because they couldn’t understand that last moment.
“The musician. Moved out before sunup yesterday.”
My heart skipped a beat. He’d moved and not said anything to me?
“That one’s haunted. Lots of ghosts.”
I took a deep breath. “Thanks.” My feet took me back to the car while I willed myself not to look back. The sky was dark, reminding me that it was my only night off this week. I should have been at home resting, but on the way I had to stop.
Central Park stood a long barrier between his home and the longer journey to mine. I wiped back the tears, ignored a handful of otherworldly clingers, and got a chili-cheese dog from the vender near the parking lot. Usually my favorite food, the treat tasted a bit like cardboard as I thought about maybe never seeing Kerstrande again. We had something together, more than just a kiss.
“You actually look normal. I barely recognized you without the circus hair and headlights glaring down at me.” The voice made me swallow wrong and choke. Kerstrande towered over me, looking amused and irritated all at once.
I felt like I was hacking up a hairball for a good two minutes before I could talk. “You scared me.”
He touched my hair, fingers tickling my scalp as they ran through the length.
“Do you like it?” Maybe he just didn’t like the flamboyant side of me.
“No.” He sat down and lit a smoke.
I sighed, not sure how to read him right now. “You moved.”
“Yeah, had to get away from the stalkers.”
Like the press, or me? I didn’t ask what I didn’t want to know. “We signed the contracts today. I wonder if it will be that crazy for us.” I just wanted to sing. The whole fame thing was not a bonus. Not seeing dead people would be nice, but no piece of paper could take that away.
We sat in silence for a bit. He’d already made his stance on the music business clear, so I wasn’t going to push it, even if he owned half the label. At least our time together didn’t feel awkward. “So is Kerstrande your real name?” I finally asked.
“Yes. Kerstrande Charleston Petterson. What a load of crap, right?”
I smiled. He had no idea how bad it could be. “KC.”
“Huh?”
“Your initials are KC, sounds like Casey.” I liked it. Simple and uncomplicated. He didn’t answer, which I took to mean he either didn’t mind or would snark at me later. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
“Temporary lapse in judgment. Maybe I should get that lobotomy scheduled after all.” He rose from the bench, flicked away his old cigarette, and lit a new one on his way to the parking lot.
I jumped up to follow, rushed to keep up with him, and then matched his stride. “Can we talk?”
“I’m not much of a talker.”
“Why are you running away? Don’t you like me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He still moved toward his car and away from me.
“Why did you kiss me?”
“Temporary lapse in judgment.”
“Didn’t you like it?” Didn’t he feel the connection I had? He was so far out of my league I almost didn’t dare to look. But he had paused, eyes lost in the dark, staring in the opposite direction.
“You should go home. The Park isn’t safe at night.”
I stepped up beside him and grabbed his hand, massaging his palm with my thumb. “Can’t you tell it to me straight?”
“I’m not gay.”
“I’m not asking you to be. I’m just asking you to be you. The you who kissed me.” The him that accepted me for who I was.
Again we stood in silence for a while, only the crickets chirping around us. He curled his fingers in my hair, face close, unguarded for the moment, looking so vulnerable. When his lips brushed mine, wariness clouded his face. The shadows around his eyes grew, gathering like some dark mass in a horror movie. “Just for tonight,” he whispered almost more to himself than me.
“Okay,” I told him.
He turned back toward the parking lot with me following close behind. The car we approached was a black BMW sports car. It was pretty, flashy, and probably worth more than I’d make in my lifetime. “I ditched the Mercedes. Paparazzi kept tabs on my plates.�
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I nodded as though I understood the disposal of expensive cars. He deactivated the alarm and unlocked the doors. I got into the passenger seat feeling like I should have maybe put plastic over the leather or something to keep from messing it up. He slid in, reached over, and snapped my seat belt into place.
That was all I remembered of the drive.
The shadows took over, stealing consciousness from me for a while. Landmarks blended into dark blotches, and the world faded. Rob had gotten me drunk once. I’d passed out, been sick for days afterward. This felt like that, only magnified. Like I was floating in a smoky cloud of uncertainty. The car stopped while I sat on the verge of an abyss.
Kerstrande appeared beside my door, opened it, and unbuckled the belt. “Coming?” His hand stretched toward me engulfed in dark goo. I gripped the metal of the car, pressed cold beneath my fingers. Nothing else felt real. His skin was warm but not solid, more molasses and fading memories than corporal.
“I feel really weird.”
“Weird how?” He wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me up, and led me toward a door. “You change your mind?”
“No.” But it took several attempts to get the word out.
The door opened to an ordinary hotel room: large bed, brownish-red covers, tan walls, nature art. It all seemed to spin around me. He helped me to the bed, where I fell back and stared at the ceiling.
His jacket rustled, the only noise in the room besides my pounding heart and ragged breath. I watched him unbutton his shirt with a semidetached feeling. He stood molded out of shadows and haze. My brain tried to pull the images out of the taffy-clogged edges, but succeeded only in tiring me even further.
“I feel fuzzy.” Like my limbs were falling asleep, needles piercing in the thousands throughout my whole body.
“It’ll pass.” He leaned over me now, unbuttoning the nice shirt I’d worn just for him, and trailed an icy path over my skin with his fingertips.
“You’re cold. Are you sick, KC?”
“I’ll be warm soon. Do you want this?”
“Yes, but I’m really fuzzy.”
“Fuzzy how? Did you drink something? I don’t smell alcohol.”
“I never drink.” Not since that awful first time when I was sixteen.
After a pause, he brushed the crotch of my pants. I sighed and tried to arch my hips into his touch.
“You seem happy.”
“It’s nice.” Maybe I was more than a little loopy too.
“Just nice?”
“I’m pretty fuzzy.” Like a TV out of focus, my brain cast snow around the room, freezing the image briefly before letting it come back into motion again.
“Do you want me or not?” He sounded frustrated.
“Yes, please.” I smiled, looking up into what I thought was his face, though it was all one big shadow. I’d give anything for him to wrap his arms around me again. “If you want.”
“I want.” His lips touching mine was the last sensation I felt before the darkness carried me off to dream of more exciting things.
Chapter 5
Kerstrande
MY HIGH hopes for the evening spiraled south quickly enough, and not in the direction I wanted them to. Being a vampire had always been good for my libido. My need for blood often ran off on others as an enhanced sex drive to release inhibitions. Forever seventeen with that sort of power—yeah, I’d abused it at first. Now when I wanted it to work, it was useless since it didn’t work on Genesis at all. Every time we got hot and heavy, he got sleepy. I wondered if it was his abilities to see what others couldn’t that protected him from my power.
But waste not, want not. I’d been craving him for days. I fed, only taking a little blood. He slept, curled around me like he really wanted me to stay. When I gave in and laid my head on the pillow beside his, I actually fell asleep.
The graveyards weren’t new. I’d dreamt of them for years since becoming the undead. Usually my victims would pour out of their graves, reaching for me and screaming dreadful sounds that would haunt my memories for days. I never did sleep much.
This time the dream wasn’t frightening but peaceful. I sat in the middle of the graveyard, seeing grass, trees, and flowers bloom in bright color around the area filled with death. So much life spilling forward. I almost felt like the sun had started shining on me again. How long had it been?
When I opened my eyes, it was almost dawn. The kid still snoozed beside me without a care in the world. Were the dreams his doing? I touched his hair, enjoying the silky smooth feel of it between my fingers. We couldn’t do this. He’d be another headstone to weigh me down.
The last thing I needed was those pretty, flower-colored eyes haunting me from beyond the grave. I’d promised Anya that I would never steal another life. If only I’d been wise enough to make that promise before meeting her.
Genesis
MY CAT mewed me out of a dream that featured Kerstrande and I having a picnic on a beach that sat just feet from the graveyard. Always with the headstones. At least there were flowers there today.
The paws in my hair became a wave that surged out of the water and ripped me away from him. I came awake screaming, but Mikka only looked mildly amused. Her tail swung around in casual happiness, perched on the edge of “feed me before I bite you” rhythm.
“Holy crap, you scared me!” I told her, rubbing my eyes and trying to get the awful dream out of my head. She was worse than any alarm clock I’d ever owned and had no snooze button. I rolled out of bed feeling a little weak in the knees and made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself, then to the kitchen to fill her bowl. She munched in a purring, happy squat that made me tired just watching.
How had I gotten home anyway? Hadn’t I been with Kerstrande? Or was that all a dream?
The phone rang. “Hey, Rob,” I said since his name popped up on the caller-ID.
“Everything okay?”
Was that a trick question? “Yeah, I’m good. Why?” I made my way back to the bathroom, flicked the light on this time, and stared at my disastrous hair. I would so need to bleach it and redye it.
“We have practice today at the studio.”
Was I off from Down Low? I glanced at the calendar on the wall in the kitchen. I didn’t start until seven. “Okay. I just have to work at seven, so I’ll bring extra clothes along.” Brushing through my hair didn’t make it look any better. How bad would I look bald?
“Are we cool?”
He’d been asking me that a lot lately. “We’re cool.” I was, at least. I wasn’t sure if he was still having issues with me or not. Growing up together couldn’t save us from all the differences we sprouted as we got older. He’d never really seemed to get over our one big variation. Mainly, me being queer.
I touched the left side of my neck while playing with my hair, and my brain registered an “Ow.” What the hell?
“What’s wrong? You got all quiet.”
A bruise swelled an angry blotch of red, purple, and blue, covering the left side just above my collarbone. The same spot the spider bite had been. “I have a giant bruise on my neck.”
“Like a hickey?”
I’d never had a hickey before; were they painful? “It hurts. It looks like I got hit by a baseball bat or something.”
“Did you meet some pretty vampire chick who dug your neck? I hear once you show interest, they’re all over you. The whole free blood thing.”
Did they have to pay for blood? I tried to remember if I’d seen anything in the beverage aisle the last time I’d ventured into the grocery store. Damn. The bruise looked awful. Maybe Cris would have something to help. I’d call him right after I got rid of Rob. “No girl,” I told my friend.
He sighed but then finally said, “Do you remember anything?”
Like I somehow wouldn’t remember something gnawing on my neck? “Nothing that could cause the bruise I have.”
“Were you drinking? You know you have no tolerance for alcohol.”
“I had a chili-cheese dog in the Park.” Kerstrande’s lips brushing mine haunted my memory. Had it been a dream? The dreams I had of him were usually more erotic and less disappointing.
“We’ve got a meeting with the new manager today. If you’re not well, I can stall. After all, what are best friends for?”
I gave him a weak laugh ’cause it hurt too much to do more. “I just need some sleep. Meet you at the studio later—noon-ish, okay?”
“Sure.”
We hung up without saying good-bye, and I dialed Cris to ask for some alternative medicine.
“Gene.” I could hear the smile in his voice. Cris was the only person I knew who loved me for all my craziness, even if he didn’t love, love me. He knew about my second sight and spent the past few years helping me control it. We’d been off-and-on lovers for that time. I imagined his beautiful pale-green eyes, crinkled in the corners with happiness. His dark-brown hair would be spiked in nearly three inches of perfection, the very tips blond for added style. The way he said my name sounded seductive, though I knew he didn’t mean to. “What are you doing up so early?”
So I filled him in on the progress of the band and all the changes that had happened in my life.
“Kerstrande Petterson, eh? He’s sort of a big fish.”
I sighed into the phone. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“Yes. Never experienced it myself but seen it in others a time or two. You think he’s the one?”
Was I willing to say that out loud? No, not yet. “So the bruise….”
“Smooth subject change.” He laughed. I could almost see those wide, strong shoulders of his moving. I had a major shoulder fetish. At least he made me smile even though I was exhausted. Was it okay to lust for one man but want to be with another? Cris was everyone’s fantasy guy. I guess even mine. “I’ll stop by the club tonight and drop something off.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime, babe.”