by Sam Kadence
Cris helped me get a job and study for the GED, which I, thankfully, passed. He also helped me find the tiny studio I called home. All the dependency I’d cast out on others before then, I reeled in and forced myself to deal with—food or lack of it, clothes, the junker car I bought, gas. I even took to digging in the garbage to find furniture. Life was awful, but no one tried to hurt me, not physically or emotionally. No one cared anymore, and that felt really great for a while.
In those first few weeks following my departure from school, Rob and I didn’t talk at all. He called a few times, but I ignored him. I was no longer living in the shadows. No one could yell at me or tease me for wearing bright colors or dying my hair orange or piercing my ears. I painted my nails, used liner and mascara every day. People I walked by on the street didn’t really care. It wasn’t in their nature to look outside their own world. That was what it meant to be in New York City. And for the first time in ages, I really felt I was learning to be comfortable with myself.
It wasn’t until I met Joel at one of my many auditions for other bands that I found the need to call Rob and mend the bridge between us. Joel was only a year and a half older than me, and he didn’t care that I was queer; he loved my voice and wanted to make music with me. We just needed a guitarist. So I buried the hatchet and pretended I hadn’t seen my best friend nearly let me die that day.
Maybe I kept dreaming of that day because I hadn’t got past it yet. In reality, I wouldn’t be where I was now without that day. I would have stayed in school, done what was expected of me, and continued to live in fear. I loved who I was becoming, and loved to sing, so having the freedom to do both was more than a kid like me could have imagined.
The dream began again. The feeling of the water would rise up over me, blackness would come, and then it would start over, triggering memories like the daggers they could be. The final time the water rose, it wasn’t Rob I saw through the dancing water distorting my sight—it was Kerstrande. Only he was reaching for me, calling my name. I reached for him, but sleep decided we couldn’t be together. At least the dream of drowning stopped.
Kerstrande
I LAY on the floor, feeling blood seep out of me as every muscle in my body ached. My sire hadn’t been thrilled to find out I’d taken Gene home with me permanently. He’d snapped a half dozen bones I was too tired and hurt to try to put back in place. At least Gene was home, safe behind the threshold of my new place, even if he’d been asleep for nearly two days.
The door creaked open, and I flinched, expecting another beating. But the person who knelt down beside me began to put the bones back in place, one painful snap at a time. I clenched my teeth, doing everything I could not to scream, trying to think of better things like fresh coffee, the sound of a guitar being played by a pro, or even the pretty brightness of Genesis’s eyes. In the end I couldn’t hold it in. My screams bounced off the walls, but the one trying to help continued unaffected.
He lit a candle, and only then did I recognize him by the red tint of his hair. Michael. Sweet Jesus. I sucked in heavy breaths, though as a vampire I didn’t really need it. The pain made me lose consciousness for a second or two. When I opened my eyes again, it was because I smelled blood. Warm, heavenly blood. I sank my teeth into only God knows who and drank deeply.
Michael whispered softly, “You’ll feel better soon, I promise. Let me take care of you.”
And I did, though I stopped drinking when I felt the heartbeat of the one I was feeding from falter. I tried to pull away, but Michael held me tight. He sighed heavily when I refused more.
“You’re only hurting yourself, you know.”
Not true. There was a horrible snap of bone, a neck breaking, and the person he’d brought me to drink from was suddenly dead.
I closed my eyes at the surge of guilt that poured a sickening sense of dread into my gut. This life was full of so much guilt and pain. Michael had been one of the worst. Changing from my best friend, the little brother I never got to have, to the monster who sat beside me, sucking away the last of the blood from our already-expired victim.
“What are you doing here, Michael?” I asked, having to force out each word.
“Hane said you needed me, so I came. I will always come for you. Even when you toss me aside for some bright-haired child. And you do realize he is just a child, don’t you? Is he better than me?”
I sighed, having dealt with this so many times before. “He’s older than you were when you were changed.”
“And I’m forever young, beautiful, and talented. What does he have that I can’t give you, Kerstrande?”
A heart. Where had that thought come from? I glared at my old bandmate and former friend. Really, he wasn’t a friend anymore; the change had taken him completely. Hane was always cleaning up his messes, his kills. I closed my eyes and just wanted to go home and wrap myself around Genesis. He was so warm and alive. He never looked at others for what he could gain from them. I let out a heavy sigh. “You and I have nothing together, Michael. I’ve been telling you for years.”
“That’s not true. You love me.” He leaned down to try to kiss me, but I turned away. “You always wrote songs just for me. You promised you’d only write for me.”
But that Michael was dead. Had been for a long time.
“You’re probably still hungry. Let me go find you something else to eat.” His movement snuffed out the candle, and I prayed he would be gone long enough for me to heal so I could move on my own. I had to get home. This odd new life that was beginning for me was something to look forward to, even if it terrified me. Some demons were easier to face. I’d rather face a pink-haired one than the dark ones that covered Michael.
Chapter 12
Genesis
THE sun blazed an ache into my skull through a single open window. I cringed away from the brightness, buried my face in the mass of pillows, and prayed for oblivion to take me back.
The strong earthy smell of Kerstrande surrounded me. I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar room. The window cast light across the head of the bed, but in the corner of the room, near the door and sitting in shadows, was Kerstrande. An unlit cigarette dangled from his lips, and his eyes were closed. The chair leaned against the wall. He looked younger, somehow, more innocent in the natural light.
“That’s a really bad habit, you know,” I told him.
His eyelids cracked open. “Bringing you to my place?”
Was this his new place? “That not so much. The smoking. You could get cancer or something.”
He looked skeptical. “What do you know about cancer?”
“Read about it in a comic once.”
“I saw the comics at your place. They’re not even in English. I expected you to be reading X-Men or Superman. Drooling over the boys in the tight Lycra costumes.”
“I’m not into the whole accentuated gender-roles thing.”
He sat quietly for a minute, then said, “Do you even know what that means?”
“I know more than you’d think about sexual identity and gender roles.”
He chewed on the end of his cigarette but didn’t respond. His lack of snarky comments was beginning to worry me.
“So this is your new place? Little cramped.” I motioned to the bed, which took up ninety percent of the room. The floors were hardwood, but this place didn’t seem as roomy as his last one had been.
“I realize it doesn’t double as a couch, but the bed works just fine for sleeping and sex, which is all it’s needed for.”
My cheeks felt hot. Had we had sex? Yeah, I guess that counted as sex. “I passed out again, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t miss anything.”
But I felt like I had. Thankfully, I wasn’t tired anymore. Kerstrande tossed a cell phone on the bed. “Call your friends.”
I flipped open the phone and dialed Rob first. He picked up halfway through the opening ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, Rob.”
“Genesis, shit! Where are you? Are you
okay? We’ve been crazy worried. Even your mom is out looking for you. And some guy named Cris has called a dozen times. We were about to report you missing to the cops.”
Reality clobbered me like a two-ton safe. I muffled the phone with my fist. “How long have I been asleep?”
“It’s Monday afternoon,” Kerstrande said.
Monday. The last day I remembered was Friday. I was supposed to work at the club all weekend. I fell back onto the bed and lay staring at the ceiling.
Rob sounded frantic. “Gene?”
“Yeah?”
“Talk to me. Your boss said you didn’t show for work. No one’s seen you since Friday. Devon called me Sunday asking me to check on you. And your landlord said your lease had been bought out and you’d left. What’s going on?”
Wow. A lot could happen in two days. “I know less than you do.”
Why did weird crap always happen to me? First I hit an ex-rock star with my car, then we get offered a contract with that rock star’s record label. I find out everyone thinks I’m having sex with Devon, and now I’d just slept through nearly three days after having the most incredible sex of my life with the very same ex-rock star I’d hit with my car. Not to mention that I saw ghosts and regularly dreamed of a graveyard. Could life be any more messed up?
A few more seconds passed. “That Cris guy is beeping in again. Can I forward him this number?”
“Yeah.” Another pause, then the phone beeped with a call coming in. I flipped it over to Cris. “I’m okay,” I told him before he could even ask.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’ll fill you in as soon as I have all the details.”
“Okay. Call me if you need me.” Cris hung up, and I flipped back to Rob.
“Do you need to go to the hospital or anything?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” I felt fine. Just tired—odd since I’d slept for two and a half days.
“Are you alone.”
“No.”
After another pause, he asked, “Petterson?” “Yes.”
Rob let out a string of curses like I’d never heard before. He ranted in the background. I held the phone from my ear until he finished the worst of it.
“Aw, that’s so sweet and manly of you to want to protect me,” I finally said, not feeling nice at all. Someday Rob would have to get that I wasn’t some little kid he needed to protect.
“Don’t mock me. I’m your friend, dammit. Pretty much your only damn friend.”
I bit my lip to keep from telling him what he could do with that friendship.
“It’s been almost three days. Can you find out where he’s taken you so I can come get you?”
Kerstrande leaned back in his chair, eyes closed. I had the feeling he heard every word, but he didn’t look interested in sharing any of his thoughts with me. “Can I call you back?”
“No way! That guy is a psycho. You can’t stay with him.”
“It’s okay. Just give me a few minutes, and I’ll call you back. I promise.”
“Gene—”
I hung up on him, then switched the phone off so he couldn’t redial back. Rolling over, I crawled toward the edge of the bed and Kerstrande. He tilted his head to glare at me.
“So clue me in. I’ve never slept through two whole days in my life. What the hell happened?”
He tossed a duffle bag on the bed, then pointed to the door to the left of where he sat. “Bathroom’s that way. Get dressed unless you want to spend another two days sleeping.” He got up, shoved his hands in his pockets, and left the room, closing the door behind him.
What the hell?
The bathroom was more a work of art than any I’d ever seen. Massive shower, Jacuzzi tub, and marble tile. It probably cost more to rent his bathroom than my entire studio.
After ten minutes of button pushing, I figured out how to turn the water on and took another ten to shower away the lingering sleepiness. None of my questions had been answered, and now I had more.
I toweled off, standing too long with the fabric pressed to my face because it smelled like Kerstrande. I used his hairbrush and frowned in the mirror at my reflection. My last color had been a wash-out; most of them were. Rob and Joel would probably have paid to find out what my natural color was. They assumed it was black, and I bleached it, since I was half Asian, but they’d have been wrong.
The bruise on my neck had reappeared. It looked meaner this time, though it had been nearly three days since he’d given me the hickey. He had to stop doing that. Poking at it only made it ache, so I brushed my hair over the mark, threw some clothes on, sucked in a deep breath, and went to find my on-again, off-again lover.
We needed to talk, and not just about his love bites. He needed to come clean about what he was. Sure I saw dead people all the time. I knew Cris was some sort of supernatural something, without him having to tell me. And Kerstrande was the same way. Not human, though he worked really hard to hide the fact.
The living room was smaller here too. The few boxes scattered about were actually my things. I worried briefly about Mikka when I didn’t see her, but she came and went as she wanted, and I had no doubt she’d show up again. I was her home, no matter where I was. Maybe Kerstrande hadn’t found his yet, since his walls were bare, and the furniture seemed out of place. Like he didn’t plan on staying long.
The windows were covered against the bright light of the day. Only a single lamp added a dim glow to the room. He sprawled on the couch, cup of coffee in hand, and stared into space. Was he still sick?
I sat beside him, not really sure if I should touch him or not. He tossed a piece of paper in my lap. An address. “You can go to work, but this is where you’re staying now.”
Didn’t I get any say? “What about my studio?”
“I bought out the end of your lease. The landlord is looking for a new tenant.”
“But why? You don’t even like me. And there’s no way I could afford even half the rent of a place like this.”
He leaned over until I felt pinned against the back of the sofa by his piercing stare. “You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you. Best get ready for work. This isn’t the Hotel Petterson. Just because I’m paying the rent doesn’t mean you get an allowance or anything.”
I blinked at him in shock for a few moments before he kissed me on the cheek, then got up to disappear into the kitchen. Had I entered the Twilight Zone or what? I retrieved the phone from the bedroom, since there didn’t seem to be any other phones in the place and I couldn’t find my cell, and dialed Rob back. He barely heard where I was before he hung up with a promise to be there in less than an hour. An hour, which meant I was somewhere outside the city. A call to the club and an angry conversation with my boss left me unemployed. Sigh.
I found my way to the kitchen, which was just as high-end as his last one, and watched Kerstrande lean against the counter, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other. I pulled my hair away from the bruise and stepped in close so he couldn’t miss it.
“Why’d you do this again?”
He glared at it as if it offended him. “Temporary lapse of judgment.”
“Why did you trash my place?”
Kerstrande looked away.
“Do you bruise all your lovers like this? Do they pass out when you kiss them?”
“No. Just you. You’re not normal.”
Damn him for never answering a question straight. Damn him for acknowledging he had other lovers. Damn him for being so beautifully messed up that I just couldn’t walk away. “Why can’t you just say you like me? Give me something, anything, to hold on to?”
“This your natural color?” He stared at the dull honey-wheat blond of my hair, then flicked his eyes downward. “It is your natural color.”
My world spun in hot circles of red and gold for a few moments. How had I forgotten how good his body felt against mine? The memory made my face burn.
Kerstrande shoved me against the counter, and forced my chin up until my eyes met
his. They were so clear, like settled brandy in a glass decanter on some mystery movie set. “I like this color.” Briefly his lips skimmed mine, but it was just in passing before he crossed the kitchen and opened the door.
Rob stood in the hall, hand raised to knock, looking shocked, then angry. He rushed to my side. “You okay?” he demanded. “Did he hurt you?” I knew he saw the bruise when his face went white and his eyes flared wide. He instantly turned to Kerstrande. “What’s wrong with you?”
Kerstrande shrugged. “It’s him who’s not normal. Not my fault he likes it rough.”
Rob’s jaw dropped. I felt like my head would explode in embarrassment. “Let’s go,” he said, grabbing my arm to drag me to the door.
“Genesis?” Kerstrande’s deep voice caressed my name. I turned back to him, willing to become his slave and never leave his side if he asked, but he dangled a key in front of me. “Don’t forget your key. Be home before dark.”
With a hard swallow, I nodded and swiped the key from him. Rob led me out of the condo and down all five flights of stairs to his car. “He’s insane, completely and totally mad. And so are you for staying with him. What were you thinking? You couldn’t have called?”
If I’d been awake I might have, but pointing that out would only make him angrier. Kerstrande and I had taken some sort of step. In which direction, I didn’t know, but I liked that he expected me home and kissed me on the cheek to sooth his snarky words.
“Tokie’s having a fit because you were missing, and Joel’s sick—”
“Joel’s sick?” He never got sick. Ate a lot, dated endless, faceless people, and drank like a fish, but was never sick.
“Tokie said it was the flu or something. We have to keep working while he’s gone. Might be out all week.” Rob and I got in the car. Things were really starting to unravel in my life as I realized I no longer had a paying job.
We got to the studio and no one much seemed to care that we’d arrived, even though I’d been missing for a few days. Guess we weren’t doing any photo shoots today. Making our way to our private practice room, I turned a corner and someone slammed into me. My world came to a painful stop, vision shifting briefly to black then cloudy gray as it began to refocus. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the smoky, rubber duckies that were probably circling my head. Someone sat on top of me.