Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘You don’t know anything,’ Skye cut in angrily. ‘You’re just like the police: making things up so you can take me away from my mum and dad. But I love them and they love me, and they won’t let you get away with this.’

  ‘I saw your dad this morning, and he agreed to sign you over to us,’ Val told her, figuring that there was no use in beating around the bush because the sooner the girl knew the score, the sooner she would be able to come to terms with it. ‘It’s not that he doesn’t love you,’ she went on, trying to soften the blow when she saw the raw despair in Skye’s eyes. ‘He’s just being realistic, because he knows he can’t cope by himself.’

  Skye felt as though she’d been kicked in the stomach. ‘You’re lying,’ she gasped. ‘My dad wouldn’t do that to me.’

  ‘It won’t have been easy for him,’ Val said softly. ‘But he knows it was the right thing to do. And the children’s home is only a temporary measure; just until we find suitable long-term foster-parents to place you with.’

  ‘No!’ Skye cried. ‘I won’t go; you can’t make me!’

  Marie had stayed quiet while Val was talking, but she placed a hand on Skye’s shoulder now and said, ‘No one wants to hurt you, my love; we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you. I think your dad was very brave to admit that he can’t cope, and I’m sure your mum will be able to visit when she’s better.’

  ‘What do you know?’ Skye jerked away from her and sprang up from her seat. ‘You’re just a stupid old woman who steals other people’s kids ’cos you can’t have your own. And I hate you, you fat bitch!’ She rounded on Val. ‘You don’t even know us, so what gives you the right to tell us what to do? I’m going home, and you can’t stop me!’

  She turned now and rushed towards the door, but was infuriated to find her way blocked by Dennis Vaughn. ‘Move!’ she screamed, kicking out at him.

  ‘Calm down,’ he ordered, wincing as the toe of her shoe connected with his shin. ‘The more you fight, the harder you’ll make it for yourself.’ He gripped her firmly by the shoulders when she started lashing out with her fists, and said, ‘Like it or not, this is the law, and you’ve got no say in it.’

  ‘Leave me alone!’ Skye sobbed, sinking to her knees as the fight drained from her. ‘I just want to go hoooome!’

  An hour later, after a silent journey during which Skye had tried to escape from the back of the car only to find that the safety locks had been activated, Val pulled up at the gates of the children’s home. Skye’s stomach churned with dread when she gazed out and saw the metal grilles covering the windows, and the razor-wire topping the high wall.

  ‘I know it looks bad,’ Val said, shifting in her seat to look back at Skye as she waited for the electronic gate to be opened. ‘But it’s much nicer on the inside, and there’s always lots of fun stuff going on.’

  Still reeling from the news that her dad had survived only to turn his back on her when she needed him the most – and convinced that this interfering bitch had made him do it – Skye clutched at her angel necklace and desperately prayed that she would wake up to find that it had all been a terrible dream.

  When the gates opened, Val drove in and parked beside a broad flight of steps at the top of which four teenage girls were smoking cigarettes.

  ‘Who’s on duty?’ Val asked them as she released Skye from the car and ushered her up the steps.

  ‘Col and Lucy,’ one of the girls replied, eyeing Skye through a cloud of smoke. ‘Who’s this?’

  ‘Her name’s Skye,’ said Val. Then, turning to Skye, she gestured to each of the girls in turn, saying, ‘And these ladies are Nadine, Simone, Jackie, and …’ She paused when she reached the last one, and frowned.

  ‘Maz,’ the girl grunted.

  ‘And Maz,’ said Val. Then, smiling, she said, ‘Now you all know each other, I trust you’ll help Skye to settle in, because she might be here for some time.’

  ‘You know us, Val.’ Nadine flashed a sly glance at Skye. ‘We always keep a close eye on the new ones.’

  Skye’s legs had started to tremble, and she stumbled when Val pushed her on towards the door.

  ‘Don’t worry about them,’ Val said quietly, catching her by the arm and steering her over the threshold. ‘They talk tough, but they’re nice once you get to know them.’

  Skye glanced back and shuddered when she saw the girls staring in at her. It was the same way that Janet Hampson and her mates stared at the younger kids at school: designed to scare the shit out of them, whilst leaving no doubt that they were perfectly capable of carrying out their unspoken threat if challenged.

  As Skye and Val entered the hallway, a door opened at the far end and a tall, thin man walked out. He stopped when he saw them, and drew his head back. ‘Have I missed something?’

  ‘I spoke to Ann this morning,’ Val told him. ‘She said you had a room for me.’

  ‘Nice of her to tell me,’ he complained. Then, winking at Skye to let her know that he wasn’t blaming her, he held out his hand and walked up to her, saying, ‘I’m Col. Welcome to Maddison House. Or, as we like to call it, the madhouse.’

  ‘She’s a bit upset,’ Val explained when Skye shoved her hands into her pockets and stared down at her feet. ‘Is Lucy around?’ she asked then, glancing at her watch. ‘I’ve got a meeting I need to get to, so I’m going to have to sign Skye over and run.’

  ‘I think she’s in the kitchen,’ said Col. ‘Go and wait in the office while I fetch her.’ He turned to Skye now, and smiled. ‘Don’t look so nervous, Chuck; we run a friendly ship around here.’

  In light of the decidedly unfriendly looks those girls had just given her, Skye doubted that very much, and she struggled not to burst into tears as she followed Val into the office. Everything was spiralling out of control and it was all her fault because, if she hadn’t panicked and made that 999 call last night, none of this would be happening. If she’d only taken a bit of time to calm down after she’d found her dad, she was sure she could have patched him up without getting the authorities involved. It happened all the time in films: someone got stabbed, or shot, and their friends poured alcohol over the wounds and bandaged them up, then mopped their brow until the fever broke. Skye could have done that, so why oh why had she made that call?

  When Col and Lucy joined them a few minutes later, Skye slouched down in her seat and watched as they filled out a pile of paperwork. Itching to get out of there, Val was on her feet as soon as the last form was signed.

  ‘Right, I’ll leave you to settle in, Skye. I’ll come and see you sometime next week, but if you need to talk to me before that, let Col or Lucy know and they’ll get hold of me. And they’ll sort you out with some clothes until I’ve had a chance to collect some of your own things.’

  Skye had been staring at the floor the whole time Val had been talking, but she snapped her head up when she heard this. ‘You’re going to my house? Can I come with you?’

  ‘Sorry.’ Val shook her head.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it would unsettle you,’ said Lucy.

  A shiver ran down Skye’s spine when she caught the coldness in the woman’s voice. In contrast to the overweight social worker, Lucy was quite slim and petite, but there was nothing remotely feminine about her, and Skye just knew that she was going to be an absolute bitch.

  ‘Right, I really need to get moving,’ Val said, shifting her handbag onto her other shoulder as she headed for the door. She paused there, and looked back at Skye one last time. ‘See you next week, and please try to be good.’

  As Col went to show Val out, Lucy walked over to a closet in the corner of the room and opened the door, revealing shelves stacked with folded clothes and rows of shoes.

  ‘What size are you?’ she asked over her shoulder. When Skye didn’t answer, she glanced back and looked her up and down. ‘I’d guess a ten, and a five in shoes. If I’m wrong, it’s your own fault for not speaking up when you had the chance.’

  She selected
a pair of pyjamas, a dressing gown, and some slippers from the closet, and then took a toothbrush out of a drawer. She plonked the bundle into Skye’s hands and strode towards the door, ordering, ‘Come with me.’

  Too scared to disobey, Skye got up and followed the woman across the hall and up a flight of stairs to the first floor.

  ‘You’ve got a room to yourself, for now,’ Lucy told her, pushing open a door at the end of the corridor and waving her inside. ‘But if anyone else comes in before you’re gone, you’ll be sharing – and I’d best not hear any moaning about it. Understood?’

  Skye nodded and cast a dismayed glance around the tiny room. A set of steel-framed bunk-beds with wafer-thin mattresses was set against one wall, while the facing one was taken up by a chest of drawers and a wardrobe. The walls themselves were painted a depressing shade of green, and the small window was so grimy that it would have been impossible to see out even if the view hadn’t been obscured by the metal grille that was fixed across it on the outside. In stark contrast to the comfortable bedroom she’d spent last night in, this one looked – and felt – like a prison cell, and Skye wondered if they were actually going to lock her in.

  ‘These are the house rules.’ Lucy pointed out a laminated notice pinned to the back of the door. ‘Read them, and try to learn times for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and what-have-you. We have a strict routine here and, if you’re late for a sitting, you’ll go without. Anything you’re not clear on, ask.’

  Skye nodded again, and held her breath as the tears she’d been holding in threatened to burst out. When at last Lucy left her alone, she sank down onto the bottom bunk and dropped her face into her hands.

  ‘Boo hoo!’ a mocking voice said from the doorway a few minutes later.

  Shocked, because she hadn’t heard the door being opened again, Skye jerked her head up and was horrified to see the girls from the front steps staring in at her from the corridor.

  ‘What you blubbing for?’ Nadine demanded, walking in and opening the dresser drawers to check if there was anything of interest in them.

  ‘Probably missing Mummy and Daddy,’ Simone sneered as she followed.

  ‘Fucking crybaby.’ Maz kicked Skye’s ankle as she squeezed past.

  Skye could barely breathe for fear as the last girl came in and closed the door. ‘What do you want?’ she croaked. ‘I haven’t got anything.’

  ‘No kidding.’ Disappointed to find the drawers empty, Nadine slammed them shut and perched on top of the unit. ‘So when’s your shit getting here?’

  Skye’s mouth had gone bone dry, and she eyed the girls nervously. ‘I don’t know,’ she mumbled. ‘Val said she’ll pick it up when she’s got time.’

  ‘What you in for?’ Simone demanded.

  ‘Nothing.’ Skye’s chin wobbled.

  ‘You must have done something,’ Maz said sharply. ‘You don’t end up in this shithole for nowt.’

  Before Skye could answer, Nadine leaned forward and peered at her throat. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘What?’ Skye covered the necklace with her hand.

  ‘That what you’re trying to hide,’ Nadine said, holding out her hand. ‘Pass it here; I want to look at it.’

  Skye’s stomach churned. She instinctively knew that she would never see her necklace again if she handed it over; but if she refused, she had no doubt that it would be taken from her by force.

  The door opened suddenly and Col appeared. He looked at each of the girls in turn before his gaze came to rest on their leader. ‘What’s this, Nadine? Welcoming committee?’

  ‘Summat like that.’ She gave him a sly grin.

  ‘Now why don’t I believe you?’ He raised an eyebrow. Then, jerking his head, he stepped aside and held the door wide. ‘Lunch is ready. Off you go.’

  ‘What we having?’ Nadine asked, standing up and straightening her short skirt.

  ‘Smells like fish,’ Simone grumbled, pulling a face as she shuffled past Col. ‘Makes me heave, that shit.’

  ‘Don’t be so ungrateful,’ Col scolded. ‘There’s plenty who’d jump at the chance to eat as well as you lot do.’

  ‘Give ’em our fish, then,’ drawled Nadine as she sauntered past him. ‘We’re going out.’

  ‘No, you’re not!’ Col called after them as they made their way along the corridor. ‘I’d better see you all in the dining room when I come down.’

  ‘Or what?’ Nadine called back over her shoulder.

  ‘Why do I bother?’ Col shrugged in a gesture of surrender when the girls turned the corner and disappeared from view. Then, turning to Skye, he tilted his head to one side when he saw her tear-stained face, and said, ‘Chin up, Chuck; it’s honestly not that bad here.’

  ‘Yes, it is.’ Skye wiped her nose on the back of her hand. ‘I hate it! I want to go home.’

  Col walked over and, crouching low to avoid smacking his head on the upper bunk, sat down beside her. ‘Everyone feels like this when they first get here,’ he said softly, ‘but they soon settle in. Take Nadine.’ He nodded towards the door. ‘She was so scared in her first week we couldn’t get her to come out of her room. Now look at her; thinks she runs the place. So it can’t be that bad, can it? And I bet you lot’ll be the best of mates in no time.’

  Skye was starting to feel sick. Col didn’t know what he was talking about if he thought that Nadine and those other girls were going to let her settle in without a fight. ‘I need the toilet,’ she said, jumping up and rushing for the door.

  ‘Down the landing, last door on the right,’ Col called after her as she darted out. ‘Come down for lunch when you’re finished.’

  Queasy at the thought of trying to stomach food right now, Skye covered her mouth with her hand and ran the rest of the way down the corridor.

  Outside just then, Nadine and the other girls had left the grounds and were strolling down the road.

  ‘We’ll wait a couple of days,’ Nadine was saying. ‘Let her think we’re not that fussed, then catch her off-guard.’

  ‘Yeah, probably best not to strike too soon,’ Simone agreed. ‘Col will be watching us like a hawk now he’s caught us in her room.’

  ‘He don’t scare me,’ Nadine scoffed.

  ‘Me neither,’ Simone agreed. ‘But if he tells Lucy, we’re fucked.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Nadine said dismissively. Then, clicking her fingers at Jackie who was at the other end of the line, she said, ‘Oi, thicko. I thought I told you to get the fags out.’

  ‘There’s only three left,’ Jackie told her, sliding the pack out of her pocket.

  ‘Looks like you won’t be having one till you’ve bought some more, then, doesn’t it?’ said Nadine, snatching them from her and passing them out to the others before tossing the box onto the floor. She paused to light hers, and then walked on, saying, ‘Right, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re gonna jump her after school on Monday and fuck her up, then tell the nonce and the witch that we rescued her from some other girls, and get ourselves a treat for being heroes.’

  ‘What if she grasses us up?’ Simone asked. ‘She looks the type, little mardy arse.’

  ‘You said the same about her.’ Nadine jerked a thumb towards Jackie. ‘But she was smart enough to keep her gob shut. And that one will, an’ all – if she knows what’s good for her.’

  As the others walked on, laughing at the memory of the kicking they had given her not so very long ago, Jackie shuffled miserably along behind them. She knew exactly what was coming to the new girl – and she didn’t envy her one little bit.

  Lucy was vacuuming the landing carpet when Skye came out of the toilet a short time later. ‘Stop right there,’ she ordered, stamping down on the Hoover’s off-switch when Skye tried to scuttle past. ‘The dining room is that way.’

  ‘I’m not hungry,’ Skye muttered.

  ‘Are you ill?’ Lucy raised an eyebrow. ‘Anorexic? Bulimic?’

  ‘No.’ Skye shook her head. ‘I just—’

  ‘Then do as you’re tol
d, and go down for lunch.’ Lucy cut her off. ‘I’ve got enough to deal with around here without having to worry about silly girls starving themselves to death.’

  Too scared to argue, and sensing that it would be futile to try, Skye did as she’d been told and made her way downstairs.

  Ten kids were seated around the table when she walked into the dining room. They had all been chattering loudly but they fell silent when they noticed her, and Skye felt the heat rise to her cheeks when all eyes turned her way. Relieved when they went back to their conversations after a couple of seconds, she skirted around the table and headed for the serving hatch, through which she could see Col and a middle-aged woman moving around in what appeared to be the kitchen.

  ‘Ah, you made it.’ Col beamed when he saw Skye. ‘Feeling better now?’

  ‘Not really,’ she mumbled, feeling sick again as the aroma of the food that was sitting in serving dishes on his side of the hatch reached her. ‘Lucy made me come down.’

  Already ladling food onto a plate, Col said, ‘You’ll feel a lot better with something in your stomach.’

  When he handed the plate to her, Skye gazed down at the limp-looking piece of fish, a mound of lumpy mashed potato and a pile of garden peas, and swallowed deeply. It looked totally unappetising but she hadn’t eaten a thing since yesterday lunchtime, so she supposed she ought to at least try it.

  The three older kids had already left the room by the time she carried her plate to the table, and the younger ones got up and wandered out pretty much as soon as she sat down. Glad to be alone, because she’d been self-conscious about eating in front of strangers ever since her mum had told her that she ate like a pig, Skye cut off a tiny piece of the fish – and was surprised to find that it didn’t taste half as bad as it looked.

  When Col glanced out of the hatch a few minutes later and saw that her plate was almost empty, he said, ‘Attagirl! Now, how about some jelly and ice cream for afters?’