Or maybe it was that she didn’t want him to meet her family?
“Rebecca, next time, I’ll come get you at your house, okay? I don’t want your parents to think I have no manners.”
“There’s no need for you to do that.”
“But—”
“I promise. They think you’re fine,” she said hurriedly. Leaning a little bit closer, her smile turned brighter. “Caleb, have I told you that I think it’s so sweet of you to help me work on Christmas baskets?”
That was him, Mr. Sweet. Fact was, he would have helped her pick up snakes and spiders if that’s what she wanted. “You have,” he said, taking care to sound like he couldn’t care less. “Besides, you need some help going to everyone’s houses to gather up all the donated items. It’s a lot to carry.”
“It is. So many people have offered to give so much. It’s a wonder, don’t you think?”
“Not so much. Everyone wants to help the needy this time of year.”
“Oh. Yes, I suppose so.” When she paused at the top of the steps, looking curiously deflated, Caleb reached out and held her elbow. Just to steady her. So she wouldn’t trip or fall, of course.
When they reached the sidewalk he still had his hand cupped around her elbow. Actually, his hand had crept up and he was carefully holding her arm. When she looked into his eyes and blushed, he dropped his hand.
“Danke,” she murmured. “The steps were a bit slick.”
They paused, standing close together. Close enough for him to notice the little flecks of silver in her blue eyes. To see that there were five freckles, not six, that dusted her nose.
Close enough that if he leaned down just a little bit, he could brush his lips against her forehead. Or maybe even her cheek. Or maybe even. . .
Clearing his throat, he stepped back. “We better get going,” he said. “It’s too cold to just stand here.”
“All right, Caleb,” she said with a hint of a smile.
As they started walking—side by side but not touching—Caleb wondered how much longer he could go before he made a complete fool of himself and told her that he really liked her.
Before he leaned in and actually did kiss her.
Before he risked getting his heart stomped on while she laughed at him.
Hopefully none of that would happen until well past Christmas Day.
Chapter Two
Nine Days Until Christmas
“Judith? Are you ever going to answer me?” her mother asked from the other side of the kitchen.
Judith, practically up to her elbow in mashed potatoes, glanced at her mother’s way. “I’m sorry?”
“I asked you if you had time to change the sheets on Maggie and Toby’s beds. Did you?”
She hadn’t. How had she forgotten? Feeling like she was in a daze, she replied, “Nee, Mamm. I’m sorry, I forgot to do that.”
“That isn’t like you. You never forget to do your chores.” Tilting her head to the side, she looked at Judith through narrowed eyes. “Are you not feeling well?”
“I’m fine. I just forgot, that’s all.” Finally satisfied that the potatoes were good and mashed, Judith carried the bowl over to her mother. “Would you like me to put these on the table now, or warm them in the oven?”
“Judith, it’s only five thirty. You know we don’t eat until six o’clock. Put them in the oven.”
Dutifully Judith did that. Then, fearing she was either about to be grilled more by her mother or given another dinner dish to prepare, she wiped her hands on her apron and scooted out of the kitchen. “I’ll go change those sheets now.”
“Now it is too late. You can do it after supper—”
“I’d rather get it over with,” she interrupted. “I have a new book I’d like to read tonight.”
“I see. Well, all right . . .”
Just as her mother took another breath, Judith escaped to her little brother and sister’s room. The two youngest shared a room. Judith figured eventually Maggie would move into another room, but for now they seemed content to share.
It looked like they were determined to keep it messy as well. Looking around at the toys on the floor, the wooden puzzle pieces scattered around the area carpet, and their towels from the night before left on the ground, Judith sighed.
Her mother would expect her to locate her brother and sister and make them clean their room while she changed their sheets.
But if she did that, she would still not get a moment’s peace. And she really needed that.
Decision made, she closed their door and got to work stripping the beds.
As the quiet sank into her soul, she finally breathed easier.
Because all she could seem to do was think about the man she’d seen the day before. Ben Knox.
Ben Knox!
What had it been about him that had struck her fancy, all over again? Well, other than his handsomeness, his confident attitude . . . and the way he looked at her, just like she was someone worth staring at?
Oh, for heaven’s sakes! There was no question that the thing about Ben was that he’d always held her attention, for better or worse. Maybe it was his confidence. Maybe it was that smile of his? Whatever it was, there had always been something about him that made her want to be just a little bit bad.
Not really bad. Just a little bit.
No, he just made her want to forget about her responsibilities and imagine only thinking about herself. And her wants. Benjamin Knox made her wish she could go walking with him instead of doing chores.
Made her wish she could spend time by his side, just talking and laughing . . . instead of working at the store.
Made her want to be thankful for her clear complexion and pretty eyes, just for a little while—because he looked like he appreciated them. As she remembered the way his eyes examined her, she shivered. Again . . .
Of course, he had no idea she felt that way. No one did.
To the world, she was simply dutiful Judith. The girl who always did what was expected of her. The girl who sometimes looked down on those who did not do the same.
Snapping a bottom sheet, she spread it across the twin bed. In no time, she had one bed finished and unfolded the next bottom sheet.
Just as the door opened.
“Whoever you are, get to picking up these toys,” she ordered. “This is a mess.”
“If I pick up three farm animals, will I get to talk with you for a while?”
Judith whirled around. There, standing in the doorway, was her sweet cousin-in-law Clara. Tim’s wife. “I’m so sorry. I was sure you were either Maggie or Toby.”
“I figured that.” Crossing her arms over her expanding middle, Clara smiled. “When your mother told me you were up in their room making beds, I thought she was teasing. Don’t you ever get a chance to sit?”
“Not lately.” Looking over at her good friend, she asked, “What brings you here? Are you staying for dinner?”
“Nee. Tim wanted to talk to your father for a few minutes, and I wanted to see you. Do you have time to talk?”
“I do.” As she smoothed the quilt back on top of Maggie’s bed, she said, “I’ll leave these sheets for them to take downstairs. Come into my room with me. How are you?”
After rubbing her tummy, she spread her arms wide, the motion pulling her black apron taut. “I’m as big as a house!”
Clara was six months along. “You’re big, but not quite that big,” Judith quipped. “Actually, I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful.”
Looking Clara over more carefully, she noticed some new things. Clara’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright. In addition, she looked so happy that not even the ever-present scar on her cheek looked like it could dim her mood. “I mean, you really do look wunderbaar.”
“Danke.” The moment they were both in Judith’s room, Clara closed the door and leaned back on it. “Guess what? We’re going to have twins!”
Judith sat down on her pale pink quilt in a rush. “
Truly?”
“You look befuddled. I felt the same way when we got the news,” Clara said with a rush. “Tim and I just found out this afternoon. Actually, we’ve just left the doctor’s office. She decided to give us an ultrasound because she was concerned about how much baby I had. It turns out I have two instead of one! I need to take it easy now.”
“I should hope so.”
“Tim is going to help finish up my school year, so he’s downstairs letting your dad know he can’t help with the store anymore.”
“He can’t?” She hated it, but a knot of panic formed in her stomach. If Tim couldn’t help out, Caleb was at the brick factory, and Josh was busy helping Gretta get settled in their new home . . . how was she going to survive in the store until Christmas?
Clara—always the caretaker—patted her hand. “Don’t worry. We already came up with a solution. Your father’s going to hire some extra help.”
“We’ve never done that before.”
“There’s a first time for everything, jah? This will be a good thing. Even though Josh agreed to help out as much as he can, Gretta’s doktah told her not to pick up anything heavy, and that means baby Will.”
“I guess it will be good for the family, but . . . I don’t know who Daed could hire.” Everyone who she might depend on to help out was already either working somewhere else or busy with their lives.
“You don’t need to worry about that. It’s all taken care of. Tim spoke with Joshua. They took your father over to meet a friend of Joshua’s earlier this evening.”
“And who would that be?”
“Benjamin Knox.”
“Ben?”
Clara blinked. “Jah. Do you remember him, too?”
“We were in the same grade in school.”
“That’s right. I forgot.” Curving her arms over her distended belly, Clara glanced out the window. “He’s been gone so long, I keep forgetting that of course we all know each other.”
“Well, we all kind of know him.” Remembering how he’d rarely joined in at singings, how he’d often eaten his lunch by himself, she said, “You know how Ben always kept himself at a distance.”
“Or we kept him there,” Clara murmured, sounding a little sad. “Where it was safe.” Glancing toward Judith, her wistful smile turned bright. “Ben always seemed just a little bit dangerous, don’tcha think?”
“Clara, I can’t believe you’re saying such things.”
“I’m not saying anything wrong. Just the obvious.” Clara shrugged. “Anyway, that’s who Tim and your father talked to.”
Jumping to her feet, Judith walked toward the door. “Clara, I should really go talk to my father about Ben. I mean, I’m going to be the one who has to work with him.”
Clara lumbered to her side. “Judith, what’s wrong? Tim and Josh thought you’d be so happy about the news. You need some help.”
“I know.”
“Then what is wrong?”
What wasn’t? Marching down the stairs, Judith didn’t know how to respond without hurting Clara’s feelings. So she held her tongue. With effort.
But as she got to her father’s side, everything that was on the tip of her tongue disappeared. Her daed looked relieved. Tim looked pleased. Joshua and Gretta were all smiles.
And that’s when she knew she wasn’t going to be able to say a thing. It wouldn’t be right to upset everyone.
She’d just have to deal with Ben and her mixed-up, twisted feelings toward him all by herself.
The house was quiet. Of course, it always had been. After heating up a can of soup, Ben sat at the table with a book he’d borrowed from the library and a battery-operated lamp.
Funny how this lonely dinner was still better than most of the meals he’d eaten here.
Tentatively, he blew on his spoon, then slurped down the first taste of Campbell’s vegetable soup. The broth tasted good enough, the hot broth coating his throat and slowly warming up his insides.
Satisfied that his meal was the right temperature, he opened the novel to the first page, adjusted the lamp, and proceeded to read the same page three times.
Frustrated, he closed the novel and leaned back. Knowing he couldn’t concentrate because he was thinking about the wariness he’d spied in Judith’s eyes. And was remembering the conversation he’d had with her father and brother.
It seemed that it didn’t really matter how long he’d been gone. Memories didn’t fade, or maybe it was reputations that didn’t.
Because, sure enough, most of the people he’d come in contact with were sure he was still eager to cause trouble.
What they didn’t realize was his “trouble” had been greatly exaggerated. For the majority of his time in Sugarcreek, he’d spent just the way he was at the moment. Alone, with only the company of a book.
It was a bitter pill to swallow—knowing that he hadn’t changed all that much over the years. “Here you go, Ben,” he told himself with more than a bit of irony lacing his voice. “Here you are, sitting by yourself yet again. Another big night for you.”
Ever since he’d turned thirteen, he’d had an angry streak that he fostered, at least in reputation. That had been the year his mother had gone off to “visit” her parents. And had never quite made it back.
His father had sworn him to silence. So instead of telling people he no longer had a mother living at home, he’d been forced to say that she’d been “under the weather.”
His father had retreated further into himself, except for bursts of anger directed at him and his sister, Beth. It turned out the only thing that helped Beth was for their father’s anger to settle on him. Then his daed could yell at him to his heart’s desire and leave her alone.
Which he did with startling regularity.
All three of them seemed to do all right with that arrangement, at least on the outside. Beth had stayed around after she finished eighth grade, cooking him meals and doing his laundry as best she could.
In return, he stayed in school another year and gave his father someone to direct his anger toward.
Out of desperation, Ben tried to take comfort in the knowledge that at least he was protecting his sister.
But soon he grew up. His famous short temper became shorter, and his sharp tongue became lethal. He became too big for their father to take out his frustration on. Before long, Beth left, too. The moment she turned eighteen, she left for Aunt Beth’s—to live with the woman she’d been named after.
And after six months there, she had caught the eye of a boy, an Englischer named after Austin or Houston or some Texas city. And though she was young, and though she didn’t know the Englischer with the city name all that well, she eloped with the kid.
Ben hadn’t heard from her since.
He knew why. Beth had left Sugarcreek and moved on to show him that it was possible. In her own way, she’d hoped her actions would save him. In the letter she’d left for him, she’d encouraged him to get out of Sugarcreek, too. Too leave the church and get a driver’s license. To start over. But all Beth’s leaving had really done was make his world seem even darker and more isolated.
He didn’t know why, but he’d never been in that much of a hurry to stop being Amish. He liked the way of life, even if his life wasn’t all that great.
So he’d stayed and worked odd jobs and argued with his father. But after a while, all of that gave him no satisfaction, either. So he’d left, too.
Now, three years later, his father was long gone. Ben had come back to take care of the house and put it up for sale.
He’d intended to only stay in Sugarcreek as long as that took.
But then he’d seen Judith and felt old feelings that he had forgotten even existed. Feelings about longing and hope and happiness. Her father and cousin Tim had surprised him when they asked if he wouldn’t mind helping their family out for the two weeks before Christmas. It might make good sense, since his house was on the market anyway.
Ben hadn’t been lying when he said he woul
dn’t mind helping out. Not one little bit. So for the next nine days he was going to get to be by Judith. Much of the time alone.
For hours at a time. Seeing her smile. Looking at her face. Talking with her.
For a few hours a day he was going to pretend that he, too, was filled with the joy of the season. That he understood that feeling of hope and expectation that seemed to be on everyone’s mind. That he was anxiously awaiting Christmas Day.
All that would be lies, of course.
Because when he was sitting here at the table, sipping soup and reading, he knew the exact opposite would be true.
He was going to wish Christmas Day would never come.
Chapter Three
Nine Days Until Christmas
The minute she heard the front door open, Lilly jumped up from her laptop and hastily turned it off.
“Lilly? Lilly, where are ya?”
“I’m up here, Robert. I’ll be right down.”
But instead of waiting for her to meet him in the kitchen, Robert took the stairs two at a time and scooped her up off the top of the landing. When she squealed, he laughed, the sound deep and rich and wonderful.
“Have I managed to surprise you, wife?” he asked as he twirled her around, making the skirt of her jade green dress billow out like an umbrella.
“Very much so.” Resting her hands on his shoulders, she looked down at him. “Robert, put me down! You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“I’m not so old that I can’t pick my frau up whenever I want,” he said with a smile. But still, he gently set her down, letting her body glide against his as he did so, then wrapping his hands around her waist.
Making her feel so wanted and loved. Humbled. “Why are you home so early?”
“I closed up shop. Snow’s coming, so Daniel gave me a ride home. That, and well, I couldn’t wait to see you.”
Before she could reply to that, he kissed her, making her remember just how much she had to be grateful for this Christmas. A little over a year ago she’d been so depressed she’d worried that she would never find her way out. She’d gone through the embarrassment of discovering she was pregnant from a high school ex-boyfriend, had suffered a miscarriage, and then had fallen head over heels in love with Robert Miller. On paper, he had seemed like her exact opposite. He was older, a widower, and was Amish.
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