Just a year ago, he’d been ready to cross the line and move away from Sugarcreek. His neighbor Lilly Allen had even taken him to her friends in Cleveland in case he wanted to stay with them for a spell.
But then he’d finally had a true conversation with his father and he realized he had choices. He could work at the brick factory instead of at the store or on their farm. And the pressure he’d felt to become the person everyone expected him to be had morphed into the freedom to become the person he wanted to be.
Thinking back, Caleb still couldn’t believe what a revelation that had been. Receiving choices had been all he’d needed to make some for himself. Those choices had included Rebecca. He wanted her in his life. He needed her.
All he had to do was figure out how to get her to feel the same way about him.
“You drive a horse real good,” Judith told Ben when he turned the buggy easily onto her house’s long driveway.
He glanced at her in amusement. “Sometimes you say the strangest things. Didn’t you think I’d be able to handle your buggy?”
“Well, yes . . .” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I guess I was just looking for something to say.” Obviously she wasn’t terribly creative.
“Nee. It’s my fault. I blurt out things a lot of the time. Sometimes I forget that every comment isn’t a criticism.” He halted Beauty then and pulled up the brake. “Is this a good place to stop? Or would you rather me guide her into the barn?”
“Nee. This is fine.”
As she started to scramble out of the buggy, Ben stayed her with a hand. “Hold up. I’ll help you out.”
Just as she was about to tell him that she’d been getting in and out of buggies just fine without his help, he’d jumped down, walked around, reached for her hand with his one hand and her waist with his other and, before she could prepare herself, was swung out of the conveyance.
For one brief moment, she felt herself completely in his grip. He held her confidently, and with such a sure expression that she intuitively knew that was how he did all things.
Feeling her insides melting, Judith stepped away and cleared her throat. From somewhere, she needed to locate her backbone. After that, she needed to remember just how irritating he could be.
It probably wouldn’t hurt to remember that he wasn’t a man who stuck around, either.
He was most definitely not the type of man to dream about having a future with.
But as she stood there, mere feet from him, Judith started wondering why she didn’t really believe that anymore.
“Judith?” Ben swallowed. “Are you all right?”
No. She was confused and feeling particularly vulnerable. She was just attempting to figure out how to tell him that when her father came out of the barn.
“Benjamin, what a nice surprise. Wilkum.”
Beside her, Ben stiffened. “Danke.”
Even though she’d just firmly told herself that . . . I—am—not—attracted—to—Ben—Knox, Judith found herself edging closer to him. Offering him security. “Ben offered to see me home, Daed. I invited him for dinner, too.”
A bit of interest flickered in her father’s expression before he nodded. “That’s a fine idea. Why don’t you two run on into the house? I’ll take care of Beauty for you.”
“I’m happy to do that for you, Mr. Graber,” Ben said.
An almost-sympathetic look crossed her father’s face before he smiled easily. “I know you would, Ben,” her father replied. “And to be sure, you may take care of things another time. Now, though, why don’t you walk Judith in? It’s chilly out here.”
Ben nodded and looked to Judith. “You ready to go inside?”
She loved how he did that—here he was giving her choices, not just following her father’s directives blindly.
“I’m ready. Let’s go and tell Mamm that we’ll need to set one more place for dinner.”
As they started walking, he looked her way again. “I hope she won’t mind.”
Well, that comment certainly lightened her mood. “Ben. Have you not seen our family? Believe me, one more person won’t make a difference. Our mealtimes are chaotic and loud. No one will hardly notice you’re there.”
Chapter Seven
As Ben plopped a spoonful of mashed potatoes on his plate, then reached for the wiggling serving dish of carrots and peas from Judith’s tiny sister Maggie, he was starting to think that Judith’s comment hadn’t been far off the mark. A Graber family dinner was chaotic, indeed.
As he looked around the wide wooden table, it was obvious that nearly every spot was filled. He wasn’t the only guest. In addition to Mr. and Mrs. Graber, Judith, Caleb, Anson, Toby, and Maggie, there were at least five others. Ty Allen, who turned out to be Anson’s best friend. Next to him were Tim Graber and his wife, Clara. Finally, to his great surprise, there were Mr. and Mrs. Allen, Ty’s parents. And on the floor near Mrs. Allen sat their baby, Carrie, in a carrier.
No one seemed to care that the Allens were Englischers.
And no one had seemed too concerned that he was there, neither. In fact, the only person who gave him much attention was Judith. Which should have made him feel better but instead just set him on edge. Spending the day working at her side had made his infatuation complete. Now he had to be sure he didn’t stare at her too often.
Even a smile from her could make him feel like stuttering.
“Ben?” Mrs. Graber prompted. “Would you mind quickly grabbing that platter of chicken from Maggie?”
With a start, Ben lifted the dish from the five-year-old’s small, chubby hands. “Sorry,” he muttered to her.
A shy one, Maggie turned away and simply reached for another plate.
“You’ve outdone yourself tonight, Irene,” Mrs. Allen said. “Roast chicken, potatoes, peas and carrots, cornbread, and cranberry salad! It’s a feast.”
“You brought the chocolate-peppermint cake and the cranberry Jello-O and pear salad. Don’t forget that, Barb.”
As food continued to get passed and compliments abounded, Ben tried to remember if he’d ever had such a big meal. If he’d ever been a part of such a joyous, happy group.
He didn’t know who he was trying to kid. Of course he hadn’t. Dinners at his house—when there had been dinner—had involved silence and the barest of meals. They hadn’t had much money for a bountiful table.
When everyone had finally been served, Mr. Graber said, “Let us give thanks for all our blessings.”
As silence filled the air, Ben bowed his head and closed his eyes and prayed. Of course, there wasn’t enough time for him to count all his recent blessings. He’d have to visit with the Lord late that night when he had all the time in the world.
But still, he thanked the Lord for the meal and the hands that made it, and of course, for the Grabers. When he lifted his head, he felt Judith’s gaze on him.
“What?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing. Please enjoy the meal.”
He would’ve been more self-conscious if he’d felt that more of the people were paying attention to him. But in truth, no one really was. Clara and Tim were speaking with Mr. and Mrs. Graber about Christmas preparations, while Mrs. Allen was laughing with Ty and Anson about a sled crash they’d recently had.
Toby was showing Caleb a cut on his finger, and Judith was carefully cutting her chicken.
“You like?”
To his surprise, it seemed little Maggie was the only person interested in him. “Do I like what?”
She pointed to her pile of peas and carrots. “These.” She wrinkled her nose in distaste.
Making him laugh. “Jah. You don’t?”
After covertly glancing her mother’s way, she shook her head. “Nee,” she whispered. Like she was sharing the most daring of secrets.
Feeling slightly silly, he said the thing he was supposed to say. Well, what he thought he was supposed to say, anyway. “You should like them. Vegetables make you stronger.”
“Lik
e you?” She pointed to his arm—to his bicep—with wide eyes. “You’re mighty big.”
To his astonishment, he found his cheeks turning hot. How sad was that? He was that unused to even the smallest of praise. “Jah, like me.”
“You’re gonna have to lift a mountain of peas to look like Ben,” Anson said. “His arms are huge. Way bigger than Caleb’s.”
Caleb glared at his little brother. “Ben’s older. Of course his arms are gonna be bigger.”
Ty Allen joined in. “Do you lift weights?”
One by one, all the occupants looked at him. Right on cue, he felt his cheeks heat. “No,” he said. “When I was with my aunt, I, uh, farmed a lot. It was hard work.”
To Ben’s relief, Tim leaned close to his wife and flexed his arm playfully. “See, Clara? You chose well. Us farmers are a hardy lot.”
“You’re going to need those muscles to carry around twins,” Mr. Graber quipped.
“Clara thinks I’ll do. Right, wife?”
Laughter erupted around the table as Clara teased him right back. Now that the focus was off him again, Ben leaned back in his chair.
Maybe he should have never agreed to take Judith home. He was poor company, that was for sure. Of course, if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to see she got home safe . . . or to enjoy the delicious meal.
“You’re doing good,” Judith said, leaning his way. “Please don’t worry.”
Embarrassed, he was about to tell her that he was definitely not worried. That he didn’t need her support . . . but when he looked into her eyes, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to say a thing.
Her eyelashes looked longer than ever, and they framed the most compassionate pair of blue eyes he’d ever had the good fortune to gaze into. When she blinked, his mouth went dry.
So all he did was jerk his head into a clumsy nod. And concentrate on his meal.
“When supper’s over, do you want to play with my animals?” Maggie asked. “I have a new goat.”
“You have a what?”
After a furtive glance right and left, she pulled out a plastic white goat from under her apron. “See?”
“I’d love to,” he said, knowing that little Maggie was surely wrapping his heart around her finger with every smile. “As long as I get to be in charge of the pig.”
As he hoped, Maggie giggled. “Okay.”
He was still smiling when he spooned up another amount of peas and carrots . . . and Maggie copied him.
And he knew he’d never felt so good as when Judith lightly squeezed his forearm at the end of the meal. Letting him know that everything was good—that he’d fit in just fine.
Of course, he knew things were much better than that.
Chapter Eight
“So, Ben Knox seemed to like supper,” Caleb said to Judith as they waited outside in the hall for Maggie to finish in the bathroom.
Judith fought to control the vast array of emotions she was feeling. Though he hadn’t said as much, she knew Ben had loved supper, and not just because of the food.
He’d noticed the red candles on a counter in the kitchen, and the bowl in the living room that was filled to overflowing with Christmas cards. He’d ran a finger along a red-and-green star quilt she’d made years ago, and smiled when Mrs. Allen had given her mother a glass bowl filled with pinecones.
In addition he’d seemed to absorb the comfort of her family as if he’d been thirsty for days. “He truly liked Maggie.”
As she’d half expected, Caleb’s gaze turned warm. “Who wouldn’t?”
She really was the sweetest of all of them. Gentle and eager to please, their Maggie was the one member of the family who no one ever complained about. “Did you see him playing farm animals with her?” Judith shook her head. “I actually heard him squeal like a pig!”
“Maggie says he’s her new best friend.” Looking contemplative, he said, “So . . . what do you think of him?”
“Of Ben? Why, I don’t know.”
“He seems different than how I remember him.”
“I think so, too. He smiles more.”
“He smiles at you,” Caleb corrected. “So, what do you think of him?” he asked again. When she paused, he clicked his tongue. “Come on, you have to think something. He’s obviously half in love with you.”
Judith turned to her brother in shock. “He is not. We’re just friends . . .” Though, had they actually ever been friends? “Plus he was excited for a home-cooked meal. He’s on his own now, you know.”
“I heard Mamm tell Daed that she wants Ben to take you home as often as possible now. I think she wants to feed him!”
“He’d love that.”
“And maybe you would, too?”
Feeling awkward, she glared at him. “Why all the questions about me? I would’ve thought you wouldn’t have any thoughts except for Rebecca.”
“Oh, I think about Rebecca all the time.” He shrugged, not looking the slightest embarrassed about his feelings. “I can’t help it. It’s just . . . the way you are with Ben—I’ve never seen you look smitten before.”
She could understand that. After all, she’d never felt like this before. When she’d walked him outside, feeling so relieved that her father had made Ben borrow his bicycle so he wouldn’t have to walk home . . . she’d been tempted to hug him good-bye.
Anything to keep him nearby for just a little bit longer.
“It’s really too bad he’s not planning to stay here after Christmas,” Caleb said, just as he knocked on the bathroom door. “Maggie? Did you get lost in there? Hurry up.”
Judith was still thinking about Ben leaving when Maggie threw open the door and scampered down the hall.
Caleb paused. “Do you want to go first?”
“Nah, I don’t mind waiting. You go ahead.”
When Caleb closed the door and she was alone, Judith let herself think about Ben again. And imagine there really was something more between them.
Privately, she thought that was a terribly gut Christmas wish.
Seven Days Until Christmas
“Lilly, I’m amazed at how domesticated you’ve become,” her mother said as she shopped beside her at the Walnut Creek Cheese Shop. “Never would I have guessed you would be spending your days planning dinner menus and cleaning house.”
“Those things need to be done.”
“Believe me, I know. It’s just that you seem to being enjoying these chores. That’s what’s surprising.”
Somewhere in there was a compliment. Lilly was sure of it. But she felt a little embarrassed, too. Had her mother thought she was really so shallow? “You make me sound like I used to be a princess.”
“Not at all. It’s just you were always more of the type of girl to go to the mall and the movies instead of finding happiness baking cranberry bread.” She paused. “Or washing towels and sheets.”
“People change. I mean, look at Charlie.” Her older brother had somehow turned into a dedicated student at college. The last time he’d come home, he told their parents that he’d been looking into scholarship opportunities so he could apply to law school. This was night and day from the way he’d been in high school, when everything was about him—and what he thought he deserved.
“Your brother’s transformation has been impressive.” Her mother smiled as she tucked a blanket more securely around Carrie. “People do grow up, it’s true. Here Charlie is planning a career, you’re married, and I’ve got a new little girl to look after! Who knows what Ty will have in store for us.”
“If Anson’s involved, it will be nothing good.”
“Oh, those boys are growing and changing, too. As God intends for us all.” Shaking her head in dismay, she said, “I never would have imagined I’d have another baby. But now I can’t imagine life without Carrie.”
“She is precious,” Lilly agreed, almost able to completely stifle the pain that boiled up as she recalled her miscarriage just a year ago. If she’d had the babe, she probably never would
have married Robert. She knew deep down that God had a plan for her. But as she watched her baby sister, it was hard to not think about that loss.
As they walked along through the grocery store, they stopped and looked at the fresh produce and headed toward the meats. Then she couldn’t hold back her worries any longer. “Mom, I’ve got an idea about what to buy Robert, but I’m afraid he won’t like it.”
“That man is smitten with you. He will love anything you get him.”
“I think he’d rather I made him something.” Lilly bit her lip. Trying not to be so fixated on it, but unable to help herself.
“What is he getting you? Do you know?”
“He told me that he’s making me something at his shop.”
“That’s sweet of him. He’s a good man.” She paused as she held up a package of bacon. “I shouldn’t buy this, but I’ve been longing for bacon and eggs.”
When her mother started talking about a recipe she found for a breakfast casserole, Lilly found her mind drifting.
Back to Robert. He really was a good man. A wonderful man.
Maybe that was the problem, she thought to herself. Here Robert had not only given up everything for her, but he knew exactly what to do to make her happy. She had no clue how to match that.
Directing the conversation back to Christmas, Lilly said, “Mom, I think I’m going to give him a new watch. One for his wrist, you know?” she clarified when her mom looked confused. “It will be expensive, but he’s sure to really like a new watch, don’t you think?”
“Well—”
“Or do you think it will send the wrong message?” Lilly quickly asked. “I don’t want him to think he must adopt all English ways. But does a watch do that? I don’t know.”
“Lilly, Christmas is about celebrating Jesus’s birth and about celebrating the love we have for each other. The gifts don’t mean all that much . . . and you know the Amish don’t value fancy gifts.”
“But I want this Christmas to be really special.”
“Lilly, it will be! Robert loves you. Anything you give him will be perfect. I’m sure he won’t mind a store-bought gift. After all, he knew you couldn’t cook or sew when he married you.”
Christmas in Sugarcreek Page 5