Because, well, he fully intended to marry her one day.
But how do you tell a girl that? Especially at a moment like this?
“Please go.”
He stepped backward, giving her room. “When can I see you again?”
“I don’t know. We’ve delivered the baskets. There’s no reason to see each other now.”
“Sure there is.”
She walked to the door and opened it. Wide. “Please, Caleb,” she said softly.
He did as she asked. Because she was hurting. Because he didn’t want to make her more upset.
But leaving her like this wasn’t right.
“I’m going to see you soon,” he said as he stepped through the threshold. “And you and your family are coming to our house for Christmas dinner.”
“All three of us?”
“Of course. And you better make it sound like the best invitation you’ve ever received, Becca Yoder, or I’ll do the asking. I want to be with you on Christmas Day.”
“Why?”
Because he knew they were meant to be together. Because he was going to tell her his true feelings for her—as soon as the time was right.
But all that felt too pushy. “Because I have a gift for you,” he said instead.
But yet again, that was the wrong thing.
Panic lit her eyes. “Oh, Caleb—”
“Shh. I didn’t spend any money.”
“But I don’t have a gift for you.”
“Then let your gift for me be your company.” That would be the best gift, anyway.
Reaching for her hands again, he said, “Rebecca, please just say you will. If for no other reason, for Amanda and for your mamm. You know they’ll enjoy being with my family.”
“All right.” She squeezed his hands, though she still looked doubtful.
“You made me happy, Rebecca. Danke.”
And with that, he turned around. Feeling that he’d aged ten years in the last hour. And, perhaps, just gotten the most wonderful gift in the world—honesty between them. And the promise of a future.
Chapter Fifteen
Three Days Until Christmas
Lilly felt bad about lying to Robert, but if she had told him she was going to Berlin, he would have asked her a bunch of questions. And then she would have felt guilty. So she’d told him she was going to her mother’s house, helping with Carrie for a bit so her mother could do some shopping.
As soon as she got to Berlin, she drove directly to a jewelry store she’d seen an ad for in the Sunday paper. After getting a close parking place, she entered the quiet store and smiled at the woman standing behind a counter decorated with bright gold garlands.
“How may I help you?”
“I’m looking for a watch. For my husband.”
The lady blinked, then looked her up and down a little more closely. “You seem awfully young to be married.”
Lilly tried not to shy away under the clerk’s scrutiny. “Would you be able to help me?”
“Of course.” The lady’s perfect hairdo hardly moved as she came out from behind the counter and directed Lilly to another glass case. “What kind of watch? Digital? Quartz? Silver? Stainless steel?”
The choices seemed endless. “I’m not sure.”
“That’s fair. How about we start looking at them?”
One by one, the sales associate took out the watches. Accordingly, Lilly lifted them up, examined the faces. Tried to imagine whether Robert would want something traditional or high tech.
The digital watch with the black rubber band didn’t seem right. “I think my husband needs something more traditional.”
Instantly, the digital watches went away. “What about these?” the sales clerk asked. “They’re stainless, easy to read, and have a lifetime warranty.”
“Lifetime?”
“You heard that right,” the lady said with pride. “If anything happens to the watch or the band, just bring it back here and we’ll fix it or replace it for free.”
Lilly took hold of the stainless-steel watch. The metal was cool in her hands while its weight felt substantial. As she gazed at it, she tried to imagine it on Robert’s wrist. “It’s pretty,” she said. “I like the silver links. They seem sturdy.”
“Oh, they are,” the lady said, leaning her elbows on the top of the glass case. “That brand is my favorite, too. The watches look simple, but they’re good quality. You know, that watch will be something that a man would be proud to pass on to his children.”
To be passed on to their children. That had a nice ring to it, she thought. “And he could bring this in to get fixed even next year?”
“Dear, your son could bring it in to get fixed. Lifetime means lifetime of the watch.”
Lilly couldn’t help but smile at the thought of giving something so special to Robert that he could pass it on to their children. “My husband, he’s been wearing his grandfather’s pocket watch. It just broke, and he’s at loose ends.”
“I promise, he’ll enjoy this. It’s a fantastic present. Something you’ll be proud to give him.”
Lilly could only imagine how great it would be to see a complete look of contentment and pleasure on Robert’s face when he opened her gift. “How much is it?”
The woman slipped on her reading glasses. “Three hundred dollars.”
Lilly was so taken aback, she almost dropped the watch on the glass countertop. “Three hundred?”
Slowly, the woman reclaimed the watch. “Why yes, dear. You saw the brand. This is a very nice timepiece. Quality.”
“I’m afraid I can’t afford it.”
“What can you afford?”
“Under a hundred dollars.” It took everything she had to keep her expression even. An hour before, the amount sounded respectable. Now, though, it sounded completely inappropriate.
“I can still help you. Don’t worry.” She reached into the cabinet, quickly put away the expensive watch, and pulled out another tray. “These are all nice. Maybe one of them will fit your needs?”
Lilly picked up several and examined them. They were fine.
But compared to the one she’d been holding with the lifetime warranty, they seemed like poor copies of better things.
“Do any of them catch your interest?”
“Not as much. I’m afraid I’m going to have to think about things.”
“Well, don’t think for too long! It is the twenty-third, you know.”
“Are you open tomorrow?” Maybe she could run over in the early afternoon? If she got up and baked at dawn. . .
“Only until noon.”
Her heart sank. “Not later?”
“I’m sorry, dear. But I’m anxious to be with my family. Christmas comes but once a year, you know.”
“Yes. Of course.” Making herself step away, she smiled weakly. “Thanks for showing me the watches.”
“You’re welcome.” Sympathy showed on her face when she continued. “Maybe you could open an account? Then you could charge the gift?”
“No. I couldn’t do that.” Even if she had a credit history, she didn’t want to do something like that without Robert’s permission.
“Merry Christmas.”
“Yes. Merry Christmas,” she said as she left. After getting into her car, she hesitated. The lady’s words about it being the twenty-third really hit home. It was time to do something or she would have nothing. And the thought of not having anything to give Robert on Christmas morning was a terrible one.
Looking at her laptop, Lilly considered trying to find another jewelry store nearby. Maybe someplace else would have a better deal?
Not that it really mattered. She knew what she wanted. She just couldn’t afford it.
When her stomach growled, she decided to run into a tiny diner and grab a bowl of soup.
After getting a piping hot bowl of vegetable soup, she sat at the counter and halfheartedly glanced at a flyer that someone had left behind.
The flyer was filled with ads for
after-Christmas sales, which made her smile. It seemed no matter what the season, everyone was anxious to rush it.
Then, there on the bottom of the second page, was the answer to her prayers. “We buy computers.”
Slowly, she put her spoon down. Was she really willing to do that? Was she willing to sell her laptop in order to buy Robert something of value?
It seemed like a horrible idea. She absolutely loved her laptop. She wrote a journal, kept up with friends, read the news, even listened to music on it. For the last year, it had been her link to the outside world, especially those first few months in Sugarcreek, when she’d felt so lonely and confused.
But Robert seemed to be wary of it. Actually, he teased her about “playing” on it at least once a day.
Maybe he felt she was too obsessed with it? After all, before he left the Amish he’d never had electricity, and certainly never needed a computer.
Though he’d gained some new freedoms, and even seemed to enjoy many of the conveniences he now had in his life, he’d also sacrificed his relationship with his family. And though he never complained too much about it, she knew the strained relationship weighed on him.
What she needed to do was not just tell him that she loved him, but show him, too. If she sold the computer, that sacrifice would mean something to him, wouldn’t it? It would show him how much she loved him. . .
“Need anything else, hon?”
Before she lost her nerve, Lilly pushed the flyer toward the waitress. “Do you know if this place is nearby?”
After scanning the ad, she nodded. “It’s just around the corner.”
“Do you know anything about it?” Half of her hoped the woman was going to tell her it was dangerous. Not reputable.
“My cousin-in-law owns it,” she said proudly. “They’re good people there. Whatcha trying to sell?”
“My laptop.”
“If it’s in good condition, I’ll bet they’ll snap it up. Lots of people on hard times who need a computer for a good price, you know.”
Making her decision, Lilly got to her feet. “I’ll go over there now. How much do I owe you for the soup?”
The lady looked her over, then shook her head and smiled. “Not a thing.”
“But—”
“Consider it my treat. A Christmas treat. You seem like a real sweet girl, and it’s just a bowl of soup.”
“Thanks. And Merry Christmas!” After smiling at the waitress again, Lilly grabbed the flyer and went back to her car. Ready to finally do something Robert would be proud of. Ready to give him something she knew without a doubt he would value.
Chapter Sixteen
Christmas Eve
The store had been almost empty all day, making Judith even more aware of Ben—and that their time together was almost over. Though there seemed to be a new understanding between them, there was also a new tension.
There had also been very little time to talk privately. Both her father and Joshua had been in the store all day, taking inventory and organizing merchandise for when they would open on the twenty-sixth.
For the last hour, she’d been at the counter. Standing and waiting on the occasional customer while Ben had been asked to do lots of heavy lifting.
Every time he walked by her, Ben glanced her way but never stopped to talk. Or flirt. Which was what he used to be intent on doing when they’d been alone.
“Judith, time to close up shop,” her father announced. “It’s three o’clock.”
Since the store was empty anyway, she walked to the door and dutifully turned the sign. “What would you like me to do now?”
“Go with Ben to his house, then meet us later at home.”
Judith scanned the area for Ben. When she met his gaze, she raised a brow. He shook his head and shrugged.
Letting her know that this was news to him as well.
“All right,” she said slowly. “Ben? Are you ready?”
“I am. I’ll meet you at the buggy.”
“You okay?” Joshua asked as he approached her side. “You look a little worried.”
After seeing that their father was out of earshot, she shrugged. Almost mimicking the same gesture Ben had done. “I’m not sure what is going on.”
“Daed’s trying to matchmake, of course.”
“With me and Ben?”
“Of course.” A slow smile lit his face. “Who else would he be concentrating on?”
“That’s embarrassing. Joshua, is Daed really worried that I can’t find a man on my own?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Joshua shook his head. “That’s not why our father is trying to get in the middle of things.”
“Why is he, then?”
“For an obvious reason. Judith, all of us can see that there’s something pretty special between you two.”
“There might be. I’m not sure . . .”
“You’re still not sure? What’s wrong?”
“Back in school, I was a little afraid of him,” she confided.
“We all were, at least a little bit,” Joshua agreed. “But though he and I weren’t good friends, I discovered that a lot of people never gave him a chance. But now that I’ve gotten to know him better, I have to say that he seems like a good man.”
Privately, she agreed. With every hour that passed, he took each perception of hers and turned it, allowing her to see him in a new way. “He had a difficult home life.”
“I heard that, too.” A faraway look entered his eyes, and Judith wondered if he was thinking about Gretta. She, too, had had some challenges at home. “We can’t help how we grow up, Judith. All we can do is grow up and move on.”
Feeling comforted by her brother’s pronouncement, and remembering the heartfelt discussions they’d shared when Josh had been falling in love, she decided to open up more. “Ben makes me feel things I didn’t know I could feel—at least any longer. When I’m with Ben, I feel like I’m five years old again and getting ready to go to McDonald’s. Around him, I’m nervous and excited all at the same time.”
She tensed, half ready for her older brother to tease her. She wouldn’t blame him if he did. What she was saying was terribly revealing. She wasn’t used to opening herself up to ridicule.
But instead of belittling her, he squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should stop overthinking so much.”
“Around Ben or about my feelings?”
“About it all.”
“You never acted like this around Gretta, did you?”
Joshua gaped at her before speaking. “Wow, Judith. You really weren’t paying me much attention last winter were you?”
“I was.”
“I was completely twisted up and confused with Gretta. She made me crazy! I could hardly stop thinking about her. And when she went riding with Roland? I could have spit nails.”
“Spit nails?” She raised a brow.
He waved a hand at her superior air. “I’m not sayin’ Ben is your future, but he’s a good man. And it’s obvious he cares about you. Enjoy being cared for.”
But she had Ben issues. Mixed up in the present was their past. There were too many memories of him being difficult and angry to let her forget it all.
“Judith?” their father called out. “Are you ever going to listen the first time? Please leave, daughter.”
Listen the first time? “Daed, I’m not a—”
“Don’t say it,” Joshua interrupted.
“What, daughter?”
“And don’t bother arguing,” Joshua said under his breath. “Just listen and go.”
“Judith?” her father called out.
“Nothing, father. I’m coming now.” She started walking forward. “Joshua, when did you get so smart?” she asked over her shoulder.
“I’ve always been smart. You just never listened before.”
She was still chuckling about her brother’s parting comment when she got to the shed. Ben was standing beside Beauty, rubbing her neck a
s he waited for her.
Judith quickened her step. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I started talking to Joshua.”
“It was no problem. You ready now?”
When she nodded, he helped her into the buggy, then slid in beside her. As their bodies touched, Judith realized that she no longer sat beside him so stiffly. Instead, she was becoming used to him. Very used to him.
But what did that mean?
“Why are we going to your house?”
He cleared his throat. “Your parents invited me to spend the night.”
“For Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?”
He winced. “Yes,” he said slowly. “I take it you didn’t know about this?”
“Nee.”
“Are you upset?”
“No,” she said quickly, though she wasn’t sure if she was lying or not. “Just surprised.” Scanning his face, she waited for a reaction. But instead of saying something in return he seemed to retreat into himself.
Now she felt terrible. She’d been surprised because they never had entertained guests for Christmas before. With their large family, there’d never been the need. Or maybe just never the room?
“We’re here,” he said quietly. “Would you like to stay here while I go in?”
“I’d like to come with you, if I may.”
Without another word, he slid out of his side then walked toward the modest two-story house. The siding was whitewashed. Four blue spruce pine trees ran along the side of the property. Now, with fluffy pristine snowflakes decorating the boughs, the trees looked like English Christmas trees.
But what really caught her attention was the blue and white realty sign standing proudly in the middle of the lawn.
Ben didn’t spare any of it a look as he walked up the driveway along the short pathway to the front porch and up the steps. Without taking out keys, he opened the door and walked inside.
Only then did he look her way. “Judith?”
“Oh. Yes. I’m sorry.” Gosh, here she was, apologizing again. “I was looking at your pine trees. They’re really pretty, all covered with snow.” There was no way she was going to tell him that the sign in his yard made her sad.
“Ah.”
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