“I know, but I know you like to listen to the music so much.”
“Robert, I told you that I wasn’t going to use my computer so much,” she hedged. Now was definitely not the time to tell him that she had sold the computer to pay for the watch.
“And I told you that your using your computer didn’t bother me.”
“I’m not going to get it out.”
“Perhaps you’ll change your mind,” he said cryptically as he walked to the back bedroom.
“Especially now that you have this,” he said with a flourish of his hand.
She jumped to her feet. “What? Walking toward the room, she peeked inside and stopped abruptly. “Robert, you made me a desk?”
All smiles, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in closer. “I did. It’s for your computer.”
“What?”
“Look.” He opened up the door center drawer, slid it out then pulled the face of it down flat. “See? It’s for a keyboard. Mr. Allen told me a lot of desks have that now, even for laptops. So you can attach the keyboard.”
The lump in her throat seemed to grow double in size. “I . . . it’s beautiful.”
“It’s cherrywood. I thought about maple, then oak, but decided this was the right wood for you.” With a loving hand, he caressed the fine wood across the top. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it. Very much.” Unable to stop her tears, she blubbered, “No one’s ever given me such a perfect gift.”
“Most people don’t cry when they receive gifts, Lilly.”
She sat on the bed, feeling at a complete loss for words. She wanted to hug Robert and confess all. To tell him that she didn’t have her computer anymore.
But the urge to keep her secret close to her chest was just as strong. She so didn’t want to disappoint him anymore.
He sat beside her. “What is wrong? You can tell me anything, you know.”
He was right. Taking a breath, she made her choice. “I . . . I did something that I know you’re going to be upset about.” She paused again. Still afraid. “And, well . . . I’m afraid to tell you.”
“You couldn’t do anything to upset me.” Lifting her chin with one finger he looked into her eyes. “Lilly, please stop worrying so much about how I feel about you. You know I love you.”
“I know. But still, I don’t want you to be upset.” Mentally, she chastised herself. She really was making things worse instead of better.
“I won’t be upset, Lilly. I promise, no one has made me this happy in so very long.”
His words were so sweet. So kind. So everything.
So much more than she deserved. “I can’t believe I managed to ruin today.”
“Lilly, what? What is wrong?” Impatience laced his words now.
“I sold my computer to buy your watch!” she blurted out.
When he stared at her in shock, she cried even harder. This was horrible. This was the worst Christmas Day in the world.
No matter how hard she tried, it was becoming painfully obvious that she was the absolute worst wife for Robert. They were such a mismatch. And any moment now, he was going to be completely certain about that, too.
Chapter Twenty-one
Ben knew that Judith Graber was one of the sweetest women he’d ever met. But the way she was looking at him made his stomach twist up in knots and his palms sweat.
And what was worse, her whole family was watching him do it.
“Ben, this is the best present in the world.” Holding the two cookbooks in her lap like they were made of glass, she gazed at him in wonder. “How did you know these books were just what I wanted?”
Now he was embarrassed. After all . . . they were just cookbooks. Not anything special. To cover his emotions, he kept his voice light. “Perhaps because you spoke about them almost every day?”
Blue eyes shining, she beamed at him. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”
“I didn’t know you wanted cookbooks, daughter,” her mother said.
“That’s because I didn’t tell you. I thought you might think they were silly.”
Taking one of the books from her, she flipped it open then looked at Judith in confusion. “Why would I think that?”
“Because you’ve taught me how to cook. And, well, I’ve never seen you use a cookbook, ever.”
“I read them on occasion. I think they’re fine books, Judith. I’m sure I’m going to want to read them.”
“Me, too,” Clara said with a kind smile in Ben’s direction. “I don’t know of a woman who doesn’t appreciate some new recipes.”
“You did a good job with your present,” Gretta murmured next to him. A kind smile was in her voice. Just like she knew what it was like to be a newcomer to the gregarious group.
“They were just books.” Eager to get the attention away from him, he leaned toward Maggie. “Are you ever going to open your gift from me?”
“Uh-huh. But I wanted your help.”
“What?” He looked to others for help. “You can’t rip off wrapping paper yourself?”
“She likes to sit with the person who gave her the gift,” Gretta explained. “It means a lot to her.”
Maggie stood in front of him, bottom lip tucked in her mouth. Looking at him in expectation.
Opening his arms, he smiled. “Come here, Miss Maggie. I’d love for you to sit with me.”
As the little girl looked at him with such trust and affection, Ben felt his heart melt. While Judith had captured his heart and tied it in knots, this little girl seemed to have given her heart to him decorated in a sweet pink ribbon. A perfect gift.
She scrambled on his lap and smiled sweetly at him. “Ben, open it.”
“All right.”
Together, his big fingers intertwined with her delicate ones. Untying the red ribbon clumsily. Then opening up the cardboard box he’d put his gift in.
“It’s a donkey!”
“It is. I didn’t see one of those when we were playing animals the other day.”
One perfect eyebrow lifted, disappearing under her kapp. “Do you like donkeys?”
“Verra much so. After all, that’s what Mary rode into Bethlehem, right?’
Somberly, Maggie nodded.
After they talked a bit more, the last of the gift giving was over. Ben let himself relax as he realized he’d made it through the family event without making a fool of himself.
Yet.
Ben tensed when Mr. Graber picked up his large, well-worn Bible and cleared his throat. Uh-oh. Was this yet another family tradition he was going to have to fumble through?
“I’m thinking since Ben here is talking about donkeys and Mary and all,” he paused, glancing Ben’s way with half a smile, “it’s probably time to read our Christmas story.”
Ben felt himself relax as he finally realized the intent. When little Maggie scooted closer to him, backing up until her back touched his knee, he found himself resting his hand on her shoulder. But whether it was to comfort her or assure him, he wasn’t sure.
“I thought this year we’d read from the Book of Matthew,” Mr. Graber said. “For some reason, I’ve been thinking about that bright star in the East and how the wise men had such a great faith that they followed it without hesitation.”
“The star was really bright and pretty, Daed,” Maggie said, her voice as sweetly pure and bright as any star in the sky.
Everyone in the room smiled.
“I think you must be right, Maggie,” Mr. Graber said, then slipped his glasses more securely over his nose and found the passage he was looking for with his finger. “Here we go.
“ ‘When the wise men saw the star, they were filled with joy. They came to the house where the child was and saw him with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. They opened their gifts and gave him treasures of gold, frankincense, and myrrh . . .”
As Maggie’s back straightened and Anson blurted that he still didn’t understand what “myrrh” was, the whole room
burst into discussion. Ben closed his eyes and felt a peace he’d never imagined existed.
Conversations floated around him, more about stars and Jesus and wise men . . . and Ben thought about Judith. And how in many ways, she’d been a bright star in his life.
If nothing else, she’d guided him toward a feeling of hope. That there was more to life than painful memories and feelings of doubt and insecurity.
Then, just as if he’d willed her to, someone sat down beside him. “I’m so glad you’re here. I would have hated to do all this without you.” Judith looked so pretty sitting next to him; she had on a new dress—or at least one he’d never seen before. It was a deep navy blue. And that blue did amazing things to her eyes, making them shine a little deeper . . . and transform his thoughts.
Turning toward her, he attempted to make a little bit of space between them, because she was so close that he couldn’t seem to do anything but stare at her. And that was the last thing he wanted to do. Neither she nor her family needed to know just how deep his feelings for her went.
Therefore, he concentrated on keeping his voice light. “I’m glad I’m here, too. Thanks for not giving up on me.” Not liking how that sounded, he rephrased. “I mean, thanks for coming to get me. Even when I told you no.”
“Having you here feels right.” This time she looked just as flustered. “I mean, I’m glad for your friendship.”
“I know what you mean.” It was obvious she was feeling just as confused and torn as he was.
She reached out her hand. He stilled his body, getting ready for her touch. Then, just as suddenly, she dropped her hand. “I should go. I mean, I’ve got to go help in the kitchen.”
“Yes. And I . . . I thought I’d go chop logs.”
She nodded, but then turned to him, nibbling her bottom lip. “But later, maybe the two of us could sit and talk?”
As he looked into her eyes, he knew he’d promise her anything. However, he also knew he needed to keep things easy between them. Simple. “I’d like that,” he said easily.
Just like he received invitations like that all the time.
Chapter Twenty-two
When Lilly finally stopped crying, she lifted her head and stared warily at her husband. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
Robert hung his head. “Don’t be.”
Panic rose in her. “Robert, I’ll do anything to make this better,” she said in a rush. “I promise—”
But when Robert lifted his head, she realized that he was smiling, not glowering. In fact, it actually looked like he was trying not to chuckle.
“Are you amused?”
“Of course.” He stood up and reached for her hand. Then tugged her out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room.
She walked a few paces behind him, letting herself be led. Wondering why he was amused. Wondering where he was leading her to. Finally they stopped in front of the windows.
“Pretty out, ain’t so?”
Snow covered every branch. Deer tracks covered the ground in pretty abstract patterns. And, like a beacon of the season, a bright red cardinal sat in a distant pine. “It’s a beautiful day.”
He cleared his throat. “Last night, I couldn’t sleep. After a while, I snuck out of bed and stood right here.” He darted a look her way. “The snow had stopped and there were breaks in the clouds.”
“What did you see?”
“Stars.” He smiled. “And of course, given that it was Christmas Eve, I started thinking about those wise men, following a distant star. Bearing the best gifts they had . . . but not all that sure how they would be received.”
“Your gift was perfect, Robert. It was a perfect gift.”
“I love my watch, too.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he murmured, “But that isn’t what I was thinking. I was thinking that I have a wonderful light here in my life now, too. See, I’ve always had the bright feeling of the Lord’s love. But now I see you and feel the same happy way. You, Lilly, are my bright light. Bringing me happiness.”
The words he was saying . . . they were so heartfelt, she almost believed him. “You don’t wish I was different? You don’t blame me for your family being so distant?”
“I don’t want you different. And as for my family? . . .” He shrugged. “I’ve reached out to them as much as I can. One day, they’re going to need to reach out to me, too. I can’t make things better all by myself. They need to want to be closer, too.”
As she processed his words, he turned away from the windows and braced his two hands on her shoulders. “Lilly Miller, are you ready to finally listen to me? To listen good?”
“I’m listening.”
“If you were different, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. I love your Christmas music and the fact that you try so hard to make me terrible meals. I love that you waitress so well and don’t care that I drive so badly. I love your golden curly hair and your chocolate-colored eyes.” His hands squeezed harder. Almost hurting. “But, Lilly, do you know what I love most?”
She shook her head. She couldn’t imagine.
“I love that you’d be willing to let go of something that means so much to give me a special gift. I will always remember this day.”
“I do love the desk. It’s beautiful, and it means the world to me that you built it for me . . .”
“You had better, because we are going out tomorrow and buying you a new computer for it.” His tender smile matched the way his hands were now sliding down her arms. “And don’t even think of telling me no, wife. I have hopes that you might even find new recipes on your Internet.”
She laughed and looped her hands around his neck. “There might be hope for me yet!”
Just before he kissed her, he nodded. “I promise, Lilly, if I have you, there’s hope for us all. Now kiss me and tell me Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, husband,” she murmured, then closed her eyes and kissed him.
And thought that, maybe, this was the most wonderful day in the year after all.
She’d come. Rebecca and her mother and sister. They were standing in the entryway, looking a bit like lost sheep.
Caleb didn’t fault their expressions. A noisy family gathering could frighten even the most hardy of spirits.
“Hey, Rebecca,” he said. “Hi, Mrs. Yoder. Amanda. Merry Christmas.”
“And Merry Christmas to you,” Mrs. Yoder said. Looking a bit embarrassed, she added, “Your brother greeted us, but I’m afraid he left before telling us where to put our coats?”
“Joshua?” He couldn’t imagine his brother being so rude.
“Anson,” Rebecca said with a wink.
His cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry,” he said as he held out his hands for their cloaks. “Anson has the manners of a barnyard animal.”
“Only sometimes,” his mother said with a laugh as she joined them. After greeting the ladies, she said, “Actually, Anson ran to the kitchen to get me. So he might have just a few more manners than the chickens. Now, Caleb, perhaps you’d like to show Rebecca and Amanda around? I’ll take Mrs. Yoder into the kitchen.”
“Sure.” Quickly, he hung up their cloaks on some pegs by the front door, then walked the girls into the family room.
Immediately, Maggie brightened and claimed Amanda’s hand. “Come see my donkey!” she said excitedly as she pulled Amanda away.
Which left Rebecca standing alone with Caleb. At last.
“I’m so glad you came,” he said.
“Me, too.”
He ached to touch her. To brush the stray hair that had fallen across her cheek. To hold her hand. To hold her close.
But even more than that was the urge to look into her eyes and make sure everything between them was still all right. “Becca, about yesterday . . .”
She leaned close. “Do you still love me?” Her voice was merry, but her expression was seeking. Waiting.
“Jah.” Honestly, his tongue felt so thick, that was the best reply he could manage.
<
br /> “Gut.” She leaned a bit closer, bumping his arm lightly with her shoulder. “Then that’s all I need to know.”
As others approached, and the noise in the living room got a little louder as Clara laughed with Anson, Judith poked her head in. “Rebecca, want to help? We’re about to start filling up the serving platters.”
“I’d be happy to help,” she said. Just like she already belonged. “I’ll be right there.” When Judith turned away and they were alone again, Rebecca gazed at him. “I’ll see you later.”
After treating him to yet another beautiful smile, she turned and left. When he was completely alone, Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. Then closed his eyes and praised God.
He was so lucky. So blessed. “Thank you, Lord,” he whispered. He wasn’t good at fancy prayers, only expressing what was in his heart. He hoped his simple, heartfelt thank-you would be enough.
But then he remembered Rebecca’s words and knew it was. He had Rebecca and she had him. They had each other and, once more, were in love. And put like that, well, nothing else mattered.
Supper had been wonderful. Noisy and filled with laughter. The cleaning up hadn’t been a hardship, either. Not with everyone there to help.
So, Judith wondered as she stood outside on the front porch, why wasn’t she feeling happier?
“Hey. Sister? Are you okay?”
Judith turned to find Caleb standing at the entrance to their home. Behind him, the noise of the crowded house filtered into the air. The dim lights of a dozen candles illuminated his form, making him seem as old and grown up as he now was.
In spite of all their efforts to keep him a child, it was now terribly obvious that Caleb Graber had grown up.
“I think so,” she said. “I’ll be inside in just a minute; I just needed a break. Everything started to feel a little overwhelming.”
“What did?” he asked as he walked out to join her. “The noise? The hundred people staring at you, wondering what you were thinking?”
She rolled her eyes. “There’s hardly a hundred people in our house.” As a burst of laughter floated through the door, she added, “It only seems that way.”
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