“Thank you,” I told him and then walked around the table and hugged them both.
It was nearly two in the morning by the time I had everything ready. I’d left a note for Richard telling him there was a bus that left at three in the afternoon. It would take nearly forty-five minutes to get to the bus station, so I didn’t want to choose one that left too early. When I finally lay down in my bed, my eyes found the empty frame lying on my bedside table. I had taken out the picture of Jamie and me, the one trimmed of everything but us, and put it carefully in the back of my wallet. It felt strange seeing the frame empty after it had held the picture for so long, but it was just another sign that I was moving on to the next phase of my life. Like the empty drawers, and the packed duffel in the corner, my life was changing.
I thought I’d have a hard time sleeping, but packing and the excitement of the day had tired me out. When I closed my eyes, I didn’t open them again until the full midday Alabama sun penetrated them the next day. It was so bright in my room that at first, I panicked. I looked frantically at the clock on the bedside table. Seeing that it was just past noon, I relaxed a little, knowing we would not have to leave for another hour and a half, and I had done everything I needed to do.
Lying there under the light green comforter I’d used for the last six years, it occurred to me that I’d probably never sleep in that room again. Once I walked out that front door, it was likely I’d be gone for good. With no job training and no college degree, it would be difficult for me to afford to come back and visit Crayford and my parents. I was sure Richard and Carolyn knew that, and it was one of the reasons they were taking it so hard. I walked across the hall and showered, getting ready for my journey.
Lunch was a subdued affair. Carolyn made sausage and eggs with sides of pancakes. She didn’t say much as she cooked for me one last time. She’d also packed me a small soft-side cooler full of food for me to have on the bus. It was as much as I could carry with me while still carrying my duffel and backpack. They had me check to be sure I had my cell phone and charger in my backpack. It would be my lifeline to them in case of an emergency.
“I’m not sure how much we’ll be able to do for you at that distance, but call us anyway,” Richard said sternly, and I nodded.
Then it was time to go. The morning had gone so fast, and I panicked a little as we got into the car. I was scared, and I think they knew it because they didn’t argue with me or push me for the nearly hour-long ride to the bus station. The anticipation, the waiting as we stopped at each stoplight or pause in traffic, was excruciating. I wouldn’t back out, but I knew once I was on the bus I’d be able to look forward and not back, and I needed to look forward.
I used my debit card to buy my bus ticket. One-way, straight through from Mobile, Alabama, to San Diego, California, it would take more than two days.
“Please,” Richard said as we walked through the terminal out to where my bus was waiting for me. “Please, call us when you get there and let us know you’re okay. Then call us once a week after that. We… we can’t just not know whether our son is okay. Can you do that for us?”
“Of course, I will, and I’ll e-mail too,” I told him and wrapped my arms around Carolyn.
“Don’t worry about me, please, Mom. I’ll be okay,” I told her without much conviction. She accepted the hollow reassurances and clung to me before pulling away slowly. They’d just called the first boarding of the bus when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw Adam standing there, red-faced and sweating as if he had been running.
“I couldn’t… I couldn’t let it end that way,” he stammered, panting slightly. “Please, you have my e-mail address. Don’t forget about me when you’re off in California becoming rich and famous.” His joke was desperate, almost pleading.
“I won’t forget, and I’ll keep in touch, I promise.” I pulled him into a hug, regardless of anyone watching. We would just look like two brothers embracing. Well, until he kissed my cheek as we pulled away.
“I meant what I said,” he promised, holding my gaze for a moment before leaning down to pick up my backpack and hand it to me. I left a slow, lingering kiss on his forehead. After hugging Richard and Carolyn one last time, I picked up my stuff and headed for the open doors of the bus.
A nice, bored-looking man in a dark-blue uniform took my duffel and loaded it under the bus. Climbing up the stairs was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Only when I’d started to walk down the center aisle of the huge vehicle did I let the emotion cloud my face. The bus was relatively empty, so I was able to put my stuff in the seat next to me, and I looked out to find my family waving.
After ten minutes or so, the bus pulled away, and I waved again, watching my parents and my friend become smaller and smaller. Richard had his arms around Carolyn, and Carolyn had her hand on Adam’s shoulder. They were every reason I had to stay, but in the end, there was one reason, just as important, why I had to go.
I laid my palm on the filthy bus window, feeling part of my shattered heart remain with them.
About the Author
A SURVIVOR of the ex-gay residential institution The Sunshine Center, fictional author Jamie Mayfield went on to find his voice in novels. Always a great lover of books, Jamie found his passion as he began to pursue a liberal arts degree in creative writing. An avid reader, he’s a fan of gay romance, suspense, and horror—though not all in the same novel.
Jamie lives in San Diego with his fictional husband, Brian. He writes YA fiction as a way to let kids know that they have an entire LGBT family all around them. Above all, he wants them to know that they are not alone. It does get better.
Jamie Mayfield is a fictional character from the acclaimed Little Boy Lost series by female author J. P. Barnaby.
Website: http://www.JamieMayfield.com
Tumblr: http://JamieMayfieldYA.tumblr.com
Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/JamieMayfieldYA
Twitter: http://www.Twitter.com/JamieMayfieldYA
Coming Soon
Waiting for Forever: Book Two
San Diego is so much more than Brian McAllister ever expected. He’s found friends, acceptance, encouragement, and an entire world of sexual adventure he never dared to imagine back in his little Alabama town. The only thing missing is Jamie. Encouraged by new friends Mike and Emilio, Brian builds a life for himself, haunted by a beaten and bruised boy no one seems to want to help.
Part Two: Fallen Angel
Dumped into gay rehab, blond-haired fallen angel Jamie Mayfield has been shunned by his parents and forced to find his own way. When Brian McAllister, the other half of his ravaged heart, explodes back into his precarious life, Jamie is astonished and dismayed. In the two years they’ve been apart, not a day has gone by that he hasn’t longed for Brian. How can Jamie protect Brian from the pain and brutalization of his life when he can’t even protect himself?
Brian and Jamie put every bit of themselves into saving each other, but obstacles keep them apart. Jamie’s own self-hatred may prove to be their undoing.
Adapted from the award-winning Little Boy Lost series by J. P. Barnaby.
Coming Soon
http://www.harmonyinkpress.com
Coming Soon
Waiting for Forever: Book Three
Brian McAllister and Jamie Mayfield have risked everything in a desperate escape and are finally together. Jamie is free of his tormentor… for the moment. But Brian and Jamie know that one wrong choice could lead him to their door.
The long, lonely hours in their safe house leave Jamie with nothing to do but think. He thinks about Brian, about the direction their lives should take. He thinks about his parents. Mostly, he thinks about drugs. Jamie wants to feel good again, forget about his self-hatred, and stop the gnawing cravings that prey upon his mind and body.
One moment of weakness may prove fatal for them both.
After being reunited with his father, Jamie attempts to put his life back together amid rehab, seizures, and the gutting
loneliness of Brian’s rejection. As he tries to cope, he finds that relying on his friends isn’t as difficult as he’d imagined, and soon he can stand on his own feet. Jamie starts college, working to become the man Brian needs. Unless he earns Brian’s forgiveness and wins back his trust, their love will be sacrificed on the altar of Jamie’s demons.
Adapted from the award-winning Little Boy Lost series by J. P. Barnaby.
Coming Soon
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Table of Contents
Title page
Copyright
Part One: Throwaway Kid Brians’ Story
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
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25
About the Author
Coming Soon
Also from Harmony Ink Press
Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1) Page 31