“Nicole, come in here and listen to Trey,” Julian called.
She unconsciously stuffed the envelopes into her purse and rejoined them in the living room, where she was delighted and pleasantly shocked to hear Trey actually playing a song. She clapped very enthusiastically for him.
“When did you learn that?” she asked, hugging her son.
Trey smiled at Julian.
“He picked it up that evening he was with me,” Julian explained. He turned his attention back to Trey. “How about if I be your teacher for awhile? Not always, but while I’m not touring.”
Trey tugged at Nicole’s sleeve. How could she say no? It actually sounded like a great idea. It had been a long time since she’d seen Trey so enthused about anything.
“Well, if you can find the time. I guess it can be arranged, but right now we really, really have to go,” she said.
“I know.” Julian helped Trey put the guitar back in the case, and the little boy picked it up carefully by the handle. “I have to be somewhere myself in an hour. Max, my chauffeur, will take you guys home.”
Nicole hesitated as she watched her son walk to the door with the kind of familiarity that suggested he was comfortable with the palatial surroundings, chauffeur and all. She looked at Julian.
“I want to thank you for three really beautiful days. It ended too quickly,” she said.
The dark eyes assessed her. “We have to do it again soon, without the kids.”
She nodded, feeling foolish, realizing that she was supposed to kiss him and wanted to, but because it was so obvious, she refrained. “Oh and for Trey. You seem to have such incredible insight. Thanks for the guitar. He’s never even given me any indication that he might be musical. It’s amazing.” Her eyes shimmered. “It…”
“It’s no big deal since I can’t seem to give his mother anything,” Julian interrupted.
Nicole flinched, knowing full well what he meant. “That’s not true. You’ve given me plenty. Just having your friendship has been like a gift.”
“Does that mean we’re history already?”
She laughed in spite of herself. “Friendships don’t end like that. They continue through the years.”
Julian’s eyes narrowed. “Do they ever evolve?”
Flustered, she averted the beacon-like intensity of his gaze. “I wish you wouldn’t take every little thing I say so seriously, but yes, friendships do sometimes evolve.”
They also “dissolve,” Julian thought sarcastically as he watched her follow her son’s path out to the waiting chauffeur. Barbados had been fun, although hardly the three days he’d envisioned. His frustrations had mounted to a new height. He was sick and tired of the word friend. If he never heard it from her lips again it would be too soon. He had sensed right from the start that she was terrified of being hurt, but in reality it seemed he was the one taking the abuse. He should probably just stop seeing her.
There were plenty of other diversions. He still had to put the finishing touches on his new CD and his publicist was after him about some magazine interviews she’d lined up. There was also the party scene, which brought with it women who were his eager accomplices, women he didn’t have to fight with just to get a kiss. Of course the opposite end of the spectrum was he had to fight them for a halfway decent conversation.
The real problem was that Nicole was not a diversion and he knew it. There was something more he wanted and needed from her, her physical attributes were only a part of the desire. If he could completely come to grips with where his own heart was leading him, then maybe he’d know what the magic words were, what kind of key it would take to open her heart.
* * *
The regular routine quickly took over. Trey was back in school, hating it, but coping better than he had been. Nicole became totally immersed in caring for patients and dodging Maria’s questions about Julian and Barbados. Her job did not allow her the luxury of daydreaming, except during breaks, but Julian still haunted her subconscious waking and sleeping moments. She used to wake up imagining that Warren was beside her, but now she was seeing Julian’s eyes instead.
She was completely unnerved and disturbed by her own emotions. It didn’t seem normal that a man she had known for such a short time could invade her life in such a way. He had agreed to their friendship, but she didn’t know how long she was going to be able to stand it. Being around him made her feel like an adolescent madly in love for the first time—and she had never felt that way before, even when she had been a teenager.
Saturday was a day off, and she took Trey to the local park in the morning. The basketball court was empty and she shot a few hoops with him. He was pretty good for his age and she quickly became aware that she was badly suited for one of Warren’s favorite sports.
“Trey, you go on practicing. I’ll be right here under the tree, reading,” she told him.
Trey nodded, racing around the court with the ball. Nicole left the enclosure and sought out shade. She sat down on the grass and extracted a magazine from her bag, hoping Trey would have at least ten minutes before the other kids started appearing. He always retreated when other people were around, no matter how much she encouraged him to stay.
Engrossed in the magazine, listening to the rhythmic thump of the basketball hitting the concrete, it suddenly dawned on her that there was a voice. Quickly she put down the magazine and looked toward the court. Trey was no longer alone. Julian was there playing with him. Her breath caught raggedly in her throat. The man had a way of materializing like a phantom at the most inappropriate and disconcerting moments.
A tinge of resentment sparked within her. She was not in the mood to have to deal with him right now. She drew her jean-clad legs up toward her chin and sat watching them. Trey was doing an expert job trying to block Julian’s jump shot, but when the ball bounced off the rim of the hoop instead of going in, she knew Julian had done it on purpose. The two high-fived, and now Julian was down on his knees, more appropriate to Trey’s height, trying to block him. Nicole could not resist laughing.
“Uh oh,” she murmured aloud, noticing that three kids around Trey’s age, maybe a little older, were approaching. They looked like brothers.
“Hey, guys, wanna play?” Julian asked.
Trey immediately dropped the basketball and started to walk away, but Julian draped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him back.
“No hablo ingles,” the tallest boy replied, leaning against the fence.
Julian repeated the question in Spanish.
“Si,” they all responded in unison.
Nicole couldn’t figure out the rest of the conversation except that Julian sounded as if he were introducing them to Trey. She caught that their names were Carlos, Ricky and Roberto. Next Julian turned to Trey and said a few things directly to him. Trey nodded slowly and remained there as the three brothers entered the court. Julian shouted a few more things in Spanish and then he left the court, walking toward her. Nicole sucked in her breath. Trey continued to play with the other kids.
Julian’s shadow fell over her and she looked up at him in his baseball hat, beige T-shirt and black jogging pants.
“What did you say to him?” she asked.
“It’s a secret,” he replied, helping himself to a spot under the tree beside her.
“You have to tell me. If it’s got something to do with magic, I want to learn.”
“No magic. It’s just pure logic. Those kids can’t speak English and Trey won’t speak at all. So who cares if nobody talks. It’s all about playing the game.”
“Is that really all you said?”
“Well, maybe not in those words exactly, but something like that.” He stretched out on the carpet of grass, folding his arms behind his head.
“Have you ever taken any courses in child psychology?” she quizzed.
“No. Maybe it comes from the Enrique Sanchez school of heredity,” he replied and noticed her puzzled expression. “Enrique was my father. I just remember the
way he treated me when I was little.”
“He must have been very special,” Nicole said, wondering idly why his father’s name was Sanchez instead of Marquez.
“Oh, he was…what I remember of him.”
“Is it possible that you were a little like Trey when you were young?” Nicole asked. “I mean I’m sure you talked, but…”
“I was a really shy kid,” Julian admitted. “My father always encouraged me, not by forcing me to do things I was afraid of, but by motivating me. He always told me that if you have the ability and the talent, nothing is going to stop you. He talked me into playing my first guitar solo in a public plaza in front of about fifty people. I was five years old and terrified, but I did it.” He closed his eyes reflectively. “Not far from the plaza, there was this great sea wall. The tide was coming in and the water kind of crashed up against it, making this incredible sound. I felt like an orchestra was backing me. My aunt was there that day too. She was clapping louder than anyone.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your memory. It’s very good and visual,” Nicole said after a long silence. “It makes me feel like I was there too.”
She wanted him to continue talking, but he stared up at the sky and then at his watch, bringing her back to the present reality. Nicole glanced back at the children playing enthusiastically, before turning her full attention to the man beside her. “So, surely you didn’t just happen to be here in this park. Were you following us?”
Julian’s eyes slanted under the bill of the hat. “Actually I dropped by your place because there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Allyson told me where you were.”
“And are you planning on telling me what you wanted to talk about?” She stretched out on the lawn too, raising herself partially up on her elbows.
“Don’t rush me. I need to rest first. Trey gave me quite a workout and I’m not six anymore.”
She pulled the hat down over his face. Julian made no move to pull it back up. Sighing, Nicole silently watched him breathe. He stretched like a sinewy cat and she noticed the T-shirt rise slightly and the sunlight play on the exposed part of his mid-section. Impulsively, she walked her fingers across his chest. He pretended to be unaware. Encouraged by the fact that she could not see his expression, her wandering fingers explored his torso, stroking the taut, slightly ridged muscles over his ribcage.
Julian’s right arm rose and encircled her, pulling her effortlessly down on top of him. The baseball hat fell aside. He could feel her breath quicken, smell her warm enticing scent as her body pressed tightly against his. With his eyes shut, he kissed the silky skin of her throat, his lips parting the open collar of her cotton blouse, baring her shoulder, covering it with passionate kisses.
Nicole saw the warning lights flash in her head, but she shut them out. She felt the strength of his arms holding her and she reveled in it. Their lips sought each other’s and connected hungrily, savoring the pleasure. She was even more aware of his hard body beneath her and she wasn’t the least bit repulsed.
“Julian, please,” she murmured, a vapid, feeble attempt at protest.
She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt his hands gliding like molten liquid up under her blouse. The straps of her camisole were about to melt away under his touch. The inner warning light went off again and this time she saw it.
“No!” The shouted whisper was so low she barely heard it herself. The flashing in her head grew brighter and a roar sounded in her ears as his fire was about to consume her.
“I said no!” she screamed, ripping herself away with almost the same kind of intensity she’d use to escape a predator.
Julian surrendered instantly, but she caught a glimmer of hurt in his eyes as she scrambled to her feet, stabbing the ends of her blouse back into her jeans. She did not want to focus on his reaction. How could she be so wantonly stupid?
“What?” Julian demanded, getting up. “What’s wrong with you?”
His voice had a trace of anger in it now, and in a way it was a relief, because it made it easier for her to defend her actions.
“What’s wrong with me? Have you lost your mind? We’re in a park, for God’s sake! My son is over there playing!” She spat out the words with ferocity, while backing up…into a tree.
As the solid bark slammed against her back, it almost knocked the wind out of her and she looked up to see Julian confronting her, cornering her. She did not like the feeling of being trapped.
“You’re right,” he said, his voice calmer. “It was indiscreet, but don’t lie to me, Nicole, you were enjoying it as much as I was. I’m not a rapist. I wasn’t going to hurt you.”
“Then get away from me! I need some space,” she shouted, struggling for air.
Julian stepped back, his expression a mixture of confusion and resentment.
She rolled her eyes. “This…this wasn’t supposed to happen.” She tested the words, trying to censor them. “I am not accusing you of being a rapist, but this can’t happen again…ever. I don’t just mean the timing.”
He moved closer again, leaning slightly forward, blocking her exit with arms extended and both hands braced against the trunk of the tree on each side of her, forcing her to look at his eyes. “Why can’t it happen?”
“Because…because I’m not like that.” She folded her arms defensively against her chest and fought an internal battle for control.
“What are you so afraid of?” he demanded.
“I’m not afraid of you or anyone. It’s just that I have rules…principles. You can laugh if you want, but I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage.”
“We didn’t have sex,” he said sarcastically.
“And we’re not going to. Why are you looking at me like that? If you really must know the whole truth, here it is. I’m no good at it. As a matter of fact I’m terrible, rotten, lousy. I’m a prude and I’m definitely not what men like you are looking for!” The torrent of painful words came blurting out of her before she could stop them. The silence that followed was deafening.
“Who told you you’re no good at it?” he asked finally.
“I know myself. Take my word for it.”
“Who told you?” Julian repeated.
“What do you want me to say?” she cried. “I was married once. It was a good marriage and I loved my husband. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with, but he said…he said…” Her tears were falling freely now and she could not continue.
Julian stepped back a little, giving her some space. “If he’s the one who told you that, then he’s the one who had the problem. What really shocks me is that you still believe him.”
The rage flared up within her again. “You don’t know a thing about Warren. There was nothing wrong with him! He was everything that you’re not.”
“If you give me a chance I can prove that what he told you was wrong,” Julian said softly. “I can take you places you’ve never been—show you things you’ve never seen, and I don’t mean here, but in another time, another place.
My God, what an ego, she thought, with growing repulsion. He had pushed her to the explosion point now. She had never intended to reveal such an intimate matter to him in the first place. Warren was dead and unable to defend himself, and here she was blubbering away all their secrets to a handsome traitor who’d now proven what she’d feared all along, that he only cared about sex.
Gathering strength, she planted her hands on his chest and pushed him away. “Just leave me alone! Go practice your expertise on all your other women.”
She hurried back to her original spot, picked up her bag, and crammed the abandoned magazine into it. Shielding herself from the hypnotic glare of his eyes, she moved towards the court and motioned to Trey. She finally looked back at Julian.
“If we never say anything else to each other again, I just want you to know that sex is not a game or an afterthought to me. It’s something that requires the kind of commitment that you’re not capable of giving.”
Julian sto
od there silently watching. You know nothing about what I’m capable of giving, he thought. He was not just seeking a physical entanglement with her, but his actions had certainly suggested otherwise. He cursed himself, but he knew those actions had not been his alone. She’d been a willing contributor too. Now she was talking about commitment. Was he ready for that?
He remembered that he had come seeking her out to discuss just where their so-called relationship was headed and now he knew. She had forced him to face reality and it hurt worse than he’d even imagined.
“Well, adios to you too, amiga,” he said finally, trying to sound detached. “Thanks for making me see what a shallow fool I am. I was actually stupid enough to think you liked me.”
Nicole’s eyes shimmered with tears. “You thought I liked you? Do you really like me, Julian? Maybe that’s the problem. You’ve never actually said it, not even one time. You…you’ve met my whole family. My son adores you, but do I really know anything about you that the rest of the world doesn’t already know? The only person I’ve ever met in your family is Amanda. You’ve never even given the slightest indication that our worlds might converge.” She turned away abruptly. “Trey, come on, now.”
Trey reluctantly joined her with the basketball tucked under his arm. He looked worriedly at her. She took his hand firmly. Trey balked, puzzled, and looked back at Julian.
“It’s okay, hon,” Nicole said urgently. “Julian has to leave. Nothing’s wrong.”
But everything was wrong. The whole world that just last week had looked so bright and promising was now shattered. As she walked swiftly toward the car, Nicole tried hard not to convey her emotions to Trey, but she knew he was far too perceptive to think nothing was wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Allyson returned home at almost midnight from a date. Nicole, staring zombie-like at the television screen in front of her, heard the sound of laughter and the slam of the car door. Relieved that her sister was back, but not particularly wanting to talk to her, she quickly turned the TV off and retreated to her room. Shane left Trey’s room and hurried past her to greet his owner at the door.
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