Those people? Who are those people? Nicole thought, infuriated by the fact that Elena was deliberately baiting her, the only dark skinned, non-Cuban woman, who was all alone and defenseless in a room full of conservatives, while the man she thought she knew and loved drifted deeper into the twilight zone.
Someone else made a comment, but Nicole didn’t hear it. The only voice seemed to be Elena’s
“They are uneducated and lazy,” the witch continued.
Nicole pushed her plate aside. “Listen, this is your home and you can spout off all the narrow-minded bigotry you like, but I’ll have you to know that my father was a civil rights activist, and he was also an educator. He got his master’s degree in political science without the help of affirmative action, thank you, and my whole family knows all about hard work.” She took a deep breath. “It is the true mark of ignorance to stereotype people.”
The silence that followed was deafening. Elena’s younger son, the one with the earring, put his hand over his mouth to conceal a smile. Clearly, Elena had expected her to just sit and suffer humiliation in silence, because it took her a few seconds to deliver her comeback line.
“Well, it wasn’t my intention to offend you, dear, but it does take a considerable number of people behaving in a certain pattern to start a stereotype in the first place. I know nothing about your father, but the majority of Negro civil rights activists in this country and some others are borderline communists.”
Nicole clenched her teeth. Julian was not going to provide any backup. She had assumed all along that he was politically conservative, but she had also assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that his being biracial would have also given him insight into the other side.
His silence indicated to her that he agreed with his sister. She was on her own.
“I refuse to play your stereotype game,” Nicole said. “I can only speak for myself and my family. My father was not a communist and neither am I.” She sat up straighter. “But as far as other people are concerned, your narrow view refuses to see the human side. When one government oppresses people, they often investigate other forms of government to find something better. Castro appealed to some because he spoke against racial discrimination and there he was, one little man with a raggedy guerrilla army who defied a more powerful nation and won.”
“You admire him, don’t you?” Elena said coldly.
“I’m speaking in general, not about—”
“Yes, you do. You love him, and I think it’s about time you learn some real history.”
History.
Julian felt his father’s hand on his shoulder as they walked down a narrow, stone road at night. The air was still and warm.
“Look at the stars, son. They are the same stars all over the world.”
“In America too, Papi?”
“Yes, in America too. They follow us all, and it doesn’t matter if you’re rich, poor, black, white, free or enslaved. Everyone gets to wish on the same stars.”
Julian’s pulse quickened. For a moment he could almost see his father’s face. Everyone gets to wish…everyone gets to wish…black, white, free.
The features blurred and vanished. Julian came out of his haze and looked around in bewilderment. The tension in the room could be sliced with a knife.
“You don’t have to tell me anything about history,” Nicole was saying loudly.
“That devil you people admire so much, is responsible for the deaths of many innocent men, women and children.” Elena punctuated the air, raising her hand in a defiant gesture. “He killed Julian’s father! Didn’t you tell your little activist girlfriend that, Julian? Didn’t you tell her that your father was murdered, beaten to death in one of her hero’s prisons?”
A silence swept over the whole table like an engulfing wave. Nicole felt as if she were drowning as Julian’s face turned a weird shade of gray. The weight of the room hung heavily on her now and she felt like an insensitive fool. Why hadn’t she just kept her mouth shut?
“I’m sorry,” she said, rising from the table. “I…I didn’t know.”
“You have nothing to apologize about,” said Luis, reentering the room on the tail end of the debacle. “Elena, I have seen your cruelty often, but treating a guest in such a manner is despicable!”
Julian found his voice. “Nicole, it’s okay.”
Nicole did not even hear him. She rushed out of the room. Julian hurried after her and caught up with her in the hallway. They faced each other. He gripped her forearms with both hands, forcing her to look at his face.
“You didn’t tell me,” she cried. “You just sat there like you were invisible and let me go on and on like a blabbering moron.”
His grip became even tighter. “You’re not the moron. Elena is. You stated your opinion and you stuck to it regardless of consequences. I think it’s admirable.”
“Who cares about that! Your father…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He relaxed a little. “It’s difficult. It happened a long, long time ago.”
“I don’t understand you, Julian. Sometimes it feels like we’re so close and then something like this comes and slams me right in the face. You made me talk about the terrible things that happened in my life, but you can’t share your pain with me.”
“I was going to tell you more detail. I was just waiting for the right moment.”
“Where is my son?” Nicole asked, resignation in her voice. “It’s time for us to go.”
Julian did not want to lose her. He sensed that she was shutting down, pulling away, and he didn’t blame her. The day had turned out far worse than he’d ever envisioned. They had to get out of the house. Maybe the air would clear his head.
“The kids are over at my place in the game room,” he said, searching his pants pockets. “When I find my keys, I’ll take you home. We can talk.”
Nicole turned away. “We’ll be taking a taxi. I don’t think you should be driving.”
I’m not drunk, he thought, but he could tell by the grim set of her mouth that she thought he was. “My chauffeur will take you. Please, just go wait at my place. I have to say something to my family and I’ll be right with you.”
The sunlight was blinding as Nicole stepped outside. She was starting to feel the effects of a headache, but other than that she felt strangely emotionless. “Go find Trey,” she told herself. Hopefully her son had fared a lot better than she had.
She found him happily playing video games, surrounded by the other kids. Michelle was sitting on a couch, reading a book and keeping an eye on their antics. No one even noticed her standing in the doorway. The sight of her son eased her anguish a little. She stepped back into the shadows, preferring not to be seen, and sat in the living room.
What could be done about Julian’s overwhelming problems? she wondered. How could he get to the age he was and still feel such anguish over the past? She knew now that there was no way she would ever be able to get along with Elena, and at this point, she didn’t even see why it mattered. What baffled her was Julian’s acceptance of her cruelty. It was possible that he viewed her as more of a mother figure than a sister, but even a mother shouldn’t have that kind of control or disrespect for a grown son. Why did he set himself up to be mentally abused by her?
“What’s taking him so long?” she muttered. In truth, it had not been long at all, but she was anxious to talk things over so she could get some real understanding of the situation. She glanced at her watch and decided to return to the scene of the crime to find him.
* * *
“I need to have a word with you…alone,” Elena hissed, beckoning Julian into the empty library.
He had just informed Luis that he was leaving and was about to return to Nicole when Elena intervened.
“I have nothing to say to you,” Julian said coldly.
“You have some nerve getting angry at me. You are the one who caused this problem. What on earth possessed you to bring that woman to our gathering? I told you that Lydi
a was coming.” She paused for air. “Now I have to call her up and apologize for your rudeness. That poor girl…”
“I’m sorry if Lydia is upset, but it’s your fault,” Julian said. “I told you I wasn’t interested in her.”
“And you’re interested in that…that black girl?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, I am.”
Elena rolled her eyes in disgust. “I simply can’t imagine why. Oh, on the other hand, maybe I can. It’s about sex isn’t it? Well, Julian, you have never invited any of your other whores to meet our family before, so why this one, and why now?”
“Nicole is about as far from a whore as you can get, so don’t even go there.”
At that moment, Nicole was searching for Julian in the hall, and ran into Elena’s son, Ramón. “Have you seen Julian?” she asked.
“Yes. I last saw him near the library.” Ramón hesitated, then spoke again. “I hope you’re not too upset about this. I don’t know what’s with my mother sometimes, but I just want you to know that we don’t all feel that way.”
She smiled at him. “Thank you, Ramón.”
Nicole started to enter the library when she heard Julian’s voice and realized he wasn’t alone. He sounded angry.
“I don’t give a damn what you think anymore!”
“You better,” Elena said. “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even be where you are now. A whore is just what she is. A whore and a golddigger.”
Nicole froze in the hallway, shielded by the alcove. She knew she shouldn’t be listening. She really didn’t want to hear this exchange, but she felt paralyzed.
“That’s not true,” Julian shot back. “She’s the most unpretentious person I’ve ever met.”
“Oh, but of course. Men are so gullible. She’s just letting you think that, and you’re falling for it like a fool. If you were to actually get serious about a woman like that, she would ruin your career. All of your focus and all your energy should be on your music. This next CD of yours is crucial. You do want a complete crossover into the English market, don’t you?”
“I want it, but there are other things in life besides fame and money.”
“Did she tell you that? Are you falling completely for her liberal propaganda? Listen to me, and listen good. I know that you’re weak and a dreamer just like our mother was, but you can overcome it if you take my advice. You do not need an ignorant black woman and her retarded son in your life. She doesn’t love you. All she wants is your money, so she can take care of that child!”
Nicole gasped and the room lurched. Retarded son? The witch could call her ignorant all she wanted, but calling her beautiful, intelligent son retarded, and implying that they wanted his money? She did not linger to hear what Julian was going to say. She did not care.
Rushing outside, she returned to his apartment and burst into the game room. A startled Michelle looked up at her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Nicole ignored her completely and seized Trey by the arm. He balked and stared at her in shock.
“It’s all right,” she said, aware that she was frightening him. “We just have to leave right now.”
“But we were just playing,” Amanda exclaimed, equally puzzled.
“I’m sorry, Amanda, but you have your cousins to play with. Now, Trey.”
He allowed himself to be pulled out of the room. They stood outside while Nicole furiously punched in the numbers for the taxi on her cell phone. She noticed a curtain move from inside the window and caught a glimpse of Elena’s amazonian maid, Gretchen, watching them with a tight, smug expression on her face. She felt an uncharacteristically intense hatred for the weird woman. Even the housekeeping staff was entertained by her humiliation. It would be the last time. Holding tightly to Trey’s hand, Nicole walked rapidly down the winding path that led away from the estate. She never wanted to see Elena, the surroundings, or Julian again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Within an hour Julian was knocking on her door. Nicole sent Trey to his room and continued washing the dishes, ignoring the sound. Allyson, all dressed up for a date, scowled and shook her head.
“Aren’t you at least going to answer it?”
Nicole washed the same dish over again for the third time. “No. After I just told you what happened, do you really think I want to talk to him?”
“Apparently not, but he’s gonna keep knocking. You could at least hear him out.”
“Ignore him,” Nicole said.
“Sorry, can’t do that.” Allyson moved toward the door. “I’ll tell him you just don’t want to speak to him.”
The dish hit the floor and scattered in tiny pieces. “Don’t! I’ll do it!”
Nicole went to the door and unlocked it, leaving the chain bolted. It opened partially and she peeked out.
“What can I do for you?” she asked in the same tone she’d use to address a salesperson.
“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Julian asked.
“I don’t allow strangers inside. Say what you have to out there.”
“Nicole, what’s wrong with you? I thought we agreed to talk. I came back to my place and Michelle told me that you practically yanked Trey out and took off. Why?”
“Because I don’t ever want to see you again unless it’s onstage. Now please leave.”
He folded his arms across his chest and glared at her, bewilderment and frustration evident in his eyes. “Listen, am I completely losing it or are you? I know that dinner was a nightmare, but you agreed to discuss…”
“I heard,” Nicole said bitterly. “I came back looking for you and I heard what your demented sister said about my son and me. You’re nothing but a pawn and a puppet for her. You can’t even stand up to her.”
Julian stood in shocked silence, trying to remember just what she might have overheard. What he recalled was pretty ugly.
“What did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“Maybe not quite enough. Do you actually think I believe Elena? I didn’t just stand there and take it. I—”
“I don’t care what you did or didn’t believe.”
“Please don’t shut me out. We have to talk. I’ll tell you why things happened the way they did. I’ll tell you about my father.”
She detected desperation in his voice, but she did not want to sympathize with him. She wanted him to just go away—vanish into the clouds. “I’m sorry about your father, but spare yourself. You don’t have to go dredging up old wounds for my benefit. Trey and I don’t exist in your life anymore. I refuse to be hurt and insulted by you and your vicious, bigoted sister anymore.”
“Just let me come in and explain.”
“No! I have my own family to care about. Sure, we argue, fuss and even fight sometimes, but at least we respect each other. Everyone is entitled to that. I hope one day you’ll find what you’re looking for, but that day will come only when you accept who you are, every part of who you are.”
Nicole closed the door firmly and locked it. He knocked three more times and then she heard his angry retreating footsteps. She leaned with her forehead against the door and squeezed her eyes shut, as if that action could block the pain. It didn’t. Her heart nearly erupted at the sound of his tires screaming as his car careened wildly out of the parking lot.
* * *
He called four times the next day—three while she was at home and once while she was at work. Each time, she said nothing, and quietly put the receiver down. It was not a hard thing to do because her actions had become mechanical. Her brain was finally taking precedence over her heart.
It was hard trying to explain the situation to Trey. She sat him down two days later and made an attempt.
“Honey, I want you to try to understand, but we won’t be seeing Julian anymore.”
But why? Trey signed, staring at her in disbelief.
“Because…because there are some grownup people who can be cruel and ignorant. They dislike all people who are different t
han they are.” She wrung her hands together. It wasn’t going well. Trey looked even more puzzled.
“What I’m trying to say is that ignorant people dislike others because they don’t speak the same language, or have the same color of skin that they do. Julian’s family is like that. They don’t like us because they think we’re different.”
Why are we different?
“Because we don’t come from Cuba and we don’t speak Spanish.”
“Julian doesn’t care,” Trey indicated.
“I know he doesn’t, but Julian is a famous singer and famous people spend most of their time traveling and being around other people.” She knew that no matter how she tried to explain it to him, he was still going to be upset. “Julian has other important things in his life that have nothing to do with us. We have to live our lives and he has to live his.”
Trey wasn’t falling for it. He’s my friend and I want to see him.
“I’m sorry, Trey, but things just can’t always be the way you want them to be.” She hugged him consolingly. “Mommy is sad too, but we’ll get over it. We’ll find other friends. I promise.”
I don’t want other friends! The monster was laughing at them. Trey swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat would not go down and tears were coming out of his eyes like a baby. The monster was growing bigger and bigger and it was choking him. He yanked himself free of his mother’s arm and ran into his room, slamming the door hard.
Nicole wanted to run after him, but she realized that at the moment he needed his space, and it would only make things worse if she kept talking. In truth, she couldn’t even console herself because she felt as wounded as he did. It was another of those disappointments in life that would only ease with time.
* * *
Julian could not accept that it was over. He called Nicole consistently until it finally became inevitable that she was not going to respond. His feelings went through stages—first disappointment, then humiliation, and finally anger. Anger at himself for being more vulnerable than he wished, anger at his whole life, his family and at Nicole. He didn’t blame her for being upset over what had happened, but he had taken her to be not only a sensitive woman, but also a compassionate one. If she really was compassionate, where was the forgiveness? Had he been that wrong?
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