by Claire Adams
Ned just nodded curtly. He hated her for what she had done to me, perhaps more than I hated her for it. So the drive to the restaurant was particularly quiet. I asked her if she wanted a drink, to which she politely declined. Probably thought her scheme to win me – and money – over would fail if she didn’t have her wits about her. I resumed to quietly sipping my whiskey and only looked at her when she finally spoke again.
“You look very nice,” she said, still trying to sound annoyingly pleasant.
“Thanks,” I said and looked back out the window. Gina had interrupted my conversation with Ned about Aria, and that alone was enough to make me irritated by her.
“I hope you will be a little chattier at the restaurant. It will make for a lot less uncomfortable of a meal.” She smiled serenely at me, as though she wasn’t just complaining.
“I just don’t have anything to say.” I shrugged.
“I’m sure we can find something to talk about,” she said, putting her hand over mine. “There is a lot of history.”
“Oh, you would like to discuss history, huh? How did it feel fucking someone else behind my back?”
She went red, all attempts at pleasantness in her face vanished. “I meant the rest of our history. The good parts. Don’t you remember any of the good parts, Zay?”
“No,” I spat as Ned parked outside the restaurant. “Now let’s get this date that my mother forced upon us over with, so that she can stop threatening to kill herself.”
She raised her eyes wider. “What are you talking about?”
We hopped out of the car and Ned went off to park. “Don’t play innocent. I’m sure you put her up to it.”
“I honestly don’t know what you are talking about. I know your mamma really wants us to get back together, but I didn’t know she had been pressuring you like that…I thought you wanted to give us another shot. I thought—”
“Whatever you thought, you thought wrong. But we are here now and we might as well enjoy the evening, yeah?”
“Zay, I really want us to work,” she said, reaching out for my hand again but I yanked it away this time. “You’re the love of my life.”
That made me snort. “I have no idea what people mean when they use that word, but based on mother’s ‘love’ for my dad and your ‘love’ for me, I am pretty sure I am not interested in that shallow fucking emotion.”
She looked away holding back tears as we stepped into the restaurant. It was a high-end Japanese establishment, with authentic Japanese decorations, and the chef was famous for winning Japan’s version of Top Chef last year. He had since moved to the States to open his own highly exclusive restaurant. It would take a normal person months to find a reservation here, but I just had to make a phone call. I figured if I was going to suffer through dinner with Gina, I might as well at the very least enjoy the meal.
“Sinclair,” I told the Filipino-looking hostess.
“Come with me, Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair,” she said brightly, escorting us to a private table at the end of the room. I started to correct her but Gina held my hand again, obviously pleased to be referred to as Mrs. Sinclair. “Thank you so much for joining us today, your server will be here any moment.”
As soon as she was off, I told Gina, “We are not Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair.”
“We technically are, Zay,” she sighed. “Like it or not, we are still married, as the divorce papers were never fully processed. You were too busy to make it to any of the court dates, remember? I am Mrs. Sinclair, for now at least. And I would like to try my best to keep it that way. You hate me right now and you can’t see past my mistakes, which I totally understand, but I want this to work. I want you to trust me again.”
I snorted loudly. “You’re delusional, aren’t you? You and my mom both. You think your actions bear no consequences, and that you can just sweep in here with a slutty dress or take your clothes off in my room and everything will just go back to normal?”
Her face went a deep shade of pink. “I didn’t say…I didn’t mean to imply…or dress slutty—“
“Hah!” I cut her off. “So you’re just letting your breasts hang out of your dress with no intention of seducing me right? Just like how you came into my room with just a bath robe on and it conveniently slipped off your body?”
“Yes, that was me trying to seduce you. But you made it clear that you weren’t interested. Honestly, I never knew you were capable of turning down a naked woman.”
“Now you do,” I snapped. “So don’t try to pull that shit with me again.”
She put her hand over mine again. That was getting annoying.
“Zayden,” she said with her frustratingly pleasant tone back. “Be honest with me, and it’s okay, whatever the answer is. Is there someone else?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my mind automatically drifting to Aria. I wondered what she was doing right this second. Arguing with somebody about something, probably. She was feisty as hell.
“Another woman?”
“There are many. You didn’t think I have been celibate this whole time since you left, do you? If so, you’re far more idiotic than I had thought.”
“I don’t mean one of the many young women that you entertain yourself with on a regular basis – yes, word travels – I mean someone you actually care about.”
“I don’t do that whole caring thing anymore,” I said, but a part of me felt like I wasn’t being entirely truthful. After all, I had been worried sick over Aria’s sudden disappearance. I could lie to myself all I wanted – that I was mad that she was disobeying the contract, or that I simply enjoyed looking at her ass in the office – but I had spent every day of her absence wondering if she had been okay. And when she had made those drunken phone calls, I had immediately sent Ned to take her and her roommates home because I was concerned for her safety. Admitting that to myself was surprisingly scary. The last thing I needed right now was to be blinded by my emotions. I needed to grow out of caring again, as soon as possible.
“Then I’ll make you a deal, Zay,” Gina said, her tone suddenly very businesslike and professional. Before she could convey her “deal,” though, our server came over.
“Are we ready to order, sir?” A young Asian girl asked.
We both looked at her, slightly annoyed for being interrupted. “I’ll have a glass of whiskey and two spicy tuna rolls for appetizers.”
While Gina made her order, I thought of how that was one of Aria’s favorite foods and felt a familiar pang of longing. That first night we had a date in our office was so incredible. She had matched every one of my clever comments with her own, and had been delighted by the exquisite menu that was custom-made in her honor. Her reaction to the champagne in particular had been delightful. I would have to bring her here some day; this would be some of the best sushi she had ever had and I could reserve the whole restaurant just for her if she wanted. If she wanted. She had to, because I had bought her for the next few months.
With a sinking feeling, I realized that I didn’t want her to be around because of some contractual obligation, but rather because she craved my company, and my body, just as much as I craved hers. Angry with myself for feeling this way, I forced myself to believe it didn’t matter what she thought or felt. She owed me her time, willingly or otherwise. I couldn’t let the fact that she was unhappy to be around me get in the way of what I wanted. That wasn't how I functioned. At least, I really didn’t want it to be. What had that feisty redhead done to me?
“Zayden!” Gina had been repeating my name, making me snap out of it.
“Oh yeah, sorry, I spaced out,” I said, slightly frustrated to be taken away from thoughts of Aria. “You were talking about some proposition.”
“Yes, and hear me out before declining my offer,” she said, still sounding businesslike. “We cancel the divorce proceedings-“
“No way. That’s not a deal. It’s just not happening.”
“Hear me out!” She was clearly getting frustrated. All attempts at being sickeningly swe
et vanished. No more pretenses. Gina was getting to the point. She wasn’t here because she thought she loved me or something ridiculous like that.
“I know you don’t have any feelings for me, and I am okay with that. But you gain something by having me around: you can shut your mother up and she will stop with the threats if she thinks we are back together and happy.”
“Your point being?”
“We can stay married, but we don’t have to actually be married. You are free to do whoever you want, and I will do the same. Just on the down low. I will have my own room in your house – except when your mother is around so we can sell it – and not bother you with your life whatsoever. We have no physical obligations to each other, or emotional, but to your mother we will appear as a functioning happy couple. It’s enough to get her off your back. Tons of rich people do this kind of thing.”
“What do you want in return? You obviously wouldn’t be making this deal if there wasn’t something in it for you.”
“Money and security,” she said and shrugged, as though it were only natural.
Even though I always knew these things, the fact that Gina was sitting in front of me like this and boldly stating her screwed-up intentions made me surprisingly angry. She would definitely fit in The Real Housewives cast.
“You are appalling!”
“Some would say I am clever in looking out for myself. Always have been. You are a very difficult person to love. There isn’t a woman out there in the world capable of it, I guarantee you.”
Her words hit harder than they should have. Was she right? Was I just completely unlovable? Not that it mattered – regardless of whether a woman loved me or not, I was still the most powerful man in a two-hundred mile radius of this town. What did it matter if I could never get some dumb girl to devote her life to me? Love was bullshit, anyway. I always knew this: nobody was capable of loving anybody else…
My mind drifted to Aria again. Until the running out of my office incident the other day, she had always spoken surprisingly highly of me. She had called me a friend and even said that people underrated my character. Surely, Aria would disagree with what this woman was saying?
Starting to get angry with myself again, I scoffed. What the hell did it matter? Why did I care so much what Aria thought? Why was Gina’s comment about me being impossible to love making me think of Aria? I did not want her to fall in love with me.? That’s the last thing I would want: it would just complicate things and make it difficult to get rid of her after the contract was over. The whole idea behind our deal was to not have any messy endings. The problem was, as I was just realizing, that I wasn’t sure if I wanted there to be an ending at all. The idea of “getting rid of her” sounded wrong in my head, as though I was planning to get rid of an organ from my own body.
What the fuck was happening to me?
“Are you going to keep spacing out, or are you capable of having a mature discussion about this?”
“Mature?” I sniggered. “What part of any of this is mature? A marriage of convenience? Mostly of convenience to you, I might add, you shameless gold-digger.”
“Oh, stop it, Zay. It’s not my fault you were so blind the whole time. I was with other men since before our wedding and you were just in denial. You never asked any questions! I figured it was because you knew what I was after and didn’t really care. Because it was and always has been a marriage of convenience. You just wanted a wife to take to charity events and shut your mother up, I just wanted your money. We can still continue to have that. Why even pretend to care?”
She was right. I never really loved her or cared for her. Gina was simply a woman my mother approved of and she kept out of my business as long as I was with her. I enjoyed fucking her from time to time but other than that there never really had been any connection. I should not have been surprised when I found out she had been cheating – I am not sure why I ever was. But she was right, this had always been a marriage of convenience. And could continue to be…but…
I couldn’t stop thinking of Aria, and how she would react to finding out about Gina. She would never be okay with having any kind of relationship with a married man, she was far too self-righteous for that. No matter how hard I explained to her that it was just a marriage in name without any of the values, she would see me as a lying, cheating adulterer. If I were to accept Gina’s offer, I would have to make sure Aria never ever found out about it. It meant I could never take her home with me, never take her to any more public events and she would be diminished to the role of my mistress. She was far too strong-willed and independent to accept any situation where that’s the tag she ended up with. Even the suggestion of it would hurt her pride far too much for her to ever recover from it and forgive me.
“I will have to think about it, Gina,” I said eventually, exasperated.
“Take as long as you need,” she said, her sweet demeanor back. “I hope we can make this work, Zay.”
“Cut it out with that sugary sweet tone,” I snapped. “I haven’t accepted yet.”
Chapter 9
Aria
I got a call from my mom right after completing my make-up exam for Statistics. Another ten-thousand dollars had been added to her medical account.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, sweetheart. I promise I will get myself together and help you repay the loan cent by cent,” she said on the phone.
“More money was paid?” I asked, sounding more surprised than I should have. It was the end of month two after all.
“Of course, thank you Aria. I am lucky to have a daughter like you.”
If only she knew what I was doing in order to get her medical bills paid. I doubt she’d think I was the best daughter ever. But what she didn’t know didn’t hurt her.
“How is everything else, mom?” I asked, deliberately changing the subject.
“Good, good. You should come visit this weekend. I really could use some company and I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“I will try, but can’t promise anything okay?” I crossed my fingers behind my back. I wasn’t going to try and visit her just yet; I had way too many things to sort through first. On the other hand, I could probably use some time away from all of this.
“Okay, sweetheart. No pressure. I know you have enough going on between your job and school, and this loan must only add stress.”
If only she knew.
“It’s okay, mom. I will try my best, okay? I love you, I have to go now!”
I had made up my mind about what was to happen and it was time to follow through. This wasn’t going to be easy. If I knew Zayden at all, then he wasn’t going to make it easy. But if I didn’t break the contract now, I would never be able to look at myself again. I hadn’t signed up to be in a controlling relationship where I was somebody’s puppet. I had signed up to spend time with him in return for a favor that I was going to return. He had taken it too far and convinced himself somehow that he hadn’t bought my time, but me. I was not going to let him get away with that. I had gotten this far in life by living it on my own terms, and I wasn’t going to allow some man to dictate how I lived it all of a sudden because of a piece of paper. I would have to find another way to help mom, and I sure as hell was willing to do anything to this end. I didn’t need Zayden or his money. I was going to be okay.
---
When I reached the bank – after almost two weeks – my heart was fluttering, and not in a good way. It was a little past five so everyone else should have scurried off by now. It made me glad because the thought of having this conversation with Zayden and with people staring through his window was chilling. Actually, the thought of having this conversation with him at all was chilling.
I had to get ahold of myself.
What was he going to do? Take me to court? It was just a silly contract, and maybe not even legally binding. I would pay the twenty thousand dollars he had already given to the hospital back as soon as possible, and then take care of the rest of my
mom’s debt.
I walked in with wobbly feet, my chest shuddering with fear, only to find out he wasn’t in. Of course, the one day he decides to leave work early had to be now. If I didn’t do this now, I would never be able to get out of the contract. It had to be taken care of before I could have a second to change my mind. I headed to the teller’s booth and dialed Zayden’s cellphone. No answer. I called once more and then decided it was best to text him.
With trembling fingers I typed: I’m out of the contract. I can’t do this anymore.
My phone started ringing immediately after. It was him.
“Hi,” I said, clutching my shirt tightly.
“What was that text about?” Zayden’s voice was trembling and for a moment I wondered if he was as scared as I was. He was probably just pissed. Then I remembered I was nothing but a commodity to him.
“You read it. I want out.” It took everything I had to keep my voice straight. “I really cannot do this anymore, Zayden. You are too controlling and it’s not something I can handle. I think you are a decent person, and I always will. Thank you for helping me out and everything, really. I have nothing against you whatsoever, but I cannot live my life as somebody’s possession. I am just the wrong person for this deal. You need someone who will do your bidding and let you control her life. You should have probably figured that out by now. I really enjoyed spending time with you before things got out of control. You don’t get nearly enough credit for just how fun you can be. I am going to miss that, whatever we had, but this is not worth my dignity and never will be.”
To my surprise and utter horror, he started laughing hysterically, and after about a full minute of that insanity, he said, “You are joking right? I mean you’ve read our contract. You signed it.”
The truth was, I hadn’t fully read it as I should have. I skimmed through it and got the basic gist of it – I was to spend time with him, go on dates with him and owed him no sexual obligations. In return, he would pay for my mom’s hospital bills, which I was to pay him back as soon as I got a job out of college – and the rest seemed to just be legal jibber jabber. I marveled at how stupid it was of me to not give it a more thorough perusal, and feared that I had got myself in a situation I didn’t want to be in.