by Claire Adams
I went without having any idea of what to expect, trying to calm the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. What’s the worst that could happen? He had, after all, just made the effort to show me that he was capable of making some changes. But did he really have to call Rick here and make a whole scene of it? No matter how excited I was, I couldn’t help my temper.
“Why did you call him here?” I snapped as soon as I walked into his office.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Wasn’t it obvious? I gave him the permission to talk to you!”
“Who do you think you are, god? You can just swing people around like puppets and tell them what they can or can’t do? If you were trying to make the point that you are not going to be controlling anymore, the best way to do it would not have been by controlling another human being and giving them ‘permission,’ as though you owned the rights to their life.”
Upon hearing that his eyes got red with what seemed to be anger. “What the fuck do you even want from me, Aria? I just ended a very long and complicated relationship with my ex-wife, something for which I will have to face more consequences than you can imagine. And I let that guy talk to you. Why isn’t any of this shit enough?”
“Oh, the sad consequences of not having a beautiful blonde woman as a trophy wife. I feel your pain,” I said and immediately regretted it. I was being bitchy for no reason, while he was making the effort. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–”
“You have no idea what I will have to endure for ending that relationship.”
“Tell me then. Give me an idea,” I spoke more softly. “What was the whole deal behind you and your wife?”
“My mother thinks that Gina is an angel who descended from heaven. She almost tried to kill herself because of our divorce, and I have been forced to try couple’s counseling ever since. She then invited her to come live in my home, making more threats about taking her own life. I didn’t have a choice in any of this, but I don’t expect you to understand. You have already made up your mind that I am a lying scumbag–”
“I don’t think you’re a scumbag!” I exclaimed, cutting him off. “I did think you were lying to me. I had no idea… about your mom… you never talked about her.”
“Well, she isn’t exactly my favorite topic of conversation.”
“I am sorry, Zayden,” I said his name properly for the first time in a while and the effect on him was visible. His tense face lightened up considerably, and his muscles relaxed. “If I had known about your mother, I wouldn’t have been so harsh… you have to understand what it looked like to me… like you had been lying all along.”
“You didn’t think to give me the benefit of the doubt even for a second, did you? Even though I had never lied to you. Hell, I had convinced myself somehow that you thought I was a half-way decent human being, which was a refreshing change.” He started to look angry again, as though the full implications of my reaction were finally starting to sink in.
“I do think that you are a decent human being,” I said in a desperate attempt to smooth out the situation. “But you have to look at it from my perspective too. Mrs. Brian told me that no matter who you were screwing around with, your wife always came back in the end. Like there was some sort of a repeating pattern and she said you two were meant to be and any girl who thought you would put her before your wife was deluded!”
“So you would rather listen to a crazy old bitch than trust me or hear me out?” He was clutching the hem of his shirt tightly; it made me afraid. His temper was clearly rising.
“It’s not like that. I am sorry about what your mother has been putting you through,” I said genuinely.
“So you believe me, then?” He met my eyes in surprise.
“Of course!” I said at once. “Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugged. “You didn’t believe me when I said there was nothing between Gina and I, so why would you believe this?”
“Because I know you better than to think you would make up some story about your mother trying to kill herself just to get in my pants.”
“That’s reassuring,” he said sarcastically. “You can get back to work.”
“But–”
“Go!” he shouted, pointing at the door.
With that I was dismissed as he jumped back into handling whatever paperwork was in front of him. I walked back to my desk feeling confused with a million questions in my mind. So where did we stand? He had ended it with his wife for me, despite it risking his relationship with his mother. But he hadn’t mentioned anything about our contract or where we stood in regards to that…
I wanted to ask him, but he seemed to be in a foul mood and I didn’t want to upset him even further. Nervous about my mother’s hospital bills, I decided I would wait a couple of days and then bring up the issue with him. I just hoped that I hadn’t caused problems between Zayden and his mother. What if she got so upset that she tried to kill herself again? The thought of that sent a shudder down my spine. I would never be able to forgive myself for causing that. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for him to have ended things with his wife. Since I couldn’t get myself to go back in there and tell him that, I wrote him an email.
Zayden,
I don’t know where we stand in terms of our contract right now, and I don’t need to know for now. I did, however, want to apologize for not giving you a chance to explain it about your mom before. It must be hard for you to deal with this situation. The last thing I would want in the world is to cause your mother to be upset and do something that hurts you, just because I couldn’t handle the fact that you were married. Please don’t rush to end things with your wife – I believe that you are not sexually involved with her because I trust you – but perhaps you should take more time to sort things out with your mom before ending it so suddenly. I promise I won’t let it affect our contract, regardless of what happens to it.
Aria
P.S. I really do think you are a decent person, a little more controlling than you need to be, but better than most men I know.
I waited until it was time for me to leave before hitting send so that I wouldn’t have to watch him read it.
---
The Friday after Zayden ended it with his wife, I was hanging out with Nick and Stacey in our living room, when I got a phone call from my mom.
“Hi mom,” I answered, surprised. “Isn’t it a little late for you to be calling? You are always in bed by ten. Is everything okay?”
Mom giggled nervously, suggesting that she must be a little tipsy. “Everything is okay, dear. Or I think so. I don’t know. The last two months, my hospital bills had been paid by this day but it hasn’t gone through yet this time, and I wanted to check to see if everything is okay on your end.”
Shit. I felt my face grow hot with frustration. The month was not over yet, technically. But perhaps this meant – it could mean – had Zayden decided our contract was over after all and he wouldn’t be making any more payments?
“Mom, I have to tell you something,” I said, resigned. “Please listen very carefully and don’t get upset with me.”
“Why would I get upset with you?” she asked sounding surprised that I would even suggest such a thing. “You have been wonderful, Aria, helping me with my hospital bills like this! I only hope I get the opportunity to do something great for you in return someday.”
“You have mom, you did that little thing where you, you know, raised me?” I tried to sound cheerful but my insides were at war. How was I going to explain it to her? The contract was not exactly something she would approve of; it would sound, no matter how I put it, like I was selling myself. She would not be able to handle that. I had to come up with a better story. “Listen, mom,” I started again. “I may have lied to you a little bit, but it was so you didn’t feel uncomfortable about those payments. My loan never exactly got through.”
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until she spoke, “What do you mean your loan never got through? You have been making
payments! I have the receipt!”
“That wasn’t me,” I said sulkily, as Stacey threw me a pillow for comfort.
“What? I don’t understand. Of course it was you!”
“It wasn’t. I mean it was. It’s complicated. My loan got denied so my – uh – boyfriend, who has a lot of money, offered to lend me the money, which I am to pay him back after finding a job.”
“Boyfriend?” She sounded shocked. “You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend, Aria! Since when do we hide things from each other? It’s not, oh god, it’s not that awful boy who broke your heart last year, is it?”
“No mom, it’s someone else, and we hadn’t really figured out what we were for the longest time so I never felt like talking about it.”
“So the guy was willing to give you sixty thousand dollars before even putting a name on your relationship? I don’t get it, Aria. I hope you haven’t been doing anything illegal. I’m not worth the trouble.”
“No, mom, no no! Nothing illegal, I promise. Like I said, it is very complicated. But I haven’t done anything you wouldn’t approve of mom,” I said crossing my fingers.
“I don’t know, Aria. You didn’t even tell me about this guy, and he has been paying all this money.” Her voice was shaking slightly.
“I will be paying him back, I promise!” I said honestly. “But I think for now the payments will have to stop because, uh, we broke up.”
“Aww, honey! Are you all right? Maybe I should come over and spend a few days with you.”
I thought about that for a second and realized it was a horrible idea. If she came here it would be easier for her to find out exactly what the deal between me and Zayden was.
“Don’t be silly, mom.” I tried to sound as cheerful as possible. “We were not even dating for too long. He was a good boyfriend but he began to get controlling and that pissed me off so I ended it. I am not even upset about it! Worried about your hospital bills, sure, but not upset. And I will find another way to continue your payments. You trust me don’t you?”
“Of course I trust you! But I feel like I am putting way too much pressure on you with all this money business. You are twenty years old; how can I expect you to come up with forty thousand more dollars just like that? Especially if your loan got denied. Oh, those rascals! You actually work at the bank and they would still deny you.”
“It’s okay, mom, it really is. We will figure something out, you know I will. Please don’t worry about this for now. It’s late, go to bed, I will call you soon and we will make a plan. Everything is going to be alright.”
“As long as you are okay, honey,” she said, sounding apologetic. “I am so sorry about all this.”
“Don’t be! I am fine and if I can’t even help out my mom when she needs me, what’s the point of anything?” I asked brightly. “Goodnight, mom. Sleep well. You are going to be okay. We are going to be okay.”
“Goodnight, baby. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whispered and hung up, feeling extremely anxious.
Even though I had told her I would figure it out, I had no idea what I was going to do. There were only a couple of days left until the month was over, and if Zayden really had decided to back down, I hadn’t the slightest idea how I was going to get us out of this pickle.
“What is going on?” Stacey, who had been silently listening to my whole conversation finally spoke.
“What is going on, Stace,” I said sullenly. “Is that I am so very fucked.”
Chapter 6
Zayden
My last encounter with Aria had not been nearly as satisfying as I would have thought. Giving her what she wants did not make me feel the slightest bit better, but rather it made me feel weak; an emotion I had never been able to identify with in my whole life. She had sent me an email afterwards, which I unconsciously chose to ignore. Who cared if she felt guilty about my mother? She hadn’t exactly given me the opportunity to explain myself. I couldn’t help but take this time to make her as anxious and vulnerable as she had made me feel. I fully intended to make the payment to her mother’s hospital, but she didn’t need to know that yet. For another couple of days she could go on without knowing whether I was going to do it or not.
Meanwhile, I had my mom and Gina to deal with, and I figured I would start with Gina, who to her credit hadn’t told my mother anything. Perhaps for the same fear I had that she would react in a perfectly irrational manner. And I had come to believe that regardless of the fact that she was a royal pain in the ass, she really did care about my mother.
I had invited her over for breakfast at one of her favorite restaurants, so that the angry phone call wasn’t the last she heard of me. Subtlety was the secret to making sure this ordeal went smoothly from all directions, not that I had definitively decided that I was going to end it.
She arrived about ten minutes late, looking as though she had been crying. Her eyes were puffy even underneath the multiple layers of makeup, and I felt slightly uncomfortable. Oh well. As long as she didn’t start crying in front of me, it wasn’t my problem.
“Hello,” Gina said, sitting across from me. “I am sorry I’m late, I just–”
“It’s okay,” I said and waved my arm nonchalantly. “Not important. Thank you for coming here, especially after that phone call.”
“Yeah, that phone call, it was really something,” she said and attempted a meek smile. “I have been spending the last few days half hoping you were joking.”
“I wasn’t,” I said and frowned. “For what it’s worth, your deal really did sound tempting and I was seriously considering it. But then you came into my office the other day and put on a show, which I am still paying for.”
“What do you mean?” She looked genuinely surprised. “I wasn’t putting on a show. I was in the area and came by to say hello. I thought we were friends and that was acceptable.”
“We’re not friends, we never were. You know full well why you were there that day, and so do I so let’s skip all the pretenses, shall we?”
There was a long silence, during which Gina pretended to be surveying the menu intensely. When she eventually looked up to meet my eye, she said in a barely audible whisper, “I thought there wasn’t anyone else.”
“I thought you didn’t know what I was talking about,” I snapped.
“Look, I did not come in there with the intention of ruining things for you and whoever this girl is. I was, however, curious to find out if there was anyone at all. Because despite of what deal I tried to make with you, I guess some part of me wanted to believe that we could be a real couple one day, which would be impossible if your heart was someplace else.”
“Why? Why do you even care, Gina? You never loved me, by your own admission. And you know what, maybe I would have agreed to whatever you had to say, if I had gotten the chance to explain it to Ar – the girl – before she saw it the way she did. That made the decision for me. You kind of brought this onto yourself, you know?”
She started tearing up upon hearing those words. “Yep, which is why I have spent extra time bawling my eyes out the last few days. I figured it was something like that. But like I said, I wasn’t putting on a show for her, I was just testing to see if you were lying about there not being anyone else.”
“And you caught me, hoorah!” I said angrily. “Hope it was worth it.”
She was openly crying, which made me want to just walk out of the restaurant and never see her again. But I had to be careful, if I wanted my mother on my side.
“Look, I am sorry, Gina. Mostly because for once in our lives you were being honest with me when you proposed that deal. It was a refreshing change to see you so candid. But I am afraid, it can’t work out. I know you need money–”
“More… than… you…realize…” She sniffed tearfully. “I’m losing my house. It was the only thing my parents left for me and it’s getting foreclosed on, and I thought maybe if we could strike up a deal, I could save it and in return you get peace from you
r mom. And perhaps when she, you know, passed on, we could go our separate ways and we would both have gotten something out of it.”
“Why didn’t you just say that from the beginning?” I said, a brilliant plan finally playing out in my mind. This was going to be much simpler than I had thought; in fact, I was disappointed in myself for not thinking of this sooner. It was the perfect solution and I felt a surge of relief spread across my whole body as I spoke again, “I will make you a deal. Another one, but I think you will be quite pleased.”
After explaining to her that I would pay for her house if she signed the divorce papers, she looked considerably cheerful, and was almost too eager to accept.
“Thank you, Zayden! You are actually a pretty good guy, you know?” She said, wiping her face with the napkin on the table.
“No need to fawn all over me, I am doing this because I have something to gain from it as well. Pull something like you did in my office the other day again – or do anything at all to upset me and the deal is off.”
“I won’t! I will be gone forever, Zay, if that is what you want.”
After another few minutes of hearing the needless words of gratitude, I paid the check and got up to leave.
“Just one question, Zayden, before you leave,” Gina said right as I was inching towards the door. “And it is personal so don’t feel obligated to answer. I am just really curious because I have known you for so long, but I have never seen you do so much for just a girl.”
“What are you trying to get at, Gina?” I sighed.
“I don’t know. I am just wondering… are you in love this Aria girl?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” I said without thinking and walked away. It was true, love was not something I had ever experienced in my life before, so even if I felt it somehow, I would never recognize it. Nor was there any reason to recognize it. Love was probably just a word invented for the weak in order to justify extremely stupid things they did. I was neither stupid nor weak.
---