“My darling, who else?” Elly giggles, aware that she gave me a scare. I didn’t see that coming. Elly runs towards Alex, who’s smiling at her and they greet one another with a hug. They walk around the book shop hand in hand. They look so happy together! Maybe Elly is right, maybe I could be just as happy. All that I need to do is to tell Jamie how I feel about him. It’s not difficult, is it? What can go wrong? It’s only three words. Maybe I can trust him.
He’s not like my father, is he?
I raise my eyes to the entrance at the exact moment Jamie and his friend walk in. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen his pal before – he’s about as tall as Jamie, he has curly ginger hair, green eyes and a well kept beard. He must be Anthony, the guy I texted pretending to be Jamie. I don’t have a chance to ponder on whether I find him attractive or not, because I’m suddenly panicking. Without thinking twice I run to the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror – if I’m going to talk to Jamie, I have to look perfect. I’m so nervous! The lipstick is still good – I chose a dark plum one and I think it suits my face – or at least, I hope it does. I want Jamie to like it too but I have no idea if he even likes lipstick, now that I think about it. I’ve never felt so insecure before. I breathe deeply, it’s not a good idea to panic over him. I pull myself together and then I leave the bathroom. The book shop seems even more crowded and I’ve only been away for a couple of minutes. I look for Jamie, but I can’t find him anywhere. I can only see Elly talking to his friend near the till. I make my way closer to them through the crowd; I can’t give up – if I don’t do it now, I never will.
I stop a few inches away from the till because a bunch of fans are already queuing up for an autograph from Martin Goodwin. Bad timing!
“You don’t sound like a feminist at all,” Elly says to Anthony.
“I love women!” he answers. His voice is dark and low, maybe a little false.
“Not many women would like to hear what you just said – I’m surprised Jamie still enjoys going around with you!” Elly says in her usual playful tone.
“As far as I know, he never had a problem with my judgment… if anything, he appreciates my experience on the matter!” Elly giggles as though she doesn’t believe what she has just heard. What the hell are they talking about?
“I don’t really believe that!”
“Maybe you’re a bit cynical, darling, but it doesn’t matter. You’d be surprised to know how many of my suggestions have helped him to get a girl. Even the most untameable ones. If it wasn’t for me, he would have lost his job over one of them!”
“Yeah? I bet he owes you the fact that he got the job back!” Elly’s tone has become a little sharp and this worries me somewhat. I have a funny feeling that they’re talking about me… because I’m the one who nearly got Jamie into trouble at work.
“Exactly! I think he even slept with her eventually – she’s a wild girl but everyone can be tamed with time and experience.” Wait, what?
“That’s good,” Elly mutters.
Who does this man think he is? If only I can get through this crowd of fans…
“You see, here’s a problem that most of you women have – you want men to be honest, but when a man is honest with you, you don’t like it. It’s like you have a self-defence mechanism against honesty. I don’t know how long you’ve known Jamie but we’ve been friends forever and trust me, he’s the same as I am. The fact that he’s extremely patient doesn’t mean that a woman can push him around.” Wow, this guy is an absolute asshole! Is he saying that Jamie is the real victim in this story? Is that what he tells him all the time? Do they both think that I’m a wild, spoiled girl that is trying to get in the way of his career? Now that I think about it, Jamie had said clearly that this is what he thinks of me – that I’m a spoiled girl. I thought he was being honest when he said that he loved me, I thought he had changed his mind about me. I knew that I couldn’t trust him, I knew it! I suddenly feel overwhelmed with resentment, mixed with disappointment and disillusion.
“Ashley!” It takes me a moment to recognise that voice. The way he pronounces my name is somewhat friendly and warm, and it charms me even if I don’t want it to. I’m angry now, and this crowd of people blocks me from Elly and Anthony while they’re still talking. All that I want to do now is hide in a corner and sob my heart out.
“I’m working!” I snap. I turn round and walk quickly past him. I hate him, I hate him more than I used to because now I know that I love him. And I shouldn’t.
*
The book presentation is going really well, just as I hoped. Martin is an incredibly charismatic person, his readers are in heaven and they’re all excited to see him close up. We have sold an incredible amount of books.
It’s 9 p.m. and people are starting to leave; the book shop is easier to manage now. Martin’s expression reveals his satisfaction at the success of the evening; he’s rubbing the hand he used to autograph all the copies of his book we sold. Jass and Kate congratulate him on the success of his latest book, and in the meantime I go to close the till. While I am doing this, I glance at some of the delicious food prepared by Mr Purfoy. Maybe his food could help me to forget my pain and all the negativity … barely has this thought entered my head when a dish full of snacks appears in front of me.
“I thought you might be hungry…” I was so busy with the till I forgot the main reason I’m upset is still hanging around the book shop.
“That’s a bad idea,” I reply acidly. In the meantime, I have to fight desperately against the fact that my mouth is watering. He gives me a confused look, but I ignore him and walk to the table where Martin has finally finished signing copies of his book. I’m dying for revenge!
“Martin! Congratulations!” I smile. He thanks me warmly.
“Thank you, Ash.” A moment of silence, then he moves closer to me. “Now that the presentation is over…” the tone in his voice is exactly what I was after.
“Yeah, it is…”
“Can I take you out for dinner?”
“I promised you could – just tell me when.”
“Is it too soon if I say tonight?” he asks, staring at me with his deep blue eyes. Returning his gaze isn’t easy.
“I’m kind of hungry…” I reply and then I turn around to see Jamie – he’s a little nervous. His eyes betray frustration and jealousy, and he clenches his jaw angrily. He lays the plate he had filled for me on the counter and then heads to the exit. He takes his coat so forcefully that the stand tilts and falls to the floor with a loud crash. That will teach him. If he thinks that I’m a spoiled girl, I’ll behave like one.
*
During the dinner with Martin, an overwhelming sense of guilt washes over me – I feel ashamed of myself. How can I do something like this to Jamie? I can’t help but think about him all the time anyway – which is a little unfair on Martin, who’s been talking to me for about an hour now. All I can see in my mind is Jamie’s disappointed and hurt expression from earlier. It’s all his own fault though.
“Are you okay, Ashley?” Martin waves his hand a few inches in front of my face.
“Oh, yes! I’m very well, thanks!” I lie, trying to look enthusiastic – I’m not sure that I’m being at all convincing.
“You don’t look okay. You look… absent.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m just a little tired,” I reply – again, that’s a very poor excuse and I have made way too many recently.
“I understand…”
“I’m sorry, Martin. Maybe I should just go home.”
“That’s okay, do you want me to take you?” he offers.
“No, thanks, I’ll take a taxi.”
“Okay,” he says then stands up, walks around the table and pulls my chair out for me. He’s a gentleman and I can’t help but think that he might have been the right man for me… maybe at a different moment in time, in a parallel world where Jamie doesn’t exist.
It’s snowing outside. The snowflakes are very thin
but they have covered everything in white.
“Thanks for going out with me again, Ashley. You’re one of a kind and the man that you’re thinking about right now is very lucky.” Oh, hell. He knows.
“I’m sorry, Martin. I’m… I’m mortified.” I lower my eyes, embarrassed. This is really unfair on him and I feel so ashamed.
“No need to apologise, I know how difficult it is to control feelings, no matter how hard we try to,” he gives me a comforting smile.
“That’s true…” I can only agree with him. God knows how hard I’ve tried.
“Good luck, Ashley.” He bids me farewell in the snow, as the first taxi pulls over.
“Thanks – I’ll need a lot of luck! Bye, Martin.”
I feel like I should go back home, but I don’t have the courage and I can’t pretend that I didn’t hear Elly talking to Jamie’s best pal. The plan to go home is aborted.
“95 Weston Street, please.”
Elly is the only person who can help me right now.
The taxi ride is awkwardly silent. There’s no-one around in the streets at this time of night, everything is covered by a layer of snow and nobody dares drive in this weather. The noise of the taxi engine is a little muffled… it must be the snow.
When I stop outside Elly’s place, I rush to the telecom. I hope she’s not asleep already.
“Yeah?” Elly replies.
“It’s Ash, let me in!” She doesn’t say anything but she opens the door immediately. I enter the building and run upstairs – she’s waiting outside her door with an intrigued expression.
“What happened this time?” she asks, a little patronisingly, almost as if she knows the answers already but wants to hear them from me.
“I’m in love with Jamie.” I confess in one breath, then I drop helplessly onto the sofa.
She opens her eyes wide. Hearing me say something like that surprises even Elly, who’s always been convinced that I have feelings for him. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who’s been surprised by this revelation.
“Can you say that again?”
“No, I can’t – it took all my effort to say it even once.”
“Elly… who is it?” Alex asks behind us, he sounds sleepy. I’ve never seen him like this before – when we did uni work together, I was always the one who wanted to sleep and he lived on coffee all the time. I turn around, surprised, and I see him in pyjamas.
“Alex?”
“It’s Ashley – nothing to worry about, darling.”
“Hey, Ashley,” he grins, then goes back to where he came from.
“I didn’t realise that Alex was here, I wouldn’t have bothered you otherwise. I thought that you…” I attempt to say.
“You’ve been distracted these last few weeks, Ashley.”
“By what?”
“By Jamie, what else? And a little bit by yourself,” she answers. Her straightforward reply leaves me speechless, but I can’t deny that she’s right.
“I’m a terrible friend to you.”
“No, don’t say that – you’re an honest girl, Ashley, and that’s the way you are. You have a thousand good and annoying qualities and you’ve always been like this anyway. I like you the way you are.”
I’m speechless, again.
“So, where were we?” Elly gives me a look of complicity… the same look that I’ve seen so many times over the years.
“That I’m in…” I can’t say it again. I just can’t.
“You’re in love with Jamie,” she concludes. “I know. I just don’t understand why you’re here.” I don’t know what she’s trying to get at.
“I tried to tell him the way I feel today at the book shop, I had finally made my mind up…” I confess. “But then I heard you and his friend talk about how he had given Jamie a lot of tips on women, the fact that I’m a spoiled girl and how all that he did was an attempt to tame me. He talked about me like a fool who almost caused him to lose his job. Who else talked to him about me like that, if not Jamie? I’m just a spoiled girl for him and everything he did was to control me and make his life easier. All this irritated me and I got Martin to ask me out for dinner while Jamie was watching… after rejecting the food he’d just brought me.”
“Oh, Ashley!”
“I know, I know. It’s a disaster, but you heard what his friend thinks about me. I was blind with anger – I just reacted instinctively.” I admit nervously.
“Before rushing to any conclusions, you should have listened to the whole conversation,” Elly says. What? What did I miss that was so important?
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you had listened to the whole conversation, you’d know that Jamie doesn’t approve of his friend’s attitude towards women – which is the reason why he never takes his advice and I doubt that he ever asks for any help from him on the subject,” Elly explains.
“It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t follow his friend’s suggestions or if he asks for any help, he must have talked about me like that!”
“Like what?”
“Like he considers me a spoiled child, he told his friend that I only cause trouble. I’m just a burden for him and he doesn’t want me around… he doesn’t love me, he just said it to… I don’t know why!”
“Why do you think that?”
“I just know it.”
“Oh, Ashley! Have you forgotten what you told me about him a while ago? You were on about how annoying he is, how you don’t like having him around your apartment.”
“That was before.”
“How’s it different now?”
“I don’t know, it’s just different.” I admit, after a minute of silence.
“See? It’s normal for him to talk to his friends about his private life, especially when you did all that you could to annoy him. He loves you, though, and everything he did wasn’t to prevent you from causing any trouble, but to show you how much he cares. Let me tell you, it would be very silly of you to let him go – it’s about your happiness. You’ve been talking about him for so long and it’s obvious that you’re both made for each other.”
“Do you reckon?”
Elly moves a lock of her hair behind her ear and then takes my hands in hers. “Go back home and find a way to apologise.”
I lower my eyes to our hands and I squeeze hers a little, then I stand up.
“Okay, I’m off now. Thank you so much, Elly. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Even Santa would hate you without me!” Elly jokes, while I walk out of her flat. I just hope it’s not too late.
20
I glance at my watch and I realise that it’s a few minutes past 2 a.m. I unlock the front door and sneak in furtively. It’s all dark but I expect Jamie to turn the lights on any moment and nag me for getting back home so late. The living room remains in the dark, though, until I find the courage to switch on the lights. There’s no Jamie looking at me with disapproval.
A wave of panic grips me again; I rush upstairs with my coat still on and open Jamie’s door, being careful not to make too much noise. I peek into his room. For a moment, I fear that it is empty, but then I realise that he’s asleep in bed – he’s really so beautiful, despite looking worried and tired. His blanket covers him up to his hips and I wonder how he’s not freezing. Without thinking, I approach his bed and I tuck him in. I stay there for a moment, just staring at him, I don’t know for how long. It’s wonderful to look at him, which I realised the first time I found him asleep on his bed a couple of months ago. If only I knew then what I know now, I would have avoided making so many mistakes.
I yawn and I realise that I’m dead tired, so I force myself to leave the room and head downstairs. When I reach the last step, an unpleasant realisation sweeps over me – I can’t ignore this feeling.
Jamie must be upset with me for the way I acted at the book presentation… and I can’t let him leave the apartment without letting him know how much I care for him. Okay, I need to keep a lev
el head. I have to find a way to convince him that I like having him here with me, even if I’ve been doing my best to restrict his freedom in the apartment.
It’s no use being hard on myself right now. I abandon my coat on the sofa and I suddenly have an idea. I walk into my father’s office, where the smell of cigars still reminds me vividly of him, and I turn on the computer. Five minutes later, I’m on the Internet. I need to find the name of the company that sells my favourite sofa in the living room… what was it called? Oh yeah, Logan’s. I google the name and am taken to the company’s website, with an incredible range of sofas. They’re all beautiful, but I know what I’m looking for. I scroll through a few items and then, after some research, I finally find the right one – a curved leather sofa with some footstools. It’s perfect! I look at the price and… I almost have a stroke there and then! If only Dad had given me access to his bank account.
Okay, no need to panic, I’m not the type who gives in at the first hurdle. How do people without money buy things that are way too expensive for them? Loan – why didn’t I think of that before? It should only take fourteen months to pay for the sofa. I can afford it. Hopefully I’ll have my father’s money in less than nine months anyway and I’ll be able to pay all my debts off then. I click on the item in question and arrange for delivery tomorrow afternoon at 5 p.m. I type in my address, my name and a message for Jamie.
For Jamie – I want you to feel welcome in the apartment and I want you to know that I care about you more than I care about the place. You were right – denying it won’t help me. I’m sorry for what I did last night.
best,
Ashley
I wanted to write ‘love, Ashley’ but I couldn’t – that’s too explicit, too straightforward. After another click, a message appears on the screen: ‘Thank you for your order – your delivery request has been received. Thank you for choosing us.’
I shut down the computer and head to my room without waiting for the screen to turn off completely. I want to go to sleep to avoid thinking about what I just did too much.
The Inheritance: A feisty, giggle-inducing romance Page 22