by Dizzy Hooper
Because in that moment, my whole midsection twists and seizes. I gasp with the intensity of it, reaching for my babies, putting my hands to my belly, but I can't keep it in.
I stagger to knees. Grady is there, catching me.
And then there's stabbing pain. A gush of fluid.
And the water of my womb pours out from between my shaking legs.
Chapter 11
A million things seem to happen at once.
Grady screams my name. Colt and Landen circle around me, teeth bared, big bodies puffed up.
"My rug," Katarina moans, and my mates growl louder.
My father says, "Sweetheart," but I don't know if he's talking to that awful woman or to me, I don't know anything.
I can't breathe.
The scents of the other wolves in the room burn my nostrils, the wrongness of being anywhere except our safe, quiet den too much. It should just be me and my mates here and we shouldn't be here.
This can't be happening.
"No," I groan, clutching my abdomen.
"Jessie, Jessie—" Claire puts her hand on my arm. Grady makes a low noise of warning in his throat, but she brushes him off, insisting, "I'm a nurse, I can help." She squeezes my arm harder. "Jessie, just breathe."
"I can't—this can't—"
"Have you been having contractions?"
"No." Or. Shit. "I don't know."
"Everything tensing all up at once?"
Oh God. "Maybe?"
Jesus. All day yesterday, I felt off. I blamed it on the heightened emotions of being back here, on the long drive and the stress of unburdening myself to my mates, but what if it was something more? My pups have been restless. I've written off or ignored a whole host of pains and pangs as simple nerves.
What if I was going into labor the whole time?
When Claire woke us from our slumber, I felt a trickle between my legs. I assumed it was my mates' spend from our late night love-making, but what if it was something more? What if my water was leaking?
What if it was the sex that caused it? Isn't that something you hear? That orgasms can trigger labor?
Well, I had a whole bunch of them a few hours ago. I thought I was connecting with my mates, but holy hell. Maybe I was really just telling my pups to go ahead and make their debut.
"Okay, it's going to be all right." Shedding the meekness she's shown the whole time we've been here, Claire takes charge. She looks around. "Nikki, call Josie." She glances to Grady, then me. "That's the closest midwife."
"How far out?" Grady says from between gritted teeth.
"Far. But we'll get her on her way anyway."
Oh God.
Another spasm racks me. "I can't have these babies here."
"Not sure you're going to have much choice," Claire says.
Nikki steps away, phone by her ear.
"No, no, no," I mumble.
I can't do this.
"Come on." Claire urges me up.
Grady takes me in his arms, helping me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Katarina screeches after us.
"Guest bedroom."
"Those are new sheets—"
Two angry wolves in her face make her go white, her mouth snapping shut.
"What they said," Grady grits out.
He and Claire lead me along. I have to stop in the doorway as what I now recognize as a contraction takes my breath away.
Fuck. I knew this would hurt, but I had no idea.
I shudder. Shifter births are usually short and relatively easy—especially with multiple pups. But I went to the birthing classes. It's only going to get worse from her. Claire was trying to keep the concern from her face, but I could read between the lines. The chances of the midwife making it here before I progress are small, and I know this area. No way we're making it to a hospital. I didn't want any medication, but the dead certainty that an epidural is beyond my reach makes the next spasm twist me up even more painfully.
"Shit," I moan. My vision blanks as my body tries to turn itself inside out.
Anxiety spikes inside me. Forget an epidural.
What if something goes wrong? What if one of my pups is breach or isn't breathing? A thousand disaster scenarios spin themselves out in my mind, and I have no answer for any of them.
I reach out, grasping Grady's collar in my hand tight enough the fabric tears. "The pups—"
"Are going to be fine." He closes his hand over mine, stilling me. His golden eyes bore down at me, radiating confidence and assuredness, but I can smell the fear on him.
He knows this could all go pear-shaped fast.
Feeding off our worry, Colt and Landen give little whines.
"It's going to be fine," Grady repeats.
As the contraction passes, I release my grip on him. He nods to Claire, and we keep moving down the hall. Colt and Landen form a barrier of fur and teeth and bone between us and my father's mate. I don't think they're following, but I don't know.
Eventually, I have to trust myself to the care of my cousin and my alpha. Together, they move me into a beautiful new guest room. If Katarina weren't so terrible, I would almost feel bad for the mess we're about to make of it.
Nikki follows us in, speaking in quiet tones to Claire, who nods grimly.
"What?" I ask. "What?"
"Nothing," Claire promises, but I don't believe her.
Not that I have much I can do about it. Another contraction makes my vision go white. I hear screaming in the distance, and it only occurs to me too late that it's me.
"This is moving fast," Claire says.
"Too fast?" Grady's voice is high and anxious.
"We'll take care of her." And she sounds so confident. For a second, I almost forget to be afraid.
But only a second.
We get the door shut behind us. Colt remains a wolf, but Landen shifts back, moving toward me, unashamed by his nudity, anguish and worry written on every inch of him.
The next contraction comes on even faster.
When it passes, I find myself on my knees, my face buried against the soft comforter spread over the bed. I look to Claire, terrified. "What do I do?"
"You'll know," she promises.
Do I believe her?
In quiet tones, she gives out instructions, moving around the room. Grady and Landen help to begin to remove my clothes. But even when I'm bare from the waist down, I tear at my shirt. I can't explain it, but I need it off, I can't stand to have it on my skin.
Grady reaches for me, helping me with the fabric. I claw at my bra strap as well. As soon as I'm naked, I sag into him. His scent surrounds me, and I let his strong body shore me up.
Claire and Nikki have laid out a pile of towels on the bed. They help to get me laid out on my back on top of them, my legs spread, my abdomen writhing. I thank them profusely through the contractions. I want to apologize for the inconvenience, for my lack of shame, but I'm too grateful for their help.
Just like I'm grateful for my mates. Only…
Only…
I turn to Grady and Landen with something wild fluttering in my lungs. Aren't I supposed to warn them off? I want them here so much, but… "You don't have to—if you don't want to see—"
"Don't," Grady snaps. He holds onto me tighter.
Landen shakes his head. "They'd have to drag me away."
"They just might," Nikki says under her breath, eyeing the closed door, but Claire jabs her with an elbow.
Right. Because my father and his mate and her kin are right outside. A howl builds in the back of my throat. Colt, still in his wolf, echoes the sentiment, and Tommy lets out a reply from just beyond the door.
I can't worry about any of that now—I couldn't even if I wanted to. The contractions build in speed and intensity. Things inside me are moving, and it's like my wolf trying to break free, only it's more. Different.
I know better than to shift, and honestly, I don't even want to. This is the form I'm meant to hold right now, but my bon
es are moving like they would in the middle of a transformation. My joints pop and my hips creak. Turning my face to the side, I bear down, leaning into the pain.
Something new tears inside me, and I scream.
"Jess—" Panic colors Grady's tone, and I want to reassure him.
Fuck, I want to reassure Colt. Colt who was terrified of this entire process, too wounded by the loss of his kin to bear the thought of losing me, too.
But I haven't the breath to spare.
Claire curses, and I barrel right into another contraction, and how can I open so deeply? How can this life inside me possibly find its way out?
How can I do this?
"Come on, try all fours."
They turn me around, and that's better somehow. I have the strength to ground myself, the leverage to push.
Sobs rack me as the pain goes red hot. I wretch and push, and hot hands push my sweaty hair from my face. Time stretches and pulls, until it feels as if all I have ever been is this vessel, breaking under the strain of giving birth.
And then everything in me goes impossibly tight. Brightness bursts across my vision.
"There we go…" Claire murmurs.
I scream, and something gives…
I feel the body of my child slip free of my womb and out from between my legs, and I cry and cry and cry. The pup makes its own noises as it twists free.
"A girl," Landen says, wonder in his voice.
Tears stream down my face.
But I'm not done.
My other two pups come quickly after that. It's just like my midwife predicted—two girls and a boy, and it's like hope has sparked inside the world.
The wolf shifters of Broken Ladder Falls have been lost to grief for so long, but we're bringing new life to that pack.
We're giving them a chance to start again.
Here. With me. My mates. Our children.
Finally, when it's all over, I collapse onto my side. I stare up into the overhead light with a breathless euphoria. Colt must have shifted back at some point in the chaos, because he's standing there beside Landen and Grady, and my eyes fill anew with tears.
They're each holding a tiny, towel-wrapped bundle.
They look complete.
Blissful.
In awe.
Grady directs his gaze to me, all the love in the universe spiraling out inside his eyes. "Do you want to hold them?"
More than anything.
Three wriggling, naked bodies are placed upon my chest. A sheet is drawn up over me, covering the mess between my legs. I pull my babies in tight.
My heart cracks open, growing until I don't know how my fragile ribs are supposed to contain it.
This wasn't supposed to happen here. It wasn't supposed to be now.
But holding my pups, surrounded by my mates, here in the very house where I was born, with my once-lost kin around me…
It feels so, so right.
Chapter 12
By the time the midwife shows up, there's basically nothing for her to do.
I lie there on the guest bed, exhausted and satisfied. Every single part of my body hurts—especially my breasts, where my tiny pups are trying to learn how to feed.
It's not going so great.
I coax them along all the same. My mates hover around me, bickering happily about whose turn it is to hold whichever child isn't currently attempting to nurse. Each one radiates joy, and a new sense of pride fills me, watching these strong males turn into piles of mush for these babies. Already, they love their pups so much, and I didn't think it was possible, but I love them all the more for it.
I always knew they would be amazing fathers. To find out I was right makes my heart sing.
But there are unpleasant matters to attend to. Claire leads the midwife in, and I spread my aching legs for her to look at the damage. The gray-haired shifter inspects me with gentle hands and nods, satisfied.
"You'll be all right. No need for stitches." She pulls away and pats my thigh. Claire draws the sheet back into place to cover me. "You'll want to shift soon, though."
I frown.
All the literature about giving birth as a shifter emphasizes that fact. The process of transformation allows us to heal the wounds of labor.
My wolf perks up at the idea. She's been caged up inside me for so long. She's eager to run.
But even she agrees with my hesitation.
"And if I wanted to wait?"
It's the midwife's turn to look confused. "Why ever for?"
I glance among my mates.
The cloud of relief and joy that surrounds them is deep and true, but a thread of tension still threads its way across the room. Every one of us is highly aware of the fact that we're in enemy territory.
Colt rebalances his weight from one foot to the other, while Landen bristles. Grady's throat bobs. He nods. His silent support strengthens my resolve.
I need to shift to heal, but changing into my wolf leaves my pups defenseless. My mates will care for them, of course, but my arms are where they belong.
Until we can make it to the safety of our home, none of us wants to risk it.
The midwife shakes her head and waves me off. "If you want to be miserable for longer, suit yourself."
Contented with her answer, I go back to tending my babies. She confers with Claire about something or other, but I don't pay much attention.
Instead, I stroke the cheek of the tiny cherub whining pitifully as she struggles to latch. Shifting my arm, I help her find a better position. It seems to help.
She and her brother lie there, all their focus on feeding and growing, and I'm nearly overwhelmed all over again, just looking at them.
How did we create such perfect little creatures? How did we make life?
Each of our pups is a wonder. There's the boy, an alpha in the making, I'm just sure of it. He has Grady's eyes and a bald, wrinkly, pink little head, and I want to eat him up, he's so adorable.
Then the girls. I lean down to kiss the tuft of golden hair of my the eldest's head. She smells like milk and pack and family.
I glance up. Colt is currently holding the other girl. His grip on her is secure and yet achingly gentle. He catches my eye and smiles at me, and I feel his relief like a cascade of light flowing all the way down my spine.
We made it. We're here, together. A family.
"Have you thought about names?" the midwife asks, punching through my reverie.
I nod. We haven't decided, but…
"Stella," Colt says, voice thick. His mother.
Landen reaches down to run a finger along the arm of the little girl with his golden hair. "Maya."
His sister.
Grady swallows hard. "And Roman."
His father. Who survived the massacre, only to fade and pass in the aftermath, when the grief became too much.
My eyes mist over.
These pups—these children—they're the future of the Broken Ladder Falls pack. They carry so many hopes and dreams.
But they won't be slaves to those expectations. We're going to raise them with so much love, and whatever and whoever they choose to be…
We'll love them for exactly that.
"Well, I can see they're in good hands," the midwife says.
It's the closest she's come to warm since she arrived, and I'm embarrassingly grateful for it.
She leaves not much later.
Claire lingers awkwardly by the door. "If you need anything…"
"We'll call you," I promise. "Go. Get some sleep."
She looks as exhausted as I feel.
"Thank you," Grady says, seeing her out.
The rest of us echo that sentiment. We were so lucky she was here. She may not have her nursing certificate yet, but she's a natural. She's going to help so many people—I can tell.
Nikki departed a while ago. Tommy's probably still lurking around the place somewhere.
As for the rest of my kin…
The presence of my father and his mate
and her goons remains an itch under my skin. I won't rest easy until we're out from under their roof.
We haven't seen any trace of them since I went into labor. We made it quite clear they weren't welcome, and with how feral my mates became in their rush to protect me, I'm pretty sure they'll give us a wide berth for some time yet to come.
I still want to talk to my dad. To confront him. Maybe even to save him, if there's any of the warm, loving father I remember remaining inside of him to save.
For now, though, I just want to get to know my children and to bask in the glow with my mates.
They seem to have the same instinct.
It's a tight fit on this one queen bed, but the instant we're alone, the three of them settle in. Colt comes to sit on edge of the mattress by my feet, his precious little bundle wrapped up safely in his arms. Taking care not to jostle any of us, Landen moves to lounge on the free side of the bed.
Meanwhile, Grady lies out on the other side me, curled around the shape of my body. As he runs one fingertip along the line of our son's spine, awe and a new kind of softness sparkle in his eyes.
My alpha glances up to me, and I can feel the weight of pure emotion sitting on his chest. "They're incredible. You're incredible."
My own emotions bubble to the surface. I'm exhausted, but I'm still riding high on endorphins after surviving giving birth. Everything seems bright and perfect.
And nothing seems brighter or more wonderful than these males. Than the children we created together.
I shake my head, my eyes prickling. "You guys are the incredible ones."
How can I possibly express the gratitude I feel? They took me in when I was nothing. They cared for me and loved me and mated me, and now they've bred me, giving us these unbelievable gifts.
"Shh." Landen moves in closer to press a kiss to my brow.
"We're all incredible," Colt says, gruff, but he's not fooling anyone. He's a goner for these kids—and for me.
"Rest," Grady urges me. "We've got them. We've got you."
And so I do. Being in this house still fills me with forboding, but my mates' scents and their closeness flood my senses with a feeling of safety. Secure in their care, I allow my loose limbs to melt, my heavy eyelids to fall.