I hate to feel so weak, so helpless. But more than anything I hate to feel so broken without them.
‘Nate,’ Marina pleads. She wraps her arms around me and then sits down in my cross-legged lap.
She feels like a child, sitting here, resting her head beneath my chin. I put my arms around her finally and pull her closer, as close as I can get her.
‘The last thing my father said to me was, “Be home by six”.’ I feel Marina lift her head to look at me, but I just keep looking down at my hands, resting on her legs.
‘I mean, what kind of last words are they?’
Marina puts her hands in mine. They aren’t shaking as badly now, and my breathing has calmed.
She doesn’t know what to say, and I don’t blame her. I’m no good with words.
‘But I wasn’t home by six,’ I tell her. For the first time in my life I can’t stop talking. ‘I was late. If I’d been on time—’
‘Then you could have been killed as well.’
‘Or I could have saved them.’
She shakes her head and I can feel her body shake along with it.
‘You’re blaming yourself, but it’s pointless.’
I have never heard such harsh words from Marina—they sting.
I swallow hard.
‘There are so many things I deserve to know. Why didn’t they tell me?’
Marina shrugs.
‘Maybe they wanted to protect you. Blake doesn’t sound like the safest guy to be acquainted with.’
She is right, but I can’t admit that. I can’t say anything. I wish they had told me. I wish they had trusted me enough not to lie to me.
They lied to me for so long.
Hermia
I still don’t feel any sense of belonging with the eight people around me; they are not who I want to be grouped with. They don’t understand that just because I look like I want to kill them, doesn’t mean I actually do want to kill them.
Law stands before us, Chase and Rence by his side, flanked by ten or more other keepers behind them.
I see Chase’s friend Josh among the keepers and try not to look at him for too long. He stands out like a sore thumb, though, with his bright blond hair and blue eyes. He looks as though he still has colour in him, as though this grey place has not stolen it from him yet.
‘We are heading out.’ Law’s voice booms through the training room.
You could cut the tension, spread it like butter and have a nice dinner; I’ve never felt such tension. This is Collins’ doing.
‘You will be split into two groups.’ My heart rises, but I can feel the others’ hearts sink.
I spin my head around to look at Nate; he gives me a slight nod. I feel like our little chat has bonded us, which is completely stupid, but it still feels nice to have someone on my side.
My eyes flicker to Chase and his gaze meets mine instantly. I linger there a moment and see the strangest thing.
Chase winks, but not in that over-the-top, spasm-of-the-face kind of way. It is as though he is blinking with one eye. I never thought anyone could make a wink look even the slightest bit respectable. But Chase does.
‘The following people will head out with Rence,’ Law continues.
My heart falters—we are being let out, and I might not be with Chase. Wait, why does that matter?
‘Nate, Hermia—’ My breath catches. ‘Winter, Isaac and Kane.’ Five. Five. There are five of us. Obviously—you’re getting split in half, idiot. Infamous Five. What if this is what Cora was talking about? And Collins, goddamn Collins. Push her. Take her out into the city.
Then I realise—Winter. I’m going to be stuck with the ultimate bitch for God knows how long. Winter is one of those spoilt bitches who think they deserve everything on a silver platter. Just because her father is powerful and she has a tonne of money does not mean that she is allowed to act like a little brat. The worst thing is that I don’t know how long I’m going to be stuck with this new group. Great.
Law turns to his eldest son. ‘Rence, gather your group, and meet at the dock with the others.’
Rence merely nods and starts walking towards us, then past us. I am at a loss—do we just follow him? Apparently the answer is yes. Nate is the first to set off behind him, but then it’s as though he remembers something and he runs back to the group. He takes Marina’s face in his hands and kisses her square on the mouth, then he pulls away to smile at her; it is as though he is filling himself with this moment before he has to leave her. I feel like I should look away but then Nate turns back quickly to wave goodbye to his keeper, Cora. She must not be coming with us. Then he runs back, far too jumpy, and joins the group.
I look back at the people I should be grouped with—Marina, Lola, Georgie and Robert. But really I am stealing a glance at Chase. He looks at me with eyes so strong I feel them cut into me. He looks almost scared—what can be so bad about us going outside?
What, apart from the whole world being turned into a chaotic mess and billions of people dying?
Oh yeah, well. That.
The Place
Nate
There is a house at the end of the street that looks like all the others. The windows are broken, and it is only the shards of glass attached to their windowpanes that shows there was ever any glass in them to begin with.
The door sends a high-pitched creak scurrying into each corner of the house when it is opened, and it never fails to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.
Every room is clean, empty and without the chaos that is customary in abandoned houses. It is the only thing that makes this place feel off.
The trapdoor is virtually invisible to those who don’t know what to look for. I must say I was very surprised when Rence simply tapped his foot lightly on the sand-coloured carpet, and a hatch just popped straight up.
Beneath the floorboards lies the reason we have come here, to this desolate building in the middle of this deserted part of the city.
The stairs down the hatch are steep, and almost impossible to get down while seeing where you’re going. These steps bring you to a huge lounge area that is the same crisp white of the compound, with just as few creature comforts. There is a miniscule kitchen—compared to our one back at the compound—off in the left corner, and a long hallway off to the right. The hallway leads to the bedrooms, though these are nothing like our homely ones back at the compound either, these ones we have to share. Winter refused to share with Hermia—the only other female—so Hermia and I are sharing a room. There are two single beds per room, with a tiny side table between them that is in the walking gap between the beds. Each bed has white sheets, a light brown quilt that feels the same as the carpet above and just enough space underneath for what luggage we were allowed to bring.
They call this place Base.
I feel a tight sting in my neck and my hand rises to it as if it were a bee sting. I am pulled from my own thoughts and brought back to the present. Hermia is staring at me, smiling at me more so, through the sight of her stun gun.
‘Got you,’ she says, not lifting her gaze.
‘’Bout time,’ I answer and let my arm fall back to my side.
I bounce on the balls of my feet and try to limber myself up again, get my head in the game, if you will.
Hermia lowers the gun from her eye and seems to relax a little as she says, ‘You know it’s creepy, the way you move.’
I stop bouncing and raise my arms like I’m a bird.
‘What on earth do you mean?’ I say as I look down at myself.
Hermia looks at me for a long while and then sighs and shakes her head.
‘Just hurry up,’ she tells me as raises the stun gun sight back to her left eye.
Yet again, we are training. Today we are taking turns shooting stun guns at each other. I’m guessing to get us ready for the all-too-likely event that we do actually get shot out there.
I bend my right knee, sending me into a lower position for a quicker take off.
I can see Hermia, I can see her concentration and tenacity radiating from her eyes, locked on me through the sight.
My ears are filled with the sound of my breathing. I try to slow it down, to slow everything down. I focus on the chamber, on where the stun bullet will be forced from as soon as Hermia pulls the trigger.
My heartbeat slows and then becomes a muffled, distant sound. Then it is as though I turn my hearing off. I block out every possible sound that surrounds me as well as those inside me.
Hermia fires, but it is as though the bullet is moving through some kind of dense water, slowing it down and making something so disastrous into something fluid and almost peaceful.
I can feel my heart beat, I can feel the muscles contracting and releasing, but I can’t hear it for the life of me.
I move to the left to let the bullet pass and it’s as though every muscle in my body is being pushed to its extent. But I move in time, as I can feel the bullet pass through the air, sending a light wind over the exposed skin of my right arm.
As the bullet passes me, I realise that I should have done this in my fight with Rence. But the close proximity of our fight made it difficult. I now am certain that the knife was a bad choice.
I see Hermia’s mouth form a swear and it is as though that shocks me out of this apparent trance. It is as though I have taken a breath and all the sound in the room is sucked up in a vacuum and is now hitting me in square in the chest. I choke on it, the sound of Hermia’s tiny breaths and my pounding heart and all the rest.
Hermia is looking past me so I turn and see what is garnering her attention. Winter looks back at us with her hand covering the side of her neck and an ice-cold rage taking hold of her eyes. Kane and Isaac look at each other, confused.
I stifle a laugh as Winter holds back the spasms brought on by the stun bullet.
Looking back to Hermia I am surprised that she isn’t happier with herself, she usually loves giving Winter underhanded misconduct that she usually tries to pass off as an accident. But Hermia looks concerned; no, actually she looks borderline terrified. She closes the gap between us and speaks so low I am worried she has lost her voice.
‘How did you do that?’
Hermia’s eyes search me so quickly that it looks like her eyes are shaking.
‘I don’t know,’ I lie.
Hermia’s eyes stop their search, and she looks at me, dead straight. Which is much more frightening. She nods, then walks past me towards our room. As she gets to the others, she raises her gun and shoots Winter straight in between her black brows. This sends Winter to the floor unconscious, while Isaac and Kane stand with their hands slightly raised in surrender, stunned and without a hope of explanation. Hermia continues on her way, as though she didn’t just knock her comrade out and as though I haven’t just done something that has sent her into a frenzy of concern.
I hold my gun so close to my chest I can hear my heartbeat thrashing against the metal.
We have been out for almost a week, though it is starting to feel like each day is another year.
Right now we are on a raid, trying to find the headquarters of our adversaries.
I am afraid, after what happened two days ago.
They got a tip-off that an abandoned building by the docks was the place we have been searching for. Needless to say, it wasn’t. Instead I almost got killed. Just another day in my life right now.
There were people there, people who I know now are against us.
They wore black, everywhere black. They made night look like day, their clothes were so black. Then there were the masks they wore; not being able to see someone’s eyes makes me very nervous.
We were too close for my liking, but Rence is the leader and he led us in.
I came face to face with one of them, or I would have, if I could have seen their face. The way they twisted their head—in a questioning type of way—they seemed to recognise me somehow.
I heard a shot ring out so close to me, I actually looked down to see if I had been shot. By a miracle, I hadn’t.
The person in the mask gave a slight spasm, like a cough deep in their chest, and then took off running. It was then I saw who’d fired the shot—Rence was right there staring at me, holding his gun, ready to fire again.
Then he uttered the strangest thing. ‘Thank me later.’ I haven’t spoken to him since.
Today, however, is much, much worse. Instead of finding the masked strangers, we find police officers.
I can feel beads of sweat starting to make their way from my hairline down my neck, making my shoulders pull up at the shiver they send through me.
I twist my head around the corner and almost find myself face to face with an officer. I throw myself back against the wall and try to keep my breaths quiet and steady.
After a few minutes, the officer moves on, and I am momentarily at ease. Momentarily.
I round the corner and find an arrow pointed in my face. My heart pounds in my ears as I register how swiftly my death would be coming, if the person holding the weapon was anyone but Hermia.
‘You’ve got to sharpen up.’
She doesn’t say it as an insult—it’s just an observation. I am starting to see who Hermia is, and she’s not so bad once you stop taking everything she says so literally. And stop thinking that every time she looks at you it’s a death stare.
Hermia has been treating me with a new distance, ever since our training with the stun guns the other day. I don’t know why she’s upset. I really don’t know exactly what I did.
Hermia starts walking back towards Base, down the alleyway I was taking shelter in.
She turns at the end of the lane and lets an arrow go. I hear myself grunt and my knees make contact with the gravel on the ground.
‘Nate!’ She sounds like she is pleading.
‘What the hell?’ I almost scream at her as she kneels next to me on the ground. I grit my teeth to stop a scream to stifle the pain.
Hermia shushes me and I roll over onto my side so I am sitting up at least.
‘You were meant to dodge it like the other day,’ she snaps at me. I look at her and I can tell my look is hostile.
‘I don’t know how I did that—’
‘Liar,’ she whispers but spits the word at the same time.
‘Okay, I know I slowed it all down but I don’t know how to do it unless I know something’s coming! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, it just freaked me out.’
Hermia stops her aggressive apprehension of me, she looks over at my arm and I have to stop myself from doing the same.
‘There’s an arrow in my arm, isn’t there?’ I ask her.
Hermia lets off a small nod. I look over to it and the pain hits me as soon as my eyes register the extent of the wound. The arrow has gone straight through my bicep. I’m not sure if the bone has been shattered but it sure feels like it.
‘I’m sorry,’ Hermia says as we sit together in an abandoned back street of the city.
I’m so angry at her, but I know she is sorry and I know how hard that is for her to admit. Hermia slings her crossbow across her back, takes my gun, then she tries to help me up with my good arm.
We arrive back at Base and Rence is instantly enraged by my wound.
‘My fault, I got in the way of one of her arrows. Should have been more careful.’ I tell Rence as he gives me his usual hard look.
Hermia looks at me as though I have just thrown her under the bus, though I have done the exact opposite.
‘Go get fixed up please,’ Rence instructs. His use of the word ‘please’ startles me.
I hear Rence whisper to another keeper that we are not the last ones to return. Isaac and Kane are still out. None of the keepers are worried, but that doesn’t surprise me—they injected us with a tracking serum on the first day we got here. I am glad I was unconscious for it; otherwise I would have fought against them, and gotten myself in a lot of trouble.
I did not expect them to just lead us out of the compo
und, showing us where the exit is and how to get out. But I also didn’t expect to be knocked out without warning and then arrive in this place so abruptly. I suppose that can be said for this whole experience, though.
I have lived in this city my entire life, but now, being here with these strangers, it feels like a completely different place. My parents always warned me away from the docks and the industrial estate on the west side of town, nearest to the ocean, where we have been combing the last week looking for The Cain. I never thought my parents had warned me away from there because they were scared I might run into my biological father.
Hermia walks with me over to the keeper who was assigned as our medic; I now feel at home with her at my side, as though she is my right-hand man—who is actually a girl? Who just shot me?
I sit down in the medic’s chair and he begins looking at the arrow. I look away and try to concentrate on the conversation Rence is having with another keeper to keep my mind off the pain.
I can’t make out what he is saying so I try and focus on the movements of his head as it bobs with every new word that he speaks. I strain my ears towards the conversation and my vision starts to blur around the edges and I’m worried that I’m about to pass out, though I feel completely alert. Then my sight goes and I am engulfed in darkness. Then his words fill the air.
‘Give them another half an hour—after that, go out and kill them. They’re useless anyway.’ Rence’s voice booms in the small shelter.
My vision comes flooding back and it is as though I have opened my eyes to look directly into the sun. I feel my body push forward and the contents of my stomach makes its way onto the floor in front of me.
‘Whoa Nate, you okay?’ Hermia asks as she comes down to my compressed body.
‘What did he just say?’ I cough the words out as the rest of the bile leaks from my mouth. I’m not looking at her, just trying not to look at anything. My eyes hurt too much to look at anything, they’re giving me a migraine.
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