by Cate Kendall
Everyone thought they’d like to keep their own jobs, so the applause was snappy and enthusiastic.
Jessica was stunned. She looked back at Jimmy who gave her a thumbs-up signal.
After the meeting she stormed into his office. Before she had a chance to speak he put a finger to his lips and closed his door.
‘You absolute legend,’ he said.
‘Sorry?’ She was taken aback.
‘I thought some more about your idea and it did have legs after all. Isn’t that great? Mimsy loved it, you’ve done well.’ He kissed her forehead.
Jess was confused. ‘But does she know it was my idea?’ she asked.
He arched one eyebrow at her. ‘Jess, it’s not about pats on the back you know, it’s about the team,’ he scolded.
‘Yes, I know.’ She felt a blush flood her face.
‘Right. Off you go then and work on some more magic. Have you got anything else?’
‘Yes, a few ideas,’ she murmured. ‘I’m working with an Aboriginal art theme at the moment.’
‘Gorgeous, whip up a report and a pricing structure and email it to me, will you?’
‘Shall I cc Mimsy?’
‘Oh, no, that’s not necessary.’ Jimmy unwound his scarf and tossed it on his desk. ‘She’ll see it. She just loves your work, babette.’
Jess folded her arms and took a step back from him. ‘Jimmy, I don’t know. This is a bit odd. If you’ve presented these ideas on my behalf, I need to be involved in development and I need to get the credit.’
Jimmy smiled his best smile. ‘You dear sweet thing, come here.’ He stretched out his arms. She hesitated, so he moved to embrace her. ‘I am so sorry if I’ve stuffed it up. I didn’t mean to present it without you, it’s just that Mimsy and I were en route to a conference and it came up. I would never steal your glory, sweetness. I am your champion.’ He let his lips wander down her neck and she felt her anger dissipate. ‘Tell you what, next time I’ll organise a meeting and you can present, how about that? Are we still on for tonight? I want to take you somewhere fabulous.’
She nodded. He took her face in his hands, brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed her deeply. She wandered back to her office, her lips stinging with the force of the kiss.
That evening Jessica felt the heat of Sventana’s customary evil stare as she left the building, but simply ignored it; she was sick of trying to make friends with the girl, whom she suspected had a crush on Jimmy. It was exhausting enough just trying to fit in with her team, trying to make the new dynamic work and hoping they weren’t all bitching behind her back.
Outside, she was pleased to see that the heavy late summer rain that had drummed against the building all day had finally stopped, leaving the footpaths slick and steaming and creating psychedelic patterns of oil and water on the road. Apart from Sventana, she thought as wandered towards her tram stop, things did seem to be going well with her staff: they were polite, efficient and respectful – to her face anyway.
The job was so much more full-on than she had expected. For one thing, there was so much work – and expense – in coming up with fabulous outfits to wear every day. And Mimsy’s lack of feedback about her designs was frustrating too. Sometimes she wondered whether she was doing a good job or not, but Jimmy kept assuring her that Mimsy loved her, so she just kept creating and hoped for the best.
Stepping quickly away from the edge of the footpath to avoid being sprayed with water by the passing cars, she sighed and thought of her Stumpy Gully friends. She missed the simplicity of her country life; everything just seemed so much easier there. Then she thought of Nick and the confusion between them, and of Graham and her boys, and the emptiness of the house when they’d left. Maybe life hadn’t been perfect there either. She wove around the footpath to avoid puddles of water and a busker who filled the air with the mellow sounds from his saxophone. She scrabbled in the bottom of her bag for some gold coins and tossed them onto a piece of cardboard in front of him, stopping for a minute to listen to his music.
The city did have lots going for it. She loved the drama and adventure of Melbourne. From the tiny back alleys with their graffiti and late-night jazz bands, to the broad crowded thoroughfares of the Bourke Street Mall and Spencer Street, Jess enjoyed exploring the city landscapes. In her first few months she had set herself the challenge of eating somewhere new every week. She tried the Hare Krishna vegetarian food at Gopals, sat in the crowded communal dining room eating Japanese delicacies at the Chocolate Buddha in Federation Square, and travelled out to the Abbotsford Convent to be served by volunteers at Lentil as Anything.
But tonight, she decided as she breathed in the steaming air, lulled by the busker’s cool notes, tonight she needed some comfort. She turned in the opposite direction and hailed a cab. She smiled as she slid into the back of the taxi. Her dad would be surprised to see her, and he’d help her sort out the confusion of the day. Her face clouded as she remembered Mimsy calling Jimmy into a last-minute meeting, which meant he’d had to cancel their date. As Mimsy was closing the door, Jess had heard her say, ‘Let’s talk about this Aboriginal art idea, young man.’
She didn’t know what to do. Her body was leading her in one direction and her mind in another. Was she being paranoid? One thing was certain, she thought, relaxing back into the vinyl seat: her dad would help her sort things out.
34
Jess let herself into the penthouse. ‘Hello?’ she called. Genevieve walked out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and smiling broadly. A spicy aroma accompanied her.
‘Hello, darling, do come in. What a lovely surprise.’
Jessica took off her damp jacket, fluffed out her hair and followed Genevieve back into the kitchen. ‘Dad here?’
‘No – late meeting. Sorry.’
‘Never mind,’ Jess said, but her throat felt tight with tears. She really needed a hug from her dad tonight, and it seemed a bit strange that Genevieve was here alone.
‘I’ve made a green chicken curry. Would you like a bowl?’ Genevieve asked, flicking off the gas and bringing a saucepan to the bench.
‘Oh, yes please,’ Jessica said, shaking off her sadness. ‘I could do with some home cooking.’
‘How is it going at work?’ Genevieve asked as she served up the curry with basmati rice and roti.
Jess couldn’t help herself: she blurted out a tangle of thoughts and emotions about her work and her new life.
‘That’s all very tricky,’ Genevieve said, nodding, as they sat to eat. ‘But what about Jimmy? Surely you can talk to him about it?’
‘I’m worried he’s stealing my ideas,’ Jess murmured into her curry.
‘Oh, Jess, darling, don’t go all paranoid on me,’ Genevieve said. ‘It’s a bit too spicy, isn’t it?’ She pointed to the meal. ‘Would you like some yoghurt?’
Jess nodded as Genevieve continued.
‘Look, Jess,’ she said. ‘I’ve worked with Jimmy, and he’s an absolute professional. He would never do that sort of thing.’ She passed the yoghurt to Jess.
‘There are a few things that are hard to overlook, though,’ Jessica said, staring into her glass mournfully. She related the events of the past few weeks.
‘If I may say so, Jess, you are very new to the corporate world. I wouldn’t go wrecking your reputation over something so small,’ Genevieve warned gently. ‘It’s quite normal for the head of the team to present ideas on behalf of the group,’ she continued.
‘So you think it’s all okay?’ Jess asked, starting to feel embarrassed about her reaction.
‘It’s fair enough to be a bit sensitive, but everyone’s on the same side.’ Genevieve came to pat her on the arm.
Jessica traced her finger over the whorls of marble in the bench. Genevieve was right; she had overreacted.
Jessica crept into Caro and Angus’s house just before ten p.m. Her sister-in-law was in the kitchen pouring a glass of wine. ‘There you are. I was worried, you’ve never worked this late before.’
‘I had dinner with Genevieve at Dad’s.’
‘Where was your father? Meeting, no doubt? He’s as bad as his son. Well, she’s making herself at home, isn’t she? I bet she loves swanning around the penthouse, eating his food and drinking his wine.’
‘For God’s sake, Caro,’ Jessica snapped. She was tired, she could feel a headache coming on and she was sick of Caro sniping at Genevieve. ‘She’s a nice person, and she really helped me. She listened, she didn’t judge and she gave me supportive advice. That’s not a crime is it? Why are you so suspicious?’
‘I have every right to be suspicious. She’s after more than company, mark my words. That enormous Bulgari diamond and ruby ring she’s wearing would have cost more than a car. And I bet she’s trying to get it on her left finger, if you know what I mean.’
During her tirade Caro poured Jessica a generous glass of merlot and made up a plate of blue cheese and crackers. She tipped a handful of red grapes onto the edge of the platter as she continued. ‘It’s just worrying, that’s all.’
‘Caro, you’re being ridiculous.’ Jessica stood up to take the glass. ‘Genevieve was so kind to me. I’ve had a rotten day.’
‘What happened?’ Caro asked, looking up sharply. ‘It’s that Jimmy, isn’t it? He makes my skin crawl.’
The women moved into the living room and sat facing each other on the suede couches.
‘Caro, how can you say that? He is gorgeous, and so sweet. Everyone loves him; he’s just unbelievable. He’s creative and very interesting, and have you seen the outfits? I have honestly never seen anybody so hip, so chic – especially not a guy.’
Caro looked at Jessica and a smile crept over her face. She put her hands on her hips. ‘Oh. My. God. You’re doinking him.’
Jessica rolled her eyes and looked away. ‘That’s beside the point.’
‘Yeah, right. Okay, what made your day so rotten?’
Jessica related the story for the second time that night, but remembering Genevieve’s words she couldn’t help but feel a little silly. ‘It’s probably nothing,’ she finished. ‘It’s absolutely okay that Jimmy presented the idea on behalf of the team. Anyway, he apologised and said it wouldn’t happen again.’
‘What?’ Caro exploded. ‘But that’s not fair. That’s ridiculous: he’s taking the credit for your work. You have to stand up for yourself.’
‘Hang on, Caro, don’t overreact. Genevieve reckons I should just let it go.’
‘I’ll bet she does. She’s so manipulative. Don’t forget she’s mates with that Jimmy twit. Darling, you have no chance of career advancement if you let other people take credit for your work. You need to march into Mimsy’s office and talk to her about it. She needs to know what a sly devil her 2IC is, and once she does she’ll be grateful to you, trust me.’ She leaned over and cut a chunk of cheese and wedged it between two crackers. ‘He’s using you. Both in the bedroom and in the office. Don’t let him.’
‘I don’t know if I want that sort of confrontation, Caro,’ Jessica replied. ‘Anyway, Genevieve says it’s more professional to let it go.’
Caro looked at Jessica with such silent fury Jess was worried her sister-in-law’s eyes might explode. Instead of the screeched lecture Jess expected, the retort was delivered in a scary hiss.
‘What is wrong with you?’ Caro ran her hands through her hair. ‘You are a grown woman, you ran your own business, you have always been successful, independent and fabulous. You would never have let anyone walk all over you like this in the past. Be so careful, Jessica.’
Jess kicked off her heels and swung her legs over the arm of the couch. ‘You’re right, I feel like a fish out of water. Completely at sea, all at sixes and sevenses.’
‘Come on, Jess,’ Caro said and smiled as she topped up their glasses. ‘You must be able to think of more clichés than that.’
Their laughter eased the tension.
‘How did you get so bolshie and tough, Caro?’ Jess asked. ‘Nothing fazes you.’
‘I got independence the hard way,’ Caro explained, settling into an armchair and tucking her feet beneath her. ‘It was my dream to float down an aisle in a white dress with my future family life spread out before me; I had visions of cherubic babies, picnics and roast dinners. But the reality, as you know, is shocking.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jess asked, but she had a fair idea what Caro meant.
‘It’s just so lonely, Jess, even with girlfriends, or other families to hang out with. When you have a husband as hard-working as mine you soon learn that you’re on your own. That all the jobs are on your own shoulders. That you can’t rely on anyone else. It would almost be easier if I were a single mother; then I wouldn’t have the expectation each night that Angus might actually turn up for dinner, only to be disappointed every single evening when that phone rings at 6.30p.m. with last-minute excuses.’ She sighed and took a big gulp of wine.
‘Well,’ Jess said, trying to be tactful. ‘It does give you all this.’ Her arm swept around, indicating the high ceilings of the lofty Malvern mansion.
‘Yes, it does,’ Caro nodded. ‘But often it’s not worth it.’
‘But why do you care, Caro?’ Jess was confused. ‘Why don’t you just enjoy life as it is and have fun regardless, whether he’s home or not?’
Caro turned her glass around and around while she thought about her answer. Finally she looked straight into Jess’s eyes. ‘Because I love him. And I miss him.’ The hum of the outside traffic was the only sound that cut through the silence as each woman stared into her own wine glass. ‘In fact, I’ve planned a little surprise for him in a few weeks’ time.’ Caro smiled as she thought about it, then looked up.
‘But enough about me, Jess. I worry about you. You’ve moved to the city but you’ve left your fortitude back in the country. You’re being pushed around in the office, blinded by Genevieve and seduced by that awful weedy Jimmy.’
Jessica sighed and looked at her sister-in-law. What she was saying was completely the opposite of Genevieve’s advice. Who was right? Who should she listen to?
35
Jessica couldn’t sleep. Her stomach churned with wine and curry and her mind flickered with questions and worries.
She wished she could talk to Nick; he’d help her sort it out. But she could hardly talk to him about her and Jimmy. Bloody Jimmy. She punched her pillow into a more comfortable shape. Why did he have to be so irresistible? Damn him.
She’d been so proud of herself for setting up this new life in the city, and making a go of it at her new job. And it was going well, it was. But she still felt like the same person inside. Still as confused and lost as she’d felt for the past year. That hadn’t changed.
Kicking off the doona, she flipped over on to her back to stare at the ceiling. Somehow she’d thought she’d feel different in the city; better. But here she was, plain old Jess, with a new job, a new address and a new boyfriend, but still the same woman. What was she doing wrong, she wondered? What the hell was it that she wanted? In frustration she got up and padded into the dark ensuite to pour herself a glass of water.
She’d hoped that living closer to her boys would mean that she could see them more often, but despite dozens of calls and emails to Graham she’d only once managed to see them for half an hour, one afternoon when Samantha had called to say she was at the park with them. Jess had raced out of the office and into a taxi but the visit felt stilted and uncomfortable. The boys were distant and grumpy. ‘They had a really late night,’ Samantha had explained, but Jess had gone away feeling empty and hurt.
She sipped her water slowly and stared out at the sliver of moon outside her window. She loved her job, but she didn’t enjoy feeling she was being cheated by Jimmy, and no matter how much she tried to rationalise his actions she still felt used.
She flung herself back onto the bed and flicked on the television where a self-help guru was banging on about how YOU have the power to change and only YOU can find direction and s
teer your life. She was about to switch it off, but the hypnotic nature of the ad kept her transfixed, and instead she lay there half-listening, half-thinking. She was so convinced by the guy’s message in the end that she almost bought the bloody DVD set for four easy payments of $49.95. But the message was clear enough without it: she had to stop floating aimlessly. She needed to listen to her own instincts; a skill her father had that she’d always admired.
It was time to take action, to make a plan. She drifted off into a troubled half-sleep narrated by the television voice-over, which wove into her unconscious. She dreamt she was the captain of a ship, guiding it towards an idyllic island, where her boys frolicked happily.
When she awoke, sunlight was streaming in through the window. She turned off the television and lay staring at the blank screen. She felt clear and light. She knew what she wanted.
That weekend was a flurry of activity for Jess. Her sense of purpose held strong and she viewed apartments all Saturday morning until she found one she liked. She delivered her application for a small flat in Prahran by hand to the real estate agent that afternoon, and was rewarded for her efforts by Sunday morning, when a call informed her that her application had been successful.
With a plan in place to move in during the week, she rang Graham’s new wife, Karen. Graham was interstate and the boys’ stepmother was such a mousy little pushover that Jess soon had an afternoon with her children organised. Things were looking up.
36
‘Cheers!’ Three glasses clinked. ‘Here’s to us,’ Songbird said and raised her glass to the back paddock and to the future of the planet.
‘Cheers,’ Rainbow said, and Nick joined in. The night was still. Nick looked up at the treetops where not a breath of wind shifted the tallest leaves. The three of them were wrapped warmly in coats and hats in anticipation of a frosty night.
‘I can’t believe we might actually have an investor,’ Songbird said. ‘We’re going to be able to expand, bring in loads of compost and manure and really go to town on this thing.’