by Jessica Kate
She froze. How had he—
“It must be a bit depressing there at the moment, with Oliver and Natalie’s dad.”
Thank goodness that was all he was referring to. “Oh. Yeah, it is.” That wasn’t a lie. Jem’s house had been quiet and sad all week. Natalie and Jem had barely been there. The hospital was giving them a crash course in how to care for a diabetic baby, and Natalie had spent a lot of time camped by her father’s bedside.
“Why don’t you go back to your parents?”
“I’m doing the cooking and cleaning for Jem while they’re busy at the hospital.” Lili and Mom had worked out that lie, after Lili slammed Jem’s door in Dad’s face. He’d come to Jem’s and begged her to come home, even though Mom told him not to. Lili had refused to go, and Mom was quick to invent a cover story for extending her stay at Jem’s.
Enough of this line of questioning. She jerked the bike from Nick’s hands, took a few running steps, and jumped onto the seat. “Catch me if you can.”
“Hey!” Nick scrambled after her, laughter in his voice—with a hint of concern.
She pumped her legs till the wind’s cold rush raised goose bumps on her arms and drew water from her eyes.
Nick’s voice faded, and she slowed to let him catch up. At least now she could blame the wind for her wet cheeks.
The regular thump of Nick’s jog approached from behind. She twisted in the seat to look at him.
“Lili, watch out!”
The last thing she saw was a flash of black-and-white.
* * *
Lili opened her eyes. The grill of a police car loomed above.
Had she seriously been knocked down by a police car?
A door slammed and a pair of navy-blue legs appeared.
“Oh, sweet pumpkin pie, don’t tell me she’s dead,” a high-pitched voice said.
She peered up at a barrel-chested policeman. She closed her eyes again. She must have a concussion.
A hand touched her shoulder. “Can you move your toes, darlin’? Did you break your neck?”
Wriggling each digit, then limb, Lili took stock. The side of her face ached like it had been hit by—well, a car—and her left ankle throbbed, but other than that her body responded as normal. “I think I’m okay.”
“I’ll call you an ambulance. It’ll be here in a jiffy.” The officer reached for the radio attached to his shoulder.
“No.” She grabbed his pant leg. If she went to the hospital, her parents would come. The three of them would be in the same room.
No one wanted that.
“I feel fine. It’s just a bruise. I didn’t even get knocked out. See?” She sat up and moved her arms and legs to prove it.
Nick sprinted up and threw himself onto the grass beside Lili. “Are you okay? I could see him coming, but I couldn’t do anything.”
The officer shook his head, his spectacular mustache quivering with the movement. “I must have been too busy singing Kelly Clarkson to notice I’d put it into Drive instead of Reverse. Mmm, but that girl can sing.”
Nick stared at him. “Are you serious? Do you know who her grandfather is?”
The man’s face lit up. “Is she related to Kelly Clarkson?”
“Not unless Kelly Clarkson is also the granddaughter of Captain Walters.”
The mustache drooped as the man’s face went slack. “Oh my. Oh no. Oh, I’m so sorry.”
Lili pushed herself up from the ground. She’d be fine, as long as she avoided a scenario with all her family in the one hospital room.
Nick grabbed her forearm as she rose and steadied her.
“It’s fine. I’m not even hurt. I won’t tell Granddad. Though I don’t know how you’ll explain that scratch.”
Pink sparkles shone from a scrape across the grill, but the bike seemed to have escaped major damage.
“Oh, I’ll just wash off the sparkles and say it was Mom’s scooter again. But you—” The man faced Lili again. “You have to let me take you home.”
“No. Uncle Jem will ask questions. Then he’ll start thinking about hospitals.”
“Lili,” Nick said, “I think—”
“Go.” Lili nodded at the policeman. “The only way I’ll tell my grandfather is if you keep standing here arguing with me.”
The man snapped his mouth shut. Opened it again, then nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” He pointed to Nick. “You take care of her now, you hear?”
The car scraped against the curb as the man reversed, then rumbled down the street.
“What was that all about?” Nick touched Lili’s arm.
She shook her head.
He shrugged. “I’ll take you to the church. That’s closer than Jem’s. Your parents can take you home—or to the doctor.”
“No, I’m going back to Jem’s.” She took a step and winced at the spikes of pain jabbing her ankle. But apart from the whole Dad issue, she seriously hated hospitals. Nothing was broken, just mega bruised.
She’d survive.
Nick lurched forward, but she pushed his hand away.
“Did you break it?”
“I’m not tough. If it was broken, I’d be squealing. It’s just sore.”
He watched her hobble another step. “It’s, like, three times as far to Jem’s. The bus has already gone.”
She took another step. “That’s fine.”
“You’ll barely make it to the end of the block, and you know it.” He crossed his arms, feet planted next to the fallen bike. “Why are you being stubborn?”
She looked at his bike. “We can ride double.” That should get her out of this pickle.
“No.”
Her gaze snapped to his. What was his deal? “No?”
“You haven’t been yourself for ages, but something’s even more different this week. What you’re doing isn’t healthy.”
She jammed a hand onto her hip. He had no right to judge. “And what am I doing?”
“Bottling it up. Whatever’s bothering you, you haven’t even told Grace.”
“Who says I haven’t told Grace?” Not that it was any of his business anyway. And if he kept poking around, the truth would explode from her like Old Faithful.
He spread his hands. “Grace did. She messaged me last night to say she’s worried about you.”
Yikes. She wasn’t doing a good enough job of faking it in their phone conversations. And she hadn’t realized that Nick and Grace still kept in touch.
Lili sucked in a breath. Nick’s tone, a mixture of caring and concern, was nearly her undoing. Time for one last-ditch effort. “So what if I am? It’s my life, not yours.”
“We’re just worried about you. We care.”
Her eyes filled. “Nobody cares.” Not Dad—if he did, he wouldn’t have done this. Not really Mom, who was basically leaving Lili to deal with this on her own. Not even Uncle Jem, who hadn’t noticed that something was seriously wrong.
Not that she could really blame him—he’d been a tad distracted this week.
Nick watched her face. “What do you mean?”
She took in his expression, his intensity. Nick had noticed. And he’d taken the time to try and talk to her, even though she was being awful to him.
He cared.
“My dad’s having an affair.” The words burst out. She gulped in a breath of pure relief. Finally, somebody knew.
Nick’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I suspected just before I went to Jem’s. I found out for sure the night Olly was diagnosed.”
Nick shook his head. “I can’t believe it.” He rocked back on his heels, pushed his fingers through his hair. “I always think of him as the guy who helped Aunt Trish and Stephen, you know?”
Lili kept her eyes down.
“Do you know who she is?”
She plucked at the hem of her shirt. No matter how much she hated her traitorous teacher, she couldn’t destroy the one good relationship Nick had with someone in his family. “No.”
Nick shook his head. “I can�
��t believe it. That sucks. That really, really sucks. I’m so sorry, Lili.” He reached for her, and she wilted into his hug. He squeezed her. “I wish I could say something that would make it better.”
“Nothing makes it better.”
“I know.”
“But things about your life suck too, so at least I know you understand.” She took a shuddering breath and pulled back. “You can’t tell anybody. Mom made me promise not to tell.”
Nick frowned. “That’s not fair to you.”
True. “She doesn’t want a divorce.”
“So your uncle doesn’t know?”
“No one. You seriously can’t breathe a word, especially to your aunt.”
He cocked his head. “Why her especially?”
“Just . . . because she’s the one you’re most likely to talk to,” she covered. Yikes. That was close.
“I can keep a secret.” His face darkened. “Sometimes too many.”
Lili cocked her head. Golden boy Nick had a dark side? “What do you mean?”
Nick fiddled with the bike’s bell. “It’s just . . . when Stephen got busted for dealing, I’d known what he was doing for ages. Like, two years at least. And I never said anything, not to Mom, not to Aunt Trish.”
She curled a hand on his forearm. It made her melt a little, that he confided in her. “You didn’t want to rat him out. That’s fair enough.”
“But it would have been better for him in the long run. He would’ve gotten help earlier, the addiction wouldn’t have been so severe. But he made me feel helpful.”
That didn’t sound good. “Did you—”
“I had nothing to do with the drugs, but I’d cover for him with Mom. Say he was out with friends, tell her all the people dropping by were Jehovah’s Witnesses or something.” He shrugged. “She never paid much attention, so it was easy. Stephen would grin and say he couldn’t survive without his ‘fixer.’ I had this need to fix everything for him.” He gave a rueful smile. “Or so my therapist said.” He kicked at a piece of grass. “The truth is I didn’t do what was really best for him because I was afraid he’d hate me. Now that he’s getting better, I’m afraid he hates me because I didn’t speak out.”
She rested her head against his shoulder. Even though their pain was different, it helped to have someone to share it with. “You’ll just have to not make that mistake next time.”
“I guess not.”
They stayed in that loose embrace for a moment longer before Lili stepped back. “Will you take me back to Jem’s now? I’m still avoiding my parents.”
“Sure. Hop on the handlebars. I’ll pedal.” Nick unclipped Riley’s Disney Princess helmet and dropped it onto Lili’s head. “This would have come in handy fifteen minutes ago.”
She clipped on the helmet, and Nick pushed on the pedals. He kept the pace slow and careful, so it was after four when they hobbled up the final stair of Jem’s apartment block.
“Do you want to come in for a drink?” Lili asked.
By the end of the ride, Nick’s face had taken on a pink hue that almost rivaled the bicycle. “That would be good,” he said.
Lili unlocked Jem’s door and entered the apartment. She froze in the doorway.
Natalie clung to Jem, standing next to the fridge, sobs shaking her whole body.
Jem looked over her head to Lili, tears in his eyes. “Nat’s dad’s dying,” he mouthed.
Lili shot a glance to Nick.
He grasped her fingers. “I’ll stay.”
29
Dad had stopped calling.
Lili lay on the kitchen floor and stared at Jem’s cracked ceiling, alone in the apartment, a week and a half after telling Nick the truth—or at least part of it. She’d made it upstairs after the bus dropped her off, but had no energy to go further. Nightmares had plagued her all night.
The dreams followed a similar pattern. She woke, got out of bed, and walked from her room to find all the furniture gone. She’d search every room, but the place was deserted. She’d been left alone. Sometimes the house was Mom and Dad’s, sometimes Jem’s, once even school. But the panic each time was the same.
Still stretched on the floor, Lili pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her messages.
5 OCT AT 10:10AM
Dad: Mom agreed to go to counseling. Really wanna chat about this with u. Call me?
6 OCT AT 2:37PM
Dad: This silence isn’t helping anyone Lilianna.
7 OCT AT 5:26 PM
Dad: Will I see u at church tomorrow?
She had seen Dad at church, preaching. But when the crowds left and he headed toward her, she’d panicked. Nick had been with her—what if Dad said something that revealed she’d lied about not knowing the mistress?
She’d ducked out before Dad could get to her.
9 OCT AT 9:13AM
Dad: Sorry to miss you at church. House feels empty without you.
10 OCT AT 12:10PM
Dad: WILL YOU TALK TO ME??
Her phone hadn’t vibrated in two days.
She hovered her thumb over Dad’s contact icon. Her stomach spun like a waterspout—the sensation had kept her from eating all day.
She’d checked her phone every five minutes during class, waiting for it to vibrate. She didn’t actually want to see him in person—had convinced Mom to keep him away. But his desperate attempts to get her attention had been comforting, in their own way.
She dropped the phone onto her stomach and slapped the linoleum floor with an open palm. She wanted to talk to Dad. She wished she could. But other than scream expletives at him, what else was there to say?
Hot tears pressed against her eyes. “No.” She’d cried enough lately to fill Olly’s bathtub.
She sat up and looked around the quiet home. She needed sugar, but Nat had changed where she hid her M&M’s stash again. She needed sleep, but the nightmares waited behind her eyelids.
She needed to forget.
Lili scooted on her backside toward the pantry, her black leggings picking up crumbs that Jem hadn’t had time to sweep this week. She pulled the door open.
Jem had never replaced that bottle of cooking wine Granddad tipped out, but a dusty bottle with a ribbon on it rested on the bottom pantry shelf at Lili’s eye level. A goodbye present from Jem’s old workmates—though he’d once said he never had the heart to tell them he didn’t like white wine.
She pulled it from the shelf and considered it. Its lid was a screw top, not the cork that popped like in the movies.
She unscrewed the lid and took a sniff. Her nose wrinkled, and she blew the air back out. Her father never drank, and she’d always imagined alcohol tasted like cream soda—sweet and bubbly. This smelled more like the cough medicine she’d spat out as a kid.
Still, everyone had to be hyped up about something. Maybe this would make her feel better. She put the bottle to her lips and tipped it up. She chugged down four mouthfuls before the taste made her pull the bottle away and shiver.
“Blaucgh.” The stuff tasted like it smelled. But a warm fizzing sensation unfurled in her stomach as the liquid made its way down.
She tipped the bottle back up and forced in another few mouthfuls.
By the time a knock sounded at her door, most of the bottle was gone.
Lili spun around on her backside as the knock sounded again. Jem and Nat had both been out, then planned to meet at their weekly basketball game. They weren’t due home for ages. Nat had Olly with her. She looked at her phone. Two missed messages. She slapped her hand to her forehead. Nick!
She scrambled to her feet, then gripped the bench as the room spun. Sitting on the floor, she’d had a pleasant buzz going on in her head. Now the world tipped off-kilter.
After a moment her balance returned, and she followed the straight line that ran in the pattern of the lino floor to the door. Sobriety test passed. No problem.
She pulled the door open. “Hey, Nick.”
He stood two feet back from the doo
r, hands pushed into his jeans pockets, gaze fastened to the next apartment down from Jem’s. “I’m eighty-seven percent sure I just saw an elderly woman check me out.”
Lili doubled over in giggles.
“Do you have weird neighbors . . . or am I that hot?”
She broke into another round of laughter.
He walked around her to enter the apartment. “I’m glad you find it funny. This is going to come up in my next counseling session.”
Lili shut the door and leaned on it, gasping for breath.
He peeked into the cookie jar Natalie had bought last week. “Are you on a sugar high or something? ’Cos I want in on some of that action. What about those birthday-cake M&M’s of Natalie’s you told me about?”
She regained her breath and stood up straight. “I think she’s on to me. She moved the stash again. I managed to get Jem blamed for most of the ones that went missing.”
“Got your art brain ready?”
“No. Why?”
He gave her a weird look. “That’s why I’m here. You’re teaching me some of this art junk.”
“Oh, I totally forgot.” Whoops. They’d arranged for this on Saturday.
Nick spotted the bottle on the floor. “What’s this?” He picked it up.
Uh-oh. “Just some stuff Jem cooks with,” she covered.
He stepped in close to her and inhaled. All teasing drained out of his face. “Lili, what have you been doing?”
She looked down. “I just had a taste.” He had no way of knowing how empty the bottle was before she got to it.
“Your breath says otherwise.”
She jerked her head up. “How can you tell?”
“Think about the house I grew up in, Lili. I can tell.” He frowned. “Is that why you’re so giggly? It shouldn’t hit you that hard. Have you eaten or slept?”
“I’ve been having nightmares.” Her eyes puddled with tears. “It’s just been so hard. I thought skipping art class would make things easier, and I thought about going home, I really did, but the thought of Dad bossing me around or trying to ground me—it’s just so stupid.”
“Hold up. Go back. What does art have to do with it?”
“And I’ve managed to avoid seeing him so far,” she rambled on as if Nick hadn’t spoken, “but I still see her all the time, and she smiles at me like nothing’s wrong and—”