He slowly raised his head and chuckled. “You little booger,” he said, but there was no anger in his tone. “I guess you showed me not to blow raspberries on you. Of course...maybe that means I hurt you. Hell...I mean, heck...I should have known better. What’s a rough cowboy like me doing trying to play with somebody as tiny as you are, anyway? You look like you’ll break if the wind kicks up a notch. Are you okay?”
Izzy just stared at him with those big blue eyes. She looked at him as if he was an alien life form she wanted to study, as if she was fascinated with this big, deep-voiced creature. Then she blew a wet bubble and made a little fizzy baby sound.
“Is that a no?” he asked.
Kathryn had to smile. “Relax. You didn’t hurt her at all,” she said, stepping in. “Looks like she did a number on you, though.”
“I have other shirts.”
“I’ll wash that one for you.”
“No, you won’t. It’s fine.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Other people might not think so.”
“Other people can go straight to...they can just mind their own business.”
“She was laughing,” Kathryn said. “Really laughing.”
“I might have taken the raspberry thing too far.”
“She got overly excited. It happens, but she hasn’t laughed yet. The books say that’s still kind of an advanced skill at her age, and not every baby is there yet. I thought you were going to take her to Johanna.”
“I never said that.” He stared her down. “I figured I couldn’t do too much damage if we didn’t move around.”
“I was gone a long time. What did you do?”
He shrugged. “We sat and talked.”
Kathryn raised an eyebrow.
“I held her on my lap and told her ranch stories. It was pretty boring. She went to sleep. She snored a little.”
“I know. It’s cute, isn’t it?”
He gave her a look. “Don’t think I’ve changed.”
“You didn’t want to like her.”
“I still don’t want to like her.”
“But you did well.”
“I managed. I’m not asking for a gold star.” Izzy was batting at Holt’s shirt. Her hand was about to go in the mess. “You better take her.” He handed the baby over, rose to his feet, peeled his shirt off. “I hope your interview went okay.”
Kathryn tried not to stare at all that bronzed skin and muscle. She hoped she wasn’t breathing noticeably faster even though her heartbeat had kicked up. “It did, I think,” she said, trying for an airy tone. “I mean, the job is an entry level, but that’s to be expected. That’s what I want, and it sounds...interesting.” But definitely not as interesting as Holt’s bare chest or his biceps.
“Well, we should go, Izzy. Thank you so much, Holt.”
To her surprise, he smiled. A nice, easy smile. “You’re staring, Kathryn.”
And she was blushing, too. She was tempted to cover her hot cheeks with her hands, but she was holding Izzy. “Well, yes. Yes, I am. If I took off my blouse, I’m sure you would stare, too.”
She had been trying to be bold and a bit audacious, but the steamy, smoky look that Holt gave her...
“Darlin’, if you took off your blouse I’d want to do a lot more than look.”
With that, he took his stained shirt and turned toward his truck. “I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I’m not sorry. It’s just the way it is. I’ll see you at the fundraiser, Kathryn. I’ll have my best host manners on by then.” He walked away.
Oh, no, he was not going to make her blush like that and then get the last word, as well. “Make sure you have a shirt on, too,” she called.
To her dismay she saw that Luann Dickens was across the street. She was laughing.
“That wasn’t the way it sounded,” Kathryn said lamely.
“Yes, it was, Luann,” Holt said, his voice deadpan.
Luann let out a hoot, Kathryn gave her a frustrated look, and she turned toward home. “That man is...frustrating,” she said.
“That’s because you want to kiss him,” Luann said, close enough now that her voice was much lower. Still, Kathryn turned around to see if Holt had heard.
“He’s gone,” Luann said. “You can’t kiss him now.”
But I did want to kiss him again. I wanted to do more than kiss, Kathryn admitted to herself. And it was more than just a physical thing. Holt, despite having his child ripped from him, despite having lost so many people in his life in a few short years that he had to be protecting his heart like mad, had still sacrificed his own fears and feelings to play with Izzy. How could you not love a man like that?
You couldn’t. I do love him, Kathryn thought. And that was just too damn bad. Because she couldn’t have him. She could never have him. Holt, despite being forced into action with Izzy today, was emotionally unavailable. He was unavailable in every way and just as off-limits to her now as he had been when she was young. Only then she’d merely had a crush. Now every bit of her longed to be with him. Always.
Too bad. You’ll have to settle for your day at the ranch and then hope that a job comes through soon, so you can get out of here before he realizes that you’ve fallen for him. He wouldn’t like hurting her. She wasn’t going to let him know.
Once she was gone, she would tend to her broken heart.
Alone.
* * *
Holt was up long before sunrise on the day of the “Come Be a Cowboy Day.” There was so much to do today that he shouldn’t have had any time to think, but that didn’t stop him. He was, he admitted, seriously messed up.
Kathryn had become too much a part of his life lately. Her parting words to him had him living in a constant state of suppressed desire, her insistence on bravely pushing ahead on this project when he knew that she’d been nervous, and he’d been mean and uncooperative, had won his admiration and...something he didn’t want to think about. Her insistence that she and everyone else pay him back for things he’d never expected payback for made him feel something he didn’t understand. And that little baby, laughing at him... Kathryn smiling at him...
“Stop it. There’s no point in all this.” He had work to do. Kathryn had a life plan that was going to take her to Illinois, or if not Illinois, somewhere else. What would an urban developer do in Larkville once the clinic was done?
Besides, he didn’t want her to stay. He didn’t want to...feel. Because feeling led to bleakness, pain, loss. He couldn’t help remembering the faces of all the people he’d lost these past few years: his parents, Hank, Lilith, the baby... No man would voluntarily step into that kind of hell again. “And I’m not going to,” he told Daedalus as he did a final inspection of the barn and corral to make sure they were cleaned up to company standards.
“I believe you.” Wes’s voice came from Holt’s right. “The point is, do you believe you?”
“What are you talking about, Wes?” Holt asked, angry because he’d been caught talking to thin air. “Don’t you have something to do?”
Wes held up his hands. He smiled as he backed away. “I’ve got tons of work. That little gal of yours has given me a whole list. As for what I’m talking about—not a clue. But then you’re the one that seemed upset. Something wrong?”
“Yeah. Something’s wrong. I’ve got a whole town full of people and a bunch of tourists showing up here today. Why shouldn’t there be something wrong?” Holt asked, grumpier than ever.
Of course, none of those things had anything to do with what was bothering Holt. And he suspected Wes knew it the way the man chuckled as he pulled out his color-coded list and walked away. Everything that was wrong centered around Kathryn.
And everything that was right did, too. What was he going to do about that?
Keep my head down, do my jobs, help her make this day a success and, above all, don’t touch her. Don’t tell her that she’s getting to me. Don’t dare do anything that will have her worrying about me once she’s gone. Because once she was
away from here, he wanted her happy. Blissfully happy with Larkville and him just a fading image in the rearview mirror of that rattletrap car of hers.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
KATHRYN arrived at the ranch with her heart in her throat. This was a big day in more ways than one. She had received another message from Skyridge already, requesting more information. She might be on the verge of getting a job. That was a good thing, but it also meant that she would be leaving Larkville sooner rather than later.
Suddenly leaving here seemed much more real than it had before. And she wasn’t ready. Not just because this time around she’d gotten to know people in Larkville and had made friends, but...
Don’t. Don’t think of Holt, she ordered herself. If she thought of Holt, she would hurt. And today she had to stand beside him as his hostess. She had to do Larkville and the Double Bar C proud and help win over the benefactors and the doctor candidates. Being sad wasn’t allowed.
Taking a deep breath, she pasted on a smile and removed Izzy from her car seat. “Come on, sweetie. You’re going to meet some other babies today. Luann and Mrs. Best have a nursery set up. Let’s go find some toys.”
Izzy’s response was to coo and pat Kathryn’s face. She kicked her little feet and then grabbed for the red scarf Kathryn was wearing around her neck. By the time Kathryn had untangled Izzy’s fingers, kissing her chubby little fist, they were at the porch. Holt was there, and other people were beginning to spill out the door. To her surprise, Holt took Izzy from her and looked her baby in the eyes as he held her in front of him. “You’re lookin’ good, Iz,” he told her. “Nice...whatever that thing you’re wearing is called. That kitten on your tummy is real cute. Play nice with the other kids so your momma won’t worry today, okay?”
Izzy wrinkled her nose in her best baby smile. Then she bucked a bit, kicked her tiny feet some more, rounded her lips and made what seemed like a half-formed blowing motion. A bit like the raspberry Holt had given her yesterday. It was probably just a coincidence, probably just an accident, but Holt tilted his head and squinted. “Yeah, you’re your mother’s daughter all right. Always asking me to do things. Okay, then. You and me. Later. One raspberry. Maybe two. But no spitting up milk like yesterday, all right? A cowboy needs his dignity.” But his voice was gentle as he passed Izzy over to Mrs. Best.
He turned to Kathryn. “Looks like we’re all here and everyone has their lists.” Was that a smile on his face? If it was, it quickly disappeared as he mentioned to everyone that their guests would be arriving soon. He had flown several groups in last night, and Gus would be bringing them on the bus. “Any last words or last-minute things you want done before we begin?” he asked Kathryn.
She shook her head, trying not to think about how much was riding on this day. “Just...be yourselves. You’ve made me feel welcome. You all know your skills better than I ever could. Just be prepared to answer a lot of questions, and if you don’t know what to say, send them to me or Holt. Depending on what the question is.”
“We’ll send the men to you and the women to Holt. That should win them over. They’ll all leave here in love,” Dave, one of Holt’s hands, said. He winked at Kathryn, and she laughed.
Holt gave him the evil eye. “The only thing we want them to fall in love with is Larkville and ranch life.”
Dave laughed, clearly taking no offense at Holt’s cranky tone. “Yes, sir, Holt. We’ll show them the best we’ve got. Ain’t that right, boys?” The other men agreed and began to move off to their assigned tasks. Nancy had told Kathryn that the men would walk through fire for Holt just as they would have for his father. There was a mutual respect between the rancher and his cowhands born out of a common background, a love of the land and the sometimes harsh circumstances nature sent their way.
Once everyone was gone, Kathryn looked up at Holt. “Can we walk? I’d like to see Daedalus before the frenzy of the day begins.”
To her surprise, he took her hand and she held her breath for a minute, just savoring the feeling of his big palm cupping hers. No doubt she shouldn’t indulge herself, but this might be one of the last times she got to do this with him. “I better watch myself,” he said. “It wouldn’t do for me to get all riled up and grumpy when we have guests. I saw you looking at me that way.”
“What way?” For a few seconds, Kathryn’s heartbeat started galloping wildly. Did Holt suspect that she had feelings for him beyond simple attraction? Because she would hate for him to know that. When she left here, she wanted to leave proud and tall. Holt’s equal, his partner. If he even suspected she was in love with him, he’d get that stern, sad look in his eyes and start telling her what a jerk he was. And that would mean he was trying to let her down easy, that he felt sorry for her. She’d—she would lie to his face and deny she even thought of him as a man before she let that happen, and she hated lies.
Holt was studying her. Waiting. She shook her head. “You managed to get a whole group of people to come here from all over the country. I’m not worried about what they’ll think if you get a little grumpy. Most of them will probably fall right in with everyone else and think you’re just that cowboy of their imagination, the romantic übermasculine guy with a generous dollop of testosterone in his soul. You being cranky would probably just entrance them more.”
He didn’t answer. She looked to the side. His lips were twitching.
“I don’t believe it. You’re laughing at me.”
“Sorry, Kathryn, but you sounded just a tad put out that I could behave badly and people would give me a pass because it fits their image of the Hollywood cowboy.”
She chuckled. “Well, it seems very unfair that if a woman got grumpy and started giving people deadly looks, no one would sigh and think she was fulfilling some romantic fantasy of theirs. They’d probably give her a wide berth or make insulting and sexist wisecracks.”
“No. If it was you, they’d probably be too busy trying to figure out how they could get back in your good graces. You’re going to win some hearts today, Kathryn. Dave was right. I’ll tell him so. Eventually. I don’t want him to get a big head. Not when he’s got chores to do. He’s leading the bridge crew today. I’m a bit worried about that one and the fencing crew. It seems wrong subjecting people with soft hands and a desire for fun to hard labor.”
“I’m not worried. Men who spend their days in suits like getting a chance to pretend they’re brawny tough guys who get to swing things, hit things and make things. And everyone here is going to schmooze them to death. We all want good things to happen. I can’t imagine anyone walking in here and not feeling welcome.”
As they moved toward the corral, Blue followed along, letting Kathryn trail her fingers on his fur. Daedalus whinnied when he saw them, and Kathryn reached in her pocket and pulled out a carrot. Placing it on her palm she held her hand perfectly still until Daedalus took her offering with almost microprecision. “I don’t think he would have ever hurt me even that first time. I think you were just mad at me for showing up that day.”
“Could be. I have a temper.”
“I noticed. It’s not an evil temper, though. You turn it on yourself more than you turn it on anyone else. I just tried to corner you that day.”
“You did corner me. I was stuck with no way out the minute you made up your mind to begin this project.”
“I didn’t know it.”
He smiled. “I hadn’t admitted it at the time, either, but I knew that you were trying to force my hand. And before we begin today, I want to thank you. You’ve done a good thing, a big thing. I don’t know when I’ve seen everyone here so excited. Today is big doings for a town the size of Larkville. They’re beginning to really care about the clinic and to believe it might happen.”
“I hope it does. It still might not. It’s difficult getting doctors to move to small towns when they can command better money in cities.”
“Then I guess we’ll just have to offer them something they can’t get in a city.”
She s
miled. “Cowboy charm?” she teased.
He doffed his hat and bowed over her hand. “I aim to please, ma’am.” His lips touched her skin, making her feel hot and terribly aware that she was a woman having her hand kissed by the most wanted cowboy in the county.
Just then the bus came down the road and Gus climbed out and escorted everyone off the vehicle.
“Showtime,” Holt said.
“Places,” Kathryn agreed. They both made a beeline toward the bus. And with that, “Come Be a Cowboy Day” began.
* * *
The ranch was a beehive of activity. Gus was showing the kids the animals. They were chasing chickens, corralling cats and dogs and milking cows. There were craft workshops, roping sessions, work crews. Holt and Kathryn had taken a group of riders out, but it was a large group and each of them had their assigned visitors. Holt knew he might not get a chance to spend any time with her until tonight when all the groups would converge for dinner and a dance.
Instead, he tried to focus on his group. He kept up a running commentary about the ranch and the town and the advantages of being within driving distance from Austin while he watched Kathryn do the same with another subset of the group. She had her head thrown back and she was laughing as she spoke. She looked good on a horse. No one would have known that she had only had one lesson. If he didn’t know better, Holt would have wondered if she hadn’t whispered some sweet nothings into Daedalus’s ear. That horse seemed almost as besotted as the members of her group, both men and women.
“This isn’t the way it is most of the time, is it?” a voice asked.
Holt turned to see one of the doctor candidates coming up beside him. “You mean the ranch?”
“The ranch, all of it.”
Holt shrugged. “I wouldn’t say that. It’s just a bit compressed. The way it would be if you made a time-lapse of ranch life. Plus, the weather cooperated and there’s no mud, so these are ideal circumstances. You disappointed?” He didn’t want to have to tell Kathryn that another candidate was dropping out. One of the three had failed to show up. Now this. Having this man asking such pointed questions had Holt worried, so he might have sounded just a bit cranky in spite of his promise to tone it down.
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