by Connie Cox
After meeting them—after meeting Niko—she would never be the same again.
The further the ship sailed from shore, taking Niko away from her, the deeper she felt the pain from the shards of her broken heart. How could loving someone hurt so intensely?
A tour bus pulled up and Annalise realized she was standing under their sign.
“You want a ticket for the Night Lights of Barcelona tour, lady? Special admission into the museums and other tourist attractions.”
“Sure. Why not?” Anything was better than wishing for what could never be.
Touring the galleries of Barcelona by herself, Annalise had never felt so lonely. Before Niko, she’d preferred to explore alone, taking her time to enjoy what she liked most.
But a thousand times during the evening she wanted to turn to Niko and say, “Look. What do you think?” and see his tiger eyes, hear his deep voice as they shared something of awe or beauty.
Could she ever share anything with anyone again?
Checking into the hotel, she saw a father with his two children, a daughter and a son, and it made her smile.
The son had a dimple that flashed like Niko’s. She bet the boy got whatever he wanted when he turned on the charm.
Niko was perfect father material.
That’s the future Niko’s family wished for him. That’s the future he should have. The future she could never give him. Reality tore her in two.
She loved Niko with every cell in her body. She loved him enough to let him go.
In her hotel room she wrapped herself in blankets and tried to warm her cold soul with memories. She closed her eyes, remembering the heat of his hands on her, the healing fire he’d built in her heart and in her body.
Niko had forever changed her for the better.
Logically she should be grateful for that and move on.
Her heart clenched in agony. As hard as she tried to be practical, her emotions kept seeping through.
One breath at a time. That’s how she survived.
Annalise knew that about herself. She was a survivor.
And she could help others be survivors, too.
She had skills to give the world and for that she would continue to move forward in her life. She would do it in honor of the man who had shown her what love was.
She wished she would have told Niko about her plans. Wished she could have told him how much he meant to her. Wished there had been a better way than simply walking away. But she might have found the limit to her strength. Saying anything more than goodbye to Niko might have destroyed her.
Finally, as dawn broke through the darkness, she boarded the plane that would take her to her new future.
* * *
Niko was not in a good mood. Not being able to find the woman you loved did that to a guy. He’d stayed awake long after midnight, thinking, hoping, wishing she’d come knocking on his door. It hadn’t happened.
As soon as morning had broken, he’d searched the ship—their favorite kiosk by the hot tubs, the video arcade and the skating rink, their place on the top deck, everywhere he could think to look.
It was a big ship but he’d always been able to find her when he looked for her before.
Where was she?
They hadn’t made plans to meet, but he’d taken for granted—
He’d taken her for granted, assuming she would be there when he wanted her.
Fighting down panic, he found her P.A. in the medical suite.
“I don’t know where she went, Dr. Christopoulos. She didn’t tell me.”
The P.A. said Dr. Walcott was done with her duties, had finished her contract. No, she couldn’t give out Dr. Walcott’s private cellphone number. No, she couldn’t give out her cabin number either.
The P.A. gave him a sympathetic shrug. “If she’s still on the ship, I’m sure she’ll show up.”
Niko turned away from the medical suite, stunned. Confused. Lost.
He wandered the ship, bow to stern, for hours.
Desolate, with no appetite, he joined his family for lunch. The smaller passenger list meant only one sitting. He would see her there. It would all be a bad coincidence that they hadn’t connected. They would laugh about it. He would propose on the top deck. They would watch the sunset together. And his life would have meaning again.
But when he scanned the dining room, Annalise wasn’t there.
The captain said he could give Niko no information. Then Helena took pity on Niko. She batted her eyelashes at the captain and asked sweetly on Niko’s behalf. The captain agreed to have someone check the manifest to see if Annalise was still on the ship.
For now, all Niko could do was wait.
The meal with his family was as raucous as ever, reminding Niko what a misfit he was. While Niko barely mustered the will to swallow his soup, the rest of the family chattered around him.
As the wine began to flow, a steward came up to him, giving him a folded note.
Her contract with the ship is over. She vacated her quarters last night and disembarked in Barcelona. She’s gone. I’m sorry, Helena
* * *
Niko waited impatiently for the ship to dock. His first stop in Athens would be the office of Doctors Without Borders. He would hand in his resignation and then search for Annalise.
He’d spend the rest of his life looking for her if he had to. And when he found her, he would do whatever he needed to do, be whoever he needed to be, to stay by her side.
Niko hurt deep down to the center of his soul. The ache was constant, like a thud on a hollow drum. He knew what it really was. It was the empty place where his heart used to be. Wherever Annaslise had gone, she had taken it with her.
Not that he hadn’t given it to her freely. Only she had to be near him for it to go on beating, otherwise his life was just one day after the other with no heart in it.
* * *
Packets in hand, Annalise caught a taxi for her interview. If all went well, she would have a new job with Doctors Without Borders by the time she left Athens.
Once at their offices, Annalise signed the documents pledging herself for the coming year. The administrator gave her a genuinely grateful smile.
“You’re perfect, Dr. Walcott. You’ve got emergency response training and emergency medical experience. You’re used to making independent decisions and directing an ever-changing staff. You’ve even got all your shots.”
Annalise gave her a rueful grin, remembering all the inoculations she’d had with the cruise line. “Sounds like I’m your woman, then.”
“As soon as we finish all our background checks, we’ll have your assignment for you. Not to worry, we’ll put you with an experienced team leader until you’re comfortable enough to be a team leader yourself.”
Niko was a team leader. She had to grip her hands and bite her tongue to keep from requesting him. The wisest answer would be to specifically not ask for him.
It was a large, spread-out operation. What were the odds she would run into Niko on occasion? Would fate be cruel or kind?
In the end, she only nodded her understanding. “I’ll be ready.”
* * *
Emotion swamped Niko as he walked toward the Athens offices of Doctors Without Borders. Impatience overshadowed them all.
The sooner he got this excruciating decision behind him, the sooner he could begin his search for Annalise.
The doors opened and he blinked twice, sure his overwrought brain was playing tricks on him.
“Annalise?”
“Niko?” All blood drained from her face.
If he stood still, she would come to him, right?
After standing frozen, giving her space, giving her time that seemed to draw out for an eternity, he could stand still no longer.
/>
He took three long, quick strides, bringing him next to her. He wanted to reach out and grab her, hold her and never let her go.
But she stood there looking so brittle, he thought if he touched her she might break into a thousand pieces.
“Hey.” His throat was so dry from nerves, his voice almost cracked.
“Hey.”
“I told them. Told them all about paying for the cruise, about my work, everything.”
“And?”
“And it’s okay. They’re my family.”
“You’re a lucky man.”
“Yes.” He thought about how he had been ready to search to the ends of the earth for her and here she was. “Yes, I am.”
She swallowed. “What are you doing here?”
“Remember all those toasts my family gave, the ones about me and babies?”
“How could I forget?” She wrapped her arms around herself and stared straight up into the cloudless blue sky. “Go on.”
By the way Annalise barely breathed her words, Niko knew how crucial this was to her.
“I’m leaving Doctors Without Borders. Trying to have a family life, expecting my wife to raise the children while I’m gone for months at a time, it wouldn’t be fair.”
“Your family will be pleased.”
Niko expected to see joy and maybe even appreciation for his sacrifice in Annalise’s eyes. Instead, her jaw was set in determination as if she was about to swallow a dose of bad medicine.
“And you, Annalise? Aren’t you pleased?” He waved his hands at the building behind them. “I’m doing this for you, for us. For our children.”
“No. Not for us. There can be no us.” Pain made the words cut like glass in her throat. “I’ve joined Doctors Without Borders. I’ll be leaving as soon as I receive my assignment.”
“Annalise, I can’t let you do that. It’s too dangerous.”
“You can’t let me? Niko, you have no choice in this.”
“I can’t lose you.”
“You never had me,” she lied. A piece of her soul would always belong to him. But it was better this way.
“What are you saying?” Niko stared at her as anger tumbled with sorrow and churned with disbelief. “With all that has been between us, I mean nothing to you?”
She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “No.”
Her eyes, brimming with tears, and her voice, shaking and thick, said otherwise.
“Only honesty between us, remember?” He reached out for her. If her body said the same thing her lips said, he would know.
Gently, as if she would break at his touch, he cupped her chin. The energy was there. That connection he shared with no other person on earth pulsed under his fingertips. “You say I mean nothing to you. Then why the tears?”
“There was damage. I can’t carry a child to term.” She blew out a breath. “I’ve never said that out loud before.”
“Annalise—”
She reached out to touch him, but dropped her hand before she made contact. “I’ve got to go.”
“No.” He was fierce in his answer, frowning at her, blocking her way.
“You would be such a good father but I’m not cut out to be a mother.” She took two steps back and wrapped her arms around herself. “Please, Niko. I’m breaking into pieces here. Don’t make this any harder.”
“I don’t want children.” He frowned. “I thought you did.”
She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Why did you think that?”
He seemed genuinely puzzled. “All women do, right?”
Through her tears, she gave him a watery smile. “Has anyone told you that you sometimes have a chauvinistic streak?”
“So you were just going to walk away from me? Without a discussion?”
“I couldn’t ask you to choose, babies or me.”
“You couldn’t ask me? What about my right to choose?” He wiped at his own eyes. “But, then, you just said the same thing to me about Doctors Without Borders, didn’t you? We’re two of a pair, aren’t we? Except for me, there is no choice. Without you, there is no me.”
She stopped him with a finger over his lips. “Someday you’ll want babies, Niko. You deserve babies. I can’t give them to you.”
He kissed her finger before clasping her hand, keeping her at his side. “If that day ever comes, there’s more than one way to have children. We could adopt.”
“You would do that for me?”
“Don’t you understand, Annalise? I would do anything for you. Even resign from Doctors Without Borders. Anything.”
She put her palm over his heart. “You were going to give up what you loved most for me?”
He covered her hand with his, feeling it warm under his touch as he held it tight against his chest. “I love you, Annalise. What I love most is whatever makes you happiest.”
“What makes me happiest is being with you.” She gave a nod back to the building. “Think they’ll assign us together?”
“They will if they want to keep two very good doctors on staff.” He looked down into her eyes. “Is this what you want? I’ll give it up for you.”
“I would never want you to cut out a part of yourself for me. I love you, Niko. The whole package.”
“The whole package. No more holding back. No more secrets—even if it is to protect the other person.”
Annalise held out her free hand to him. When he wrapped his long, strong fingers around her delicate ones, she felt his strength surge through her. This was how it had always been between them. This was how it always would be.
“I’ll make you a deal, Niko. I’ll work on my communication skills if you’ll work on yours.”
He cocked an eyebrow at her. “It’s going to take a lot of practice. A lot of togetherness.”
She nodded. “A lot of patience and compromise.”
“Sounds like a marriage to me.”
“Are you asking?”
“No, I’m begging. Marry me, Annalise. Make my life whole.”
“Yes, Niko. We’ll be whole together.”
* * * * *
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ISBN: 9781460307588
Copyright © 2013 by Connie Cox
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
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