31 Days of Winter

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Don’t you dare fucking walk away,’ he spat. ‘I’m coming back right now, you have no idea what’s been going on in my life. I’m not losing you, too.’

  ‘You lost me the minute you shut me out and started cheating and lying Zac, it’s just neither of us realised it. Goodbye.’ I cut him off with shaking hands and went back to the bedroom and sat on the dressing table stool, backed up my data to iCloud, put my phone on the floor and stamped on it until it shattered. Damn that felt good.

  ‘What are you doing?’ exclaimed Brooke as she came back in.

  ‘We don’t have time, he’s going to be on his way back.’

  ‘Shit, you crumbled and told him didn’t you?’ she groaned. ‘I knew I couldn’t trust you to leave you alone. Right, we have less than half an hour then, Mike’s on his way up to take the cases so if you don’t want to see him go in the bathroom, I’ll handle it. Anything else to pack from here?’ I looked around the bedroom, my side of the wardrobe was empty, the drawers on the dresser were hanging out and empty, same with the bedside table. I shook my head. ‘Move it quick,’ she hissed.

  I ran into our en-suite and shut the door and heard her wheeling the cases out and the mumbling of voices. I almost laughed when I realised I was sitting on the toilet, habit I guess, I never sat down in here unless it was on the loo. I pulled Zac’s stash of coke from my back pocket and sprinkled it down the toilet and flushed it, then took one last look around the room, at the sink I brushed my teeth at every day with my whitening toothpaste, the mirror I used to do my makeup in, the shower I used every morning and where Zac and I had often had morning sex, before it all went pear shaped. He’d probably had sex in there with other women, I needed to forget sentimentality, he’d soon forgotten all of that when he started cheating on me. I looked up as the door opened.

  ‘Sorted?’

  ‘Yes, we need to get going, he’ll be here soon.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I smiled, weakly. I suddenly felt drained, the pent up emotions of everything that had happened were pushing at my outer defences, and I wasn’t sure how long I could hold them back.

  ‘You don’t have time for that now, come on, we’ll get chocolate and ice cream and you can cry as much as you want later.’ She held out her hand and hauled me up. We grabbed the two remaining cases with my essentials from the hall and I took one last look at the large modern open plan room. I was leaving a huge portion of my life behind, I’d chosen the art work and all of the soft furnishing and accessories that turned his Bachelor pad into our home. I was leaving behind my massive collection of books, some of which were first editions. I was the cook in the relationship and I’d got so many gadgets that I used on a daily basis that I was just leaving behind. I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling a small portion of what people must feel when their belongings were taken out by fire or flood. I took the key off my key ring and left it on the island, walked out to join Brooke in the hall, and closed the door. She was holding the lift door open for me and gave me a reassuring smile as I stepped in and she pressed for the lobby. I tucked into the corner and allowed myself to let out a few tears as I looked down at the perforated steel tiled floor as it started its descent, then shuddered and opened.

  ‘Ellie, nice to see you,’ came a voice and I groaned inwardly. It was Alec, one of Zac’s friends from his office, who lived a couple of floors down. It was banker and stockbroker central in this building. I hoped Zac hadn’t rung him and asked him to stop me leaving. I looked up at him with a half-smile.

  ‘Hi, Alec.’

  ‘You off on holiday?’ he asked seemingly surprised as he looked at the cases.

  ‘Yeah, sort of,’ I nodded as I wiped away the tears clinging to my lashes.

  ‘O shit, you found out,’ he groaned. ‘You’re leaving.’

  ‘You knew all about it?’ I asked, unsure why I sounded surprised, after all I rang my best friend the minute it went tits up, why wouldn’t Zac confide in his friend the problems we were having?

  ‘Well yeah, he was hoping to have found another job before you found out, so you’d never need to know.’

  ‘Found another job?’ I asked, confused.

  ‘Well it’s been six months since he was fired, we figured he’d have picked himself up and got something else by now.’

  ‘He was fired six months ago?’ I uttered, stunned. Brooke just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

  ‘Shit Ellie, I thought you knew, I mean I bumped into him on Saturday morning in the lobby and he said you’d had an argument, I just assumed …’ Alec visibly grimaced. ‘Awkward.’

  ‘Yeah, you could say that,’ I sighed. Who the hell had I been living with? Six months unemployed and he’d been going out every morning suited and booted with his briefcase and coming home late every night, as was usual, telling me about how he’d made clients so happy with the killings he’d started making on the markets as they were picking up. I suddenly felt hollow inside. Could I have been a bigger fool? The lift pinged again and opened at the lobby.

  ‘Sorry Ellie, see you around,’ Alec gave me a pity smile and strode off.

  ‘Wow, what a tangled web our Zac has gotten himself into,’ Brooke observed with a look of sympathy at me. I hated this, I didn’t want to be the victim that everyone felt sorry for.

  ‘Then I’m actually a very lucky girl to have found out when I did, aren’t I?’ I replied, putting on my bravest front.

  ‘That’s my girl,’ Brooke smiled. ‘Let’s hoof it.’

  ‘Afternoon, Miss Baxter.’ Harry tipped his cap at me and I gave him a genuine smile, he’d always been so polite with me.

  ‘Afternoon, Harry.’ I almost wished I had time to go and apologise for leaving without talking to him, to be able to thank him for all the doors he’d opened, lifts he’d halted, umbrellas he’d loaned me, but I didn’t have time if I wanted to avoid a confrontation with Zac. We hurried across the road and up towards my car and I looked at Brooke, my eyes wide in panic, as I heard a familiar throttled roar.

  ‘Shit, it’s his Porsche, isn’t it? Move faster,’ she ordered. We started running, dragging the two cases we needed behind us over the cobbles. I looked over my shoulder and saw his car screech to a stop outside the main entrance. We ran around the corner and I took one last look at him running into the building before quickly opening my car.

  ‘We don’t have long, Harry will tell him we just left on foot,’ I panted as we heaved the large case into the boot and slammed it shut.

  ‘We don’t have time to strap in your other case. Stick it on the front seat and go without me.’

  ‘Brooke!’ I looked at her surprised.

  ‘He’s going to know you were with me anyway, I’ll go and run interference, but he’s likely to go to mine looking for you. Book into a hotel somewhere, then ring me and tell me where. I’ll sort out your stuff that you left at mine and come and meet you there, then we can get you organised for tomorrow. Don’t argue, you have argue face.’ She wedged my second case in the foot well and shut the door. I blew her a kiss and pulled out into the main street. As I looked in my rear view mirror I saw Zac standing next to his car, his hands on his hips as he looked around, when he spotted Maisie he ran around to his driver’s side. I looked back at the road and put my foot down. When I looked back Brooke was standing with her hands on his bonnet stopping him from moving. ‘You’re the best, Brooke Hanson,’ I whispered as I sped off. I remembered that the Marriot in Regents Park had parking, so I headed there and dragged in my two cases and asked for a twin room.

  ‘Is there another guest?’ asked the Receptionist.

  ‘Yes, she’ll be here later. I’m so sorry to trouble you but she has my iPad and I lost my mobile and can’t remember her number. Would you mind if I logged onto my iCloud account to retrieve it?

  ‘Not at all,’ she smiled.

  ‘Can I leave the spare room key here for her? It’s Brooke Hanson, she’s a redhead.’

  ‘Not a problem, she’ll need to quote your name and room numbe
r so we know it’s genuine.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I quickly scribbled her number on the back of my hand, then headed up to the room, dumping the cases just inside the door. I contemplated throwing myself on the bed and crying, but I didn’t have time. When Brooke arrived I had a new laptop to set up, clothes to sort and I needed a shower, all that humping of cases and the stress had left me hot and bothered. I stripped off and had a steaming hot shower to help ease out some of the tension kinks, keeping my hair tucked up out of the way then wrapped myself in a towel and put on the complimentary slippers. I had a thing about walking on hotel carpets where other people’s feet, and goodness knows what else, had been. I opened my cases and sorted out what I wanted to take away and what was staying behind. I needed to ring Brooke to make sure that she brought everything, the new clothes bags, and laptop as well as my small case that I had taken to hers. I dialled her mobile from the hotel room phone.

  ‘Hey Brooke, it’s me.’

  ‘Hi Steve, can I call you back, it’s really not a great time.’

  ‘Shit, are you with Zac?’ I whispered as I recognised the engine purr again.

  ‘Yes, on my way home now, I’ll give you a ring when I get there, ok babes?’

  ‘Marriot Regent Park, room 115,’ I whispered in case Zac overheard.

  ‘Love you too babes, speak soon.’

  ‘Ok.’

  Shit! Zac was driving her back to her house? Knowing him he probably won’t leave as he’d assume that I’d either go back there or ring her. He knew I was a creature of habit and who I’d run to after a fight with him. I had my passport so I guess I could just go with what I had here, but it would mean not saying goodbye to her and I didn’t want to leave like that. I opened the minibar and took out the small bottles of Baileys and knocked one back in one go then finished sorting the clothes I had here with me, before having a second Baileys. I rang room service and asked for a bottle of champagne to be sent up. I needed to toast to a new start. I jumped when the phone rang back.

  ‘Sorry babe, I was in his car,’ Brooke whispered.

  ‘I figured. Don’t tell me he’s in your house now?’

  ‘Yes, he’s refusing to leave as he reckons you’ll come here or ring me. I’ve come to the bathroom and put the taps on so he can’t hear.’

  ‘Shit, how are you going to get out without him knowing?’

  ‘I’ll figure something out.’

  ‘I need my clothes and the new laptop, too.’

  ‘Don’t worry, stealth is my middle name. I’ll be there as soon as I can, ok?’

  I reminded her of my room number and hung up. This was all a bit much, Zac had driven her home and was waiting in her house? What had I got her mixed up in? I pulled on a t-shirt and climbed into the bed feeling tired and shivery. As soon as my head hit the pillow I started to cry, gut wrenching sobs. I cried for the life I’d lost and the life I’d dreamed of having, but now never would. I cried until my eyes felt dry and gritty as the Sahara desert and when my breathing calmed down, pulled the duvet over my head and fell asleep.

  ‘O babe,’ I heard as I felt a hand sweep over my hair.

  ‘Brooke?’ I mumbled as I opened my eyes to see her smiling down at me.

  ‘I’m here, Zac free. You couldn’t wait for me to arrive before you had a melt down?’

  ‘I’m sorry, it just happened. How did you get away?’

  ‘Got your case and bags ready and snuck them in the kitchen, booked a taxi and then told him I couldn’t find my mobile and that I must have dropped it in his car. When he went out to check, I locked him out and legged it out the back. And I looked to make sure he hadn’t followed the taxi too, he has no idea where we are, though he’s left a few annoyed messages on my phone.’

  ‘You’re amazing,’ I smiled as I sat up and gave her a big hug. ‘Give me your phone and I’ll block him.’

  ‘You can do that?’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Ermmm, yes.’

  ‘God, I’ll give you a whole list of names to block, that’ll make my life a lot easier.’

  I laughed and took the phone and told her to go and unpack and charge my new laptop, and then ring room service again and order us some food while I blocked the long list of callers she wanted to avoid.

  Day Four

  Ellie

  Brooke dropped me off outside the office at seven-thirty and earned herself a raised eyebrow from me as she wheel spun away and headed off in Maisie to fetch the cases from Mike’s to take back to hers. I stood on the pavement outside and looked up at the tall building in front of me and closed my eyes trying to find my centre of calm before walking in and nodding to security. Four years I’d worked here, every time I came in I’d nod to him, and did I ever get a nod back? I wondered if he was related to the Captain. The only thing that had cheered me up this morning, other than the exquisite croissants I’d had for breakfast, was the fact that by the end of the day I’d be able to put a face to the sexy voice that had me in a tizz for hours after I spoke to him on Saturday. I looked down at myself as I went up in the lift. I’d dressed in a pair of heels, black skinny jeans, a sheer emerald blouse and a black jacket, and had taken a bit more time with my hair and makeup than normal. Brooke had laughed at the effort I was making.

  ‘Don’t know why you’re bothering,’ she’d said. ‘He’ll be like one of those sex line people. They sound incredibly sexy on the phone, when in reality they’re some fat sweating bald guy with no teeth, who’s probably taking a shit while reading off a script.’ She was probably right, but a not so tiny portion of me really hoped that she wasn’t.

  I stepped out into the lobby of our publishing firm and smiled sadly when I looked at the reception desk and realised I wasn’t going to see Natasha to say goodbye. I sat at her desk and ran my hand over the smooth polished wood, taking a second for the enormity of the moment to catch up with me, then wrote her an apology letter, sealed it in an envelope and propped it up on her keyboard. I stood and mentally psyched myself up for the battle of my life, and walked through to the Captain’s Office.

  ‘You’re early,’ he commented without even looking up. I looked at my watch, I was an hour and fifteen early, well, fifteen by his standards.

  ‘I need to talk.’

  ‘No time, schedule an appointment in for later.’

  ‘That’s the problem, I won’t be here later.’

  ‘Damn it, Ellie. Another personal day? I don’t just hand them out, you know,’ he snapped as he looked up at me. I was about to remind him that for the last four years I’d been way under my holiday entitlement, but what did it matter? ‘What’s the problem? Why do you need it and what the hell are you wearing? You know I have a strict no jeans at work policy.’

  ‘Well if you’d let me talk, you’d know.’

  ‘You can’t have today off, I need you here, I need notice for you to drop me in it, check with Natasha and she’ll see when I can squeeze you in.’ He looked back down at his desk and carried on with his scribbling.

  ‘I’m giving my notice John, I’m resigning with immediate effect and I’ll be gone before Natasha arrives.’ I slid my letter across the desk and watched as he stopped his scribbling and his index finger reached out to touch the edge of the envelope, but he didn’t look up.

  ‘Is this your idea of a fucking joke?’ he asked quietly.

  ‘No, no joke, I’m really sorry to do this to you, but personal circumstances dictate that I don’t have a choice. I’ve already composed a letter to my clients, which I’ll email to you later so you can vet it before sending it out, if that’s what you chose to do. I’ll leave instructions for Natasha to reassign my meetings until you find a replacement.’ I held my breath as I saw him take a deep one and quickly took a step back, this was going to be flobber central and the roar would probably knock me flat on my arse this time. I was surprised when he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his mouth as he raised his puzzled gaze to study my face.

  ‘You’re serious,’ he stated calmly.

&
nbsp; ‘Yes,’ I nodded nervously. I’d have preferred Captain Cranky to this guy, at least I knew where I stood with him.

  ‘Personal reasons?’

  ‘Yes, but as I’m leaving I may as well go all in. I’m not afraid to tell you that you don’t exactly make life easy for people around here, it’s not a happy working environment. You’re moody and cantankerous and scare the shit out of everyone.’

  ‘Not you, obviously.’

  ‘Sometimes yes, and quite frankly I’m rather surprised you haven’t roared at me this morning.’

  ‘I apologise, Ellie. I’ve had some … “personal stuff” going on at home too, I hadn’t realised that I was letting it get to me at work. I’ll make an effort to be less shit scaring.’

  ‘And cantankerous?’ I asked hesitantly, wondering where this version of the Captain had come from.

  ‘Yes, that too,’ he replied with a wry smile. ‘You’re the best editor I’ve ever had Ellie, can I do nothing to change your mind?’

  ‘Today? No, I’m afraid not. I’m taking a month out to try something new and I don’t expect you to hold my job open for me if my plans don’t work out, but I appreciate the faith in my abilities. I’m so sorry to do this and obviously as I can’t work my month notice I know I won’t be paid.’

  ‘I’ll make you a deal, Ellie. While you try this “something new” I’ll start the recruitment process for your successor, but I won’t accept this letter until you’ve had time to think about it. If in a month you still want to resign, give it back to me. However, in exchange I’d like you to work another month, both of which would be paid, while you settle in the new person. If you end up choosing to stay, well then you’ve just been on an extended holiday.’