‘You like men in suits?’
‘I do,’ I sighed. ‘Not that rough and ready doesn’t do it for me, too,’ I added quickly, remembering how good Dan had looked in his jeans and t-shirt with that axe in his hand. ‘It’s more about the confidence. Anyway, after eight months of regular dating he flew us to Rome for a city break, proposed in front of the Trevi Fountain and I moved into his Bachelor pad in Canary Wharf.’
‘Did you really love him?’ Dan asked, and I could hear in his voice he was unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.
‘I thought I did, but looking back now I think it was because it was easy with him too. We had fun, we had a lot of sex in the beginning, but I don’t think we ever really craved each other.’
‘You don’t like easy?’
‘I don’t think it’s realistic for a couple to never argue, if you’re passionate about your beliefs you’re bound to have differing opinions. I think he agreed to whatever I wanted because he didn’t want to rock the boat.’
‘What did you want?’
‘I wanted us to be happy like my mum and dad were, even with no money and regular blow outs when they didn’t agree on something, they were crazy about each other. I wanted kids, I wanted us to leave the city and have a little cottage and loads of grounds for our children to play in, for us to have family time. But the longer we were together, the more I started to realise it didn’t seem to be what he wanted. He loved his playboy lifestyle, his sports car, flashing his cash and taking me to company dinners and having me be admired, it made him feel good about himself.’
‘You still want that life?’
‘Which one?’
‘The playboy lifestyle.’
‘No, I feel like I’ve done that. I’m going to look for a small apartment, somewhere like Notting Hill where there’s cafés and restaurants and a cosy pub.’
‘You see yourself settling down again?’
‘I’d like to, I like the feeling of security that a relationship gives me, I also love taking care of people and I want to have children before I’m too old.’
‘You have a few years ahead of you now, don’t you?’
‘I guess,’ I shrugged. He continued to question me, asking all about my childhood and parents, even though he didn’t say much his tone was so relaxing.
‘You can open your eyes.’
‘You’re not messing with me?’
‘No. We’ve reached the bottom, I promise.’ I opened one eye to look and saw he wasn’t lying. We were on a major road and the snow was much lighter down here. ‘Feeling better?’
‘Yes thank you, but now you have pretty much my whole life story and I’m still completely in the dark about you.’
‘I told you I’m not much of a talker.’
‘You’re a good listener.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. You also have a way of asking questions that makes me see how things really are.’
‘I also seem to make you angry sometimes,’ he observed with a quick smile over at me. ‘We’ll be there soon, I’ll take your mobile number so that I can let you know when I’m ready to pick you up.’
‘What time do you think that will be?’
‘Four o’clock.’
‘Are you going to come over for dinner tonight?’ I looked over at him and he looked at me surprised.
‘You still want me to?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.’
‘Was my cooking that bad?’
‘No,’ he laughed. ‘It was amazing, it’s the best meal I’ve had all year. You know why it’s not a good idea.’
‘So you stay your side of the island, I’ll stay on mine, kitchen island that is, not the actual island. If you really won’t come I’ll plate you something up and you can collect it.’
‘Ellie, I …’ he sighed and rubbed his mouth.
‘We’re two adults Dan, not teenagers with raging hormones. Surely we can show some self-restraint?’ I asked, knowing that was the most ridiculous statement I’d ever made in my life, or possibly in the history of the world. I may as well be a teenage boy for the lack of control over hormones and my desire to have him in my bed, it didn’t even have to be a bed, I’d be happy to have him anywhere. In fact, I’d happily go at it in this damn metal death trap.
‘I’ll think about it.’
‘What about Christmas Day?’ I asked as I noticed we were driving into the centre of a town.
‘What about it?’
‘Where do you keep your Christmas decorations? Do you have some for the house and the boathouse? And where do you get the trees?’
‘O, right. I don’t have any.’
‘Don’t tell me, you don’t do Christmas?’ I asked, aghast.
‘It’s for families.’
‘So what? You were planning on spending it alone?’
‘I usually do yes, it’s just another day to me. I take it from the look of horror on your face that you’re not impressed.’
‘I love Christmas.’
‘Yet you came up here to spend it alone yourself,’ he shrewdly observed.
‘Well I wasn’t really thinking clearly when I booked this trip, it all sounded wonderfully romantic in my head.’
‘You’re a romance girl?’
‘What girl isn’t? Please don’t make me spend it alone with no decorations or a tree as well.’
‘If you want to decorate the house I’ll cover the cost, I guess future tenants will want to celebrate too, so I can keep them in storage.’
‘What about your place?’
‘I don’t need any decorations up.’
‘Would you let me do it for you? I can’t bear the thought of you not having any.’
‘I don’t think being in there with you in such close proximity’s a good idea.’
‘Then if I promise not to snoop would you let me do it when you’re out in the afternoon? I’d do it tastefully, you won’t come back to find it like a grotto inside.’
‘Why is this so important to you?’ he sighed.
‘It’s a time for celebration and happy memories. Say I can do it?’
‘Are you always this persistent?’
‘Sometimes, yes.’
‘Fine, but minimal please.’ He laughed as I clapped my hands. ‘Don’t worry about a tree for the house, we’re surrounded by them, I’ll get one with roots so it can be planted back after.’
‘What budget do I have?’ I asked.
‘Whatever you think’s required to make the house look good.’
‘It won’t be cheap, not starting from scratch, but once you have them all they will last for years. Will he mind?’
‘He can afford it.’
‘He’s really wealthy, huh?’ I prodded.
‘Yes.’
‘What does he do?’
‘That’s not something I want to discuss, Ellie. He likes his anonymity.’
‘You can’t even tell me his name, so every time I refer to him I don’t have to call him, him?’
‘No, because once you know his name, you’ll probably know exactly who he is.’
‘God, is it Bill Gates or Richard Branson?’ I exclaimed and Dan laughed.
‘Not quite, but he’s an entrepreneur and wealthy businessman. Can we end the questions now, please?’
‘Fine,’ I sighed, totally intrigued. ‘We’ll need to get some frozen food today just in case we can’t get out. There’s no way I’m not having roast turkey and the trimmings.’ I saw him shake his head, but a small smile played across his face as he glanced up into his rear view mirror, indicated and pulled into an open air car park and stopped with the engine running. ‘The clinics across the road,’ he pointed. I looked around to see the modern building that looked like a big doctor’s surgery and felt my stomach sink again. He’d done a great job of distracting me all the way here.
‘Thanks.’
‘You’d better give me your mobile number so I can ring you when I’m ready
to pick you up. We can go to the supermarket then.’ I read it out and watched him key it into his phone and was surprised to see he’d got the latest iPhone. For a guy that didn’t own a TV I hadn’t been expecting that. ‘Stay there, I’ll come and help you get out,’ he ordered. I watched as he walked around the front of the jeep and wondered exactly how tall he was, he walked with such power and confidence and even that rough stubble, thick ski jacket and black beanie hat he had pulled down low masked none of his masculinity. He opened my passenger door and held out his hand and I put mine in it and felt him squeeze it as he pulled me out of the car and I slid down his body, trapped between the car behind me and the solid wall of muscle in front.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered. My boots were flat and I was barely level with his pecs. He cupped my chin again and made me look up at him.
‘Are you going to be ok?’ he asked softly. I nodded and chewed on my lip then trembled as he slowly ran his thumb backwards and forwards over my cheek. I watched as his eyes came back to life and felt his chest expanding against mine on every breath he took. He bowed his head and I nearly passed out. Was he going to kiss me again? He hesitated and then planted a gentle kiss on my forehead, it may as well have been directly on my clit as I felt it surge through my whole body. He suddenly straightened up, shook himself and mumbled ‘Good luck,’ and stepped away, quickly returning to the driver’s side and getting in, leaving me clutching the passenger door and feeling like I’d just had knee buckling sex, from a forehead kiss.
‘See you later?’ I asked as I turned to look at him and he nodded without looking at me as I closed the door. He didn’t look back as he drove away, leaving me feeling more empty and confused than ever. I checked my watch, it was just after two, it had taken us just over an hour to get here, which meant that as he always returned to the loch at five, he’d have to leave this area at four, which left two hours unaccounted for. What the hell did he do here for two hours every day between the hours of two and four? Surely no part-time job warranted a two hour daily commute for so little time each day? What the hell would pay well enough to make him do that? I sighed and crossed the road, headed into the clinic and asked if I could be seen and was told to take a seat and wondered if I was I ever going to learn more about him.
I had to wait about half an hour before I was called in, it was bad enough her Scottish accent was so strong that I had to keep asking her to repeat herself, but when I had to explain that I needed to be tested because my fiancé had been sleeping with other women behind my back, I didn’t think I could possibly feel any lower than I did in that moment. I asked to be tested for everything, so I had swabs and urine and blood samples and was told that I would get my results by the end of next week. I asked them to email them to me as it was unlikely that I’d get a phone signal up at the loch and I had no idea what the landline number was.
As I left I headed straight for a quaint looking tearoom and ordered a full afternoon tea with scones, jam and clotted cream with a hot chocolate, then started making a list of all the food I’d need for a Christmas dinner, and extra supplies if I was going to be feeding Dan every night. I felt better for getting some food inside me and as I paid up I asked where would be the best place for me to shop to get Christmas decorations and wandered through the town, browsing some of the shops along the way. I stopped in a Woollen shop and got a dark grey cable knit scarf, matching beanie hat and thick wool fingerless gloves for Dan as a Christmas and thank you gift and stopped in a convenience store and got him a packet of Werther’s Originals.
I was in heaven in the huge Christmas shop, it smelled of mulled wine, gingerbread and cloves. I explained to the shop assistant that I would be buying items to kit out two houses from scratch and her eyes lit up with pound signs as she called someone else over to watch the till as she became my personal shopper. I chose four small multi-coloured fibre optic trees, one for the boathouse, then the main house bedroom, office and kitchen, and a load of sets of the longest strings of fairy lights I could find to wrap around the four supporting pillars in the house, for the top of the kitchen units, the main tree and Dan’s mezzanine, then two pearl and gold fairy light mantelpiece toppers and loads of silver and red baubles. I also chose some outside icicle lights to edge the top of the overhang of the boathouse and a load of Scandinavian style wooden decorations to pin up. I groaned with pleasure when she led me into the candle section, and ended up filling a basket with Christmas scented Yankee Candle ones, church pillar candles and three cream metal hanging heart candle holders that could be put in the boathouse windows. I knew it wouldn’t be cheap but was shocked at the bill and made sure I tucked the receipt right down at the bottom of my bag, before paying for some Christmas cards and wrapping paper for myself. My over helpful assistant offered to keep it all and told me that Dan could pull the Land Rover up in the car park at the rear to load it when he was ready.
I left the shop and checked my watch, it wouldn’t be long before he was ready to collect me. I hadn’t really packed any nice outfits, other than the gold and cream maxi dress I’d got for Zac’s birthday. I thought I’d be all alone up here and not going out often, and it was a tradition in our household that you always dressed up for Christmas day and made an effort, but a maxi dress seemed a bit over the top. I wandered in and out of a few stores until I found a black scoop neck knitted mini dress, some killer heeled silver sandals, like I didn’t have enough pairs at home, and I found a luxury lingerie store and I couldn’t resist an emerald green lace bra and matching boy shorts and a black set as well. I jumped as the items were being wrapped when my phone rang and I apologised to the cashier as I answered it.
‘Hello?’
‘Where are you, Ellie? I’m ready for you.’ His voice conjured up an image of him lying naked in bed waiting for me with a white sheet draped over his privates as he beckoned me in.
‘O God,’ I groaned before I could stop myself. ‘Please stop saying things like that to me, it’s not fair.’
‘Like what?’ he asked, but I could hear the amusement in his voice. He knew exactly what he was doing to me.
‘You know like what.’
‘Where are you?’
‘A lingerie shop on the main street,’ I replied and heard his breath catch.
‘Now who’s not playing fair?’
‘I’m not lying, would you prefer to pick me up somewhere else?’
‘No, it’s fine,’ he answered gruffly. ‘I’d just prefer you don’t show me what you’ve purchased.’
‘Well, I wasn’t exactly going to model them for you.’
‘Ellie please, stop talking. I’ll be outside in five minutes.’
‘Ok, I’ll see you …’ I sighed as I realised he’d gone again.
‘Men, hey?’ smiled the assistant.
‘Tell me about it,’ I smiled and went to wait outside, it was starting to get dark and seriously cold. I only had to wait a couple of minutes before he pulled up and hopped out leaving the engine running.
‘You like to shop,’ he nodded at all the bags in my hands.
‘I’m a woman,’ I shrugged with a smile.
‘Hmmm, I’ll put them in the back.’ He held out his hands and took them all off me and I quickly scrambled up without his assistance and felt the frown from the back door. I shut myself in and buckled up and he came and checked my door was properly closed before walking around and getting in.
‘How was your afternoon?’ I asked casually, hoping he’d let something slip.
‘Uneventful, as ever.’
‘Has anyone ever told you you’re a man of very few words?’
‘Yes,’ he replied flatly and I burst out laughing, which made him smile. ‘Has anyone ever told you that you ask too many questions?’
‘It may have been mentioned in passing, but if I didn’t ask you’d never tell me anything.’
‘Why are you so desperate to know things about me?’
‘You’re fascinating,’ I replied, then blushed and quickly looke
d out of the window as he pulled out.
‘Fascinating?’
‘Yes.’
‘How so?’
‘O please, you’re like male model seriously sexy hot, you’re single which is a crime against women kind, you live in the middle of bloody nowhere like a recluse and won’t tell me anything about yourself. It’s infuriating.’
‘A crime against women kind?’ he laughed.
‘Yes, if you lived in London do you realise how many women would be competing to even get you to look at them? And that’s before they’ve even seen you shirtless.’
‘They don’t look at me up here?’ he asked with a wry smile as he drove.
‘For some reason I doubt you give them the chance to look at you.’
‘What makes you think I don’t give them a chance?’
‘If you wanted to play the field, you wouldn’t be living on a remote island on top of cardiac mountain. When did you last have sex?’
‘I’d prefer not to answer that.’
‘So you get to ask loads of personal stuff about me, but I get to know nothing about you? Great, thanks. You need to go and park up at the back of the Christmas store. At least I know you’re good at carrying,’ I huffed as I turned away to look out of the window.
‘You’re angry again.’
‘Wow, you’re as observant as Jessica Fletcher,’ I replied with more than a hint of sarcasm.
‘Fine,’ he sighed. ‘You get one really personal question a day that I promise to answer truthfully, if it isn’t a topic that I’m unwilling to share.’
‘Thanks! You may as well just have given me a chocolate fire guard, as a question you can just choose not to answer leaves us right back where we started, doesn’t it?’
‘Three years,’ he sighed.
‘Three years what?’ I asked as I looked around at him.
‘You asked how long since I last had sex,’ he shrugged as he navigated a roundabout and I just sat looking at him completely stunned. Three years?! He was telling me that he hadn’t had sex for three whole years? I was completely flummoxed. How could a man as gorgeous as Dan not have fucked someone in all that time?
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