by Holly Rayner
“Don’t worry,” Ali said grimly. “I wasn’t planning on it.”
His mother hesitated on her way to the car. “It’s been too long since you’ve been home.”
It wasn’t a statement, but an order. And why fight it? Ali had been pushing back against the world his whole life, and look at where he had ended up.
“Yes, Mother,” he said.
His parents got into the waiting car, their bodyguards entered the identical one behind it, and the little procession took off. Ali stood there, hands in his pockets, watching. Alone.
He’d been alone before. Most of his life had been spent in such a manner. But tonight, something was different. The loneliness pressed in on him in a new way, making it hard to think or even draw a deep breath.
He’d failed his parents. He’d failed Alyssa. And now, there was no one left.
Chapter 18
Alyssa
The box took hardly any time to fill. In her years at the law firm, Alyssa had brought little to work to decorate her desk with. A succulent. The ceramic mirror her little cousin Emmy had made. A picture of her and Lucy on a kayaking trip they once took.
“You’re sure about this?” David, one of Alyssa’s bosses, asked. He stood on the other side of the half-partition blocking Alyssa’s desk, his hands in his pockets and his tie loosened.
Alyssa looked up at David’s tired eyes and his pale skin. He’d probably stayed up all night long getting ready for tomorrow’s court case. Alyssa had pulled a handful of all-nighters herself since joining the firm, and the thought of never doing that again filled her with an unbelievable amount of peace.
“I’m sure,” she said. “This is what I want.”
David folded his arms. “There’s no way this nonprofit can pay you what we are. You were up for review next month, you know, and I can guarantee there was a raise coming your way. It’s not too late to change your mind.”
Alyssa smiled and stood. “Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s not about the money, though.”
David chuckled. “In New York, everything is about the money.”
“Yeah,” Alyssa agreed. “Maybe I’ll leave one day.”
The thought, even though it was a totally new one, made Alyssa smile. She had freedom. It had been with her all along. She’d just been too stupid to see it. It had taken her heart being broken and her world turning upside down for her to come to the realization.
And yet, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Making the decision to leave her job and take an entry-level position at an environmental nonprofit came with its own share of complications. For one, the pay was significantly lower.
When she’d told Lucy this, her friend had come up with a solution: they would rent together for the next year. Lucy’s place—though rented as a one-bedroom—had a little side area off the living room that, with a divide and some creative thinking, could be converted into a tiny bedroom. Splitting the rent would save both women money while Lucy finished school and Alyssa worked her way up to a raise or a better position at her new job.
With such a solution so easy to come by, Alyssa initially found it strange that they hadn’t made the arrangement before. As she’d thought more about it, though, she came to some realizations. Her whole life, she’d done what other people expected of her. She’d followed the career her parents wanted her to, and she’d wasted over half of her pay on an apartment of her own because “that’s what adults do.”
But she’d never really agreed with any of that. She’d never really taken the time to sit down and search her soul, so see if the things her society valued were also things that really resonated with her heart. And to top it all off, she’d gone to her high school reunion with a fake boyfriend because she was afraid people thought only losers didn’t have serious relationships.
Lucy appeared next to David, her briefcase and to-go coffee mug in hand. “Ready to blow this popsicle joint?” she asked Alyssa.
David gave her a look.
“And by popsicle joint,” Lucy clarified, “I mean the most awesome law firm in all of New York.”
David laughed and pointed a finger at Lucy. “You only get to say stuff like that because you’re smart and work like an ant.”
“Believe me, sir, I know.” Lucy winked at him.
“All right, Alyssa.” David patted the top of the computer monitor she would never use again. “It’s been good having you here.”
“Thank you, sir,” Alyssa said. “I’ve been grateful for the opportunity.”
And she really was. Even though she was walking away from the job, Alyssa would always have the experience she had gained there, not to mention the credit on her resume.
“I’m ready,” Alyssa told Lucy as she placed her box against her hip.
On their way out, Alyssa said goodbye to everyone. With each step, her heart became lighter. What she’d told David was true: she was grateful for everything the law firm had given her.
But, man, she would not miss it at all.
“Oh, wow,” Alyssa said as they exited onto the sidewalk.
Lucy laughed. “Feeling good?”
“Yeah. It’s like everything is fresh.” Alyssa took in a deep breath, choked on some exhaust from a passing truck, and waved her hand in front of her face.
It was two weeks since she’d put in her resignation at the law firm. Seventeen days since she’d started searching for a new job. Three weeks since she’d handed Ali the engagement ring and gotten in the cab.
That first night, she’d held her breath, waiting for him to call. The next day hadn’t been any different. By Monday, though, she’d wised up. Ali wasn’t getting in touch. Her worst fear had turned out to be true: she’d been nothing but his pawn, someone to help him achieve what he wanted. She had fallen in love with him…and he had merely used her.
Unfortunately, acknowledging the truth head on didn’t ease the pains that woke Alyssa in the middle of the night. It didn’t stop her from crying into her coffee in the morning and her wine in the evening.
One day, she would be better. She would meet someone else. Someone who made her feel like Ali had, but who also loved her back. What’s more, she wasn’t waiting for that person to start feeling good. She was healing her own broken heart. She was pulling herself out of the gutter.
The first step in all of that was taking responsibility of her own life.
Dropping the box off at her apartment—which was already filled with other boxes in preparation for the move in a week—Alyssa and Lucy continued on to Queens. Alyssa’s mom had invited them over for dinner that night, and instead of offering up an excuse like she usually did, Alyssa had decided to at least humor the idea of a pleasant meal with her parents.
In her parents’ apartment, a sports announcer’s voice filled the hall and the smell of something baking came from the kitchen.
“Hi, Dad,” Alyssa called in the direction of the living room.
“Hey, kid!” he shouted back. “Lucy here?”
“Yeah, I am!” Lucy called down the hall. “Need any legal advice? I just finished my semester!”
Alyssa rolled her eyes, which prompted Lucy to poke her in the side.
In the kitchen, steam wafted off a freshly baked pound cake on the counter while Alyssa’s mother sat at the table slicing strawberries.
“Hi, Laurie,” Lucy sang out. She rolled up her sleeves and washed her hands. “What can I help with?”
“Oh, you’re so sweet,” Alyssa’s mom answered. “The veggies need putting on skewers. We’re grilling on the porch tonight.”
Alyssa opened the fridge and inspected the vegetable crisper. “Bell peppers…onions…mushrooms…”
“And the cherry tomatoes,” Laurie added.
“Got it.”
Setting the vegetables on the table, Alyssa poured herself and Lucy glasses of water and took a seat.
“And what’s new?” her mother asked. “How was your last day?”
“It was…good.” Alyssa thought some mor
e about it. “I’m excited to start the new place on Monday.”
“Hm.” Alyssa’s mother didn’t even look at her hands as she deftly sliced strawberries. All of her attention was on her daughter.
Alyssa’s parents had been pissed when she’d told them about the job change. No surprise there. But maybe it had been seeing Ali’s parents direct their own brand of disapproval at their son, or maybe Alyssa’s breaking point had been a long time coming. Whatever it was, she just didn’t care anymore.
No matter what she did, some people would be happy and some people would be upset. She couldn’t please everyone, so why not just do whatever she wanted to do and say screw it to all else?
Lucy slid a mushroom slice onto a skewer, her eyes jumping between Alyssa and Laurie. A heavy silence filled the room.
“And have you been going out any?” Laurie asked. “Meeting any nice men? It’s a shame you missed the speed dating event here.”
Alyssa’s shoulders slumped forward, and she wrapped her hands around her water glass. “No.”
“Why not?” her mother cried. “It’s the most diverse city in the world. There are all kinds of interesting men running around here.”
“Believe me, I know,” Alyssa muttered before she could stop herself.
Her mother cocked her head, hands freezing mid-slice. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing. Just…” Alyssa looked at her mother, then Lucy.
Generally speaking, Alyssa kept the information on her personal life to a minimum around her parents. It had been so long since they’d done anything but criticize her for her choices that she’d gotten close to giving up on sharing life updates. She’d only told them about the job change because it was too big to hide and they would have found out about it sooner or later.
But were they as critical as Alyssa believed?
The thought was almost too weird to even entertain. And yet…how did Alyssa know what her mom was like now? It had been years since she’d been open with her mother, since she’d given Laurie the benefit of the doubt. If Alyssa always pushed back against an assumed force, how could she expect her mother to do anything else?
“I was seeing this guy for a couple weeks,” Alyssa said. “I asked him to be my pretend boyfriend at the high school reunion, and then he asked me to be his pretend fiancée to impress his royal parents. Except it wasn’t just a facade for me. I was falling in love with him. I wanted more…and he…didn’t.”
If Alyssa had thought the silence before was heavy, it was nothing compared to the emptiness filling the kitchen, now. Her mother was frozen, staring at Alyssa across the table, and Lucy’s jaw had dropped.
“Alyssa…” Laurie shook her head. “Royalty? Pretend fiancée? What are you talking about?” She looked at Lucy. “She’s making this up, isn’t she?”
“Actually,” Lucy said, “she’s not. This guy is a sheikh from Baqar, and he really did ask for Alyssa to fake an engagement with him.”
“Where did you…” Laurie shook her head and put her paring knife on the cutting board. “What happened?”
Alyssa swallowed hard, but she couldn’t stop the pain from rising. “I told him how I felt, and he didn’t feel the same way, so…”
“To be precise,” Lucy interjected, “he didn’t say much of anything. He just said there was too much happening and that then and there wasn’t the place to talk about love.”
Alyssa shot her friend a look.
“I have a really good memory,” Lucy reminded her. “You should know that anything you say, I’m going to keep track of.”
“And then what?” Alyssa’s mom asked.
Alyssa shrugged. “And then, nothing.”
“You didn’t talk later?”
“No. I gave him the ring back and I left. And he never called, by the way.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to call him.”
Alyssa made a disgusted noise and folded her arms. “I basically handed him my heart, Mom. The next move is his.”
“How long ago was this?”
Alyssa’s insides writhed in pain. “Three weeks,” she whispered.
“Goodness gracious, why didn’t you tell me about this before? I could have given you some advice.”
Alyssa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Um…”
You really don’t want me answering that, Mom.
“What kind of advice?” Lucy asked. She was back to sticking vegetables on the skewers, but in between each one, she looked up at Laurie.
“Well…” Alyssa’s mother wiped her hands on the kitchen towel draped over her shoulder. “For one thing, men have a lot of pride, and they tend to overthink things. A man disappearing for weeks because he’s been wounded or taken down a peg isn’t unheard of. It could be he’s just figuring all of this out on his own until he’s ready to talk.”
“Wow, you’re right,” Lucy breathed. “That’s, like, all things I’ve read in psychology books.”
“Oh, you think I haven’t lived any?” Laurie asked, looking between Lucy and Alyssa.
“Um…” Alyssa shook her head, too in disbelief over what was happening to answer.
“Okay,” Lucy said, “but how do you know that’s the case? How do you know when a man is taking some space, versus when he’s bailed for good? Are you supposed to sit around for months waiting to see what happens?”
“Give him a nudge,” Alyssa’s mom said. “Send him a text message. Just a little hi.” She raised her eyebrows at Alyssa.
“A text isn’t going to fix this,” Alyssa said, her face growing hot.
“It might be the first building block,” Laurie countered.
“Yeah,” Lucy chimed in. “That’s true.”
Alyssa scowled, but she wasn’t mad at anyone other than herself. She never should have gotten involved with Ali in the first place, but since she had, that was a mistake she would just need to learn to live with.
“I can’t,” Alyssa said. “I already made myself look like a lovesick puppy. I’m not going through that again. It would be pathetic. I’m moving on.”
“Are you?” Lucy asked.
“Yes! I have a new job. I’m moving. I’m starting a new life.”
“But you’re still thinking about this…prince,” her mother said.
“He’s not a prince,” Alyssa said. “He’s a member of a royal family, but he’s not in line to rule himself.”
“He’s cute, too,” Lucy added. “Like, ‘OMG, you can’t be real’ cute.”
Without warning, Alyssa’s mother reached across the table and put her hand on top of her daughter’s. “Honey, I’m sorry this happened to you. Heartbreak is…well, it happens to everyone at some point. You’ll move on, though.”
Alyssa’s chest ached, and her eyes burned. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You can tell me things, Alyssa. I’m here if you need me.”
“I thought you’d be angry,” Alyssa said. “I thought that you would see this whole thing with Ali as another event that proved what a failure I am.”
“What?” Laurie’s mouth dropped in surprise. “Alyssa, I don’t think you’re a failure. Your father and I are proud of you.”
It was Alyssa’s turn to look on in amazement. “You are?”
“Of course. You finished school. You got yourself a great job. Certainly, we would have preferred you stay at that job, but…when it comes down to it, we want you to be happy.”
“But you’re always talking about how I need to get married.”
“Because we want you to be happy and secure.”
Alyssa chewed on that. “What if I never get married, Mom?”
“Is that what you want?”
Alyssa looked down. “I don’t know what I want in that area right now. I feel too…broken. I just want to move in with Lucy, start my new job, and wake up one day and not want to cry.”
“You’ll get there.”
Alyssa sighed. “I hope so.”
Her mother drew back and continued slicing strawberries. �
��There’s still speed dating. Just saying…”
Alyssa chuckled. “Thanks, Mom. Maybe one day.”
From next to Alyssa, Lucy smiled, and Alyssa smiled back. She’d lost Ali, yes. But in doing so, she had been forced to wake up and pay attention to what she’d had all along.
Parents who loved her. A supportive best friend. A yearning to make a difference in the world. All these things, Alyssa had taken for granted.
So, though her heart still ached, Alyssa smiled a little bit, and was surprised to find there was a small amount of happiness in her after all.
Chapter 19
Alyssa
“Just a little effort, and…” Lucy finished tying the rope to the wall, jumped off the chair, and surveyed her work. “There!”
Alyssa took a step back as well, and together they admired the colorful sheet they’d hung up as a partition. Behind the divider, a futon made up with blankets and pillows, a tiny bookshelf, a lamp, and Ralph’s cat bed made up Alyssa’s new home.
It wasn’t glamorous, but it was cozy, and Alyssa would be saving a bunch of money while living with her best friend. Come to think of it, there wasn’t anywhere else she wanted to be.
“Thank you again,” Alyssa said, wrapping her arms around her friend.
Lucy hugged her tight. “You know I got you.”
“I just hope I won’t drive you crazy.”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “I’m hardly ever here, anyway.”
Ralph jumped onto the futon and sniffed around, inspecting his new surroundings. He’d been royally peeved when Alyssa had packed him up in a cat carrier and took him out into the big scary world, and she hoped the smell of Lucy’s things relaxed him some.
“Hey, is that your phone?” Lucy asked.
Alyssa turned around and listened. Sure enough, the faint sound of her phone ringing came from one of her bags in the kitchen. In moving to Lucy’s, she’d gotten rid of about a third of what she owned, put the other third in storage in her old room at her parents’ place, and brought the last bit with her. Still, it looked like she would need to get rid of some more stuff. Lucy’s apartment came with a backyard, but inside, it was predictably small.