by Tatum Throne
“I’m sorry. I can’t stay.”
“Don’t do this for me. Do it for yourself. You have been working for the government for years. There’s no reason why you can’t work from Cincinnati.”
“I can’t do this now.”
“Take some time to think about it. The job will be yours if you want it.”
Reed sighed as he thought about Nathan. The truth was that he was going to have a really hard time letting him go. “Give me some time. I’ll let you know by the end of the week.”
“Fair enough.” Reed went to the door and was just opening it when his father called to him. “Reed…”
“Yes?”
“Happy birthday, son.”
Pain left him momentarily speechless. Reed had forgotten that it was his birthday. He couldn’t believe that his father was acknowledging his birthday. He wondered what they were doing tonight to celebrate for his twin’s. Knowing his mom, they were probably going out to dinner. They always seemed to make it a big family affair, but they did not include him anymore.
“Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to me that you remembered.”
Reed couldn’t hide the sarcasm from his voice. He didn’t want to be angry at his father, but he didn’t know how to keep the bitter words from spilling past his parted lips. He always had a habit of speaking before thinking with his family.
His father sighed. “I know this isn’t easy for you. I’m trying to make things right. I just want the chance.”
“I understand. I wasn’t the son you expected, and I never could be. You were never the father I needed either. Some things are not going to work out. I get that.”
“Reed…”
“There’s nothing left to say.”
Reed shut the door behind him as relief poured through his body. He needed to get away. He couldn’t stand seeing the pain in his father’s eyes and feeling it cut deep within his soul. Nor could he admit that he was the one who put it there. Reed walked blindly down the hallway, seeing nothing and everything at the same time. Reed saw patterns, targets, and objectives. Reed could look at a person and know what kind of day they were having before they were consciously aware of it. He was trained to be that good. He didn’t see the world the way a normal person would. His blood beat with the hard cold training of the military.
He needed to get out of there. He needed to see Nathan. For the first time in his life, he craved the balance of another person to make him feel whole inside. There was no way he could find Nathan now. Things were too scrambled in his head and probably wouldn’t make sense if he opened his mouth to the man he was…what? What were they? Lovers?
Love wasn’t something Reed held audience to as a Dom. Bottom line, Doms did not fall in love with their subs. They had a solid relationship for a while, but after the training was over most parted ways. It was the only way to keep things fresh.
The back stairwell led downstairs to the Training Center. Reed’s footsteps were loud on the metal stairway as he flew down the stairs. He slammed open the door at the bottom, all the while conscious of each and every breath he was taking. He had to remember to breathe. Oxygen would keep him from hitting the floor.
Reed couldn’t imagine working for his father and having it work out the way it was supposed to. The very thought of seeing his family again made his heart beat fast and his chest contract. Reed couldn’t think about the future while living in the past. He was having a panic attack and knew it. He had to get out of there before he hit the floor hard.
Light glared off the walls. Reed looked to the left and right. He was completely alone. He went down the long hallway into the safety of the locker room. It was quiet and cool inside. It was just the place Reed needed to calm the fuck down. Reed went to his locker and opened the door. He found his gym bag inside and grabbed it.
He was leaving for good. He shouldn’t have taken this job for his father. That was mistake number one in his mind. Mistake number two was taking Nathan on as his submissive and lover without thinking through the long-term consequences.
“Fuck.”
Reed’s curse echoed off the lockers in front and behind him. Lover. There was that fucking word again, lurking within the shadows to throw him off his fucking game.
“Is everything okay?”
No. It wasn’t. Reed never heard Nathan approach. His footsteps were light on the title. “I’m solid.”
“You don’t look like it.”
Reed wanted Nathan to go away. He couldn’t stand to look into Nathan’s eyes and see his future waiting for him. There was a good chance that things would go very wrong before they went right. “I don’t want to do this right now with you.”
Reed felt as though everything in his life were spinning out of control. He was a Dom. He was the one who was supposed to be in control. Reed pressed his palms against the lockers. He closed his eyes. He tried to take deep breaths, but it wasn’t enough to get control of how he was feeling deep inside. He wanted to tell Nathan everything but didn’t know how and where to begin. He wanted to tell Nathan how horrible his family had been to him after he came out but couldn’t. There were some things too painful to talk about. Reed wasn’t used to feeling so vulnerable. He wanted to tell Nathan that he had a twin brother who he hadn’t seen in over five years. There were so many things festering deep inside Reed that he did not know how to fix.
A soft hand slid across Reed’s shoulder. The feel of Nathan’s palm against his shoulder was comforting. He wanted to trust Nathan with everything, but didn’t know how to begin. Reed felt a shudder go through his body when Nathan’s fingers brushed up against the nape of his neck. He had to trust Nathan with everything. Deep down he was afraid that Nathan would pull away if he found out the truth of how fucked up he was feeling inside.
“What’s going on, babe?” Nathan asked.
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Start at the beginning. I’m here for you. Anything you need to talk about, I’ll listen.”
Reed turned, slumping his shoulders up against the lockers. “My father offered me a job.”
“Doing what?” Nathan asked.
“Training. It wouldn’t be full-time. I could still have my other contract work with the Department of Defense training the NSA and Secret Service.”
“Is that what you want to do you?” Nathan asked.
“I haven’t decided if I want to work for my father long-term.”
“I think you would be good at it.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Reed said.
“What are you worried about?”
Reed shook his head, running his hand through his hair. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m good at dealing with the complicated.”
Reed smiled. It was then that he knew how much he loved Nathan. Doms did not fall in love with their subs. It was one of the rules. Love was never involved when he took on a new relationship. It was all about the sex and the dynamic of the relationship. There was something really scary about falling in love for the first time. When Reed looked at Nathan, he was afraid of losing him completely. Reed didn’t know how to handle it if Nathan walked away from him. It would be so much easier to leave everyone behind. He could go and start a new life somewhere else, but would he ever be able to forget about the intimate moments he shared with Nathan? He knew the answer to that question even before the thought popped into his head. Reed wouldn’t ever get over Nathan. Ever.
He fucking loved Nathan. The only thing waiting for him on the other side was a broken heart.
Nathan gave him a hard stare. The frown on his face was so typical. “Don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not trying to shut you out. There are some things not worth fighting about,” Reed said.
“Babe…”
“We can’t talk about this here.”
“I’m asking you to trust me. Why can’t you trust me?” Nathan asked.
“It’s not about trust.”
Reed knew he had t
o walk away before he ruined Nathan or himself. They couldn’t be together. There was no way Reed could look at Nathan without thinking about all the obstacles standing in their way. It had to be over. It wouldn’t be long before someone discovered their affair and it messed up both of their lives. Reed knew it was time to let Nathan go.
“We need to talk tonight,” Reed said.
“I’m working late. SWAT has been called in to serve a warrant tonight,” Nathan said.
“Come to my place after work.”
Nathan looked as though he wanted to argue the point home. Reed took a good look at Nathan. He was head to toe in SWAT gear and it turned Reed on. Reed could see the outline of his bulletproof vest beneath his shirt and loved the fact that he was wearing it. The possessive side of Reed wanted to protect Nathan at all cost. Even if it meant stepping in and taking control of the situation he had no part of. Their eyes met. A chill raced down Reed’s spine. He did not want Nathan to go into the field tonight. He knew that something was going to go wrong. He just didn’t know how to tell Nathan.
“What?” Nathan asked.
“Be careful tonight.”
The corner of Nathan’s mouth ticked up in a half smile. “I’m always careful, babe.”
The rough edge of Nathan’s voice sent a shiver through Reed’s body. “We need to work on your cocky attitude.”
“That sounds like a threat.”
“If it is?”
Nathan smiled. “I suppose I’ll have to take my punishment.”
Reed slammed shut his locker door. He slung his gym bag over his shoulder. He was going home before he did something stupid. Nathan grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. The look in his eye was impossible to ignore. Reed loved it when Nathan looked at him as though he was his everything.
“Aw, fuck,” Reed said. “Don’t look at me that way.”
“Like what?” Nathan asked.
The whisper of Nathan’s voice was like a tug on the underside of Reed’s cock. It was impossible to ignore. “Like you want me to fucking kiss you until we’re both getting stupid at work.”
“Maybe I do.”
Reed couldn’t resist temptation. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“I’m good at making bad decisions.”
Reed dropped his gym bag to the floor with a loud thud. He shoved Nathan up against the lockers. The impact sent a loud boom echoing through the locker room. Nathan groaned from the impact. Reed pressed his body up against Nathan’s. Their lips were a breath away. All Reed could think about was getting naked with Nathan. That was the last thing that should have been on his mind. Reed brushed his lips up against Nathan’s. A shudder vibrated through Nathan’s body. Reed felt his cock flex in response. His cock filled painfully fast, trapping it down the inside seam of his pant leg. Reed knew they shouldn’t be crossing the line at work, but there was nothing Reed could do to stop himself from kissing his lover. They both needed this here and now.
“Beg for it.”
Nathan moaned. “Please. Please. Please fucking kiss me. I want your tongue buried deep within my mouth, stealing my breath away.”
“Fucking perfect.”
Reed’s murmur of approval was lost when he pressed his lips against Nathan’s. Their kiss seemed to go on forever, going deeper than Reed intended to and longer than he should have. Reed flicked his tongue across Nathan’s lips, shoving it deep within his mouth. Nathan moaned as Reed swallowed his cry of pleasure before anyone could hear it. They shouldn’t be doing this here. They could get caught at any time. Reed wasn’t worried about getting caught as he kissed Nathan. He was worried that this may be the last time they ever kissed. The locker room was spinning as Reed came up for air. Nathan’s lips were puffy and red from their kiss. Reed loved seeing him so messed up from one kiss. Reed slid his hands down Nathan’s ass, gripping it hard. He pulled his ass cheeks wide, making Nathan groan from the unexpected touch.
“I have to go,” Nathan said.
Reed eased his hands off of Nathan’s ass. “Promise me that you will come to my house tonight.”
“I will.”
“No. I want you to promise me that you will. Promise me that you will come to my house tonight after work.”
“I promise.”
It took all of Reed’s willpower to back away from Nathan. It was even harder to let go of him. He knew that Nathan had to get to work. There was no way he could keep him out of danger. Reed looked down at Nathan’s lips one last time. They were so perfect, so full, and so soft. Reed wanted them sucking his hard cock tonight. He wanted Nathan to suck him deep as he came. Nathan adjusted his SWAT shirt, fixing the part that had come loose from his belt.
“I’ll see you later,” Nathan said.
“Later.”
Reed knew that Nathan needed to get his head in the game. Reed studied him closely as he left the locker room. He probably shouldn’t have kissed him. The temptation had been so worth the risk. Reed ran his hand through his hair as he slumped back against the lockers. He felt as though everything was spinning apart and wouldn’t ever spin back together. He didn’t know what the next move should be. He knew he couldn’t take the job with his father. At the end of the day, he couldn’t have Nathan and work with him. Reed picked up his gym bag, slinging it over his shoulder.
He had decided what was best. He was leaving. It was the only thing Reed knew how to do well.
* * * *
Nathan’s balls ached with pent-up frustration. He shouldn’t have kissed Reed when he knew there was nothing they could do about it. Nathan sat in his car watching their suspect’s house. He couldn’t get Reed off his mind. Reed was the last thing that he should have been having a mental workout over. Distractions in the field could get one hurt. Nathan knew all about the dangers of police work and distractions. It seemed as though the SWAT team had a habit of getting into tight situations and getting into trouble. Rain drummed on the rooftop of the car, reminding Nathan of the last time he spent in Reed’s arms.
The team was waiting for their felon to arrive. Sometimes they had a long wait. Nathan’s mind was locked on to Reed. He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something very wrong. Nathan wasn’t sure how to fix things for Reed. The two way radio in Nathan’s ear buzzed with static. He adjusted the volume. He tested his radio, discovering that the signal was lost. He was flying blind. The rest of the team was watching the house from their positions down the road.
Nathan reached for his cell phone, dialing TJ. The phone buzzed before dumping his ass into voicemail. Nathan had no choice. He had to break protocol. Nathan opened the car door and stepped out into the rain. A shiver raced down his back. A small part of him knew that this was going to end poorly. Nathan shut the car door and headed down the block toward TJ’s car. He was breaking protocol but he couldn’t sit there blind.
Nathan stuck to the shadows. There were a long row of cars lined up along the street. Nathan kept his head down as though he belonged in the neighborhood. His jacket covered his bulletproof vest and uniform. As Nathan drew closer to the house they were watching, the front door open. Their suspect stepped out onto the front porch, lighting a cigarette. Nathan kept walking, heading toward TJ’s car. When Nathan got to TJ’s car, he knocked on the passenger side window. TJ put down the window.
“What the fuck, Stow?” TJ asked.
“My radio is dead and you weren’t fucking answering your cell phone.”
“Get your ass in my car.”
Nathan glanced back at their suspect’s house. He was watching them as he took a long pull on his cigarette. The glow of the cigarette threw their suspect’s face into shadows. Nathan made eye contact with the man. There were so fucking screwed. Nathan sat into the passenger seat with a curse.
“I think he made us.”
“Fuck. We need to move before he goes back inside,” TJ said.
This was going to go down as an epic fail. Nathan had a bad feeling about this. He knew it was TJ’s call to make. They waited, wa
tching the house. Their target flicked his cigarette over the side of the porch and went back inside. TJ got onto the radio, giving the signal for the team to move in.
“Let’s fucking go serve this bitch,” TJ said. “I want to get home before the game is over.”
They moved on the house. Nathan fell into formation as they went to serve the warrant. Their guy was known for taking hostages. He had a long history with law enforcement. It was one of the reasons why SWAT was handling the warrant. Things could go wrong quickly with this guy. The rain had stopped moments ago. TJ led the way up the stairs. He knocked on the front door.
Everything around Nathan moved in slow motion. The sound of his heartbeat echoed within his ears. The curtain in the window opened. A scream rang out from inside the house. The door opened and a gun was pointed.
Shots rang out from inside the house. Nathan pushed TJ out of the line of fire, taking the hit in his shoulder. He flew backward off the front porch, landing with a thud in the muddy and wet front yard. Nathan blinked hard as the air got knocked out of him. Stars burned bright in the overcast sky. They looked so bright that Nathan felt as though he could reach out and touch them.
Shouts and orders were coming from the team. Nathan tried to sit up, but could only make it half way. They had their guy down on the front porch. TJ glanced down the stairs at Nathan. Gratitude and fury crushed through his eyes before he glanced away. TJ got on his radio, but Nathan couldn’t make out what he was saying. Despite the pain in his shoulder, Nathan fought through it and stood. He glanced down at his vest.
Blood dripped from hole in the seam of his shirt. Motherfucker.
Blood made Nathan dizzy. He tried to sit down before he fell down, but was having a really hard time of making his body do anything. He was off balance. Everything around Nathan seemed to move even though he was standing still. He remembered the sound of the gunshot. Nathan promised himself he wouldn’t pass out. He placed his hand against the brick side of the house. He couldn’t remember moving the few feet to get to the house.
Their suspect was being pulled up from the porch. The gun was several feet away. Nathan felt his arm start to tingle. Blood dripped down his arm and through his fingers. This was not good, he thought to himself.