Zenovia asked, “Are you going?”
“If you’ll be my date.”
“Are you serious?”
“I’m dead serious.”
Zenovia considered the request for a moment. “Won’t it be weird? People won’t talk to us, right?”
“Maybe they’ll talk to you, because you haven’t officially been cast out. But they won’t talk to me. I’m not even really invited. Alyssa sent me this invitation as a joke.”
“You’re not even officially invited to your only brother’s wedding,” Zenovia said, slowly digesting the words. “If it’s a joke, it’s a cruel one.”
Justin’s smile didn’t hide his sadness. “Zee, I’m going to see my brother get married, even if it’s to that airhead Mia. I want you to come with me.”
“Just to make everyone talk?” Zenovia asked.
“No. I want you with me because I don’t know if I’ll be able to endure it alone,” Justin said sincerely. “You are the only one who would understand.”
“How is Tristan getting married, anyway? Doesn’t he still volunteer at the Brethren headquarters? That’s not a real job! How is he gonna take care of a wife?”
Justin replied, “Oh, he’ll just take Mia back up to headquarters with him. They’ll live happily ever after unless she gets pregnant.”
“What do you mean unless she gets pregnant? Isn’t that part of the happily ever after? You know first comes love, then comes marriage….”
“It’s different if you’re serving at the Brethren headquarters. They don’t even like the men to get married, but they let them. If they didn’t, there’d be all kinds of immorality going on there.”
Zenovia was curious. She asked, “What happens if she gets pregnant?”
“They get the boot. There are no children at the Brethren headquarters.”
Zenovia’s mouth dropped open, “So let me get this straight: if they get pregnant, they’ll have to go home? And do what? How will they live?”
“Off of family members until Tristan can find a job. Doesn’t it sound great?”
Zenovia laughed. “Just like a fairy tale.”
“So are you going to go with me or not?”
“Okay, Justin. I’ll do it. We’ll be two outcasts sitting up there looking crazy, but I’ll do it.”
“We’ll be two very attractive-looking outcasts.”
Chapter Thirty-three
Corrine was dead set against Zenovia going to Tristan’s wedding. And she had no problem letting Zenovia know about her feelings.
“It just sounds messy,” Corrine declared as she stuck a bobby pin into the side of Zenovia’s graduation cap.
“How is it messy?” Zenovia asked. “Justin wants to see his brother get married, and I’m going as his date.”
“It’s messy because his family hasn’t invited him,” Corrine explained. “Neither of you will be welcome. I can’t see anything good coming from this.”
“I haven’t been home in four years anyway, Corrine. I need to visit my mother. I was going to go and see her after graduation.”
“Well, didn’t you say you dated this Tristan person? Why do you want to see him get married?”
“No, I never dated Tristan. I had a very serious crush on him when I was in high school, but nothing ever came of it.”
“Well, you better call me immediately if something messy happens. I’m an hour plane ride away.”
Zenovia laughed. “Thanks, Corrine, but I don’t really think there’s going to be a problem.”
Zenovia had to admit that she was curious about what would happen at Tristan’s wedding. She and Justin had gone shopping over the weekend to pick out their outfits. Zenovia was shocked that he wanted to color coordinate, but since it was his idea she went along with it. She was wearing a stunning peach and gray form-fitting dress and he was wearing a gray suit. They were going to look fabulous.
Zenovia couldn’t shake the feeling that Justin was trying to prove something to his Brethren family members. But she didn’t have anything to prove to anyone and had moved on with her Brethren-free life.
“Is someone knocking on your door?” Corrine asked.
“Yes, can you get that please? It’s Justin. He’s going to drive us to the graduation ceremony. Is that all right with you?”
Corrine grinned. “I’ll drive myself. You two can ride together.”
“You are relentless, Corrine. I keep telling you we’re only friends.”
Corrine waved her hand as she walked out of Zenovia’s bedroom. “Whatever! I know what I see. Something tells me that you and Justin are going to be the next ones walking down an aisle.”
“No ma’am. Absolutely not! I’ve got a career to launch. No time for all of that.”
“Mmm-hmm…”
Zenovia chuckled as Corrine left the room. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and hoped that no one could tell that her eyes were just a little red and puffy. She’d spent the night tossing, turning and crying about Audrey not attending her graduation. Part of her regretted not reaching out to Audrey to let her know about her special day, but another part of her believed it was for the best.
Justin peeked in her bedroom door. “Congratulations, graduate! I brought these, but I didn’t know if I should give them to you now or later. But if I wait until later they might wilt in this heat.”
Zenovia took a huge bouquet of white and yellow roses from Justin. “Thank you, Justin.”
“Are you almost ready to go?” Justin asked. “I don’t want us to get caught in traffic.”
“We’ve got a couple of hours yet. Don’t worry, we’ll make it on time.”
Corrine popped into the bedroom and took the flowers. “These are lovely. I’m going to put them in water. How friendly of you Justin!”
When Corrine was out of earshot, Zenovia released a flurry of giggles. Justin asked, “What was that about?”
“She’s trying to hook us up. I keep telling her we’re only friends.”
Justin cleared his throat and said, “That’s your choice, Zee.”
“What’s my choice?”
“I didn’t say anything about only being friends. You’ve made that decision without me. I’d like to be more than friends.”
Zenovia scratched the side of her neck nervously. She didn’t know if she wanted to think of Justin in more than friendly terms. First of all, it felt weird because she had tried to give her heart to Tristan first, even if he hadn’t wanted her. There had to be some rule about that. And second, Justin was way too tempting to have as a boyfriend. She’d been celibate since Emil and planned on keeping it that way, but every touch from Justin was filled with electricity.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Zenovia finally responded.
“Why? Because you used to be in love with my brother? That was years ago, and it’s not like you were a couple.”
Zenovia rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth, demonstrating her frustration. “I wasn’t in love with your brother. Get it straight. But it still feels weird.”
Justin shrugged. “It doesn’t feel strange to me, and he’s my brother. Plus he’s getting married.”
“Tristan is not really my biggest concern, Justin.”
“Well then, what?”
Zenovia sat down next to Justin and replied, “I can’t sleep with you. I’m celibate.”
Justin took a very long pause. Too long for Zenovia’s tastes. “Now I’m offended,” he said.
“What? Why?”
“Zee, I would never try to sleep with you if you weren’t my wife. I’m saving myself for marriage.”
“What do you mean, you’re saving yourself?”
“Well, contrary to what you may think of me, I’m a virgin.”
Zenovia gasped. “Get the heck outta here! You are? Wow! I never would’ve thought….”
“That was one thing good about our Brethren upbringing. I think that’s something special and I only want to make love to my wife.”
Ze
novia swallowed hard. “You do know that I’m not a virgin, right?”
“I didn’t know for sure, but I heard rumors about you and Emil.”
“Is that going to be a problem?”
Justin’s eyes lit up. “Are you saying that you want us to be together?”
“Ugh! I hate when you answer my question with a question.”
“Sorry,” Justin said. “No. It won’t be a problem. What you’ve done in the past doesn’t matter to me. It’s the future that matters.”
Zenovia took a deep, mind-clearing breath. She certainly couldn’t answer him then and there. This was going to take some thought, deliberation, prayer, and faith. If only she’d had a vision about them, then she’d feel more comfortable. But lately her visions had only been coming at church, as if God was trying to send her a message about how to use her gift.
And then what about the visions? She’d never been close enough to anyone to share her deepest secret. She couldn’t imagine having an adult relationship and keeping that from Justin.
“Can I get back to you on this, Justin? It is a lot to think about.”
“Think long… think wrong,” Justin said.
“Are you kidding me? That was absolutely not an acceptable response.”
Justin chuckled lightheartedly. “You’re right, that was unacceptable. We’ll revisit this another time. But I’m definitely not leaving it alone.”
The way Justin stared deeply into Zenovia’s eyes and held her hand for dear life made her believe him. He wouldn’t leave it alone, that was a certainty. But Zenovia couldn’t understand why.
Trusting Justin with her heart was going to take a leap of faith, and she didn’t know if her legs were strong enough.
Chapter Thirty-four
Zenovia watched the luggage ramp spit out every suitcase, box, and overnight bag from her and Justin’s flight. And her bag—her black suitcase with the purple ribbon—was nowhere to be seen.
That could not be a good sign.
She and Justin had scored some discount plane tickets to Cleveland from Washington D.C., so they’d decided to fly instead of drive for six hours. As more bags slowly rolled past Zenovia, she started to think that maybe it was a bad idea.
“Your bag didn’t come around yet?” Justin asked.
Zenovia held both her hands out in front of her. “Do you see me holding the suitcase, Justin?”
“Don’t get snippy with me. I’m just trying to help.”
Zenovia sighed, revealing her exasperation. “I’m sorry, Justin. Can you help me watch for it?”
“Of course.”
Dread built in Zenovia’s stomach as almost every bag was taken from the rotating belt. It was a full flight, so the crowd surrounding the baggage claim area started off large. As people retrieved their bags, the crowd thinned out, finally leaving Justin and Zenovia alone.
“How in the world can your luggage get lost on a direct flight from D.C. to Cleveland? We were barely in the air for an hour.”
“Thank you, Justin,” Zenovia snapped. “This is really helping.”
“I’m just venting. I’m going to see if anyone can help us. Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.”
Zenovia smiled weakly as Justin marched toward the information booth. She watched the muscles in his back stretch as he strode away. Quickly, Zenovia adjusted her vision back to the luggage belt. She couldn’t keep noticing all of Justin’s manliness when she was trying to resist him.
He’d spent the entire flight giving Zenovia all of the reasons why she should go ahead and say yes to him. He’d told her that he was faithful, that he understood her, and that he’d always have her back and never leave her alone.
His reasons were pretty convincing, and she believed every word that he said. But Zenovia also knew all of the reasons that she couldn’t say yes.
Justin was a virgin. He’d done all of the right things, and kept himself pure before God. How could she deserve him? He needed someone who’d been as patient as he had.
A teenage girl walked up to Zenovia pulling a black suitcase behind her. Zenovia’s eyes lit up when she saw the purple ribbon.
“Is this yours?” the teenager asked. “I think I took it by accident.”
“Thank you!” Zenovia gushed. “I thought it was lost.”
Justin had witnessed the scene and rejoined Zenovia. “You’ve got your bag! Great. I knew everything would work out fine.”
Justin placed an innocent kiss on Zenovia’s forehead, and a shiver ripped through her body. His touch still carried currents of electricity, and Zenovia felt just like a copper penny—the perfect conductor.
Justin seemed completely oblivious to Zenovia’s reaction. “Let’s go. We’ve got a rental car waiting.”
They picked up the rental car, a silver Honda Accord, and Zenovia got into the passenger seat while Justin packed in their bags. She tilted her head back, and inhaled. The exhale was slow and measured, as Zenovia tried to calm her nerves.
“Are you all right?” Justin asked as he pulled out of the parking spot.
Zenovia glanced over at Justin and examined his profile. His nose was the same as Tristan’s, a clear indicator of their American Indian ancestors. But his features were softer than Tristan’s sharp angles. Zenovia decided that she preferred Justin’s face.
“I’m fine. I just haven’t been home in four years. I don’t know if I’m looking forward to being here.”
“I definitely feel the same way,” Justin concurred. “So let’s talk about something that has nothing to do with the Brethren, our families, or Tristan and Mia’s wedding.”
“Like what?”
“Like us. When are you going to say yes to me?”
Zenovia replied, “When did you start begging? I don’t ever remember you being so desperate.”
“Desperate?” Justin laughed out loud. “Wow, you telling me that I’m desperate because I know what I want?”
“No. You’re desperate because you keep hounding me for an answer, and I’m not ready to give it.”
“I’m not hounding you. Pretty soon, I’ll just stop asking altogether, because I’m absolutely not desperate.”
Zenovia countered, “It’s almost like you’re trying to make me your girlfriend before we get to Tristan’s wedding, like you want to throw it in his face. Isn’t it enough that we’ll be there together?”
“Are you serious? You think me wanting you is some kind of sibling rivalry thing that I have with my brother?”
Zenovia nodded. “You’ve tried to steal me from Tristan from the very first time we met. But it shouldn’t matter now, because Tristan doesn’t want me, and I don’t want him. He’s marrying Mia.”
“You’re right. Nothing about Tristan should matter to you anymore. I’m not even sure why we’re talking about him.”
“Tristan does not matter,” Zenovia said.
Justin frowned deeply, his displeasure shadowing his handsome features. “Zenovia, I don’t want to argue with you, because I really need you to have my back this weekend. I also need you to know that the only reason I didn’t pursue you more when we were teenagers was to protect my brother’s feelings.”
“What?” Zenovia asked.
“I thought that my brother was attracted to you, and I could see that you thought you were attracted to him. I love my brother, and I’d never try to hurt him. But now, there’s nothing keeping me from pursuing you, Zee.”
Zenovia stared at her lap. There had definitely been chemistry between she and Justin from their first meeting. If she hadn’t been so enchanted by Tristan’s idealism and goodness, things would’ve been different.
It was almost as if she’d chosen Tristan because he was the one she was supposed to pick. There were very few sparks between them even though they’d become good friends. Justin, up until now, was all spark and no substance. She was excited to see that he was more than a walking pheromone, but she was still not ready to make a final decision.
“I don’t want to argu
e with you either, Justin. I’m so sorry. I think this entire visit is stressing me out.”
“I forgive you, Zee.”
“I just have one request.”
“Okay…”
“Please, let’s talk about us when we get back to D.C.”
Justin nodded in agreement. “I agree. Let’s just get through the weekend.”
Chapter Thirty-five
When Zenovia and Justin pulled into the parking lot of the Northeast Devotion Center it felt like the past four years had been erased. They were early, the first ones there. All of the courage and audacity Zenovia thought she felt evaporated at the thought of walking through the doors of that building.
Memories of her Elder tribunal flooded Zenovia’s mind. “I don’t know if I can do this, Justin.”
Justin took her hand in his and held it. “You don’t have to. We can leave if you want.”
Zenovia squeezed Justin’s hand. “We’ll go in. Just give me a minute okay. I have to get my nerve up.”
“Take as long as you want.”
Audrey stares at herself in the mirror. There is a blank expression on her face as she pulls out a tube of lipstick.
“Audrey, you already put on your makeup. We’re going to be late for the wedding.”
“Who gettin’ married?” Audrey’s voice is low and gravelly.
“Tristan and Mia.”
“Humph. He used to like Zee.”
Phillip frowns. “You know we don’t talk about her in our house.”
Audrey’s blank expression turns dark. “I can talk about whatever the hell I want. You don’t tell me what to do.”
“Audrey, we don’t have time for this today. C’mon let’s go.”
“As soon as I finish putting on my makeup.”
“Zee, you’re shaking. Do you want to leave?”
Why had her visions chosen now to start popping up? The scene played before her mind’s eye troubled Zenovia as well. In the vision, Audrey was frighteningly pale, and the fire-engine red lipstick had looked like blood on her lips.
In the Midst of It All Page 19