by Carol Lynne
“I’m picking up Jay, so I thought I’d pop in to see how you’re doing.” Mario took the chair beside Erico’s bed. “I thought Jay said your mom was here.”
“She is. I sent her down to the cafeteria to grab some dinner.” Erico tried to ignore the hurt that slammed into him at the mention of Jay’s name.
Mario crossed his legs and arms as he sat, studying Erico. “So I guess you didn’t listen when I warned you about putting the moves on Jay.”
Erico held up his hand. “He made the first move, not me.”
“Jay? Sweet, quiet Jay?” Mario snorted.
Erico wanted to tell Mario the truth about Jay’s sexual appetite, but he knew defending himself with the truth would only hurt Jay’s reputation. Instead of opening that can of worms, Erico shrugged. “Believe what you want. Everyone does anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mario questioned.
“Just that when people get certain ideas into their heads about what kind of person you are, they’ll never see anything else,” Erico mumbled. In the past, Erico hadn’t cared what people thought of him and damn was it coming back to bite him in the ass.
“Are you talking about your reputation or Jay’s?”
“Mine mostly, but both, I guess.” Erico gestured to the glass of water beside his bed. “Will you hand me that?”
Mario held the glass while Erico chased the straw around for a moment before capturing it with his lips. Erico took a big gulp and released the straw. “Thanks.”
Mario nodded and set the glass back down. “You really like him, huh?”
Erico took a deep breath. “Yeah.”
“But I’m guessing he doesn’t feel the same,” Mario seemed to surmise.
“He called us fuck buddies. I guess that’s all he wants,” Erico admitted. His chest tightened and Erico started to worry before realising it was emotional not physical pain.
Mario tried to hide a grin behind his hand. “Where have I heard that term before? Oh, yeah, from you.” Mario shook his head. “You can’t really blame the guy for not wanting to get emotionally invested in a relationship with you.”
“Fuck you!” Erico spat.
The door opened and a nurse popped her head into the room. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry about that, Debbie,” Erico apologised.
Debbie nodded and closed the door, making sure it shut all the way.
Erico returned his attention to Mario. “I’m sorry that you and I didn’t fall in love, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it.”
“Love? You’re telling me you’re in love with Jay?” Mario asked.
“I think so.” Erico turned to look out the window beside his bed. The mini-blinds were down, but open just enough to see the light snow falling outside.
“I’m guessing you told him and he didn’t react well to the news?”
Erico shook his head. “I didn’t tell him, but I think he knows. Everything seemed great between us, and then today he suddenly backed off.” Erico turned to stare at Mario. “He’s been here almost non-stop since I was brought in and suddenly he tells me things are going too fast. What the hell is that about?”
“Sounds like he’s scared.”
“Of me?” Erico questioned.
“Duh. You’re an unhealthy SOB who’s known around town for fucking anything you can get your hands on. What do you expect? Jay hasn’t exactly learned to trust people over the years. Don’t forget he carries his own scars.”
Once again his reputation was thrown in his face. He knew Mario wasn’t doing it out of malice. His friend was just stating the facts. Erico knew he’d given people a good reason to think that way about him.
“So how do I go about changing the way people see me?” Erico asked. “More importantly, how do I get Jay to understand that a guy like me can and will change?”
Mario stood and squeezed Erico’s hand. “I’m not sure. Baby steps? I think the biggest thing is to let Jay know you’re there for him without putting pressure on him.”
Mario chuckled. “And by the way. If you start putting pressure on him, I’m gonna be back to putting it on you.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. I just want him to trust in me,” Erico mumbled.
Mario seemed to ponder what Erico said for a few minutes. “Sorry, buddy. I really don’t know how you’re gonna do that unless he lets you back in the door.”
Erico nodded. “Guess I’ve got some thinking to do.”
Mario nodded and turned towards the door. “I’ll stop by your place in a couple days.”
“Bye.” After Mario left, Erico closed his eyes. He knew how to get himself back in Jay’s good graces, but how did he do that and not let on how much he cared for the man?
* * * *
Mario pulled up in front of The Canoe and put the old truck in park. Jay reached for the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime,” Mario replied.
Before Jay could get out of the truck, Mario reached out and touched his arm. “I never thought it was possible, but I think somehow you’ve managed to change him.”
“Who?” Jay asked, playing dumb.
“You know who. He genuinely seems to care about you.”
Jay shrugged his shoulders. He really didn’t want to discuss his fucked-up relationship status with Mario. “Saying and doing are two totally different things and we both know it.” Jay shook his head. “Better to stick with fucking than to risk getting hurt.”
Mario’s eyes rounded. “I’ve never heard you talk that way.”
“That’s because we’ve never discussed my sex life before.”
Mario chuckled. “You really are like two people trapped inside one body, aren’t you?”
“No. I’m one person who people only half understand.” Jay ended the statement with a smile.
He climbed out of the truck and walked up the steps to the front door. Going inside, he waited for Ellen to finish seating a group of four. He wondered how he’d be greeted after the previous day’s debacle. Jay noticed several glances his way. Evidently the news of his rendezvous with Erico had already made it around town.
When she returned to the hostess stand, she smiled. “How’s Erico?”
“Good. He says he’s feeling better than he has in years.”
Ellen shook her head. “I can’t believe none of us knew he was having health issues.”
“I think that’s the way he wanted it.” Jay gestured towards the kitchen. “How’s Francois getting along?”
Ellen rolled her eyes. “He’s a good enough cook.”
“But…?” Jay prompted when he could tell she wanted to say more.
“I’ll put it this way. If I weren’t already a lesbian, I’d seriously be considering it after spending two shifts with him.”
“He’s putting the moves on you?” Jay questioned.
“Oh, no. I think he knows better than that, but he thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity.” Ellen performed an exaggerated body shiver. “At least Erico is genuinely charming. That ass just thinks he is.”
Jay chuckled. “I told Erico I’d check in with him. Now I’m wondering if that’s such a good idea.”
“Just stop by the bar and tell Troy to come in and rescue you if you’re in there too long,” Ellen said with a wink.
Jay nodded and turned right towards the bar. Troy was mixing a blended margarita when he stepped up to the polished wood surface. He rested his arms on the bar and waited.
Troy immediately acknowledged Jay with a nod. “I’ll be right there.”
“No hurry,” Jay answered back. He tapped his fingers on the bar and looked around. Although not to capacity, there were quite a few customers in the restaurant. Jay couldn’t help wondering if gossip had anything to do with the sudden shift in business.
Troy eventually worked his way over to Jay. “Hey, man.”
“Hey,” Jay returned. “I’m checking on the kitchen for Erico. Any news for me?”
&nbs
p; Troy grinned. “Other than the obvious news milling around this place about you?”
Jay’s face heated. He couldn’t get mad at Troy. It was his own fault for fucking in the office and he knew it. “You can skip that part. Anything about the new sous chef?”
“Umm, well, I nearly punched his lights out earlier today for grabbing my cock.”
“What?”
Troy grinned and nodded. “He’s a pushy fucker. Thinks everyone wants him even once you make it clear you’re not interested.”
Shit. “I’m supposed to observe him.”
Troy glanced at the clock. “You should be safe enough. Bobby and Les are in there working with him right now. They usually go home between nine and ten unless we slow down before then.”
Jay started to walk off, but Troy stopped him. “Uhh, Jay, there’s something else. I don’t think you should say anything to Erico, but I’ve heard a couple of customers complain about the food.”
“What about the food?” he asked.
Troy shrugged. “Just that it wasn’t as good. I’ve seen quite a few plates with half-eaten dinners being picked up by Les this evening.”
Jay nodded. “I’ll see what’s going on.” He wasn’t a chef, but hopefully Jay would be able to tell what was wrong.
When he stepped into the kitchen, he noticed Bobby’s guilty expression before the cook quickly found something to do in the food locker.
“Hey,” Jay said by way of greeting. He studied the kitchen but didn’t notice anything out of place. “Everything going okay?”
Francois glanced over his shoulder. “Just fine,” he grumbled. “Did your lover send you in to spy on me?”
“Erico told you yesterday that I’d be in while he was gone.” Jay didn’t even address the lover comment.
Henry, one of the waiters came into the kitchen and put two orders up before walking back out. It seemed Henry wasn’t speaking to Francois. Interesting. Jay knew Henry had been a loyal employee since Erico had opened The Canoe.
Jay followed the waiter out of the kitchen. He figured he’d get more out of Henry than Francois and there was definitely tension brewing. “Hey,” he called, catching up to Henry. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
Henry gestured to the dining room. “I’ve got customers.”
Jay looked around before nodding. “Will you at least tell me what’s going on?”
“Look in the dumpster. The asshole’s been trying to pass off packaged food as his own.”
Jay thanked Henry and went straight back through the kitchen and out the back door. It took him a few minutes to climb into the dumpster and rip open one of the trash bags, but it had been worth it. Evidence in hand, he stalked back to the kitchen.
Seething, Jay held the empty bag of frozen ravioli in one hand and a large industrial-sized can of spaghetti sauce in the other. “What the hell is this?”
Francois stared at Jay with disdain. “What does it look like?”
“It looks like you don’t care much about your job,” Jay fired back.
“Pasta isn’t something I’m comfortable preparing. I decided to stick with what I knew and buy the rest.” Francois turned back around, obviously dismissing Jay.
Jay was so angry he threw the bag and empty can across the kitchen. If it was his restaurant, he’d fire the fucker on the spot. Unfortunately, it was Erico’s place and he was in no position to deal with the issue at the moment. He made a spur of the moment decision he hoped he wouldn’t regret.
Taking a deep breath, he walked over to Francois. “Until Erico comes back, I’ll be preparing the pasta and sauce for you to use.”
Francois shrugged without even turning around. “Suit yourself.”
Jay took a deep breath. “The only reason I’m doing this is because Erico isn’t healthy enough to come in and fire you, because believe me, he would. He takes the food in this place very seriously and you, quite frankly, don’t measure up to his standards.”
Francois spun around, his eyes narrowed. “You figure since you’ve had the guy’s dick up your ass you know his standards?” Francois let out a loud snort. “If you’re a regular in his bed, I’m not really sure I care about living up to Erico’s standards.”
Jay bit his lip and turned to walk towards the door. Before reaching it, he glanced over his shoulder. “I wouldn’t bother looking for a permanent place to stay if I were you.”
* * * *
By the time Jay made it back to his apartment he was completely worn out. After spending the majority of the last two days in a hospital waiting room, and the altercation with Francois, Jay wanted to shut out the world and bury his head under the covers.
As soon as he entered his apartment, he started shedding his clothes. By the time he reached the shower he was completely nude. Jay reached in and turned on the hot water. Whether it was the fight with Francois or the emotions churning inside of him over Erico, he wasn’t sure, but he was chilled to the bone. He’d learned long ago the only cure was a long, hot shower.
He stepped under the spray and groaned as the hot water nearly scalded his skin. Jay stood where he was, not bothering to turn up the cold water. He’d get used to it, he always did.
The next two days wouldn’t be a big deal as far as preparing the pasta and sauce, but he wondered how he’d manage once he went back to work. He could go over before his shift at O’Brien’s and make it, but that would put him in the same kitchen with Francois. Jay finally decided it would be better to go over to The Canoe after he finished his shift at the pub. It would mean he’d have to try to catch as much sleep as possible during the day, but he knew he could handle it for a couple of weeks.
When the water started to cool, he turned it off and grabbed his towel. He’d just dried off when he heard a knock at his door. Jay rolled his eyes. He knew who it would be. Despite the numerous phone messages throughout the day, Jay hadn’t spoken to Ethan since the news of his affair had obviously made its way around Cattle Valley.
“I know you’re home,” Ethan yelled through the closed door.
Jay sighed and wrapped the towel around his waist. He opened the door and looked at his friend. “I was in the shower. Hold on while I get something on.”
Jay turned and strode towards his room.
“What’s going on? I heard around town that you were fucking around with Erico when he had his heart attack.”
Jay dug in his dresser and pulled out some clean underwear and a pair of sweats. He dropped the towel and started dressing, ignoring Ethan’s question until he was covered. He grabbed a thick pair of socks and a T-shirt before leading his friend back to the living room. “It just happened.”
“Really?” Ethan asked. “So why didn’t you tell me?”
As Jay pulled on his sock, he noticed a rather large hole in the toe. He stared at the hole wondering where the hell it had come from.
“Jay?” Ethan prompted.
“Because I know how much you hate him,” he mumbled. Jay leant back in the recliner and closed his eyes. The conversation he didn’t want to have in the first place was bringing the emotions he’d struggled with to the surface.
The expression on Erico’s face still bothered him. Erico wasn’t supposed to develop feelings, that hadn’t been part of the plan. Jay thought he’d be safe with Erico. Hell, the whole town joked about Erico changing lovers like most men changed underwear.
“You’re going to get hurt, ya know?” Ethan finally said.
Jay opened his eyes and glanced at his best friend. His stomach clenched as he realised just the opposite was true. “I think it’s the other way around.”
Ethan laughed. “Yeah, right.”
Jay shrugged. He knew it wouldn’t do any good to try and convince Ethan that Erico had feelings for him. Jay hadn’t even been able to truly admit it to himself.
“Come on, Jay. Erico’s a selfish prick and we both know it.”
Jay narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry Erico hurt you, but he’s not a prick. At least not to
me.”
Jay’s nose started to burn moments before he felt his eyes fill with moisture. He blinked rapidly, unprepared to let his own emotions be witnessed by anyone, including his best friend. Erico was different with him. What Jay couldn’t wrap his mind around was why? Truth be told, he was too young for the restaurant owner and he knew it. He may have been forced to grow up a hell of a lot earlier than most men, but at twenty, Jay wasn’t sure he was willing to settle down. His problems with Randy had proved it to him the hard way.
Bounding out of the chair, Jay went to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. He heard Ethan come into the room and waited. No doubt his friend wasn’t finished.
Jay was surprised when Ethan’s arms wrapped around his waist from behind. Ethan kissed the side of Jay’s wet head. “I was there to see the results of Randy’s love, don’t forget. We all knew that asshole was bad news, but you said the same thing about him. Just because someone is nice to you, doesn’t mean they’re a nice person, Jay. I’m sorry you had to find that out the hard way. I just don’t want you to make the same mistake with Erico.”
“Erico would never hit me,” Jay replied.
“Maybe not, but I don’t think you were ever in love with Randy, and we both know how hard it was to break away from him. If you’re lonely, find someone else. There are a lot of really nice guys around here.”
Jay turned around, shutting the fridge door in the process. He gazed into Ethan’s eyes but didn’t know what to say. He knew his friend was right. There were a lot of men in Cattle Valley. So why did he want the one man who had the potential to hurt him like no one had before?
“Earlier, I told Erico that I needed to take a step back.” Jay shook his head. “I know he wants more out of the relationship, and I’m not sure I trust him with that part of me yet.”
“Yet? You mean you’re considering it?” Ethan asked.
When Jay didn’t answer, Ethan sighed and kissed Jay’s forehead. “Just do me a favour. Don’t confuse a really good fuck with love. Believe me, they’re not the same thing.”
Jay nodded. He’d been telling himself that very thing for a week. “Thanks for always being here for me.”