“I should have listened to your heart a year ago,” he murmurs, almost to himself. “But I couldn’t hear it.” He rises up on his knees, his callused hands forcing my shaky legs apart. “Open for me, sweetheart.”
I open for him. Bare everything that I am. Chris removes the stethoscope, shrugs off the coat, and pulls off the pants. He is beautifully, gloriously naked, and all mine.
“Dr. Taylor has been called away on an emergency. It’s you and me now.” His fingers glide over my mound to my clitoris, teasing the oversensitive bundle of nerves until my thigh muscles tighten and quiver.
“Good girl.” He thrusts inside me, his thick cock pushing through my swollen tissue. With my hands restrained, I feel helpless, used, and yet my pussy clenches around him, drawing him in.
“Sweet Jesus.” Sweat beads on his forehead, and he stares down at me as if seeing me for the first time.
“How’s my girl?”
My girl. Happiness washes over me with such intensity I want to cry.
“Your girl needs a kiss before you send her into space again.”
With his engorged cock still deep inside me, he drops down over my body and brushes my lips lightly, teasing. His mouth is so soft, so warm I could melt into the heat of his kiss.
He takes the kiss deeper, opening my lips with his own. When I submit, his tongue slips inside and he invades my mouth, taking possession. I feel wanted, loved. I feel home.
“So sweet,” he whispers, and he reaches up to unlock the cuffs.
When my hands are free, he rises up and surges deep inside me. My hips move upward in response and he increases the speed.
“You feel so good.”
I wrap my arms around him, feel the hard muscles in his back bunch and flex beneath my fingers as he thrusts. “I missed you.”
He pushes deeper, every rock of his hips sending a delicious tremble through me. His fingers find my clit and he teases and toys until my muscles are rock hard and I’m trembling, desperate to come.
“Let me hear you.” He grabs my hips, yanking me up against him with each stroke. His pelvis grinds against my clit and my panting breaths turn to moans.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Come with me.” He pinches my clit and I break with a scream, pleasure crashing over me in heated waves. Chris’s body tightens and he buries himself inside me, pumping his release with a low, rumbled growl.
I am still trembling from the shock waves of pleasure when Chris lies beside me and pulls me into his side, my head resting on his chest, where I can hear his heart pound. His arms are so welcoming, so comforting that I shudder against him. I’ve dropped my walls for him, exposed myself in a way I haven’t since I was a child, but when he holds me like this, I feel like everything will be okay.
But will it? Can one night of naughty passion bridge a gap that has been one year in the making? Was this just sex or something more?
“I can almost hear you thinking,” Chris says, his hand rubbing up and down my back. “Or should I say overthinking? That’s what you do best.”
“This wasn’t us. I mean, we don’t do things this way. We’re not . . . kinky.”
Chris’s hand stops moving. “You didn’t enjoy it?”
“I did.” I bite my lip, considering my words. “I enjoyed it a lot.”
He resumes his stroking, pausing between each caress to loosen the laces at the back of my corset. “So did I. After all these years, I finally got to be a doctor.”
I look up, catch the reassuring smile on his face. “I don’t think you should tell your mom. Hot, sexy doctor who makes his patient scream might not have been the specialization she was thinking of.”
“Maybe not.” He chuckles. “So you liked the coat?”
“I liked what was under the coat. You look amazing. All those muscles, the six-pack . . .” I stretch an arm over his chest, and he pulls me closer as I run my hand over his bulging bicep. “And these . . . When you were on top of me and your muscles were flexing, it made me want to come all over again.”
“You don’t care how I got this body? That I’m working with my hands and not in a suit with all the prestige and benefits that go with it?”
“Of course not.” I snuggle into his side, and he tightens his arm around me. “What I love about you is inside. And I’ll take these muscles over a suit any day.”
“These muscles don’t bring in anywhere near as much money as the suit did, and nothing compared to what I could have made as a doctor. If you weren’t working, we wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage.”
I can almost feel him withdraw and panic grips me hard. Desperate to hold on to this moment, I throw one leg over his thigh and curl my hand around his chest, as if I could physically keep him in place. “Let’s stay like this forever.”
His muscles stiffen, and I wish I could take my words back when the arm he has around me falls away. “We can’t because you have to work two jobs to help pay the damn bills I can’t pay. What kind of man can’t look after his wife?”
No no no no no no no.
The coldness in his voice after our passionate lovemaking and his tender aftercare is like a knife in my chest. Nothing has hurt more. Not my father’s rejection. Not Chris’s indifference to our marriage over the last year. But this time, instead of sorrow and pain, anger floods through my veins.
Gritting my teeth, I push myself up and off the bed. “I don’t need to be looked after. I like to work. I like to contribute. I would go crazy in the house alone all day with nothing to do.” My voice rises to a shout, and I shock myself with a fit of temper I never knew I had, all the anger I’ve bottled up over the last year coming out in a rush. “I’ve been here for you, but you didn’t see me.”
“I did see you, Lil, but I couldn’t reach out. I didn’t feel like I was enough of a man for you.”
“Is that what this is about? Your ego? That’s such BS.” I’m shaking now, my frustration needing more than just a voice. “Your dumb shame has cost my happiness. It’s cost us both happiness. It has stolen one year from our lives. You’ve been so wrapped up in yourself you’ve lost sight of the big picture. So you got laid off. Lots of people get laid off. Lots of men. Big deal. It doesn’t make me think you are any less of a man. I love you for who you are inside, not what you do. But I guess what I think doesn’t matter. Your ego is all that counts.” I yank open a drawer and pull out a T-shirt and sweater. I can’t do this anymore. I need to go.
“It is a big deal.” He pushes himself up on one elbow, his jaw taut. “I failed. You. My mother. My dad . . .”
“For a smart guy you really lack common sense.” I pull the T-shirt over my head. “Yes, your job paid well, but it sucked your soul. You’re a physical person. If you’d stayed in that job, it would have killed you. You’re happy now, but you can’t accept it. The only person you have failed is yourself.” Too frustrated to deal with the corset laces or fussy straps on the garter belt, I pull my jeans over the stockings and garter belt, realizing only as I zip the fly that I have forgotten my panties. Too damn bad. No way am I staying here a minute longer than I have to. I don’t care if the world knows I really am naughty at heart.
Chris watches me silently as I pull on my sweater, his eyes dark, jaw clenched. For some reason his silence enrages me, and I grab the fuzzy handcuffs off the bed and throw them at him.
“You’re afraid to live the life you really want to live,” I say as the cuffs thud against his unmoving chest. “You’re afraid to be who you want to be. You’ve been hiding for one year and I let you, and in the process I hurt myself. Well, I’ve had it. I’m done.”
I run down the stairs, grab my purse, and walk out into the night.
Chapter Six
Chris
I pull my car into the parking lot of the aptly named Retox Bar. If Lily isn’t here, I don’t know what I’ll do. Over the last hour, I’ve been to Alexis’s house and driven around town trying to figure out where else Lily might go at this time of night. The drive has made me r
ealize I’ve lost touch with my wife. When she’s not at work or at the gym, I don’t know how she spends her free time. I never ask and she doesn’t tell, and as a result we’ve drifted apart.
Lily isn’t like Alexis, who lets it all hang out. She keeps things inside, bottles up her true feelings. Years ago, I figured out it was her way of protecting herself after her father’s brutal rejection when she was only nine years old. All she wanted was love, and that bastard gave her hate. But am I any better? For the last year, I’ve pushed her away. And now, when she has been brave enough to open herself up, I rejected her, too. She deserves the kind of happiness I can’t give her. If she tells me tonight she doesn’t want to see me again, I’ll do the right thing and let her go.
“Chris!” Aiden waves me over to the bar as I push my way through the crowd. He has a blonde on his lap and a tiny redhead under his arm. The dude is a player, no doubt about that.
I’m not a good judge of looks when it comes to guys, but it’s clear women find him attractive. The few times we’ve met up in the bar to talk through his basement renovation, the ladies have been all over him. Maybe it’s the dentist thing. From what I’ve seen tonight, women like a man in a lab coat.
Aiden tips his glass toward me. “What are you having?”
“I’m not here for a drink. I’m looking for Lily. Have you seen her?”
“Yes.” He eases the blonde bombshell off his lap and gives her ass a pat. “You and Stacey go dance for me. Give me a good show. I need a few minutes with Chris.”
“Where is she?” I ask as the girls totter away on their insanely high heels.
“Maybe you should have a drink before you talk to her.” Aiden motions to the bartender, who slides a beer across the bar toward me.
“Drinks are on Retox,” the bartender says when I reach for my wallet. “Business has doubled since you built the stage and dance floor.”
Aiden raises an eyebrow. “Looks like I wasn’t your only side job. I thought we were exclusive.”
Any other time, I would have laughed. After I finished Aiden’s playroom, I started getting calls from people all over town. I never asked how they got my name or where they’d seen my work, but the side jobs kept me busy most evenings when Lily was at work, and took off some of the financial pressure that had been weighing heavy on my shoulders since I got laid off.
“I’ve got more work now than I can handle.” I sip my beer, letting the bitter liquid slide over my tongue. “But no one else has asked me to build them a dungeon.”
And no one else could have helped me understand why the layoff had affected me so deeply. Talking to Aiden as I built benches and crosses and installed beams with pulleys and chains, I realized I’d been suppressing the dominant aspect of my personality for most of my life. But by the time I understood why I hadn’t been able to move on after being laid off, it was almost too late. Lily and I had drifted so far apart I dreaded going home at night because I was afraid I would open the door and discover she had finally decided to leave me.
“Assuming you’ve resolved your marital issues, you and Lily are welcome to come by any time,” Aiden says. “I’m happy to give you lessons about using the equipment and practicing the lifestyle in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. And of course, it would be delightful to see the lovely Lily restrained and at your mercy—or our mercy if you’re interested.”
Jesus Christ. I can’t even imagine sharing Lily with someone else, much less a dominant like Aiden who has women falling to their knees in every sense of the word. Despite the fact Revival is a fairly small town, Aiden doesn’t keep his lifestyle a secret. The rumors Lily related to me are true, including the one about Aiden joining married couples for an evening of “fun.”
“I’m not.” Inviting another man into our bed is definitely not my idea of a good time, unless Lily gets off on watching me tear him limb from limb. She is damned well the most beautiful woman in town, and she belongs to me.
Aiden shrugs. “The invitation is always open in case you change your mind.”
A growl rises up in my throat at the thought of Lily in Aiden’s dungeon, chained to that big cross that I built, polished, and bolted to the wall. Would she scream when he whipped her? Would she call out his name?
Fighting for calm, I wrap my hand around the glass to hold back from punching Aiden in the face. For a man who is supposedly a dominant, I’m showing very little self-control.
Seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am fighting the urge to do some serious damage to his chiseled face, Aiden sips his beer. “How did it go with the package?”
The package was Aiden’s idea. He suggested shaking things up with something new to us both that would let me explore the dominant side of my personality after I shared my concerns about Lily.
“Wasn’t expecting the role-play stuff. The whole doctor thing triggered a bad experience from my past, and I just lost it. Lily gave me a piece of her mind before she walked out the door.”
“She left you?” Aiden’s eyes widen with what I’m damn sure is interest. He looks over his shoulder and the skin on the back of my neck prickles.
“No,” I say with a conviction I don’t feel in the least. “We just had a disagreement. She was upset, so I came to make sure she was safe.”
“She doesn’t look upset now.” Aiden gestures behind him. Through the crowd, I see Lily, sitting at a table with Alexis and a tall, muscular dude with hair past his shoulders. She’s laughing, her eyes sparkling, and the fucking dude is holding her hand.
Except he isn’t just any dude. I blink and blink again. “Is that . . . Rex Morgan from Stomp?”
“A world-famous musician in our small-town bar. Imagine that.” Aiden takes another sip of his beer. “Apparently the three of them went to high school together. Alexis told me he was Lily’s high school crush.”
What the fuck? She left me and walked straight into the arms of another man? I give the dude a quick once-over, sussing out my competition. Pansy. I could floor the skinny bastard with one hand.
“She’s a very attractive woman,” Aiden says quietly. “I’m not surprised he’s trying to pick her up. If he hadn’t gotten to her first . . . ”
“You looking to have your face rearranged?” My hand curls into a fist.
Aiden shrugs. “If my wife had walked out on me when we were trying to reconcile, and I found her at the bar with another man, I wouldn’t be wasting time punching my friends.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d take her home and show her I cared in my own special way.” He laughs. “But then, I have a dungeon.”
I take a last swallow of my beer. Aiden is right. Instead of giving up or giving in, I should show her the man I want to be. A man who follows his dreams and makes no apologies. A man in control.
Chapter Seven
Lily
Rex is a bore.
Correction. After sitting here listening to him talk about himself for over two hours, I can definitively say he’s an insufferably arrogant bore. I wish I’d known that back in high school and I wouldn’t have wasted all those hours fantasizing about him, doodling his name, and choosing the names of the five children we were going to have after our wedding.
Alexis, of course, doesn’t care what comes out of Rex’s mouth. She’s only interested in what he’s got going on beneath his skintight rust-colored jeans. In an Oscar-worthy performance, she simpers and giggles as he tells us how the band would be nothing without him and how the world’s biggest labels are fighting to sign him as a solo artist.
Even if Rex threw himself at my feet right now and begged me to spend the night with him, I would turn him down. His long, elegant fingers, pale face, trendy clothing, and starving-artist frame do nothing for me. I like calluses and muscles, bronzed skin and work boots. I like big hearts and strong arms. And God help me, I like wounded souls, because only someone with a family as messed up as mine can understand me.
“Excuse me.” A woman in a leather jacket touches
my arm. “Are you Lily?”
“Yes.”
“This is for you.” She hands me a white lily, the petals just starting to open. “It’s for January,” she says before she walks away.
“Wait.” I move to follow her, but someone taps me on the shoulder.
“This is for February.” A man in a Giants sweatshirt hands me another lily.
“Who is this from?”
He shrugs. “Can’t say.”
Rex frowns at the flowers. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know.” But maybe I do.
“Here comes another one.” Alexis points over my shoulder. “And there’s someone else behind her.”
I receive twelve lilies, one for each month of the year. Rex becomes increasingly irritated by the lack of attention and excuses himself to get a drink.
“Are they from Chris?” Alexis asks.
“I don’t know anyone else who would give me flowers.”
A slow smile spreads across her face. “I guess this means you won’t be needing my spare room tonight.”
I cradle the flowers in my arms. “It’s a beautiful gesture, but it doesn’t change anything. His dumb male ego is still in the way. Until he can accept himself for who he is, we can’t have a future together, and I’m tired of trying.”
“Did you try?”
Puzzled, I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Did you ever have a conversation with him about what was going on? Did you ask him why he wouldn’t touch you anymore? Or where he saw your marriage going?”
Emotion wells up in my throat. “I didn’t want to know why he didn’t want me. I didn’t want to be rejected all over again. It was easier to say nothing and hope he would get over it.”
“You walked away,” Alexis says. “Just like you did tonight.”
“I didn’t walk away. I stayed with him.”
“Emotionally, you both walked away from your problems.” She points to the lilies in my hand. “But tonight he’s trying to come back. Don’t give up on him yet.”
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