by Erika Kelly
Okay, but she was totally discombobulated and didn’t even know where to begin. “I hate that I embarrassed you, but I wasn’t expecting a proposal.” Seriously, all she’d wanted was to show everyone how well she’d turned out. Present her boyfriend, her sophisticated new look and her graduate degree, and show them she wasn’t that wild, reckless girl anymore.
Instead, she’d wound up hijacking her brother’s rehearsal dinner. How had this happened?
“I wasn’t expecting to issue one.” Each word came out as hard and compact as a metal bead.
“Then why did you? It’s my brother’s night.”
“I’m aware of that, Calliope.” He gave her his back.
“Were you really going to propose?” The idea shook her. Marriage?
He glanced at her warily. “Why do you make it sound so distasteful?”
“I’m just surprised.”
“We live together. Where did you think this relationship was going?”
“But we just finished school. We don’t have jobs.” Stupid comment. Julian didn’t need to worry about something as plebian as a job. Even without his master’s in Museum Studies, he’d land the best job possible thanks to his parents. In fact, the fellowship did nothing more than take the criticism of nepotism off the table. “I don’t have a job.”
“I thought we were doing this together.” His tone softened. “Graduate school, starting out. I thought we’d be like my parents.”
Alarms rang in her brain pan. Why did that sound all kinds of wrong?
It shouldn’t. What could be better than the Reyes’ lives? Elegant patrons of the arts, the college sweethearts basically ruled the Manhattan art scene. Of course she wanted that life.
If she married Julian, she’d have it.
So why did her body physically reject the idea? “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.” Sort of? No, she was sorry about that. She just didn’t understand the proposal in general. They weren’t there yet.
And, frankly, it felt more territorial than some impulsive declaration of love.
The rightness of that theory cinched tightly.
Julian had been blindsided. In Manhattan, he and his family were at the top of the food chain. Here in Calamity, he was a fish out of water, and the killer whale—Fin—had publicly declared his ownership.
“It’s not…I’m not embarrassed.” He lifted both arms, palms to the sky, and then lowered them. “You think my primary emotion right now is embarrassment? Jesus, Calliope. Wild thing? Platinum hair? Beating up a guy when you were fifteen?” Eyes wide, his fingertips combed through his carefully arranged hair. “Who is that girl? How does my girlfriend, the woman I want to spend my life with, have anything to do with the girl”—he jabbed a finger toward the house—“they’re talking about?”
“I was a kid, Julian. I’ve grown up since then.” He didn’t look convinced. “Are you the same person you were at seventeen?”
“Yes. I am.” His outburst seemed to surprise himself, and he worked for composure, nostrils flaring as he inhaled deeply. “Let me be clear. I don’t care that you had platinum hair. I don’t care that your family’s…” He paused, looking at his dust-covered black dress shoes. “Different from mine.” His gaze snapped to hers. “Is that why you’ve kept all this from me? You thought I’d judge you?”
Outrage rose up and bitch-slapped whatever remorse she felt for turning down his public proposal. “Judge what, exactly? That I come from a Western town? That my family owns a diner, which just happens to be the most popular restaurant in the entire county? That my parents worked their hands to the bone to give us an amazing life? I can’t imagine what you see here that you could find in any way less worthy than your life.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It sure sounded like you did.” She needed to make herself very clear. “I love my family. I’m proud of them.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me about them?”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Do not put this on me.” He leaned into her. “What did you want me to ask, exactly? If you’ve ever had platinum hair? Beat up a kid so badly he missed school for a week? I’m sorry but, given your reserved nature, it didn’t occur to me that you’d had a torrid love affair in your past.”
“My…” Reserved? What was he saying? “Did you just tell me that I’m not good in bed?”
“No, I didn’t…Dammit.” He tipped his head back. “How did this all go so wrong?”
Like he was an animal in bed? He’d certainly never grabbed her hips from behind, hiked up her skirt, and palmed her ass in the balcony of a movie theatre. Or caressed her inner thigh under the table, driving her so wild she had to drag him into the ladies room to relieve the throbbing ache.
Her blood pulsed with excitement from the rush of vivid memories.
Dammit. Stop thinking about Fin. It was just so hard—after seeing him, hearing his heart-felt speech—to cross back into the present with Julian. She wanted to linger a little longer in the world Fin had conjured.
But her relationship—her future—was on the line. “It went wrong when you proposed to me at my brother’s rehearsal dinner.”
“Excuse me, but your ex-boyfriend, who is clearly not over you, just made a play for you in front of me. He acted like I’m not your boyfriend now.”
Right. So it had been territorial. “You proposed to make sure everyone knows who I belong to?”
“Of course not.” His brow creased. “I don’t know. I didn’t expect any of this.” He dug his hands into his pockets and kicked a rock into the street. It skittered and then stopped in the middle of the road. “You should’ve prepared me.”
“I know that.”
“Look, I asked you to move in with me because I wanted to live my life with you.” His tone had grown more somber. “Did I plan on proposing tonight? No. But of course I planned on doing it. One day.”
Wait, was he talking in past tense? Was he saying he no longer saw a future with her?
He tipped his head back. “You’re never going to be mine, are you?”
Oh, my God. This is like a pile-up on a highway, one hit after another. “Slow down for a second. First of all, I’m not with Fin. I’ll never be with him again.”
“It’s not about Fin. It’s about you. It took me a year and a half to get you to go out with me. When you finally did, you still held me at arm’s length. I’d hoped, when you agreed to move in, that you were finally ready to be all-in with me. But I was wrong. I guess when you invited me to your brother’s wedding…” He shook his head, one side of his mouth pulling up in frustration. “I thought I was getting into the inner sanctum. But hearing those people talk about you made me realize I don’t have you at all. So, yes, listening to your ex talk about you like…like you’re his soulmate, I’m man enough to admit I made a grab.” He shrugged, clearly pissed off. “I just wanted you once and for all to be mine.”
“You realize this is the first time I’m hearing any of this? You never told me you thought I was holding back.”
“I’ve been taking my time with you for two years, Calliope. Every step you took closer to me felt like a hard-won victory. Tonight, I see I’ve achieved far less than I’d thought.”
“No, no, no. You can’t put that on me. I didn’t know you needed more.” Would she have given it? After Fin, she’d been depleted emotionally. If Julian had asked for more, could she even say she’d had anything left in her reserve tank? “But now that I know, I’ll try harder.”
“You shouldn’t have to try. After two years, you should trust me—love me—enough to share everything with me. I should be the one you talk to. Confide in. But I see that’s not going to happen. You left your spirit here.”
“No, I didn’t. You’ve got it all wrong.” So explain it. “Fin and I…it was all about the drama. Come on, it was a high school relationship. We fought, we…” You what? Made up with crazy, wild sex?
Calm down and fix the situation. “He was my first bo
yfriend, and it was a tempestuous relationship, and I don’t want that anymore. If you want to know why I’m taking it more slowly with you, that’s it. All that fire…it burns out. And, frankly, I never want to feel that again.”
“Love? You never want to love like that? Because that’s how I love you.”
Oh, Julian, you don’t have a single clue about that kind of love.
“I love you, Calliope.” He reached for her, and every cell in her body rebelled against it. When she saw his horrified look at her rejection she told herself it was because she didn’t want to be possessed or consumed ever again.
Or maybe it was just the moment. Seeing Fin again—his speech, God—Julian’s proposal. All she knew was she didn’t feel the slightest bit romantic at the moment.
Julian took a step back. A prideful resolve settled over his features. “Do you love me? I’ve waited two years to hear the words, and I’ve never pressed you for them.”
She wanted to remind him he was eighteen months ahead of her in this relationship, and that was something she couldn’t fix.
When she didn’t answer right away, his features tightened. “It’s a simple question, Calliope. And it doesn’t take time to figure out. You either love me or you don’t.”
How could she explain that her feelings had been muted since Fin? Julian could never understand the kind of combustible relationship that had you screaming at each other one second and tearing your clothes off the next. That had you staying up all night talking because you never ran out of things to say. That desperate need to stay connected. Gripping, holding, thrusting into each other so hard and still not getting as close as you needed because human beings couldn’t fuse even when their hearts and souls demanded it.
She and Julian had a good relationship. And she didn’t want to lose it. “I love our relationship. I love our life together.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes, and his jaw gaped open.
She scrambled to find better words. “Everything you heard tonight…I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’ve worked hard to become the woman you fell for. This is who I am now. That’s never going to change. Do you understand?”
He glanced down the straight, two-lane highway. Headlights crested the rise in the road. “Sure.”
Anxiety gripped her. He could not get into that taxi. She wrapped a hand around his biceps. “I know this was an awful experience for you. I never imagined any of these stories would come up this weekend.” At her brother’s wedding. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my past. I hope you understand that I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m just focusing on my future. I like our future.”
“But that’s the thing.” He twisted out of her hold. “You are hiding.” He looked at her like she’d betrayed him. “Tonight I realized I only know the pieces you choose to show me. The great student, the beautiful woman with a smile that slays me. I know the creative thinker who keeps her cool under pressure. The woman who picks up after herself in my apartment like a weekend guest and makes sure I take my vitamins.”
“That’s me. That’s who I am now.”
“I don’t think so. The girl they were talking about in there? She hasn’t gone anywhere. I’m guessing she’s just nursing her wounds after a traumatic breakup.” Headlights bounced on the bumpy road, and the car slowed. “Look, you asked for time, and that’s exactly what I’m going to give you.”
“I don’t want time apart.” He couldn’t leave. She needed to keep him here. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know. I don’t have secrets, no matter what it might look like. Let’s just go back inside so I can be there for my brother, and we’ll talk when we get back to my parents’ house.”
The car slowed, and Julian raised a hand in acknowledgement. Then, he turned back to her, his mask of graciousness back in place. But she could see the sadness in his eyes. “Please go and enjoy your brother’s special night. I’d like some time to myself. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“I’m not….” She glanced to the house. What the hell was she supposed to do? She couldn’t leave, but she wasn’t about to let her boyfriend take off with their relationship up in the air. “I’ll go home with you.”
“You can’t miss your brothers’ rehearsal dinner.”
“You’re more important. I’ll—”
“I insist.” He looked at her like she was some drunk chick in a bar desperate to hook up with him. “Goodnight, Calliope.”
For two years he’d pursued her unflaggingly. She’d been the object of his attention.
Now, she watched him head toward the car, panic rising at his total detachment. “Julian.”
He opened the door and lowered himself into the back seat.
As the car took off, he didn’t even glance at her.
CHAPTER FOUR
Leaning into the turn, Fin accelerated. The thrill of controlling his bike, of pushing the angle so far he could smell the asphalt, sparked his aggression. Hell, yeah.
A form in the middle of the road sent a shock of awareness through him, and he pulled back on the throttle. After a moment the figure clarified into a body. A man.
His brother.
Fucking Will.
Pretending to be an aircraft marshal, Will pointed a finger at him and then motioned to the side of the road. Forget that. Fin needed to ride out this crazy energy. But just before blowing past, he glimpsed the lights of Calamity a half-mile away. After all he’d gone through to make it home in time for the wedding he couldn’t risk getting arrested the night before.
Edging onto the shoulder of the road, he planted his boots on the ground. “What?”
Will tipped his head toward their ranch, completely dark at this hour. “Saw your headlights on my way into town.”
“Yeah. Out for a ride.”
“Good night for one.” He came closer. “Brodie’s got us a table at Sweet Baby Jane’s.”
With a curt nod, Fin said, “I’ll catch up with you later. Got to blow off some steam.”
“That proposal?” Will gave a slow shake of his head. “Came out of nowhere.”
Fin cranked the handle, making the engine roar. He needed to ride. To shake it off.
“That had to be tough to watch,” Will said. “You okay?”
The way his brother looked at him, eyes filled with concern, made Fin kill the ignition.
“No.”
“Yeah. I get that. But…” Even though he gave a casual shrug, Will watched him carefully. “She’s changed, though, right? She’s not the girl you grew up with. Looks like she’s moved on.”
In other words, You should, too. Fin’s fingers flexed on the rubber grips. He’d run over Will before talking to him about Callie. His brothers didn’t get it. Never would. “Sure, man. Now let me finish my ride, and I’ll meet up with you guys later.” His gaze cut away, toward the dark, imposing peaks of his mountain range. The snow glowed in the moonlight.
That woman tonight—that wasn’t Callie. She’d leveled that cool gaze on him like he was just someone she’d passed in the hallway from time to time. What the hell happened to her?
Christ, her boyfriend had proposed to her. Fin couldn’t stand it. Just couldn’t fucking stand it.
“Thing is, Brodie’s only in town for two days,” Will said. “So how about we grab a beer and you can tell us about your trip?”
He didn’t want to be around anyone. Maybe he’d head up the trail and ride the rim of Dead Man’s cliff. Only that kind of rush could chase the darkness out of his head.
“Hey.” Will gave the handlebars a shake. “When was the last time we had three brothers in town at the same time?”
“I’m riding.” He bit off each word.
“At night. On a dirt bike.” Will grinned. “And I saw the sparks when your kickstand hit the pavement.”
Fin smiled. “That was cool, right?”
His older brother nodded. “Yeah, man. It was. Now, come on. Let’s not leave Brodie alone with all the pretty tourists. It isn’t fair to the
other guys.”
Fin swung a leg off his bike. Their dad didn’t have a lot of rules for his sons, but not “pissing in their own pool” was one of them. Made sense. In a small town like Calamity, their dad had wanted his family to be on good terms with everyone.
Since his brothers weren’t all that interested in romantic relationships, they’d figured that meant steering clear of dating townies. But women loved Brodie—and not just for his looks and brawn, but because of his attitude. He just didn’t give a damn. Always preoccupied with some project or another, he didn’t ogle or flirt. Women seemed to want to be the one to win him.
Fin walked his bike to Will’s truck. Together they lifted it and shoved it onto the bed.
Will clapped him on the shoulder. “Glad you’re back, man.” Their boots crunched on asphalt as they headed for the cab. Just as Will opened his door, he said, “And, listen, don’t let it get to you, okay? It’s just a meme. Something new will pop up tomorrow.”
Meme? Fin had no idea what he was talking about.
An old Western tourist town at the foot of the Tetons, Calamity was hopping in June, so they parked in the back lot of the yoga studio.
The last thing Fin wanted to do was sit in a crowded, airless bar, but he did want to spend time with Brodie before he headed back to Utah, so he followed Will down the narrow alley towards Main Street.
He just…he couldn’t get that guy out of his head. Callie’s boyfriend—fiancé?—wore a bracelet. That shine on his fingernails meant he got manicures. What the hell was she doing with a high-maintenance guy?
Except she’d looked just like him, hadn’t she? In that sleek black dress and pearls and those black spikey heels… since when did Callie blow her hair dry and wear pearls?
His phone buzzed, and he saw a text from Nolan, one of his snowboarding buddies.
Took your advice, tweaked the take-off, and it worked. Still slow, though. Don’t know what’s going on.
Fin didn’t need to think about it. Get a notebook. Write down everything you eat for 2 weeks. Most athletes got tired of keeping up the degree of fitness required to compete at an elite level, so in the off-season they eased back. Fin would bet anything Nolan was drinking too much and loading up on carbs. Keeping a log would help him figure that out.