by H. D. Gordon
“I didn’t kill those slaves, Rook,” he told me with such sincerity that I could only shake my head.
“No?” I asked. “You’re not the new West Coast Pack Master?”
“No,” he said, “I mean, yes, I am. I am the new Pack Master, but I didn’t order the death of those Wolves.” His jaw clenched. “No one deserves to die like that.”
I spat at the sand between our feet and sneered. “Yeah, I bet you’re just all torn up about it, huh? What are one thousand Dogs to you? A minor loss in inventory.”
“It wasn’t like that, Rook,” Ryker insisted, and I noticed for the first time that he didn’t look well. In fact, I’d never seen him look so disheveled and anxious. He shifted on his feet as he spoke. “I was just finishing the last fight in the Master competition when the news of what happened to them reached me. By the time I found out, it was too late.”
“So you had nothing to do with it?” I asked, disbelief coloring my tone.
“Nothing,” Ryker said, and took a step toward me, his handsome face pleading.
“I don’t believe you. Get out of my dream.”
I turned away. I didn’t want to look at him. Even now, he was still so good at wearing whatever mask would most benefit him. Gods help me, but he really did seem like he regretted what had happened, that he might be telling the truth, that the deaths of those slaves was affecting him the same as it was me.
Because he was Ryker, he followed after me, appearing in my peripheral. “I swear it to you, Rukiya,” he said. “I’ll swear on any and all Gods you ask me to. I didn’t have those Wolves killed.”
“So you’ll just blame it on the other Pack Masters? You’ve only been a Master yourself for a couple days and you’re already throwing your comrades under the train?”
“Apparently, it was Bo Benedict’s idea, but the others weren’t hard to convince,” Ryker said. “They’re after you now, Rook. They want you dead.”
“No shit,” I mumbled. “I suppose you had no idea they were going to attack me and my friends, either?”
“I tried to reach you as soon as I got word,” Ryker said. “I send one of my Hounds with them to look for you. And this is the first time you’ve slept since I’ve known. I’ve been going mad worrying about you.”
I stopped in my tracks, my anger rising and crashing like the waves on the shore. “Stop saying things like that,” I said, but there was no bite to my tone now, only weary resignation. I turned and met his sapphire gaze, wishing my traitorous body would stop responding to his the way it did.
“Stop playing games with me.” I added, and my next words came out an unintentional whisper. “Haven’t you hurt me enough?”
“Rook…” Ryker began. His thumb came up and brushed away a tear I hadn’t noticed escaping my eye.
“Leave,” I said, cutting him off before he could say anything else. “Don’t visit me again. You can’t be here. I can’t be talking to you. We’re on opposite sides of this thing. We always have been. Can’t you see that now?”
Ryker surprised me by grabbing my shoulders and pulling me toward him, wrapping his strong, golden arms around me and burying his head in my neck. He clung to me the way a drowning man clings to a life raft, the way a lover cradles a dwindling flame.
“I can’t accept that,” he whispered. “I love you, so I won’t accept that.”
Gods help me, but I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, drinking in the familiar scent of him, letting my body align with his one final time.
“In another world, maybe,” I said in a voice that was barely a whisper, “Under other circumstances… Maybe we could be together, but not in this world.” I looked up at him now, memorizing the lines of his face, the curve of his lips, the feel of his heart beating close to mine. “The thing is, none of us are free until all of us are free. And that includes you, West Coast Pack Master.”
I peeled myself away from him and continued my departure down the beach. Ryker was silent behind me. This time, he did not follow.
And I did not look back.
Waking up from this encounter offered no reprieve.
My eyes opened only a handful of hours after I’d shut them, and though my body insisted it had received no restoration, I could not reclaim sleep. I kept seeing Ryker standing on that beach, that anxious look behind his blue eyes and mask of sincerity on his face that I stupidly wished I could believe. I needed to clear my mind of these things.
The fact that I was in a tiny box of a chamber with a cot and a single wooden chair in some hellish part of the Between Realms didn’t help much, either. Combine all of that with the reality that I’d been unwittingly drafted into a veritable resistance party, and it was no wonder the Sandman couldn’t find me.
After thirty minutes of staring at the dark, cracked ceiling of my chamber, I swung my feet over the edge of the cot and stood. The Erl Queen had provided a bland but sufficient meal for all of us, so I wasn’t yet hungry, but I thought perhaps there were other things to explore in the dark castle.
The idea and high probability that I might encounter some creature or beast that I’d rather not didn’t deter me; it was better than being left alone with the mess in my own head.
I slipped on my boots and put back on the hooded sweater I’d been wearing earlier, then I grabbed a torch of white flame from the wall of my chamber, and opened the door to peek out.
The hallway was utterly silent and ruled by shadows. It stretched on in either direction for an eternity. At even intervals, identical black doors made up the chambers that had been provided for the people of Mina. In between these black doors, torches had been lit and posted along the walls, providing light that flickered and swirled, casting the corners and edges into darkness.
The door to my room creaked loudly as I stepped out into the hallway and shut it behind me. The temperature out here was much cooler than it had been in the chamber, and I paused for a moment as I watched my breath plume out in clouds. I looked to my left, and then my right. Both ways were identical, so I chose left at random and started off that way.
Holding the torch out in front of me and keeping my ears perked for anything interesting, I followed the hallway until I came to another hallway that branched off like an intersection, and made another left for no particular reason.
Here, I found more of the same. Walls dark with old paint, cobwebs decorating the corners of the ceiling. Each step I took made a small creaking noise, as if I were creeping down the spine of some old, decrepit creature. I pushed these thoughts away before they could chase me back to my chamber.
I wandered a little further until I came to a row of alcoves that hid large openings in the walls which looked out over the depthless gorge. These openings hung out over the pit like a cliff, the oblong shape of them large enough to accommodate a person or two. With a surge of curiosity, I stepped into one of the alcoves and walked the handful of paces toward the edge. Gripping the sides of the opening, I leaned out into the open air and shuttered as a harsh wind tugged at me.
There was nothing but a vast sea of darkness, and the howls, screeches, and cries of creatures spread out somewhere in the distance was like a musical number of the macabre. Through the fog, I could just see the long bridge that spanned the gorge, where the Erl Queen and her spear-holding guards had received me.
My heart skipped a beat when another harsh wind raced by, tugging at my clothing as if to yank me to my death. One might have thought I’d conquered my fear of heights after having climbed the cliffs in Marisol and riding on the back of a Firedrake, but one would be wrong.
The Erl Queen’s castle sat on a jutting island of black rock that disappeared into the foggy depths of the gorge. There was really no telling what manner of horror waited below. Just leaning my head out of the opening and looking down was enough to make me gasp and sway back on my heels.
“Can’t sleep, Rukiya dearest?” came a familiar voice floating on the night breeze.
I nearly jumped out of my skin with
surprise. I glanced around the little alcove and then peeked out into the hallway. I was alone.
“Adriel?” I asked.
“No,” came the voice again, “I am a vengeful God who sounds exactly like Adriel.”
Pursing my lips and rolling my eyes, I checked the alcove to the right of the one I was currently in, and indeed found him sitting there. His back was to me, and he sat on the ledge of the opening with his legs hanging over the open air, like a Gods damned madman.
“Get away from there,” I said. “You could fall.”
“Unlikely,” Adriel said without looking back. He continued to stare out at the night, his ebony hair ruffling slightly in the breeze. “Unless someone was to push me,” he added in a coy tone.
I didn’t know what to say to this, so I said nothing. We had not discussed my revelation about my contact with Ryker. There hadn’t been time. And Asha was not the only one who had made it clear how she felt about it. While we’d been discussing things earlier in the sitting room, I hadn’t failed to notice the sharp looks I’d gotten when Asha tossed thinly veiled accusations or insults my way.
What was worse, I couldn’t say I really blamed her. After having a taste of what life was like in Mina, I supposed that if I were Asha, I wouldn’t like me much, either. My connection with Ryker put them all at risk.
I had no idea how Adriel felt about all of this, so I was not exactly sure if his words were meant to be a joke or a jab or merely a factual statement.
When the silence stretched on long enough to make me uncomfortable, in a voice that came out softer than intended, I said, “I wouldn’t do that to you, Adriel.”
Finally, he looked back at me, his red eyes catching mine over his wide shoulder. “I know that, Rukiya,” he said. His head tilted as he studied me. He patted the spot beside him. “Come sit with me.”
Swallowing, I took a few steps toward the opening, my stomach rising as I looked out over the darkness. “I’m afraid of heights,” I admitted.
Adriel tipped his head back and grinned up at me, his dark hair falling back off his forehead. “Life is about conquering our fears,” he said, “and I won’t let you fall, dearest.” He held a pale hand up to me, his lips set in his usual smirk.
I bit my lip and placed my hand in his, allowing him to help me lower myself down on the ledge beside him.
Sitting on my bottom, my legs dangled out over open air, same as his. I couldn’t release my grip on his hand. In fact, I was probably cutting off the circulation in his fingers just then.
After a few moments, during which Adriel sat silently, staring out at the sea of shadows while I struggled to calm the racing of my heart, I released his hand.
“Okay?” he asked, a smile riding the words.
“Okay,” I said, careful not to move for the irrational fear that any movement might somehow jostle me over the edge.
A few minutes of silence passed before I was actually able to relax, but every time the wind picked up, my body would tense again, and Adriel would chuckle softly beside me. In his usual way, he sat utterly still beside me, which I appreciated.
Since the theme this evening seemed to be overcoming my fears, once I could think again, I took a few breaths and decided to address the things that were bothering me.
“How do you know I won’t push you over the edge, Adriel?” I asked, pulling my gaze away from the night to look over at him.
I realized I had never viewed him from exactly this angle before, and that his profile was as exquisite as the rest of him. His lashes were extraordinarily dark and long, and they contrasted his pale complexion in a nearly mesmerizing way.
He wet his lips before answering, and I found myself intently watching his tongue as it darted out over them, before being drawn up to his red gaze as he turned his head and looked at me.
“Because you’re one of the good guys,” he said, and his brow furrowed as if he were confused. “That seems pretty obvious to me.”
I thought of all the things that had happened, of all the things Asha had said to me, of the way I had treated him when I’d first arrived in Mina, of the prejudices about his race I’d had to be pried free of, and was still struggling with—and thought this was much more generous than I deserved. I said as much.
As I did so, the confusion on Adriel’s handsome face spread. He shook his head to refute me. “You’ve been a slave all of your life,” he replied. “None of what is happening is your fault. You shouldn’t think that way.”
I sighed, saying outright what I felt guilty about and actually feeling a little lighter after doing so. “I should’ve told you when Ryker started visiting me in my dreams,” I said. “You took me in, made me a part of your community, and I should have told you. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
A dark look passed over Adriel’s handsome face, and I felt the power that always radiated around him surge a bit, but for the first time, I did not cringe away from it. I wasn’t sure when exactly it had happened, but I’d gotten accustomed to the effect of his presence, had started to become comforted by it, even.
Since I was coming clean, I figured I might as well do so fully.
“He visited me again tonight,” I added. “Claimed he didn’t have anything to do with the attack on Mina or the death of those slaves… He keeps saying he wants to be with me, that he loves me.” I felt my eyes starting to burn and blinked a couple times to clear them. I looked down at my hands. “What a dirty liar, right?”
Adriel’s rage had been building while I spoke, but he was already calming himself, balancing his mood and wrangling that dark power that perpetually hung around him. He stared out at the night, giving me that lovely profile of his face as his hair stirred in the breeze.
“I’m not sure if he was lying about the attack on Mina or the death of the slaves,” Adriel said quietly, “but I don’t think he was lying about that last part.” He sighed. “I’m sure he does want to be with you… And as far as loving you… That’s not unimaginable at all.”
As my brain processed these words, my throat grew tighter and tighter. I had to remind myself to draw air. Adriel’s words were perhaps the kindest anyone had ever given me.
I squeezed my eyes shut as another breeze brushed by, rubbing my palms on my thighs as my legs dangled out over oblivion. “Stop being so nice to me,” I whispered. “I don’t deserve it.”
Adriel’s cool hands found my face and turned it toward him, forcing me to open my eyes and meet his scarlet gaze. His face was only inches from my own, his body aligned alongside mine in the small alcove of space we shared. The smell of soap and peppermint filled my nose, and I told myself not to get lost in the beauty of him, and then promptly disobeyed my own order.
“Stop accepting any less from those you call friends,” Adriel said, the words soft and lilted by that strange, smooth accent. He slowly released me, and I felt the loss of his touch immediately.
His next words seemed as though they were spoken more to himself than to me. “I would kill that Hound for what he’s done to you. For what he’s done to your self-worth.”
I found myself leaning into his shoulder a bit, and Adriel leaned back. The muscle in my chest gave a tug at this.
“He thinks you stole me,” I said. “He says you’re a monster.”
“I couldn’t steal something that never belonged to him,” Adriel replied. “You never belonged to him. You don’t belong to anyone but yourself.”
“Because of you,” I whispered, and realized only as the words were uttered that they were true. “I never thanked you for freeing me, for removing my collar, for bringing me to Mina, and for keeping Goldie and Amara safe and reuniting me with them. Thank you.” I shook my head and gave a short, humorless laugh. “Those two words don’t seem like enough. Not by a long shot... In fact, in a world full of monsters, you seem to be the only good guy among them.”
Adriel gave me the first full-blown smile I’d ever received from him, and it was safe to say that it stole my breath away. In the past c
ouple weeks of living in Mina, I’d seen that smile directed at some of the others, but he had yet to offer me one. Now, I could only stare at his handsome face, at the way his ruby eyes twinkled, at the single dimple that appeared on his right cheek when he was happy.
“Rukiya dearest,” he said in that smooth, low voice, “I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
I felt my own lips pull up at the corners and tried to remember the last time I had really smiled, the last time I had felt as comfortable and secure as I did now, dangling my feet over a dark abyss in an evil queen’s castle while beside one of the most fearsome creatures the Gods had ever created.
“That’s a damn shame,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
The characteristic Adriel-smirk reappeared, and he waved a hand before slinging his arm around my shoulder. I was surprised at how warm he was, at how safe I felt tucked under his arm and wrapped up in the aura of power that always surrounded him.
“Not to worry, Rukiya, my dear,” he told me. “In the days ahead, there will be plenty of time for you to sing all of my praises, and I will make sure to sit around and hear them as a generous gift to you.”
When a laugh bubbled up my throat, I was surprised my body still knew how to make the sound. It died out rather quickly, though, as I stared out over the gorge and recalled all the realities of our current situation.
I looked over at Adriel, who was watching me from the corner of his eyes, and tried to ignore the warmth that spiraled through my stomach as I sat under his full attention.
“But, first… War,” I said in a whisper, and felt my shoulders drop. “First, we go to war.”
Adriel’s handsome face grew somber, and he sighed as he reached up and tucked a lock of dark hair behind my ear. “Yes,” he agreed. “First, we go to war.”
I nodded, releasing a heavy breath, though it was decidedly lighter than before this interaction. I felt something in myself shifting then, as though I were crossing over a boundary that once treaded, could not be retraced.