by Lexi Blake
“I’m Hayley, Mr. Taggart. It was my mother’s maiden name. I quite like it so if you want to make fun of it, you’ll have to wait until I’ve rested for us to fight. We’re in England so we have to duel like proper gentlemen. I’ll find a glove to smack you with in the morning. I’m too tired to do away with you tonight.”
Taggart laughed and put out his hand. “I will remember not to impugn your name. It’s nice to meet you, Hayley. As my wife said, we owe a great debt to your cousin. I welcome you as a client, and know we’ll do our best to protect you. And my Charlie here will feed you. She’s good at that.”
His Charlie would also gently interview Hayley to figure out exactly what was going on. Hayley could handle Charlotte. Oh, not in a fight or anything, but Charlotte meant what she’d said about Des. She would honor the fact that Hayley was family.
Would they take care of her if Damon Knight fired him in the next hour or so?
The thought of walking away…hours before there had been a bit of temptation to the idea. He’d thought about walking off and letting go and not caring about anything. Now that Hayley was here and he’d seen the danger she was in, he wasn’t sure he could let go.
Hayley moved back to him, her head tilting up as she looked to him. “Is it all right? You did mention that you were in charge. After what happened in that alley, I’m totally okay with that, but I could use some food.”
She was so tired and yet she was looking to him, asking for his permission because she was in danger. She couldn’t fucking know how that affected him. He wouldn’t want that in normal life. He would want a partner, but something about a woman looking to him for help when the chips were down did it for him.
He was sure Ariel, the group’s resident profiler, would tell him that had to do with Des, too.
He shoved that idea to the side. He wasn’t in a mood to fix himself and he wasn’t sure he wanted to fix that particular part of himself. Perhaps it was time to let the other Doms in the room know where he stood on this. He reached down, smoothing her hair back. “Go and eat, dushka. I’ll have your room ready in a few moments. Do you want a room to yourself or would you prefer to stay with me? I can sleep on the couch if it makes you feel more secure.”
She sniffled a bit and seemed to think about it. “I would rather stay with you. I know I shouldn’t, but the thought of closing a door and being alone right now…I wouldn’t be able to sleep. And I’ll take the couch. I’m sure it’s far better than what I’ve been sleeping on.”
She started to leave, following after Charlotte like a tired duckling. When she got to the door, she turned. “And Nick?”
He watched her, not quite ready to let her out of his sight yet. “Yes, dushka?”
“It’s good to see you. And thank you.” She turned and walked out into the corridor.
He was in so much fucking trouble.
* * * *
Hayley knew she was in trouble the minute she walked into the kitchen. She’d followed Charlotte Taggart through the building, trying not to stare at the winding vines and trees that made up the bottom floor. No. That’s not what Nick would call it. He would call it the dungeon.
It didn’t look like a place of pain and torture. It looked like a decadent dream.
Luckily the kitchen looked like a place where she could get some food. Unfortunately, they weren’t alone.
A stunningly gorgeous woman with rich, dark skin and jet-black hair sat in the kitchen, a cup of tea in front of her and a book in her hand. She glanced up and a warm smile crossed her gorgeous face. She spoke with a pure, upper-crust British accent. “Charlotte, welcome back. I saw Penny earlier and she said you and Ian and the children were staying for a few days. I’m so happy to see you again. We didn’t get to spend much time together at the wedding.”
Charlotte leaned over to give the other woman a hug. “It was a crazy affair. Besides, it seemed to me Robert kept trying to get you to himself.”
The other woman shook her head. “Well, you know I am his therapist.”
Charlotte stood back up. “I thought he was trying to find a new one. Something about a conflict of interest.”
The other woman waved it off. “Not on my part. You know I don’t ever date people I work with.”
“From what I can tell, you don’t date at all.” The redhead turned back to Hayley as she walked across the tiled floor to the refrigerator. “Ariel Adisa, this is our new client Hayley. She was Desiree’s cousin and apparently she’s smack dab in the middle of a shit storm. And she’s hungry. Do you want a sandwich?” Charlotte opened the door to the industrial-sized fridge. “It looks like there’s roast beef. Or I could make some eggs. Eggs and toast should be pretty easy on your stomach. It sounds like you’ve had a rough couple of days.”
Before she could reply, the doors opened and Teresa entered. The Garden, it appeared, was a hopping place. The submissive/office assistant had big, lovely brown eyes that managed to spark flames when she caught sight of Hayley.
Teresa frowned Hayley’s way. “Is there something I can help you with?”
Charlotte shut the door, a carton of eggs in her hand. “Oh, hey, T. How’s it going? I was making a snack for me and the newbie before we hit the sack. Jet lag sucks. How many times zones you been through, Hayley?”
“A lot.” She’d been so mean and she wasn’t sure how to fix it. She could handle it if someone didn’t like her, but this was different. She’d hurt Teresa’s feelings and she couldn’t abide that.
Teresa crossed over to the stove. “I can help you, love. It’s nice to see you again. Would you like some tea with that? I’ve got some chamomile to help you sleep. Of course, I also know where the boss keeps the good brandy as well.”
Ariel smiled at that. “You’re going to get a spanking, dear.”
Teresa perked up. “Well, isn’t that horrible. I shall have to give Charlotte an extra shot to make it all worthwhile.”
So many beautiful, self-possessed women. Hayley didn’t fit in at all. She wanted to shrink away.
Charlotte set the eggs down. “You’re a lifesaver. I think we could both use some booze. This one here is having a crap day.”
Teresa sniffed and turned toward the cupboard. “If you say so.”
Charlotte’s eyes widened as she looked back to Hayley. “Did you manage to piss off the sweetest sub in the club?”
Tears welled. She’d pissed off everyone in the last couple of days. Some people she didn’t even know. “I was surprised to find out Nick lived over a dungeon. I said some things I shouldn’t.”
“I believe she called The Garden a sex club,” Teresa corrected primly as she pulled out a bottle of brandy. She whisked her hand over the stove where Charlotte was putting a frying pan. “Don’t you dare. You’re our guest. Sit down and relax. I’m quite good with eggs. Omelets? I’ve got some veg prepped for tomorrow’s breakfast but plans always change, you know.”
Charlotte sank into the chair across from Hayley. “A sex club? Well, I’ve had some pretty filthy sex here, but some take exception to calling it that. Better to call it a lifestyle club or go with the classic dungeon. It’s coded language that kind of ends up meaning sex club.”
Ariel sighed. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
Teresa set the drinks on the table. “It’s about more than sex and you know it.”
“I know that, too.” Hayley saw a small opening and decided to try to wedge her way through. At least Teresa hadn’t spat in her drink. “I took a class in the history of sex and gender politics. It covered some kink. And a psych course in sexuality.”
“Yes, I’m sure we’re all deviants,” Teresa said under her breath.
“Oh, no, I went to college in Seattle. The emphasis was on BDSM as a model of consent.”
Ariel arched a perfectly manicured brow her way. “Yes, I’ve heard Dr. Banning was pressing her research that direction. Some have said BDSM and its language are a good way to present the idea of sexual consent to adolescents and col
lege-aged kids. I read her latest paper. I liked her ideas.”
At least she found someone who didn’t hate her. “The professor thinks most sexual partners would be happier if they talked about sex the way people in the lifestyle do. So I know I was being insulting when I said what I said.”
Teresa opened the fridge and began her preparations. “And yet you managed to be insulting anyway.”
Charlotte sat back in her chair, the brandy in her hand. “You said you were surprised that Nick was living here. Where did you think he lived?”
Hayley didn’t want to talk, but this was her penance. It looked like she would be staying here and she didn’t want her presence to hurt the other women. She knew far too well what it felt like to be an object of scorn. “I guess I pictured him still living wherever he and Des had lived. Some nice townhouse here. Maybe a swanky flat. I know they lived here in London most of the time, but they had places all over the world. I thought they would live somewhere where they could be alone. Maybe that’s why he moved here. Maybe it was too hard to be in the home they shared.”
Teresa turned, her face suddenly sympathetic. “How long has it been since you saw your cousin? I mean before she died. Were you two close?”
She was too tired to lie. “Three years before she died. Five all together. Not since the day I tried to convince Nick to marry me instead of Des. That’s why I was pissy about finding out he was living over the club and was an active member. I’m so sorry I said the things I did. I was jealous. He told me you were a sub and I figured you and he…”
Teresa stepped toward her, reaching out for Hayley’s hand. “Oh, sweetheart. No. Nikolai and I have never been together. We’re better friends than play partners. I have played with a few of the boys, but the only one I ever slept with turned out to be a complete wanker. And now he’s forgotten the entire incident and I can’t hold it over his head. It’s quite annoying. Honestly, I’m looking for someone I can get serious with, and every woman at The Garden knows it’s not going to be Nick.”
“Because he loved Des.” She knew it. Nick and Des had a crazy, passionate, once-in-a-lifetime love. “He won’t be able to love again.”
Charlotte looked to Teresa. “Is that true? Because I thought they were a rather odd couple the few times I met them. I saw them as convenient lovers.”
Hayley shook her head. “No. You don’t understand how they were. I was a kid when I first met Nick. Des brought him with her to a family event. My father would make me go to at least three a year to keep up relations, as he would say. They were horrible because everyone there was awful with the exception of Des. She was always nice to me. And then she brought in Nick and I had the biggest crush on him. Maybe it was more about them. They were so passionate, so crazy about each other. And then they would fight and they were passionate about that, too. I think I wanted someone, anyone to be that passionate about me.”
There was a heavy moment of silence where the three other women in the room looked to each other, seeming to have some kind of silent dialogue Hayley didn’t understand at all. She felt small and insignificant among these women who seemed to know each other so well. Finally Ariel leaned forward.
“Before her death, Desiree and Nikolai lived here in The Garden. They started living here as soon as they hired on,” the psychologist explained. “And they kept separate rooms. They did spend time together, but as a person who is an expert on relationships, I would say their sexuality wasn’t very intimate.”
Hayley shook her head. “No, they were in love. They were so in love.”
“Obsession isn’t love, and I think after a while they were more habit and affection than anything else,” Ariel said. “I can understand how from the outside they would look passionate, but there’s a certain psychology that happens when sexual chemistry butts heads with actual soul-deep connection. Call it obsession. Call it codependence. Call it what you like, but I think that’s what happened with Nick and Des.”
Teresa patted her hand and walked to the stove with purpose. “You’re going to feel much better when you’ve had some decent food. Airline food barely counts as food at all. You sit back and let T take care of you, love.”
Charlotte grinned. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”
Ariel was looking her way, her eyes curious. “How old were you when you met Nick? If you don’t mind my asking.”
There was something soothing about the woman’s voice. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t spilled her guts out all over the table. “I was fifteen when Des first brought him to one of our family events.”
“You’re American,” Charlotte pointed out. “Des’s family was British and wealthy. So I assume the American relatives were wealthy as well.”
The brandy was starting to warm her belly nicely. Teresa had been right. It was good stuff. “Not all of us. I mean I guess at some point we were. My mom and dad never married and she always told me she had no idea why my father associated with them. Apparently he found out he belonged to a branch of the family that had come to America and then kind of lost touch. We weren’t entirely welcome, but Dad kept trying. I think Des enjoyed the idea of her posh family having a member who made his living playing poker.”
Charlotte leaned in. “Your dad is a professional poker player?”
“Was. He died earlier this year. He was in Macau for a tournament and he ended up in the wrong cab apparently. He and the driver died in a crash. Not surprisingly my English relatives didn’t show up for his funeral. But anyway, it was kind of how I bonded with Nick. At least three times a year we would end up at some reunion or family holiday, and they didn’t like Nick any more than they liked me and Dad.”
“Yes, I’ve known the type,” Ariel said. “I’m surprised your father allowed you to be around that kind of disdain. It can be hard on a teen.”
It hadn’t always been so bad. “Des was nice. I know she could be hard to take sometimes, but she was always nice to me. I looked up to her.”
“Desiree was a lovely woman,” Charlotte agreed.
“Oh, she was a crazy bitch. Can we not sugarcoat it? I know the woman’s dead and how she died made her a saint or something, but Des could cut you to the quick, and sometimes she’d do it for fun.” Teresa had a spatula in her hand and the scent of something heavenly wafted from the stove. “And some of the things she would do to Nick were damn near unforgivable.”
Ariel held up a hand as though this was something that had been discussed more than once and she wanted to stave off a real argument. “Des and Nick had a contract and Nick signed it.”
Teresa shook her head. “I have no idea why.”
“But you have to honor the contract,” Charlotte replied. “Nick was a big boy and he knew what he was getting into. It wasn’t like he didn’t take advantage of their open relationship.”
That woke her up even more than the thought of food. “Open relationship? I thought they got rid of that after…well, after what happened with me. When he left he told me that he and Des had worked everything out and that he was happy with where they were. Are you telling me I’ve felt guilty all these years when they never stopped sleeping with other people?”
“They never lived together. They would go off on assignments together and play husband and wife, but that was the only time they would ever cohabitate,” Ariel stated plainly. “I can’t go into the psychology behind it because that would push the boundaries of what I owe my coworkers, but I will say, he’s certainly got his reasons that a relationship like that would feel more familiar than something different. Something softer and more peaceful.”
“Yeah, let me say I’ve had both and there’s zero question in my mind which I’ll choose. I’ve had some serious crazy love-him, hate-him sex, and while it was wild and amazing, it had nothing on waking up in the morning with my husband after a long night with the baby and having him kiss me everywhere, having his hands on my body and him whispering how much he loves me.” Charlotte raised her glass. “I will leave the angsty romance to t
he younger women.”
“Well, of course it’s better with your husband. You probably didn’t really love the other man.” Hayley’s mind was going back to that night. Even as he’d taken her clothes off, she’d known it had been different for him. He’d been so gentle with her, kissing her for what felt like forever. She’d wondered afterward if that had been what made him sure of his decision to leave. She hadn’t been passionate enough in bed with him.
Charlotte’s lips curled up in a secret smile. “Oh, but you’re wrong. The hate sex was with the same man. It was always Ian. Always. The funny thing is you can’t keep that level of passion up naturally. Not if you want any peace at all in your life. The world catches up to you and life catches up and you either grow together or apart. You find yourself in this place where you know that your marriage is an act of love and one of pure willpower. You’re not always happy, but you’re content because you know that man isn’t going to leave. You’re in it for life because you need each other. So you make slight changes and bend in ways you didn’t think you would and find out you’re happier for doing it. You change in small ways for your children and suddenly you’re making decisions based on what’s best for your family and not yourself, and you realize he’s doing the same for you. People looking out for each other, that’s what makes a family.”
“Desiree never let that man have a bit of peace in his life.” Teresa placed a plate in front of Hayley. Eggs and toast with cheese. Some people would call it nursery food, but it was so what she needed. “She was addicted to drama and adrenaline and she made him a player in the soap opera of her life.”
Hayley couldn’t help but think of the way Des would make an entrance. She would storm in and out of everyone’s lives. There was always something going on, some fight, some trial, someone who had done her wrong.
What kind of life had that been for Nick?
“And yet he continued to sign that contract,” Ariel pointed out. “I know you like him, but every story has three sides. His and hers and the truth.”