by Lexi Blake
“I already know one of the answers. They’re looking in the wrong place.” Her mind was whirling. “They shouldn’t be looking for some random assassin who can’t know much. They should be looking for my father. He knows everything. What if he didn’t blow up my house to hurt me? What if he did it to protect me?”
“That’s an intriguing question, isn’t it?”
“What do you know that you’re not telling me? It wasn’t coincidence that you showed up the night after I came here.”
“They aren’t giving you enough credit,” Fain said softly. “Underestimating someone isn’t usually Taggart’s flaw. I chalk it up to all those kids. They’ve made him soft. You’re right. I didn’t really come here because I had a lead on Dante’s past, though it is certainly something I’m working on.”
“You came here to talk to me.”
“I came here to try to convince you to leave with me and find your father. I’ve been looking for him and I’ve got a line on where he might be.”
“Where?”
His face went blank again. “I can’t tell you that unless you agree to come with me. Even then, I won’t tell you until we’re on the plane. I know your first impulse is going to be to run to Nick and the rest and try to get them to force it out of me, but I won’t break and all you’ll do is ruin a decent working relationship.”
There was only one reason why he wouldn’t tell her, and so much of her life fell into place. “Did my father work for the CIA?”
It explained why he’d known and worked with Desiree Brooks, why they would have lied about their relationship. As a poker player, no one would question him moving around the world. He could easily move from Vegas to London to Macau and Hong Kong. Anywhere there was a game. And those games tended to take place in expensive hotels and cities where power players stayed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His eyes were steady on hers. “And I won’t give anything away. I know you caught me lying about what I’d said earlier. Maybe I’m getting soft, too, but I won’t bend on this.”
Because he considered it a matter of national security and Ezra Fain believed in his job.
“You want me to leave here and go looking for my father?”
Fain leaned in, his face relaxed again as that smile of his turned seductive. Though he was smart enough to know not all seductions were about sex. No, he tempted her with something else entirely. “That’s exactly what I want you to do. We can sneak away and every one of those criminals they sent after you will think you’re still here. Or we can walk out in full view and I’ll still lose those bastards. It’s up to you, but once we’re out in the field you’ll be my partner. I’ll need your intelligence and your knowledge of your father and Desiree to finish this thing. I think in this case two people are truly better than a group. We can work smarter and faster and you’ll draw him out. If you stay here, you’re the princess in the tower. You’ll sit here and watch as they do the work. Isn’t it time you took your fate into your own hands?”
For a moment it was like she was sitting with a super-charming Mephistopheles. He was right. The impulse was there to take all this into her own hands. But then she wouldn’t truly be doing that, would she? She would be exchanging one bodyguard for a perhaps less restrictive one.
And one she wasn’t in love with.
“I have to talk to Nick.”
His head shook sharply. “I told you I can’t work with McKay-Taggart on this case. If they come to me for answers, I’m going to disappoint them. I don’t want to have to tell them you’re lying, but I have to protect this relationship. And I definitely have to protect my country and my agency.”
She wasn’t offended at all. She kind of found him fascinating. He was the kind of man she would love to write about, the ones who had a hand in history but never took credit. “I’m not going to mention this meeting, though I am certainly going to talk to Nick about finding my father. I think you’re right. That explosion happened during my office hours, and those are plainly stated on the website and in every syllabi I’ve ever handed to a student. It would take a stupid man to not bother to check if I would be home. My father wasn’t a stupid man. He didn’t intend to kill me, but he intended to make someone think that I’d lost everything.”
“Unfortunately, whoever is after you decided you were more valuable than whatever happened to be in your house,” Fain pointed out as he stood and stretched. He picked up his bag again. “Sure I can’t convince you to come with me?”
“I love Nick. This is my last chance with him and I have to try.” There was one thing she was confused about. “Why not take me? Or blackmail me? You could have told me the people who are after me will come here and hurt Nick or the rest of the group. Or the kids. I would have gone with you.”
Fain’s eyes widened. “If I were in trouble and needed a place to hide out, I would come here. This is one of the safest places I know, and unless they want to send a missile into the building, they aren’t getting in. I don’t like to lie if I don’t have to. You’ll be safe here and Taggart isn’t going to allow his wife and children to get caught in the crossfire. They’ll find another way to get to you eventually. It will probably be your father, and that’s not blackmail. That’s the truth. I’m heading out in the morning and I’m going to look for him. Besides, a blackmailed partner tends to be one I can’t trust. I only wanted you to come along if you believed in the mission. You have another way, and I’ll honor that. If I see your father, I’ll tell him hello for you.”
“Tell him I’m going to kick his ass.” She would take lessons and everything.
He winked her way, turned and started to walk out. He stopped at the door. “Oh. And when you talk to Nikolai, you might ask him what he’s doing. I heard him arranging for Brody to watch after you while he’s gone. I wasn’t aware he was going anywhere. It looks like he might have a lead. I don’t know how the two of you work, but I wouldn’t let him cut me out of my own case. Unless you know what he’s doing.”
Now it was time for a poker face of her own, though she could feel her body heating. Nick was going somewhere? He’d said he would stay with her, protect her. She wasn’t going to freak out, though, and she wasn’t going to present less than a united front. “Sure. I’m okay with it. He’ll only be gone for a day or two. I don’t need a guard if I’m in here anyway. I guess he’s being overprotective.”
Ezra stared at her in a way that let her know she wasn’t fooling him. “Good to know. If you ever need me, Big Tag knows how to get in touch. Good luck.”
She watched as what might be her best bet walked out of the room. It didn’t matter. She’d gone all in with Nick. It looked like it was time to show her cards and see who had the winning hand.
Chapter Fifteen
Nick opened the door to his flat and wondered if he was doing the right thing. Brody had called him a foolish bastard, but then admitted he was one himself and that he understood. Brody was the only one on his side, the only one who got that he needed to protect Hayley above all other considerations, even his wants and needs.
God, he was going to miss her.
He closed the door behind him, grateful for the darkness of the room. He took a long breath. He was going to miss her so damn much. Not that he would likely live long. Once he got to Moscow, he didn’t give himself more than a few weeks, but at least then it would be over and she would be safe. He would pay for his sins and she would have a long, full life ahead of her.
He had another couple of days with her. His flight to Moscow was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. He would put off telling her anything until the moment he had to because he was a selfish bastard who wanted every single minute with her he could have.
The light switched on and he realized he wasn’t alone. Hayley was standing in the kitchen.
Even in jeans and a T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she took his breath away. “Hello, dushka. How was your day with Charlotte?”
There. His voice was calm and even. He did
n’t sound like a man who was about to rip his soul out of his body and shove it into Purgatory. He could do this. One last mission and it was all for her.
“It was fun. She’s an amazing woman. I like how her husband values her opinion and trusts in her abilities. They make a good team. I suspect they’re out there right now stalking their prey like a lion and his lioness,” she said, her lips curling into a smile.
“That’s a rather apt analogy.” He didn’t want to talk about the Taggarts. He wanted to spend every moment they had left with her in his arms. “Come here. Greet me properly.”
She started to move around the bar but stopped, her shoulders squaring as she turned to him again. “I think we should talk before we play.”
He didn’t want to talk. He undid his necktie with a twist of his hand. “You can talk to me naked.”
He was sure she wanted an update on the case, but that would merely frustrate her.
“Are you leaving me here?”
He stilled. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I heard a rumor that you talked to Brody about guarding me while you’re gone.”
Bloody fucking rumor mill. He wasn’t sure who she’d heard this rumor from, but he would have a long talk with whoever it was. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“I want to go with you. If it’s about my case, I think I should go along. I need to be more involved. I have a few theories that we haven’t considered yet.”
He needed to put a stop to this line of thinking and quickly. He crossed the distance between them and put his hands on her shoulders. “You have to know I can’t allow you to step foot outside this building until everything is cleared up.”
Her jaw tightened, forming a stubborn line. “That could take months. I can’t stop living my life for months, Nick.”
“You can if it means having a life at all at the end of this. That’s all that matters to me. That you survive this and have a good life.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. Look, I know up until now I’ve been terrified out of my mind, but it’s time to start thinking. Like I said, I have a few theories I want to talk over with you, but first I want to know where you’re going and why I can’t go with you. Don’t give me the ‘I’ll be murdered the second I leave the grounds’ thing. I’ve thought that through, too. We take private transportation everywhere we can. Once I’m out of London, it will be much harder to track me. I talked to the boys downstairs and they said getting me good ID isn’t going to be a problem. Charlotte thinks she can alter my appearance by cutting my hair and using wigs and makeup and colored contacts. It’s all very Mission: Impossible. I’m kind of excited by it. What do you say, baby? Want to play spy with me?”
The grin on her face was the absolute sexiest thing he’d ever seen in his life. There was a spark in her eyes he hadn’t seen since that night before he’d left her behind. Had he killed that spark with his rejection? He rather thought not. It had been lying dormant while she worked to build something and was coming out now because she was getting her confidence back, feeling her power.
He was going to have to kill that spark. He had to if he wanted to save her.
Nick pulled away. “No, you won’t be playing the spy. You’re going to stay here and be safe while my team fixes the problem for you. You will not be allowed to leave.”
“You can’t keep me prisoner here, Nick. I want to go with you. I think I’m the key to all of this.”
He shook his head. “I know you wish to believe that but this is nothing more than some scheme Desiree cooked up. You’ll find there’s money behind it. You were nothing but her pawn and if you think for a second that you can beat her at her own game, you’re wrong. Even dead, she’s still a powerful player.”
She stared at him for a moment and he could see her eyes shining in the low light, but she didn’t shed a tear. “She’s still the queen, isn’t she?”
“If we’re referencing chess, then yes. She is and the only way for you to win is to not play at all.” Weariness stole over him. How many years had he played these games? He was bad at them. It was hard to believe that once he’d been good, once he’d been excited by them because he’d believed in the cause.
“Tell me why you left me that night.”
All thoughts of spending a final few days with her fled. If she was taking them down this road, then it was going to be the end. He couldn’t give her false hope. “I told you. I wasn’t the man for you then. I was with Des and it was better that way.”
“Was it because of what happened to your sister?”
Who the hell had she been talking to? “That’s none of your business, Hayley. If you don’t want to play tonight, I think I’ll go down to the club for a drink.”
Her hands moved to her hips as she squared off with him. “I know why you left that night. You went to Russia and you took out the men who hurt your sister.”
Anger started to bubble up. “Who killed my sister.”
“Yes.” She softened, moving toward him again. “You avenged her death. Did you think I wouldn’t understand that? Did you think I wouldn’t wait for you? I would have. I would have gone with you. I know I couldn’t have helped you like Desiree did, but I could have been there for you.”
The idea turned his stomach. She was being so naïve. “Would you have washed the blood out of my clothes after I slit a throat?”
“Yes.”
“Would you have been there to help me toss bodies into their shallow graves?”
“If you needed me to, then yes.”
He shook his head. “You have no idea what my life was like then. It was blood and pain and death and yes, there was some wicked joy in all of it. I enjoyed my work. It was no place for a woman like you.”
“A woman like me? I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“It doesn’t matter in the end.” The rage he’d felt fled like air from a popped balloon. “All that matters is that you’re safe.”
“Safe isn’t a life, Nick. You say that word like it’s the most important thing in the world, but it’s not. It’s more important that I live a life, and I can see now that I haven’t been. I thought I could find myself by burying my nose in a bunch of books, but I lost more than I ever found. I buried myself away because you didn’t love me. How stupid was that? We have a second chance, Nicky, and I want to take it, but if you say no this time, I won’t bury my head in work again. I won’t stop living because you can’t love me. I’ll be brave this time. I’ll move on.”
He couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “Good. I want you to. You need to find the right man.”
“Because you’re not the right man or because I’m not the right woman for you?”
It hurt but he needed to do it. It was all for her, so she could be happy. “I had the right woman for me. She died. Everyone else is a pale imitation.”
Her skin blanched, but she remained steady. “You’re lying.”
He forced himself to look straight at her. “I’m not. Do you honestly believe you can compare to Desiree? She was stunning and sexy and there wasn’t a thing she couldn’t do to a man. You’re a naïve girl. I took you that night because Desiree and I had fought. She came to me and brought me a gift. That was our way.”
“She brought you the information about the men who killed your sister.”
He was worried she saw things too clearly. He needed to give her something else to think about. “Yes, and then she helped me kill them. Do you know what we did after we would take care of one of those scum bags?”
“I can only imagine.”
“I doubt you have the imagination for the sex we had after killing. Sometimes we didn’t even wash off the blood before we would go at it.” He clutched the chair in front of him, needing something between them. It was all a lie. For months afterward, he hadn’t touched Desiree. They’d worked together and formed their odd friendship. It was only after he’d realized he could never have Hayley again that he started sleeping with Des. No, after
his jobs in Moscow, he would throw up or drink until he could pass out. “That’s the kind of man you’ve welcomed into your bed, dushka.”
“I’m going to give you one more chance. If you’re so afraid of losing me that you need me to stay here, I’ll do it. It goes against my every instinct, but I’ll do it as long as you stay with me. We can monitor the investigation from here, but I want to be fully in the loop.” She said the words in a shaky tone, like she was trying so desperately to hang on to her composure.
He couldn’t let her hang on to him. “I’m leaving the team. I’m also leaving London. I will not be taking you with me. Brody is going to be your guard from now on. You’ll obey him and stay here until Damon decides it’s all right for you to leave.”
“Leaving London?”
He nodded. “Yes, I’m going home. I’m tired of this life. I only came here for Desiree and now she’s gone.”
She faced him, her hands in frustrated fists at her sides. “Stop it. Stop saying her name like she can shield you from me. I’m not an idiot, Nikolai. I know what this is about. I get it. You got scared today and you think if you stay with me I’ll get caught up in your damage, but I’m okay with that. I’m willing to take that chance because I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
The words hit him like bullets. It was everything he’d ever wanted and nothing he could have. He backed up. “No. I’m not doing this with you. I don’t love you. I can’t. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I could, but it was nothing more than sex. I believe I explained to you that this wouldn’t last.”
“You also told me I brought you peace.”
The only truth he’d given her. Now it would be one more lie. “Peace is boring. I need more. I need excitement. I need passion, and I don’t feel that for you.”
“Only Des.”
“Yes.”
She sighed and now the tears fell. Only a few before she wiped them away. “Because Des was the love of your life.”
“Yes.”
“Your eyes flare when you lie,” she said quietly. “They always have. I even remember you doing it that night, but I didn’t take it for the tell it is. Don’t play poker, Nicky. You’re bad at it.”