Lord, that sounded horrible. “Which I know ain’t right.” Explaining it out, I tried to recover from my verbal stumble, “But, I weren’t even thinking about this.” I grabbed up the front of my uniform shirt hopefully to help show what I meant. “See, I’ve been hiding who I was for so long and every guy I’ve ever been with has been this big ol’ secret.” If they didn’t pull my POST for my conduct they might just do it ‘cause I sounded crazier than a cat with its tail on fire. “I’m not so sure I could say one way or t’other whether it really even crossed my mind at that point that I was messing with somebody who would be considered in custody.”
“And when it did cross your mind,” we were back to the old man in his blue suit, “why did you continue with the relationship?”
That, actually, was an easier question. “Well I guess because it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference whether it was once or one hundred times, not so far as my POST goes.”
“That is true,” he agreed. “The punishment is largely the same. How did it come out?”
Tried to keep my face from going sour at the memory and I’m not certain I was all that successful. “Ramon Piestewa overheard some things, kinda made up in his mind what had happened and started shooting his mouth off about it.”
Another man in a suit, younger and balding, flipped through his papers. “That’s the gentleman you were engaged in an altercation with in Cedar City.” By his accent I’d peg him from somewhere back east. “Correct?” Figured that meant he was the one senior Fed officer that always sat the Council.
“Yeah.” The marbles in my gut just kept churning themselves around and around. “He jumped me because he don’t like my kind much, I guess.”
Iron County’s sheriff jumped back in. “And how did Sheriff Simple become aware?”
“Well, he said he’d heard some rumors and asked me were they true. And I basically said they were. He suspended me right then and there.”
“How long of a term?” I was losing track of who asked what.
“Right then?” I just tried to field the questions as they came. “Ah, it was actually kinda open ended. He said he just needed me out of uniform while he figured out how to handle it. Lasted about a week.”
“What other consequences were there?”
“For my job?” For whatever reason, spelling out my punishment was far easier than recounting what led up to it. “He told me he was going to drop me a grade in pay and seniority, and that I’d be riding a desk for a while.” Probably ‘cause that was just fact and didn’t have my emotions all rolled up into it.
“And you were okay with that?”
“Considering he could have fired me?” I shrugged, since I didn’t quite see the point of that question. “Yeah, I told him anything he saw fit to do, I’d go along with it. I screwed up.” What did it matter what I thought about it? That’s what Sheriff Simple seen fit to do. “I needed to take my medicine.”
“And even with having been disciplined,” the head Trooper jumped back into the interrogation, “you continued to, I guess, date Mr. Varghese?”
“Yes I did. Once we were together and all, I couldn’t see a life not being with him. Like I said, the right person at the wrong time.”
“Because he’s on probation.”
“Pretty much.” My face was so hot I thought it might just burn away. “My heart decided to go and I didn’t have much choice but to follow.”
They let that all settle in for a moment, before the Deputy Chief asked if they had more questions for me. When nobody seemed to, the Federal Agent announced he’d like to question Sheriff Simple about some matters. Once that was agreed to, they swore the Sheriff in with a similar oath to mine and churned through the basics of how he came to find out about Kabe and I.
“And,” The agent—somewhere in the middle of this I learned his name was McCreedy—seemed the only one interested in asking my boss questions, “you put him under disciplinary action?” I’m guessing most of Utah’s top ranking officers felt a little uncomfortable grilling one of their own. They could all likely imagine themselves in his shoes.
“Yes, I did.” Sheriff Simple seemed so much more calm than I had been. Yeah, he weren’t facing discipline, but he was answering to a body of his peers. “Joe and I discussed the matter.” They all stood in judgment of my Sheriff’s decisions about disciplining me; whether they thought he acted properly under the circumstances. “He understood he did wrong. He accepted my imposition of a suspension. He agreed to a drop in pay and grade. I’ve had him working cold cases and riding a desk for several months.”
McCreedy barely looked up from his notes. “How long was the suspension?”
“A few days.”
“And you think that’s appropriate,” his tone indicated that McCreedy didn’t think it appropriate, “that he’s back to work already?”
“I’ve only got seven officers in my jurisdiction.” Sheriff Simple chewed on his lip for a moment. “It’s hard enough having one off patrol. At least I can have him processing paperwork, serving summons and reviewing the few old unsolved matters we have, taking phone reports of thefts and such…and he has his EMT duties.” It all sounded so reasonable as he said it.
“So you turned in a bare bones POST report and wanted us to rubber stamp what you’d done?” Looked like McCreedy weren’t swallowing that hook.
My boss shifted uncomfortably in his seat and kneaded the back of his neck with his left hand. “That makes it sound much worse than what it was.”
“Yeah, I meant it to.” My gut froze at McCreedy’s toothy grimace. “Explain your reasoning behind the disciplinary action you imposed.”
Sheriff Simple mulled on the request for a bit before answering. “I had to have him out of uniform while I figured out what to do, so I suspended him without pay.” It came out all matter of fact, almost like he’d either practiced it or had explained it to a hundred different folks. “The desk job, well, he screwed up and he needed to know it and I needed the other deputies to understand it. I guess,” like he might be unsure about the rest, the strength of his voice wavered a bit, “the best I can explain the other part is, well, if I dropped him a grade it’s as though he lost a year. Pulled a year of seniority out from under him. But I don’t lose one of my best that way.”
“Why would you lose him? Your tone indicates you’re talking about a permanent loss, not just a temporary suspension.”
“Two things.” Sheriff Simple ticked them off on his fingers. “First off, you take an officer off duty for a year then they can’t do their forty hours of continuing education. You miss your CE for the year then you got to go back to the academy to re-certify. By then that officer’s job is long gone. So you pull someone’s POST for a year you might as well take it away completely.” There weren’t no truth in law enforcement as cold as that one. Get suspended for a year and you ought to just go sell used cars.
The sheriff palmed his face. “The other thing is the county supervisors have been on my back to get rid of Joe, well, ever since they found out he was gay. I flat out asked them if they just wanted to pay him a million now or pay it to the lawyers when he files his lawsuit.”
McCreedy rocked back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. Took him a bit before he asked his next question. “Of course you realize that Utah doesn’t recognize protection for sexual identity?”
“I know, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have to fight the battle. And we got some diversity issues in the department that they really don’t want going public.” Simple snorted out a dry laugh. “It’s so white-bread we should call it Wonder. The only thing keeping the place from being completely testosterone driven is one full-time female officer and she has put up with a lot of stuff from the boys. I come down on what I see, but I know there’s lots she won’t tell me about.” Simple braced his elbows the table and spread his hands wide. “So, it’d be a nasty fight digging up all sorts of dirty laundry. And, frankly, if Joe loses his POST even for six months, the county
’s going to tell me to fire him, because we can barely operate with seven officers there’s no way we could make it with six on active duty and keep a job in limbo for the seventh. They’d sing ‘Hallelujah’ and ‘Praise the Lord’ as they signed off on his termination.”
Once they got through a few more questions that didn’t add nothing, Salt Lake City’s Deputy Chief announced. “We need to call in Mr. Varghese.”
That caught me up. “Why?” Figured by this time they knew it all. “I mean, I admit I did it.” What could he add? “You just got to figure out whether what the sheriff did is a fit punishment.” They couldn’t bring Kabe into this. I didn’t want him to see this whole mess.
McCreedy turned his stone cold stare on me. “And one of the ways we do that is to see how your conduct has impacted the victim.”
I almost crawled out of my seat onto the table. “I can tell you…”
“I’m sure you think you can.” He cut me off. “But we want to hear it from Mr. Varghese himself.”
The shakes began in my hands and legs as the Deputy Chief fetched Kabe on into the room. They sat him down midway along the center table, between us and the rest of the council, then swore him in like a witness in a regular court. Kabe kept looking over at me as if to ask what the heck was going on. I couldn’t say nothing. The council would get on me if I did.
After he’d promised to be truthful, the lady State Trooper started in with questions. “Do you know why you’re here today?”
“Sort of.” Kabe sounded a little annoyed. “Joe said it was a disciplinary hearing, but that I probably wouldn’t have to say anything.” Whether me or the situation irritated him more, I couldn’t tell. “It was just kinda a formality going over the stuff that happened this year.”
I earned a steely set of glares for that. Swallowing down the bile burning up through my throat, I forced myself not to run as McCreedy growled out, “It’s not a formality and as the victim…”
“Whoa!” Kabe almost shot out of his chair at that. “Whoa, whoa!” Sputtering it out, he glared at me. Then he turned to the Council. “What victim?”
“You, Mr. Varghese.”
Kabe’s eyes went wide and his face slack. “Is this like, I don’t know, like a set up on some TV show?” ‘Bout that point is when I really just wanted to dig myself a hole, climb in and pull the dirt over my body.
“No.” The old man tapped the table again. My heart didn’t even dare beat between the thumps. “This is an administrative law hearing to determine the status of Deputy Joseph Price Peterson’s Peace Officer Standards and Training qualification.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Kabe asked, “For what?” Then he leaned back in his chair, tipped his chin up and stared with narrowed eyes at the man.
Dry, like he didn’t notice or didn’t care about Kabe’s attitude, he explained, “For violations of the prohibitions against Custodial Sexual Misconduct with a person in custody.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” The roll of his shoulders matched the roll of Kabe’s eyes. “What custody and what misconduct?”
“Let’s start with the basics.” McCreedy took control of the situation. “Your name is Kabe Varghese, is that correct?”
Kabe seemed to relax a hair. “Yeah.” I guessed ‘cause this seemed like more routine questions.
“Are you currently under custodial supervision?”
“I don’t understand.” He hadn’t uncrossed his arms, but Kabe’s voice didn’t have the defensive tone it carried a moment ago.
“Obviously you’re not in prison. So are you currently on Parole or Probation?”
After a moment of hesitation, Kabe answered, “Probation.”
“Have you and Deputy Peterson engaged in any sexual contact?”
“What?” This time Kabe did stand. “What the fu…why do you care?”
Sheriff Simple, sitting right at my side, hissed, “You didn’t tell him?” When I didn’t do more than grab the front of my skull with my hand, he added, “Mother loving Christ, Joe, you didn’t tell him.”
Lord, I’d messed up. “I ah…”
Didn’t have a chance to say more because McCreedy barked out, “Sit down.”
Kabe just stood there, his muscles all tensed up and looking like he wanted to break someone’s neck. I didn’t know what to do. What I wanted was to grab him up and run like the devil were after me. If’n I did that, I’d probably end up wishing it was just the devil on my heels.
“Please, sit.” One of the other Council members spoke up for the first time. Her voice sounded as smooth and polished as a politician—most likely that’s what she was. “As a person under active probation, under Utah law, you are a person in custody.” She pointed a manicured hand at Kabe and then swung that accusing finger over to indicate me. “He is an active duty law enforcement officer. It is a violation of law, at least as to the officer, for the two of you to, well, get it on. Have you?”
Kabe didn’t look at her although he did ease back into his chair. All his anger had followed that finger and focused itself on me. “Define, getting it on?” He spoke through clenched teeth.
McCreedy choked up a cough. “One of you gets it up the ass.”
The nastiness of the fed agent almost drowned out Sheriff Simple mumbling into his hand, “Jesus mother loving Christ.”
“Look.” The lady spared a glare for McCreedy. He just made sour face back so she turned her attention back to Kabe. “I really don’t care about what you do in the bedroom. I’m not trying to pry, but there are standards under the law. Have you had sexual intercourse?”
“Council.” I couldn’t help it. I had to stop this train wreck. “I’ve admitted that the highest level of consensual sexual contact has happened between Kabe and I. I mean, I know you need to get the record down, but can we just all agree that it’s happened, and happened more than once, and move on.” I broke down into the closest I’d ever been to pleading. “Just ask Kabe what he thinks about all of it so we can move on to sentencing. Please.”
Kabe’s question cut in over my last few words. “Why are you asking me about what I do with my boyfriend on our own time?”
“Because it is unlawful in the State of Utah for a peace officer to have sex with someone in custody whether it was on or off duty.” She clipped it out like explaining the golden rule to a bunch of miscreant students. “It is considered an inherent abuse of power and coercive in nature.”
Kabe looked like he thought she’d gone out of her mind. “Joe has never done anything against my will.” Rocking back into the chair, his body held all defensive, he added, “Everything I’ve ever done with him has been completely voluntary.”
“It’s not about whether you wanted to or not.” She leaned over the table, the chain supporting a loop with reading glasses strung through, clicking across the surface. “It’s his abuse of his position of authority.”
“Joe’s never pushed anything on me.” Kabe argued with her. “If it’s a crime, nobody’s charged him with anything.”
“Whether or not,” she snapped, “a prosecutor feels he could win a criminal case for sexual battery of a person in custody has nothing to do with whether Deputy Peterson should be administratively disciplined. You consider him your boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” He sassed her back. “When you stay at someone’s house a couple times a week that generally is dating someone.”
Me, I wanted to melt into the chair about then. It hurt enough having to talk about. Listening to this woman grill Kabe tore into my gut like hungry coyote. Left me raw and bleeding and sick to my soul.
“You have sexual relations while you are there?”
“That’s kinda the point.” If he put any more attitude on they’d slap him with contempt.
I could see her effort to keep her own tone in check. “Have you ever had sex while Deputy Peterson was on duty?”
“Do you mean have I cheated on him or did I mess around with him while he was in uniform?” Kabe rolled
his shoulders and glared up at the ceiling. “Never mind.” Dropping his head to his shoulder, like she barely merited that amount of attention, he answered. “No we’ve never had sex while he was on duty.”
“I know this is hard and it feels intrusive.” She tried for sympathetic, I’d guess, but it came off rather cold. “Believe me I understand and wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. I really have no interest in what other people’s sex lives are like.” She slapped one of the binders. “But, our job here today is to decide whether Deputy Peterson is fit to remain an officer, whether we take his badge; temporarily or permanently. So, do you understand why we’re asking?”
I think it finally dawned on Kabe what this really was all about. “Oh, God. No.”
“No, you don’t understand?”
“No.” He swallowed the word, all that defensive attitude gone. “You can’t take that away from Joe. That’s like the most important thing in his life. You can’t punish Joe for shit I did.” For the first time ever he looked like a scared and lost kid. “I mean, I was the one going after him when we first met. I chased him like you wouldn’t believe. It’s not his fault.”
“What matters is that it happened, not who instigated the relationship.”
“Seriously.” Now Kabe begged like I had. “Don’t do this to him.” It killed me to see him like that. “Joe’s the best thing that ever happened to me. When I first got out, I was just marking time.” He rushed out the words as though the faster he spoke the more they might believe him. “Really. I didn’t care. And with Joe, I’m getting my act together. Real jobs, yeah, it’s seasonal stuff but not more than a few weeks between my last job ending and getting a new one. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have passed my Outdoor Emergency Care courses so I can do the job I’ve got now. He’s helping me study for my full EMT card. He’s the only one who really believes I’m not a total screw up.”
“That’s commendable, but well, with all that, you are in a continuing sexual relationship with Deputy Peterson, is that correct?”
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