“Cami! Get Jagger and leave. You know where to go. I’ll come get you in a few, sweet girl,” I yelled, hoping she knew that Ryder’s house wasn’t too far away and either him or Payton would be home to let her in. Zander didn’t know about Payton’s house, so it was the safest at the moment.
“I love you, Tristen. Don’t hold back.” And then she was gone. I thanked her silently for listening and not trying to stay here. I didn’t know if Jagger was awake or not, but I didn’t want them in danger.
“This how it’s gonna be? Can’t you see? She left you on her own and found me. I may not have known she was alive, but she came back to me. I didn’t have to make up lies to get her back with me. Let it go.”
“Didn’t ask for your opinion.” He swung to connect with my face, but I was already anticipating it. I ducked and rammed into his stomach with my shoulders, pinning him against the wall.
He had a good thirty pounds on me, but I had control. “I don’t care what your intentions were or if you really care about her, but she’s doing better now and is happy. Let her make her own decisions. If she chooses you, that’s one thing, but let the girl choose the path she wants.” He was breathing heavy, but after a few moments, his body relaxed and I let off of him.
“I love her. She belongs to me. I had her just the way I wanted her, and you went and ruined it. When I saw her on the beach, hurt and unconscious, I couldn’t help but go over to see that she was okay. When I realized she had a head injury, I didn’t think about taking her to a hospital, I thought it was my chance to be with her again. She was so easy to mold into the girl I wanted, and she had no idea. Anything I said, she went with. Having that power over someone? It’s addicting. I crave it and she— fuck, she was mine. Finally mine again and now it’s all fucked up.” He slid to the floor and hunched over.
“She isn’t a play thing. You don’t get to make her decisions or feed her lies to get her to be what you want. This is her life you’re messing with, as well as my son’s. Do you even realize how much your twisted idea of playing house with her was?” Trying to keep calm, I took a few deep breaths and waited to see if he’d start making any sense or if he truly was crazy.
“Look, I know it was wrong. She does something to me; I’m not myself around her. I get possessive with her and once she was in my arms again, it spiraled out of control. The sad thing is, even when I knew I was hurting her, I couldn’t stop myself. I wouldn’t risk losing her, so I kept it up, knowing she was terrified to leave.”
“She knows where to go if she wants to talk, but let her live her life. She needs to figure out her next moves now.” Getting up in his face, I confirmed to him what he should already know. “I swear to God, though, you come near my family again? There will be consequences.” I held the door open, waited for him to stand up, and ushered him out the door.
Thank fuck.
Calling Cami, I quickly let her know I was on my way over and that everything was okay.
“You know I’ll always pick you, right?” she asked on the other line.
“Yeah, baby. I do.” I had a stop to make on the way to Ryder’s.
Over an hour later, I was finally at Payton’s place. Ryder lived there, too, but in my mind, it was still her place. Cami came rushing into my arms the moment I walked in and gave me a thorough welcome with her hands and lips.
Laughing at her blatant want, I managed to ask her where Jagger was between kisses. She pointed behind her and gave me a few more kisses before actually responding.
“Payton and Ryder are playing with him. They’re building towers, and he gets to knock them down. It’s kept him occupied for the last hour. How’d it go? Are you hurt?” She lightly wrapped her arms around me, and I tried to conceal the pain it brought to my stomach.
“I’ll be fine. He just needed things put into perspective. Everything’s alright now, though.” I held her hand and walked further into the home to catch little man in action.
Ryder was enthralled with Jagger, and Payton was leaning against the couch, rubbing her barely there bump. I had to admit, it was new seeing Ryder being so warm with a child. He’d be a great father, no doubt.
“Momma! Dada!” Jagger yelled out when he saw us approach. Hearing him call me that would never get old.
“How ya doing, Payton?” I sat down beside her and thought about how much had changed since we originally met in Vegas.
“Fat. I’ve gained three pounds in a week! How does that even happen? Between having my head in the toilet and running around town constantly with Ryder, I haven’t even had the chance to eat like a preggo,” she told me in lighthearted defeat.
I knew Ryder was opening up a new branch of Warrington Strom Publishing down here in San Diego, but I wasn’t sure how involved he was with the project. Apparently, they were both invested.
“You aren’t fat and where did all of our cookie dough ice cream go, babe?” Ryder chimed in, calling his girlfriend out. “Oh, and the new jar of peanut butter?” He laughed as she lowered her head blushing.
“It’s okay, Payton! Don’t listen to my jerk of a brother. You eat whatever my niece or nephew craves. And that tiny bump? Cutest thing ever. I miss those days. All I ever wanted were sweet potato fries and milkshakes. I gained so much weight, but it was worth it!” Cami said enthusiastically.
I groaned at her words. I missed those precious months. I wasn’t there. As if Cami could read my mind, she covered her mouth and murmured that she was sorry. I’d never accept that I missed out on the majority of her pregnancy or Jagger’s firsts. It made me furious but also sad.
“Rawwrrrr!” Jagger growled as his dinosaur rammed into the blocks that had been stacked. As soon as they were torn down, he began meticulously stacking them again. He’d give Ryder and Payton each a block and waited for them to place it where he wanted it to be. The guessing game was funny because of his particularity.
Ryder gave me a questioning look after it took him three tries to place the block in the right spot. “I know, dude, just go with it.” I let him know that this was the norm for our little man.
“Cami, how’s everything else going?” Payton inquired with interest. They were becoming fast friends, and I was thankful that Payton could be someone Cami trusted but didn’t have any expectations of her past.
“It’s alright. Tristen and Jagger keep me busy most of the time. I’ve been feeling more and more myself, I guess,” Cami replied.
“Babe, tell her what you’ve also been doing while spending time with our son.” I nudged her shoulder, trying to get her to talk to Payton about her new hobby.
Shooting me death glares, I hoped she didn’t mind my prodding. I did think it’d help her if she talked to Payton about it, though. She wasn’t sure what type of career she should try, and this could be a sufficient one that’d allow her to be creative and still be with Jagger at home.
“I’ve been writing. Just in my journal, but it’s been such a nice way to get the thoughts out of my head. It’s calming and has become part of my everyday routine. It’s nothing good, though,” she enlightened us all, albeit sounding slightly defeated.
“That’s wonderful, Cami! I didn’t think I’d have a career as a writer, but it’s what I love and couldn’t imagine doing anything else now! Plus, with our little one coming later this year, I want to be here for all their firsts. Ryder will be getting busier with work, but I’ll be able to make my own schedule. Oh! I’d love to help you get started!” Payton bounced up and down in delight.
Ryder nudged his head to the side indicating that we should leave the women be. Picking up Jagger, Ryder slid on his flip flops and put the sunglasses that were previously on top of his head down to cover his eyes.
“Let’s give Mommy and Aunt Payton some girl time, buddy. Wanna go get a taco?” Ryder asked Jagger who was nodding his head in excitement.
“Hang on just a sec, man.” I held my finger up and ran over to Cami.
Whispering in her ear, I asked her a question, and she looked at
me sweetly before giggling loudly. After giving her a moment to gather herself, she sat up and was serious.
“Yes, honey, Jagger can have tacos, but you have to tear the meat into tiny pieces and not just give him a whole taco. He loves shredded chicken and…oh, grab a side of guacamole. Pick out the onions and tomatoes, though. He’ll be a happy camper then. And thank you for checking, baby.” She stood up and gave me a passionate kiss goodbye and walked over to Ryder and her son.
“Be a good boy for Daddy and Uncle Ry okay?” She kissed both cheeks and fixed his hair.
“K’s. Luvu, Momma.”
“Love you too, baby.” She backed up and began to tear up.
“What’s the matter, baby?” Holding her in my arms, hoping that Jagger wouldn’t mind waiting another minute— luckily, he was fascinated with the pocket on Ryder’s shirt.
“It’s always been Jagger and me doing everything together. Zander rarely took him anywhere really without me. I can count on my hand how many times I’ve been away from him. With you, I don’t mind when you have him and think he should spend time with you, without me. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is. You three have fun, alright?” She wiped the tears and gave a huge smile to Jagger.
“Go?” Jagger questioned slightly.
“Yeah, buddy. Let’s go have some man time,” I told him as I walked out to my car. I opened the passenger door to put Jagger in his car seat, but Ryder shook his head.
“I’ve got to get used to this. I’ll do it,” Ryder replied confidently. I wasn’t sure Ryder had ever dealt with a car seat before, but I got into the driver’s seat and waited.
Twenty minutes, a Band-Aid, and another kiss from Mommy, and we were on the road. Ryder had gotten Jagger’s thigh jiggle caught in the buckle, and it pinched him pretty bad.
I sighed and wondered how much I had messed up but hadn’t realized. Cami always tried to give me a break when I did something wrong since I was playing catch-up on fatherhood.
Once we reached the beach, Ryder went to the food truck and ordered seven tacos for us and a large side of guacamole. I did as Cami asked and picked the onions and tomatoes out and fed him little pieces of chicken. He was happy with our food selection, and he seemed to enjoy hanging with Ryder and me.
“So, are things back to where you left off?” Ryder asked while stuffing his face with a fish taco.
“Yeah, we’re pretty close. We’ve fallen into this rhythm, and she finally seems to be letting the past be the past and focusing on what’s to come. I think that was when things really started moving forward with us. I meant to ask you, or tell you, I got her a ring. I had it already picked out before the accident but never ordered it. I went to the shop today and they said it’ll be ready in two weeks. What do you think? She’s your sister, you know her as well as I do. Think she’s ready?” I wanted his opinion on the situation and also his blessing. He was the closest family Cami had, and it meant a lot knowing he was on board with the plan.
“Even though I didn’t know about your relationship before her accident, I think she was probably ready then. Now? Seeing her with you and lil man here— she’s in a place that makes her happy and I think she’s ready to nail it down. It’d give her a sense of stability which would probably help her out, and we all know you’re meant to be together. I’m pro-engagement for you. Speaking of, I popped the question to Payton last week, but she’s scared to tell you and Cami. She doesn’t want to steal the limelight and said we had to keep it hush, hush. Which I think is bullshit, and that’s why I’m telling you now.”
“Sounds like you. I’m sure Payton already told Cami, so we’re all pretty much keeping a secret from each other that we already all know. Maybe I’ll pop the question and then it’ll allow Payton to come forward with it, too.” I smirked at the idea. Payton was used to hiding her feelings, but since she’d been with Ryder, I’d seen her change. She was more open and vulnerable to those she trusted.
“Jagger Monster, how about we go catch some waves?” Ryder asked, standing up and throwing away our trash. Jagger was covered in guacamole and could use a rinse off for sure.
Nodding his head, Jagger stuffed another piece of chicken in his mouth and held his arms up for us to pick him up.
“I never thought this is how we’d turn out. You know? It’s crazy to think of us a year ago. The bachelor and the widower. Now we’re both family men,” I thought aloud as we walked down to the water, each of us holding one of Jagger’s tiny hands.
By the time we made it home, Jagger was passed out in the back and the girls had gotten massages and pedis, taking advantage of their alone time. Ryder got out of the car, thanking me for being there for him and Payton. I thanked him for taking care of my girl and little boy.
Cami walked out and met me in the car, but not before speaking with her brother for a moment. It seemed like a serious discussion from their body language, but she was all smiles once she got in the car.
“Everything alright, babe?” I covered her hand in mine as I pulled onto the main road, hoping Jagger wouldn’t wake up when we got home.
“Of course, baby. I was just telling Ryder how proud I was for how he’s handling Payton’s pregnancy and how he’s really stepped up to the plate.” She looked over, not realizing I knew that she knew.
“She told you.”
“How’d you know? Ryder. That boy can’t keep his mouth shut.” She laughed. “Apparently none of us can.”
“I’m proud of him, too, sweetie. They’ll be a great family, and I think it’s right for him to make it official.”
“Mhmm,” I heard her murmur while facing out, looking into the darkness.
Little did she know, she had no reason to overthink it. I wanted nothing more than to make her my wife and her little pouting session told me all I needed to know. My girl was ready, too.
Every time I saw Cami’s name flash on my phone, I thought of Tristen. I wanted to hang out with them, but the thought of seeing them happily in love made my stomach turn. I had effectively shut them out of my life, and I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do or not.
Tristen was never mine. I shouldn’t feel a sense of ownership. Cami and I were friends before she went missing, and I didn’t want to be the one ending our friendship even though I knew I was doing just that.
I had taken both Sutter and Tristen for granted. I wanted both of them in my life, and in the end, lost them. I did this to myself but hated feeling alone.
Pushing the ignore button on my screen, I tossed the phone on the couch and went to take a hot bath. The house was too quiet so I always had a TV on in one of the rooms. I missed feeling loved and supported. I needed to find myself again. Only then would I find happiness, or so they said.
“Ugh, I’ll never fit into any of these damn dresses! Cami, I might as well wear a moo-moo with how fat I’m getting. And by July, I’ll be a blimp! I can’t do it. I’m postponing the wedding until I can fit into a normal wedding dress,” Payton huffed as she sat down in a chair, rubbing her ever growing belly.
For her petite frame, it was clearly noticeable how pregnant she was, and she still had four months to go. She might be right when she said she’d be a blimp in August and September. We were on day two of wedding dress shopping, and while the store employees had been very sweet and accommodating, Payton was having a rough time.
“You will not be a blimp, and there is a dress out there that will work. We just need to find it.” I looked around the dressing room, eyeing the six dresses she’d tried on here with no luck. She didn’t want her bump to be the first thing people noticed, but more so an allover elegant look. I thought she looked adorable sporting her bump, but she wasn’t having it.
“There’s one more store I have in mind and know one of the girls there. She’s already pulled a few for us. Ready to head out?” I held out my hands to give her the hand she needed to get out of the chair.
“Fine, but we need to stop at a bathroom on the way out, and I’m buying us ice cream afte
r we’re done. We deserve it.” She patted me on the back as she went to stand in front of me, waiting for me to unclasp her and help her out of the gown.
After seeing Payton turn down seventeen gowns, I had texted my friend, Rebecca, telling her everything to avoid, including excessive tulle, silk, form fitted, anything cream-colored, and all shorter wedding dresses. Those were the big five that Payton had realized she hated. I crossed my fingers that we’d find something at the next place because I could see it wearing her spirit down at her inability to fit into what she wanted.
“Come on, Payt. I think I know your style enough now to help narrow down some options. Sometimes you have to find out what you don’t like first so that when you find the one that’s meant to be, you know for a fact it’s the one.” Her curious look followed by a cheerful laugh told me she knew the double meaning to my statement. We headed over to the next store in her car, and I could tell by her bouncing knee that she was getting antsy.
“I guess you’re right. I went through enough to know that once Ryder came along, I was done for. Sure, I fought it, but I think deep down I always knew he’d be the one to change my view on love. And you being with Zander should have been enough to show you clearly that Tristen is your one.”
“You are correct there. I still can’t believe Zander could manipulate someone he so-called loved. Who can look at themselves in the mirror knowing that they tricked someone into believing they had a child together and had been a couple for years? Because of him, I never reached out to Ryder because he told me Ryder didn’t want anything to do with me.” I became angry every time I thought of what I’d gone through and him being the reason behind it. It made me sick to my stomach, and I didn’t think I’d ever truly forgive him.
Pulling up to what I hoped was the last store, I waited while Payton walked around the car so we could walk in together. Upon entering, we were greeted by a smiling Rebecca. She truly had a gift when it came to picking out what dress worked on a specific body type and currently, Payton had an uber-specific body type.
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