I frowned, turning to see who it was. Across my large outer office, I saw her sitting there reading a book. Instantly, my eyes were stuck to her like glue as I realised who she was. The girl that took my balls and left me comparing everyone to her. Bronwyn fucking Reynolds.
My eyes raked over her as she sat there, seemingly entirely unaware that I was about twenty feet from her. She was wearing faded jeans, a black vest top and a plaid shirt over the top, rolled up to the elbows. Her long brown hair, that I could still imagine between my fingers, was pulled back into a messy bun with bits escaping around her face. She was engrossed in her novel, absentmindedly twisting one of her loose tendrils of hair around her finger.
She hadn’t looked up at me and I had the strong urge to turn back, run out of my office and down to my car and drive as far away from her as I could get because this girl was a fucking heartbreaker in an angel’s body. Waking up on my own after we’d slept together had made my heart sink. I’d been waiting years to get my hands on her; finally she was available, but yet she didn’t even want me. That was the story of my life, the only one I had ever wanted, and I could never have her because she was married with a child.
Before the party a couple of months ago, I’d gotten over her. I knew I couldn’t have her because she was attached, and I’d accepted that fact. But then she had to go and get fucking divorced and put the option out there again for me to fall for her.
I didn’t really want to see her right now, because it had taken me a long time since that night to forget what she tasted like when I kissed her, to forget the sound of her laugh as we fooled around in my bed. Other girls, and yes there had been a few since her, hadn’t lived up to the standards that she’d set on that one night. For the last month, I couldn’t even be bothered to sleep around because I knew it barely even got me excited. She’d ruined me with one night of passion.
But why was she here?
Brandon hadn’t told me she was coming to town. Usually he told me in advance if she was here, but when I spoke to him earlier today at work he hadn’t mentioned a thing.
Curiosity got the better of me. “Thanks, Jennifer. Hold my calls for a little while longer, would you?”
“Who is she? Do you know her?” she asked quietly.
I nodded. “That’s Brandon’s sister-in-law.” I closed the distance to her side, still wondering why she was here. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t even notice when my shadow fell over her. “Bronwyn?”
She jumped and looked up at me, her mouth dropping open before a smile crossed her face. She looked beautiful even though she was wearing no make-up. I felt the smile tug at my lips too.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly.
“What you doing here?”
She chewed on her lip before she answered. “I came to see you,” she replied, seeming a little nervous about it.
I couldn’t help the smirk that slipped onto my face. “You come for another night of passion?” I teased. I didn’t know what I wanted her answer to be. On the one hand, I would cut off my left leg to get my hands on her body again because that last night with her was spectacular. On the other hand, surely another night with her and then nothing coming of it after would just make things worse for me.
She laughed quietly. “Actually, no. Sorry to burst your bubble.”
So if she isn’t after sex, what’s this visit about then? “I didn’t know you were coming to town.” I looked at her curiously. She looked a little paler than usual, and I frowned, wondering if she was doing all right or if there was some kind of problem that she needed help with.
She sighed and nodded. “I know. I didn’t tell Skye I was coming. I wanted to talk to you first.” Her eyes were locked onto mine and I started to get a little nervous, but I had no idea why.
“OK, what’s up?”
She pushed herself up from the sofa, shoving her book into the carrier bag she had between her legs. “Think maybe we could go to your office?” She subtly looked over my shoulder so I knew that Jennifer would be watching our every move.
I nodded in agreement and walked to my office door, pushing it open and stepping to the side so that she could walk through first. As she brushed past me, her smell attacked my senses, and I tried not to lean into her and breathe her in. She smelt edible, like strawberries and cream, mixed with honeysuckle. It was intoxicating, and I knew from that night that she tasted just as incredible as she smelt.
She chewed on her bottom lip as she set her handbag and the carrier bag she had down onto the floor next to the chair. I frowned, seeing the contents of the bag – an empty sandwich wrapper and a half bottle of orange juice. “You been waiting long?” I asked, frowning at the bag.
She shrugged. “A little while. I didn’t have your number, so I didn’t know how long you’d be,” she replied casually.
“Oh.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I stepped into the office and let the door swing closed behind me. “You want a drink? I can ask Jennifer to make you something, or I have some cans of stuff in my fridge here,” I offered, suddenly wishing that my office was a little tidier. Not expecting anyone to come into my office this afternoon, I’d left everything out while I went to lunch with Steve. My desk was covered in paper, ideas, pens, and empty chocolate eclair wrappers.
“Sure. I’ll have anything, just not tea.” She winced slightly as she said the word tea.
I nodded, walking over to the little fridge. “You don’t like tea?” I enquired. I didn’t know that about her.
“Not at the moment, no.”
Grabbing two cans of Coke, I turned back and held it up in offering. “This all right?”
“Great, thanks.” She nodded and took the can from me, looking at it intently as if she was trying to think of something to say.
“So, what’s up?” I asked, moving over to the black leather sofa I had in my office and sitting down on it, watching her curiously.
She blew out a big breath and set her drink on my desk. “I have no idea how to say this, so I’m just gonna blurt it out,” she said. I nodded for her to continue. “I’m pregnant.”
“Wow. Congratulations.” I wasn’t even sure why I said it; it was just the first thing that came out of my mouth.
She smiled weakly. “It’s yours, Harrison.”
An unconscious laugh left my lips as I shook my head in rejection. We were safe. I was always safe with girls, always. “We used a condom,” I stated, shaking my head, smiling apologetically. She would just have to find the other guy, it couldn’t be mine.
“Did we though?” she questioned, raising one eyebrow in challenge.
I nodded confidently. “I always do. Sorry, but it must be someone else’s.” I shrugged.
“You actually remember putting one on?”
I nodded again. “Yeah sure, we were in the alley and you started counting and I…” But then I stopped short, picturing the moment in my head. She’d started counting and I was rushing. I clearly remembered that I pulled open my fly, pulled her underwear to the side and pushed in. But at no point did my hand go into my pocket to get a condom from my wallet, at no point did I rip open a packet or roll one on. And I hadn’t pulled out…
We’d had unprotected sex in the alley. But had I even put one on when we were back at my place? I racked my brains trying to think, but at no point could I remember putting one on all night.
And now she was telling me she was pregnant.
And that it was mine.
That I was going to be a dad.
My eyes dropped down to her stomach as if I could somehow see if it were true. I couldn’t look away as I struggled to breathe. My hands were getting sweaty as my throat seemed to close up.
“So, yeah,” she muttered, shifting on her feet.
All that came out of my mouth was a strangled gurgle as my eyes remained glued onto her stomach. She has a baby growing in there… my baby. I’m going to have a baby?
I could feel the full-blown panic attack building
up as my heart started crashing in my ears.
“But… nah… it’s… you… I’m…” I couldn’t think of what I was trying to say, so my words were all just coming out as a mess of nothingness.
“Harrison, stop staring, it’s freaking me out,” she muttered uncomfortably, shifting on her feet again. I couldn’t look away from her stomach as I tried to pick out any indication of her being pregnant. “Harrison, for goodness’ sake you can’t see it. Stop looking!”
“Can’t,” I admitted.
She laughed and crossed her arms over her stomach, stopping my psychotic staring. Finally, I could tear my eyes away and look up at her face. She was chewing on her lip so hard that it looked like she was going to bite it in half.
“I feel lightheaded,” I muttered as my head started to swim. I needed to lie down. Maybe I was going into shock? Could you actually go into shock from, well, a shock? I didn’t know the answer.
“Seriously?” she asked, coming closer to me and putting her hand on my forehead.
That didn’t help in the slightest because now her arms had moved and her uncovered stomach was level with my face. I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching out and pushing up her vest top so I could see her tummy. The staring was back again. I stared in wonder because I’d made a baby, she had my baby in there, yet there were no signs of it at all.
“Pregnant… I’m… we…”
She sighed and pushed her top back down, plopping down on the sofa next to me. “Don’t start with the freaking out thing again. We just need to talk about it like two adults,” she said sternly.
“I don’t think I’m an adult,” I admitted, wincing.
She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Harrison, be serious.” She gulped and fiddled with her fingers as she spoke. “I’ve already decided to keep it because I don’t believe in abortion. I don’t want anything from you at all. If you want to be there for the baby, then great. If not then I’m still doing it on my own. You don’t have to do anything, but I wanted to tell you.”
My ears were ringing, my lips had gone dry and no matter how many times I licked them, they just wouldn’t hold the moisture. I had no idea what to say. What was there to say in this situation?
“I… umm… don’t…” I shook my head absentmindedly, trying to form a coherent sentence.
Her face fell and her shoulders sagged, but she quickly recovered, and a polite, thin-lipped smile stretched across her face. “That’s OK; I didn’t expect you to want anything to do with the baby. I’m sorry I wasted your time. Don’t worry about it, I’ll deal with it,” she said, shrugging and standing up. She picked up her unopened drink from my desk and smiled weakly. “I’m gonna take this to go.”
Wait, she’s leaving? What the hell just happened? I couldn’t move as she grabbed her handbag from the floor and strutted out of my office, letting the door swing shut behind her. My mind was whirling. I had no idea why she’d left; we hadn’t even had time to talk. Then it hit me, she assumed that I didn’t want anything to do with the baby because I hadn’t said otherwise. Oh man, I need to sort this out quickly. Get up, Harrison, catch her! My legs weren’t working properly. Why couldn’t I get up? Get the hell up, Harrison!
Finally, I seemed to gain some control of myself and jumped off the sofa, sprinting after her, ignoring Jennifer as she called after me asking if everything was all right and where I was going. As I darted through the office, I saw Bronwyn step into the lift and the doors creak closed. My eyes widened. I was too late. She’d read my reactions wrong, and now she was leaving to go goodness knows where, and I had no way of contacting her without begging her sister to give me her number.
Not ready to give up yet, I bolted for the stairs. I had no idea what I wanted to say if I caught her, all I knew was that I needed to stop her before she left.
I jumped most of the first flight of stairs, running as fast as I could, wishing I was faster. As I got to the last flight of stairs, I jumped the bannister and landed on the balls of my feet with a loud thump that echoed in the empty stairwell. I was out of breath – it wasn’t just the physical exertion, it was from the shock. I was going to be a dad. Me, a dad. That was crazy, but not something that I totally hated. I pictured Evie as a baby. Watching her growing up, seeing Brandon gush about his daughter proudly when she’d drawn him a picture or won an award in horse-riding… no, I definitely didn’t hate the idea of being a dad.
I forced myself to move and ran to the building’s lobby, looking at the little light above the lift that signalled which floor it was on. It seemed luck was on my side today because it was still on two.
I barely had time to catch my breath before the bell sounded and the doors slid open. Two people walked out, chatting animatedly about some customer who they’d had trouble with on the phone this morning. I ignored them, looking past them, seeing Bronwyn leaning against the wall. Her shoulders were slumped; her eyes were firmly fixed on the floor as she chewed on her fingernail.
“Bronwyn,” I muttered, raking a hand through my hair, trying not to make a fool out of myself.
She gasped; her hand flew to her heart as her startled eyes shot up to meet mine. “Harrison? What…” She shook her head, clearly confused as to how I had beaten her down here.
I held up one finger, signalling for her to wait while I tried to work out what I wanted to say. When the doors timed out and started to slide closed, I jumped inside with her, letting the doors close behind me so that we could have some privacy.
I took a deep breath and tried not to look at her stomach in case I zoned out again. “OK, look, I’m not good with words so bear with me here,” I requested. I stepped closer to her and she stepped back, bumping into the wall behind her. “The first time I ever laid eyes on you, I wanted you. I’ve wanted you for a long time, Bronwyn, but you were married, and I don’t do home wrecking, so I left it.” I looked at her to gauge her reaction. She was staring at me with wide eyes, a little shocked expression on her face, and in that moment I knew that she had no idea that I liked her. Brandon had promised me that he would never tell Skye that I was crazy about her sister; her shocked reaction clearly showed me that he’d been true to his word. Every time I’d seen Bronwyn Reynolds over the years she’d made my heart speed up and my hands long to brush her hair behind her ear and stroke her face. It had been eight extremely long years that she’d been my unobtainable dream girl – yet here she was, pregnant with my child, and single.
“Now you’re divorced, and I don’t need to worry about breaking up a family, so I can tell you how I feel. I’m crazy about you, Bronwyn Reynolds, I have been for a long, long time,” I continued.
She gulped. “Johnson.”
I looked at her, confused. “Huh?”
“Bronwyn Johnson, not Reynolds, you called me Reynolds,” she mumbled, shaking her head.
“Does it really matter what I called you? Was the incorrect name the only thing you heard out of my whole embarrassing speech?” I asked incredulously.
She shook her head, looking like a deer trapped in the headlights. “I heard every word. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that.”
I smiled and stepped closer to her again, at the same time the door behind us dinged so I turned to see Mrs Sanders go to step in. She was the elderly lady that cleaned the office building; we’d had many a chat when I was working late and the only one in the office. We were still at the lobby because neither of us had pressed the button to make it move.
I held up one hand to stop her and shook my head, looking at her pleadingly. “Mrs Sanders, I just made a life-changing speech to this girl that I’ve been crazy about forever. I really just need a little privacy, is there any way you could get the next one?” I asked, begging her with my eyes.
“You’re a good boy, Harrison. I hope it works out for you,” she said, winking at me.
The doors closed, so I turned back to Bronwyn. “That night with you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve never felt like that with a
girl before. It was incredible, and I hadn’t wanted it to end. When you told me on the phone that it was a one night stand, I was crushed. I don’t just want one night; I never did, not with you. I’ve been pining for you for the last two months.”
She was just staring at me, unmoving.
I swallowed around the lump that was rapidly forming in my throat. “Bronwyn, you seriously need to say something before I pass out,” I instructed, running a shaky hand through my hair.
She blinked a couple of times. “You’re an incredible person, I’ve always liked you, but I’ve never even really let myself think about you like that because I was married. To be honest, I didn’t think that someone like you would even look twice at someone like me.” She frowned, seeming confused as she shook her head.
“Meaning?” I prompted, hoping she’d continue because this was starting to sound like a rejection.
She blew out a big breath. “I didn’t come here today expecting this. I just wanted to tell you about the baby. I actually expected you to run a mile, not chase me down the stairs,” she said, looking at me like I was crazy.
As soon as she mentioned the baby I struggled to keep my eyes from wandering down there again. I needed to stay focused and not turn into some kind of moron that stared at skin wishing I had x-ray vision.
“I like you, but…” She winced, clearly uncomfortable.
“OK, look, this is getting too complicated. Just do this for me: pretend you’re not pregnant for a second. Actually, pretend that we haven’t even slept together. Pretend that I didn’t just say all of that crazy stuff,” I suggested, waving my hand dismissively. She looked at me curiously, obviously wondering where I was going with this idea. I was going somewhere with it, at least, I thought I was. “Want to come out on a date with me?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. “A date. Let’s see how it goes, take it slow. Just a date,” I asked, looking at her hopefully.
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “A date?”
I nodded. “Movies and dinner. Maybe a drink after… orange juice for you, of course.”
She laughed, looking down at her feet, chewing on her lip. Her eyes came up to meet mine. “And what are you expecting to gain from a date, Harrison Baxter?” she asked playfully.
Reasons Not to Fall in Love Page 9