A few minutes later, another set of cops came through the door with someone else. I didn’t pay much attention. I was too busy trying to estimate the odds I’d have to spend the night in a cell and how much bail money it would take to avoid that. Surely more than the $27 that was back in my purse at the office.
The other cops brought their trophy to the bench and handcuffed him to the other side. “Stay,” one of the cops said and they both walked away. I glanced over and did a double take. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I said. It was the purse thief from the park.
I could tell he recognized me from the way he wouldn’t meet my eyes. He did give me a grumpy, “Hey,” eventually.
“What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.”
He nodded to my own handcuffs. “Why would I take advice from someone in handcuffs?”
I jangled my own shiny police provided bracelets. “This is an accident. It’ll all be cleared up in the morning. You were probably stealing more purses.”
“I was minding my own business. And then a video camera fell into my pocket at Best Buy.”
I sighed. “Of course it did.”
“It just so happened that I needed one. You were right about rapping about what I know, though. I’ve got some songs now. I just need to get on Youtube to really get my music and brand out there. And a cellphone video just won’t do it.”
I shook my head. “It’s always gonna be something, man. Eventually you’ll end up in here for good. And they don’t make videos in jail.”
He gave me an appraising look. “I guess you would know.”
“Brat.”
Just then, an officer came over and started uncuffing me. “Time to make your call.”
She led me to the phone a few feet away and stood off to the side. She was far enough for me to pretend like I had some privacy but close enough to take me down if I tried to do something crazy. I wasn’t worried about her, though. I was worried about who I was going to have to call. I just dialed the one number I actually know by heart.
My dad answered on the first ring. “Dad,” I said to his groggy hello.
He was instantly awake. “Audrey.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
No time for small talk this time. “I’m in jail.”
He took the deepest breath in the world and blew it out. When he was done, he just said “What for?”
“Arson, kidnapping, trespassing, and not paying a taxi fare.”
Behind me, I heard the purse thief burst out in laughter.
Chapter 27
It’s not unusual for Supers to inherit abilities from their parents. Ella got hers from my mom. I got mine from my dad. For a long time, I was really proud of that. I always looked up to him and the way he took his Super work seriously. He was always receiving commendations from the Council. He even served on one of the Council boards before he officially retired.
I always took it for granted that he and I were alike the way Mom and Ella were alike. But the older I got, the more I realized that wasn’t really true. I didn’t know if I’d never be like him. It would take more than a shared ability to do that.
As he drove me home from jail, I didn’t have much to say. Finally, he said “So do you want to tell me what happened?”
“Well. . . it’s a long story but basically, some psycho was trying to use a ridiculous plan to mind control a huge chunk of New Yorkers. When I was trying to stop her from doing it, we got into a fight and set fire to my company’s paper plant. And then when the cops came, she told them I kidnapped her and tried to kill her. Hence, my arrest,” I finished.
“Obviously you shouldn’t be getting arrested. And a fire isn’t good. But did you stop her?”
I thought about it for a moment. “I guess. I mean, if the whole plan was based on getting control of the local paper supply, she can’t now. I just burned it all up. She might be back with something else. I’ll be on the lookout for it now, though.”
“So why don’t you sound happy?”
“Because it took me forever to figure it out! Now that I looked back, there were all of these things happening right in front of my face. And I didn’t see it because I was so distracted with all the chaos in my life. She wasn’t even being very discreet! She practically had to explain her plan to me like this was bad comic movie or something. She had a literal list of crimes to commit, Dad! A freaking list! And I still didn’t put it together until it was almost too late to do—“
“But you did put it together and you were on time,” He interrupted. “Audrey, this thing we do is not easy. We do what we can. We don’t win them all. But when we do win, we don’t waste time beating ourselves up about how we won. If we did that, we’d never sleep well.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He was quiet for a moment. Then, “I’m proud of you, Junior. I’m really proud of you.”
We smiled at each other. And then I remembered something. “Hey Dad?”
“Yeah?”
I didn’t want to ruin the moment but if I didn’t say it now, I didn’t think I’d have the balls to say it later. “I don’t know if this is a good time to tell you but I don’t know where my car is right now. And I didn’t pay the insurance on it. And even if I had, I left it running so they probably wouldn’t want to pay for it. And I haven’t filed a police report because I’ve been too busy with all the shit in my life. Oh and I can’t find my cape.”
Dad didn’t say anything for a moment. When he did speak, he didn’t sound surprised at all. “Didn’t you mention something about growing up earlier?”
“Yep.” I sighed. “Starting tomorrow.”
Chapter 28
The first job I ever had was in a Tastyee Burger franchise when I was sixteen. It was also the first time I’d ever been fired. I had the breakfast shift, which required me to be in at 6 a.m. each morning of my summer vacation. At the time I hadn’t yet realized that my internal clock doesn’t even have setting for 6 a.m. I was late a lot. After I was late the first five days of work, my supervisor told me that if I was going to be late on the sixth day, I might as well not come in at all. When I woke up at 10 a.m. the next day, I just rolled back over and went back to sleep. No need to get up and get dressed if that meant I was just going to be fired. I remember thinking Eh, they’ll mail me my last paycheck.
More than ten years later, I had a lot more experience being fired, and I can tell you with certainty that it’s an amateur move to quit just when you think you’re going to get fired. Most people hate confrontation and they don’t want to fire you. So sometimes, if you just keep showing up to work, no one says anything. Now, that doesn’t always work. But when it doesn’t, you don’t really lose anything in the process. Except maybe your dignity. But at this point, how much dignity did I really have left?
The Tuesday after my arrest, I walked into BK Paper like everything was normal.
Okay that’s not true. I was on time and that’s never normal. But since I left my keys, my purse, and everything else here the night before, my mom let me borrow some appropriate clothes and gave me a ride. I felt like I was getting dropped off to the first day of 4th grade. And there was a chance I’d be expelled as soon as I got inside.
I slid in behind some coworkers who actually had their keycards and tried to ignore all of the looks I was getting as I walked in. Great. So everybody knows. Still I pressed on. I walked over to my desk and dropped into the seat. Everything was just where I left it. I took my time saying hi to Crash and putting the trash bags with my meager belongings into the drawers of my desk. I booted up my computer and pretended that it was normal for everyone to be staring at me over my cubicle walls.
I glanced over at Mellie seated at her desk a few feet away. Her back was to me and she was sitting straight up as if she was trying very hard to pretend like she had perfect posture. I couldn’t see what was on her computer screen but I wondered what gossip site she was on. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to walk ove
r there and start talking about the Real Housewives of New Jersey like nothing had ever happened. But I knew it would take more than an, “I hate Teresa, don’t you?” to fix this mess. Besides, I was too busy pretending like I hadn’t been arrested for trespassing on company property, assaulting a fellow employee, and just being a general idiot.
When my computer screen lit up, I typed in my password and hit enter with a flourish. The words, “No such user found” flashed across the bottom of the screen. Ok, I thought. I’ll just call IT about this a little later. For the moment, I popped a mini Snickers bar from my candy stash.
Then I heard a throat clear behind me. I turned around to see Larry standing there with an eyebrow raised. “Audrey.”
“Larry.” I was grateful that my voice sounded normal because my heart was beating a mile a minute. “Happy Tuesday, man.”
“Audrey, I need you to come with me.” He motioned for me to follow him into his office. “Bring your stuff.” As we walked through the cubicles, people continued to stare at me with curiosity. I waved to a few as if this was any other Tuesday and I was a person who waved at coworkers. My eyes caught Mellie’s and she immediately looked away. When we got to Larry’s office, he motioned for me to sit down in the chair opposite of his desk.
As he sat down, Larry folded his hands over each other and sighed. I tried to compose myself, too. “Frankly, I was surprised to see you today.”
It was like we were playing a very intense game of chicken. If he was going to fire me, then he would have to say it. Until then, I was going to pretend like this was any other workday. “Yeah,” I replied. “I was a little surprised at myself, too. But hey, you said I needed to start being careful about what time I got in and here I am. Early, I might add.” That was a lie but in for a penny, in for a pound, right?
Larry gave me a confused look. I could almost see his brain working. “Audrey, I’m sure you know that that last night’s events were very serious. The plant is unusable. We have to cancel orders and we’re losing customers because of the inconvenience. If that doesn’t kill us, the bad press probably will.” He pulled out a copy of the NY Post and threw it across the desk. On the cover was a story about the fire in the plant along with a picture of the charred remains. A little further down, I saw my mug shot. My first thought was That’s a good picture of me. My second thought was Shit.
I handed the paper back to Larry. “Wow. I feel really bad about—”
“How you feel is the last thing I care about right now,” Larry huffed. “I don’t know what possessed you to do this but you really need to take a good look at yourself, Audrey. I think you have some issues you need to work on. I don’t think you realize that your actions have an effect on everyone. The merger is off. We’ll be lucky if we can keep the doors open after this. Cammie wasn’t hurt in the fire, thank God, but she’s emotionally scarred by what’s happened. She won’t be coming back to work.”
“Of course,” I mumbled.
“You need to leave.”
“And come back tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to think about it?” I asked in a small voice.
“And come back never. You destroyed millions of dollars of property, Audrey. We’re going to press charges against you. I need your key card.” I placed it on the desk and pushed it toward him. “Here,” Larry said as he pushed an envelope across the desk. “This is your last paycheck. There’s no reason for you to ever come back here. If you do, you will be arrested. Again.”
Our little game of chicken was over. Defeated, I stuffed the envelope in my bag and turned to go. Through the window in Larry’s office I could see OJ standing outside in his wrinkled security uniform. I also saw maybe 25 former coworkers trying hard to pretend that they were working while trying to catch any snippet of conversation coming out of the room. I turned back to Larry. “You called security on me?”
“Surely, you’re not surprised.”
I thought about it for a split second and realized I wasn’t. “No,” I sighed.
Larry rapped lightly on the window and OJ opened the door. “Goodbye, Audrey.” I could tell he was hoping to never see me again.
“Bye, Larry.” I followed the OJ out and he walked me through the office. I kept my head down and my eyes on the floor.
When we got out of the office door, OJ mumbled “Sorry about this, Audrey.”
“It’s okay, OJ. I know you’re just doing your job. At least you have one.” He nodded and took my trash bag from me so I could carry my purse and Crash. We walked down the hall to the elevator and OJ pressed the button for lobby.
In the elevator, the tension was so thick, I could have ice skated on it. “You can ask if you want, OJ.”
He wasted no time. “Did you do it?”
I thought about it for a minute. “Yeah, I guess I did. But it was an accident.”
OJ nodded like that made sense and just said, “Word” like that was the answer to everything. At the sidewalk, passed me my bags and said, “Have a nice day, Audrey. Don’t come back, okay?”
“Okay.”
Chapter 29
Out on the street, it was bright and sunny. Certainly more bright and sunny than I felt. I was broke, homeless, and now unemployed.
Then I remembered that Larry had paid me before he kicked me out. I set my stuff down and dug that envelope out from my bag and ripped it open. Instead of a paycheck, there was a bill for the damage to the warehouse with more zeroes on it than I’d ever seen in my life. I crumpled it and threw it back in my bag. Still broke.
What I needed was a plan. But all I could come up with was to get away from the building before I got arrested for trespassing. I gathered all of my stuff, picked up Crash’s bowl, and instinctively started walking up Front street toward the F train station. I’d get on the train and figure it out from there. I hope I have enough on my Metrocard to get wherever I’m going.
“Audrey!”
I turned around, thinking it was going to be someone coming back to tell me to get off the sidewalk or I was going back to jail. But it wasn’t security at all. It was Mellie.
She emerged from the side door of the building and ran up to me. “Hey,” she breathed.
“Hey,” I answered. Then I blurted out. “I got fired.”
“I know.” Then, “Did you really burn down the warehouse?”
I wanted to throw my hands in the air but I was still carrying everything I owned. “Yeah. I guess I did. Not on purpose, though. But I guess that doesn’t really matter, either.” I hitched my bag on my shoulder. “But, you aren’t surprised, are you? I mean, I am a ‘walking, talking problem.’” I even used air quotes.
“Audrey, I was mad when I said that. Sometimes things come out wrong when your brain is boiling.”
“So you’re sorry now, is that it?”
Mellie paused. “I’m sorry I said it that way.”
“That doesn’t sound like you think you were wrong.”
“Because I wasn’t.”
I turned and started walking away from her up Front Street.
She followed me. “Hey! Hey! Are you seriously going to argue about this after you just got fired for destroying millions of dollar worth of property?”
“On! Accident!!” I screamed. “Why does everyone keep forgetting that part?”
“Exactly!” she screamed back. A woman walked by and gave us a strange look. We had both forgotten that we were on a stretch of sidewalk that got a lot of foot traffic between the eateries, the convenience stores, and the F train stop. Two chicks screaming at each other on the sidewalk draws attention. We both took it down a notch.
Mellie took a deep breath and let it out. “Listen, I’m not sorry about what I said but I am sorry for saying that way. You are a walking, talking disaster waiting to happen. But I forgot the part about you being loveable.”
I melted just teeny bit. “You think I’m loveable?”
“It’s one of your few redeemable qualities, yes.”
“You ran all the way out he
re to tell me that?”
“No.” She reached into her purse and pulled out my candy stash. “You forgot your candy.”
I let out a happy sigh and took the baggie from her. “Thanks. I’m probably going to need this.”
“Audrey, I know things seem fucked up right now but I have this feeling that you are going to be okay. I’ve never met someone so. . . I don’t know. . . indestructible. Crazy stuff always happens to you and you eventually bounce back. I love that about you. I admire you for that. I wish I could take the risks you do and bounce back from the failures you have.”
I winced at the word “failure.” But that was the third time she surprised me in just a few minutes. “You admire me?”
“Of course. Why do you think I hang around with you so much? So I can keep paying for your meals and getting you jobs and lending you money?”
I shook my head. “I actually had no idea. Now, I really feel shitty.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been calling you a bitch in my head for days.”
Mellie shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Sometimes I am a bitch.”
“Me, too,” I laughed. “But I’m going to get my shit together. And I’m gonna be a better friend to you, too. I’ll even give the Omar thing a try again, if you want.”
Mellie gave me a patronizing look. “Please. Omar never wants to see you again. If you see him on the subway, you need to get off the train and wait for the next one.”
I couldn’t help but laugh again. “Sorry. I guess I ruined that, too.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it. Some things just aren’t meant to be.” Mellie glanced back at the building nervously. “I gotta get back in there. I told them I was going for a Starbucks. But we’ll get together soon. We can do brunch or something.”
I thought about my approaching negative bank account. “Only if it’s free.”
“Girl, I got you. Bye, Audrey.”
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