“Go grab us a drink. Make yourself useful,” he teases as he walks into his room, before reappearing with a box in his arms. His back and arms flex easily and I can’t help but stare at him as he carries the box effortlessly. His smile widens when he realizes I’m staring like a fool.
I snap my head away and head downstairs, skipping down the steps and crashing into Pete who appeared to emerge from nowhere.
I fluster, swiping the loose strands of hair that have fallen onto my face away and tuck them slowly behind my ear. I feel his eyes burning into me. As I look up, he smiles apologetically, the warmth of his brown eyes pulling me to my senses.
I look away, not giving him anything back, no emotion, no signs of how I feel on the inside. I try to counteract my racing heart. Breathing slowly, I side step him, my head remaining in a downward position. I shuffle my feet until I reach the counter in the kitchen. Pete has to stop looking at me like that, with those eyes. I can’t take it when he does. I steady myself before walking over to the refrigerator, grabbing three cans and heading back into the entrance where I hear the buzz of the boy’s voices. I hand out the drinks to them, earning myself a wet kiss from Cole.
“Right,” Cole shouts, clapping his hands together. “Let’s get the last of the boxes in my truck,” he instructs Pete.
“Why Pete and not me, asshat?” Ash shrieks.
“Because those scrawny arms,” he points lazily to Ash, “couldn’t lift Pete’s dick. That’s saying something.”
I cover my mouth, trying to stop the laugh that forces its way to the surface. I look at Ash and he looks pissed.
“Leave my dick out of this.” Pete laughs, holding his hands up in a mock surrender.
Ash slurps the last of his drink, crushing the can, before launching it at Cole. He gives me a sharp look. “Bitch, you better get your boyfriend under control.”
I can’t help but laugh again as he walks over, linking his arm in mine.
“Let’s go take the weight off our feet,” he offers, leading us over to the dining table. He leans in, lowering is voice. “Tell me all about things with you and Pete.”
I furrow my brow, turning to look at him. “There really isn’t anything to tell, Ash.”
“Are you sure about that?” he asks. “That little body bump didn’t look like nothing. If anything, it looked pretty fucking awkward to me.”
I sigh, leaning into him, resting my head on his bony shoulder. “I’m really trying here. I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling, but I just can’t help it.” I sit up, being more animated. “It’s that look he gives me; I can’t ignore it.” Ash looks at me blankly. “Come on, you must know the one I’m talking about.”
He rests is hand on my arm. “Ken…” he whispers, pausing for a moment.
“What?” I ask, waiting and eager for him to continue.
“You have to stop this. Just remember, you can look but not touch, right?”
“Who said anything about touching?” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood.
“You need to make a decision and stick with it, Barbie.”
“And I have,” I say with absolute confidence.
“Then stop thinking about Pete,” he murmurs. “You know he’s not going anywhere. He’s Cole’s friend, and quite frankly, an all-round decent guy.”
I was shocked. Did he think this was my fault?
“What are you saying, Ash? That this is me, all me?” I raise my voice unintentionally, but I’m just so annoyed. How could he think badly of me like that? He’s my friend. I though he understood how difficult this was for me.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I’m merely trying to point out that he’s one of the good ones, you know?” I turn my head at the sound of footsteps to see Pete and Cole standing just outside the kitchen. Pete’s hand rests on Cole’s neck and they’re laughing. Ash is right, they are friends. The only person in danger of spoiling that is me.
I swallow down as the sick feeling hits my stomach. I glare at Ash, giving him a threatening look.
He purses his lips. “My lips are sealed,” he softly whispers, before kissing the top of my head and getting up, walking over and embracing the boys.
“I should go and wait for my mom outside,” he shouts over. I smile fondly, waving at him.
“Well thanks for all of your hard work, bones!” Pete laughs, ripping the piss out of Ash. “Or should we call you Ashley?”
“You’re such an asshole, Pete,” he snaps, flipping him the bird before prancing out of the door.
I push back on my chair, making my way over to the guys.
“We all set?” I ask, eager to make the move and get time alone with Cole. Having Pete here was like a cloud hanging over me. I’m pretty sure you could cut the atmosphere with a damn knife.
“All ready,” he answers simply, holding out his hand, and pulling me against his sweat covered torso.
“Urgh, Cole,” I screech. “You’re so wet! Don’t!” I protest, trying to wrestle his hold, but my attempt is futile.
His eyes are hooded and dark, the corner of his lip curling into a smirk, “Shit, I love it when you talk dirty to me, baby.”
I feel the heat instantly rise in my cheeks, my heart pounding with embarrassment.
Shit. I don’t know where to look. I can’t believe he said that in front of Pete. I glance over to Pete quickly. His face is hardened and his lips held tightly together, looking straight back to Cole.
“Don’t be embarrassed, baby. Pete is no fucking virgin.”
“Cole!” I scold.
Pete throws his hand up in the air. “I’ll be in the car when you fuckers have finished.”
I watch him as he waltzes out of the door, shaking his head lightly from side to side.
“So this is it.”
I press my lips together. “Sure is.”
“So I’ll see you there, yeah?”
I look at him confused.
“You’re riding with Pete,” he says, answering my unspoken question. “My truck is full of boxes. It’s safer for you to ride with him.”
I’m mortified. This is the last thing I need. Riding with Pete is definitely not a good idea. I smile, knowing I can’t really protest. I grab my purse, taking one last look around at the only place I have ever really called home, the only place that I have happy memories of, and head out to the car.
Pete’s Audi is parked in the driveway, just at the side of Cole’s truck. I walk over to the car, forcing myself to breathe. Dammit! Breathe, Kennedy! Swallowing down hard, I reach my shaky hand to grasp the handle. I stare at my hand, willing it to stop shaking, but it doesn’t. Dammit, why does my body do this to me? My mind is doing one thing, but my body doing different.
Despite my shaky hand, I pull the door open. Pete bends his head so that he’s in my line of sight. I quickly smile, shuffle in the car, and pull the door shut behind me. The seats are much lower than in the truck and I feel like I practically drop into the seat. I look across at Pete nervously, wiggling, and adjusting my position in the seat.
“You okay there, Ken?” he asks with concern, leaning over to grab the seatbelt.
“I…I…I…can do it. Ttthank you,” I stutter, turning my shoulder, trying my damnedest to avoid any physical contact with him.
“Shit, what’s got your tongue in a twist?” he asks, his face screwed up like he’s chewing a wasp.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” I answer with conviction, straightening my top and adjusting my posture until I’m sitting upright. I guess strong of appearance, strong of mind, right?
I look out of the window, watching Cole pull out of the driveway. I look back over to Pete. “Are we going then?”
“Yes, boss!” he salutes me sarcastically. He reaches down to the ignition, turns the key, and puts the car in drive. I watch him intently as he sits in the driver’s seat. I swallow down the metallic taste as I focus on the corner of his mouth, twitching near his cheek. The mix of nerves and excitement wreak havoc on my body as the adrenaline
courses through my veins. He sits in the seat, so composed, looking so effortlessly in control. The sexy ass grin never leaves his face. I’m stuck to the spot, my leg tapping nervously. All I can do is look out of the window.
Pete lets out a huge sigh, snapping me from my thoughts. I want to ask him what’s wrong, find out what’s eating him, but I don’t have the guts. I’m afraid it will explode into a full on conversation about this whole shitty ass situation; a conversation I’m not ready for or prepared to have. I stare out the window, focusing on the sunlight radiating across my face. The sun is always a welcome feeling to my skin. Enjoying the sun wasn’t something I had experienced much during my years of isolation. Being allowed out in the daylight wasn’t something that happened very often, unless I was being left to rot in the heat. The warmth of the sun was always used as a weapon, not something to be enjoyed. Despite how fucked up this was, I actual loved the feeling of the sun against my skin.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” the hum of Pete’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. I glance over to him, his elbow is resting against the window, his head resting in his hand.
“I don’t know. What do you want from me, Pete? I’m trying here. I’m trying to do the right thing by everybody.”
“Everybody?” He laughs sarcastically. “By everybody, you mean Cole, don’t you?”
I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and the annoyance building as I turn in my seat to face him. What the hell does he want from me? Well, I know what he wants and I can’t give him that. Does that mean every time we are together it’s going to be like this?
“You’re not exactly making this easy for me, Pete. I’ve told you I’m with Cole. I love Cole. We are making a future together. Can’t you see that?”
“Oh, I’m soooo sorry,” he says dramatically. “I’m so sorry I can’t just switch off my feelings for you.”
“You don’t have feelings for me, Pete.” I tap the side of my head. “It’s all in here. It’s not real.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel, Ken. Don’t patronize me.”
I sink lower in my seat. Dammit! Everything I say makes things worse.
“You’ve not given me chance; you’ve not given us a chance,” he says, emotion thick in his tone.
I close my eyes, inhaling deeply. “There is no us, Pete, and you know that.”
“Do I? Or are you just denying the inevitable? If you felt nothing for me, it wouldn’t be like this. You wouldn’t be going fucking crazy for me if you didn’t really feel something!”
I feel my body shake as the anger grows inside. I’m not doing this. I’m not fucking doing this! My temper explodes and it takes everything not to force him to stop the car and let me out.
“What? What is it you see in me, Pete? I’m fucked up! Not just on the inside but on the outside too. I wear the scars on my body from being tortured. I’ve been raped more times than you have been laid. So yeah, I’m not this perfect piece of skirt you think I am.”
I stare at him bug eyed, waiting for him to answer me, for him to admit that this whole thing is bullshit but he doesn’t speak. Several times I notice him open his mouth slightly, as though he might actually say something, but he doesn’t.
“But don’t you see…”
“See what?” I snap, cutting him off mid-sentence. “What exactly is there to see? You may think this,” – I gesture, circling my face – “is pretty, but in here,” – I tap the side of my head – “In here, it’s pretty fucking ugly.”
“Don’t say that,” he snaps. “Your imperfections are what make you perfect. Why is it so hard to believe that someone might actually like you, for you? For the person you have become despite where you have been or what you have been through. You really need to work on your self-belief.”
“Arrghh,” I growl out in frustration. “You’re impossible.”
“Did anyone ever tell you that you look hot when you’re angry?”
My arm flies out toward him, connecting with the top of his lean but muscular arm.
“Ouch,” he mock-sulks, rubbing the spot where my hand connected.
“Seriously though, this is not funny!”
“Oh, lighten up, Kennedy. You need a little more laughter in your life, girl!”
“Maybe!” I snap. “But not at the expense of mine and Cole’s relationship!”
“It’s not like that and you know it.” He grimaces at me before turning and gluing his eyes to the road.
For the rest of the drive we don’t speak. We sit in the most uncomfortable silence, neither one of us making a solitary noise.
.
When we pull up outside the apartment blocks, Cole’s truck is already parked in the nearest space outside the wide open door. I don’t say anything as I release my seatbelt and reach for the handle. I feel a heavy hand on my arm as it pulls me to a complete stop. I fleet my eyes from his hand and up to his face, sadness plagues his eyes as he takes deep breaths. I sense he’s trying to pluck up the courage to speak.
“I’m sorry,” he muffles, before clearing his throat. “I didn’t mean for it to be this way.”
I smile wholeheartedly; something about his demeanor tells me he means what he says.
“I just wish it was me,” he murmurs, releasing his hold, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
I inhale sharply, my nostrils flaring before reaching out and taking his hand.
“It is always going to be Cole. I love Cole,” I say, dropping his hand and racing out of the car and toward the apartment with a feeling of finality, like this really is the end of anything between me and Pete. I snap my head at the sound of his tires screeching as he races off with speed.
I stare at Cole’s truck with its door still wide open, as I make my way up the steps. It’s strange he hasn’t been back out for the last few boxes. I reach the door, which is still ajar, and begin calling out his name. I feel panic rise in me as I call out as his name again. I listen intently for a reply, but there’s nothing. I take small steps through the entrance hall and into the living area. My eyes dart from side to side, trying to locate him. I quickly scan the kitchen but he’s not there. I walk over to the patio, checking the outside area. Nothing. As I make my way back through the apartment, toward the staircase, I stop in my tracks.
Cole is sitting there, his head resting in his hands, clutching his cell phone. I feel the heat course through my veins as my chest tightens, the panic rising intently.
“What is it, Cole? What’s wrong?” He doesn’t lift his head. Instead, he just reaches his arms out, pulling me toward him until his head rests against my waist.
“I’m sorry, Kennedy. I’m so sorry,” he whispers, gripping the back of my top tightly.
“Cole, you’re frightening me.” I place both of my hands on the side of his head, pushing it back until his face meets my own.
“That was mom on the phone.”
“And? Is everything okay?” I snap.
“She’s found out some info on Dennis.”
My heart is in my throat, beating rapidly, as my adrenaline spikes. I take deep breaths to calm myself.
“I’m so sorry, baby. It looks like he was telling the truth after all.”
I drop to my knees before wiping away the single tear that falls over my heated cheek. I look into Cole’s eyes, the vivid color no longer there. They are softer, as if all the color has drained from them. It makes me sad to see him like this. I have to do something, say something, to make this better. I reach out my hands, running them through his messy, sweat coated hair. “I’m okay. Honestly, I’m fine with this.”
“How can you be? Fuck!” he growls out. “This is so messed up!”
“No!” I shout. “This changes nothing.”
“Oh come on, this changes everything. This means that the baby you’re carrying is blood related to Dennis fucking Jeffries.”
“Don’t you think I know that, Cole!” I roar. “But there’s no way he’ll ever be involved in our lives or in this baby’s life.”
“You know it won’t be like that.” He shakes his head. “He’ll use it as an excuse to make our lives miserable for as long as he wants, and there isn’t a single fucking thing we can do about it.”
“Once we are finished with school, we don’t have to do shit, Cole. We just keep our distance, wait it out. It will get better, I promise.”
“How can you be so sure, Kennedy? Are you seriously telling me this doesn’t bother you?”
“Of course it bothers me, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I guess I had prepared myself for the worst, you know?”
He looks up at me with sad eyes, nodding in agreement. He pulls me closer, squeezing me tightly.
“How the fuck do you do it, baby? How do you stay so strong, despite everything? I understand if you need to scream or shout, just do it. Let it all out.”
“I’m okay. Really I am.”
He reaches up, cupping the back of my head. “Fuck, you’re amazing. What did I do to deserve you?”
He drags my head toward his, kissing me softly. I cling to his every touch, kissing him back. The intensity grows between us – as if he’s my lifeline. Our breaths quicken, as does the pace of our kiss, going from tender to heated in a matter of seconds. His hands caress my neck and move down my back, bringing me so close that our bodies mold together as one. His hands roam from my back until he grabs my ass with just the right amount of force, pulling me onto his lap.
“Dammit, baby. I want you so bad,” he gasps between kisses.
He tugs on my pants, removing them easily. I feel his hand move between my legs, a twinge of excitement hitting my sweet spot. He rubs his fingers over my panties and I start to move against him, wanting and needing to feel more.
“You like that?” he whispers, his breaths becoming labored and uneven. I reach down, rubbing my hand over his erect cock. He slips his fingers below the seam of my panties as he starts to caress my sweet spot.
“Argh, so good,” I cry out in pure pleasure.
Keeping Hope (Broken Girl Series) Page 17