“Baby, I’m here,” he whispers, breaking the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
I look up at him, opening my eyes slowly; the sting of the fallen tears causes me to blink repeatedly. I make instant contact with the beauty of his eyes, the sweet sparkle of the green emeralds I always manage to lose myself in.
“I’m broken, Cole. I’m so fucking messed up in here.” I point to my head. “The evil haunts me. The memories are etched into my brain, into my soul, and I can’t escape. I’m running from myself, only I’m never going to get away, am I?”
“You are so strong,” he whispers, kissing my head. “In here,” – he points to my head – “in here it might be dark, but here,” – he taps gently on my chest – “in here is something so deeply beautiful,” he concludes.
I close my eyes again, not because of the pain, but because I need to kiss this man. He sees what no one else can see. Dammit, he sees something in me even I can’t recognize. I move ever so slightly until my swollen lips meet his.
The feel of his sweet touch sends my mind into a sensual state of intoxication. I flicker my eyes open, needing to see him. His eyes glisten as he presses into me, the pain within me blurring as I look deep into his eyes. My lids fall shut in pure ecstasy of the moment. The flutter of my heart pushing out the pain of my memories.
This is why I need him.
He is my drug, my painkiller.
Cole presses his tongue against the seam of my swollen lips. I react, opening my mouth a little to allow him access. The sweet taste of him is unforgettable. My hands reach up, working through his thick, tangled dark hair. Unexpectedly, his hand drifts to my thigh, pulling it up until we are pressed against each other, my leg resting over his.
The feel of his hands on the soft of my skin sends a warm tingle, spreading like fire throughout my body. Our breaths quicken as does the pace of our kiss, becoming desperate and needy. I pull back for air, trying to catch my breath. As we part, I notice the sparkle in his eyes and the smile pulling at the curve of his lip.
I can’t help but smile as his eyes drift downward and focus on my lips, as though he’s thinking of kissing me again. He leans in, placing a soft lingering kiss on my lips before pulling back. I feel my head move forward, wanting more and feeling sad at the loss of contact.
I watch him as he jumps back off the bed, padding out of the bedroom. I pull the loose towel tighter around my body before slowly getting up from the bed. I look at the soggy sheets, water still dripping from my long locks. I creep into the hall and across to the bathroom, grabbing another towel to wrap around my head, trying to soak up some of the water. I glance at myself in the mirror. The redness around my eyes and nose is not an attractive look. I roll my eyes at my reflection, walking back into the bedroom. It is time to pull myself together. I have to be strong for Cole, for my unborn child. I take in a deep breath, pushing back my shoulders, adjusting my posture, and telling myself I can do this. Despite everything, I can do this.
Walking back to the bedroom, I stop in my tracks at the doorway. Cole sits on the edge of the bed, tray in hand.
“Breakfast is served, birthday girl.” He smiles, offering me the tray with a stack of pancakes and fresh OJ.
“Happy birthday, Ken.”
“Thank you,” I gush, taking the tray from his hands before sitting beside him. “Really, you didn’t have to do this.”
“I wanted to and you looked so comfortable laying here. I didn’t wanna drag that sexy ass downstairs just yet.” He winks, the smile creasing his cheeks to expose his delicious dimples.
“Well I can’t exactly get back in bed now. The whole damn thing is wet because of me.” I point over to the wet sheets.
“Hmm, I see that. Maybe I will have to carry that ass downstairs then.” He smirks widely, leaning in and kissing me on the tip of my nose. There is a sudden loud knock at the front door. Cole and I look at each other, shrugging as neither one of us is expecting visitors.
Cole heads downstairs to answer the door. Male voices can be heard as I quickly throw on some clothes, my hair still wrapped in the towel. I make my way downstairs, carrying the tray of food with me. I walk over and place it on the breakfast bar counter. I turn around and jump out of my skin at the sight of Ash standing in the living room with the biggest bunch of helium balloons I have ever seen.
“Happy birthday, my little Barbie,” he bellows.
I laugh, my hand covering my mouth as he stands there with all of these balloons.
“Eighteen to be precise!” he sings.
I narrow my eyes, not sure what it is he’s talking about.
“Balloons,” he shouts.
“Oh, right,” I giggle. “Seriously, Ash, only you could think of something like this.” I walk over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder as I lean upward, kissing his cheek lightly. His eyes lock on my face, a sudden scowl appearing as he takes in my disheveled appearance.
“Guuurl, you look like shit. What’s wrong?”
I chuckle a little, his honesty never ceasing to amaze me. “Jeez thanks, Ash.” I continue to laugh to myself.
“What’s wrong, Kennedy?” he asks, his tone now more serious. His face is close to mine as his eyes bore into me.
“I’m fine,” I laugh. “Honestly, I’m fine. I uh, just had a bit of a moment this morning, but I’m okay now,” I rush out, smiling, trying to placate him.
He narrows his eyes at me, glancing over to Cole and back to me. “Sure?” he asks.
I simply nod, pointing over to the breakfast bar. “Pancakes?” I suggest, rubbing my hands together, eager to dig in.
He nods in agreement, leaving the balloons resting on the floor and walks over to sit beside me on the stools. I look up at Cole, the smallest, but warmest of smiles is creaking at his lips. I reach out for him, holding his hand tightly. There is no getting away from the fact that this man is my salvation, the missing piece of my jigsaw.
‘Thank you’, I mouth to him.
He tips his head just a little, winking discreetly at me as he proceeds to make coffee for himself and Ash. The aromatic smell fills my senses, brightening my mood.
I look at Ash. His eyes never leaving my face. As Cole turns his back, Ash mouths, ‘are you really okay?’
“Of course,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in closely, holding on tightly as we hug. I love that he cares so much and is so concerned about me.
“Well, okay,” he sings. “But, girl, we have to work on that face of yours. The birthday girl cannot be looking like that.” He points to my face with a limp hand.
I look at him, rolling my eyes as I grab the plate of pancakes and push it right in front of him. “Oh, stuff a pancake in it, Ash,” I joke, hoping to get him to drop the fact that I look like roadkill.
We explode in a fit of laughter. Ash knocks shoulders with me, as he leans in, unable to control himself as he laughs hysterically.
I spend the next ten or so minutes catching up with Ash and eating the pancakes Cole made for us. It’s not long before Ash drags me back up the stairs, eager to help me get ready. He tells me how to wear my hair and which makeup I should use to cover my tear stained, blotchy skin.
Quite honestly, he’s being a bit of a bossy bitch, but I don’t moan. I guess it’s his way of caring, his way of helping. I can’t help but feel sad that Abbey isn’t here. She just knows what to say and how to babble uncontrollably to keep my mind away from my dark thoughts.
I turn to Ash. “Do you think Abbey will actually recover? I mean really be back to normal?” I need the honest truth about her condition. I’ve been told so very little.
“I hope so,” he answers with a sad smile on his face. “Good news is that we will be able to visit her regularly now that she’s being transferred to the hospital here.”
“I’m excited to see her.”
“Me too, Barbie…” he trails off. “Right. Well, I think you
look a little more like a human again,” he retorts, flicking some of my now curly hair over my shoulders. “See, better.” He smiles at me through the reflection in the mirror.
We make our way back down the stairs, my ears picking up at the sound of yet more voices. I walk into the small living area and between all the extra bodies and the mass of balloons, the room looks full. I look over and shudder at the sight of Pete sitting on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, drinking his mug of what looks like coffee. I struggle to pull my eyes away from him. He looks so different, so fresh faced and well. I hate to admit it, but he also looks really hot. I snap my head to the side at the sound of Jocelyn calling my name, waving a gift bag in front of her. I walk over, embracing her as she smiles fondly at me.
“Happy birthday, Kennedy!” She beams, eager for me to take the present from her hands.
“Thank you,” I say. “You really didn’t have to. You’ve already done enough for me.”
“Oh nonsense.” She waves her hand in front of me. “You’re only eighteen once,” she announces. I take the gift bag and walk over to sit down. I look desperately with my eyes, searching for somewhere other than the space beside Pete.
Shit.
I have no choice but to slide in beside him, the bag clutched tightly in my hands.
“Hi,” he whispers, bumping arms with me.
Damn he looks so cute. I tear my eyes away and proceed to open the gift from Jocelyn. I feel like all eyes are on me and it’s making me unnecessarily nervous. I open the bag, taking out the mid-size burgundy jewelry box. I hold it in my shaky hands, pulling at it, trying to get the damn thing open.
“Here let me,” offers Pete.
“No,” I snap, my hand knocks his away as he tries to reach for the box. I adjust my back, straightening as I take in a huge breath, glancing up to the eyes burning into me. Ash, Cole, and Jocelyn all look at me with faces full of confusion. My little snap at Pete obviously arousing their curiosity. I turn the box in my hands one last time, tugging on the lid. Finally, it opens, showcasing a delicate and very tasteful necklace with a stunning sapphire and diamond pendant.
“Wow!” I gasp. “Honestly, Jocelyn, this is too much. You really shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, I should and I wanted to,” she beams. “Come on, let’s see it on you. I thought the sapphire would complement those stunning blue eyes of yours.”
I carefully remove the necklace and the attached pendant from the box, holding it out for Jocelyn. She walks in front of me to help put on the stunning piece of jewelry. I choke down the emotion that hits me like a brick. The fact that these people are here, on my birthday, and that they obviously care for me and want to make my birthday special, causes me to fight back the impending tears. Not sad tears. Happy tears.
I’ve never had a birthday like this.
A birthday filled with happiness, not fear.
I’m not sure I can ever convey clearly how much I appreciate each and every one of them.
I reach my hand down, touching the necklace resting just below my collarbone. “This is stunning. Thank you so much.” I stand up and embrace her again.
“You deserve special things, young lady,” she says, touching the side of my face carefully before leaning in and placing a light kiss on my forehead. I smile wholeheartedly to the women who rescued me, who loved me when no one else did.
The rest of the day is beyond special. Our apartment soon fills up with familiar faces from school. The jocks are out in the yard with their shirts off, having some kind of wrestling contest. I really thought that Ash was going to have a damn heart attack at the sight of all these buff, half naked bodies rolling around in the grass.
I sit back with Ash watching the whole thing play out. His comedic commentary has me in fits of laughter.
We sit on the deck, the umbrella shading us from the afternoon sun. The day warm and bright with very little breeze. Ash bends his head toward mine, never tearing his eyes away from the sea of half-naked men.
“Your little display with Pete got people talking, Barbie.”
I snap my head to the side, making sure I’m in his line of sight. “What do you mean talking? Who is talking?” I trail off as I feel the panic rising.
Ash covers the side of his mouth with his hand. “I heard Cole talking to Pete earlier, asking him what the fuck was going on.”
“Shit,” I grate out, under my breath.
“You gotta try and keep it together, girl.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” I grind out. “It’s not that easy.”
Ash grabs my hand and starts pulling me back inside the apartment. “Come on,” he coaxes. “We really need to talk, away from prying ears.”
I let him lead me up the stairs to our spare room. He places his hand on the small of my back, pushing me toward the rocking chair.
“Sit,” he orders, pointing directly at the chair. I don’t argue. I fall back into the seat, the rocking starting automatically.
“I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours, Kennedy.”
“Shit,” I exhale loudly. “I don’t even understand it myself, Ash.”
“Well maybe talking things over with yours truly just might help you work it out.”
“Dammit! It’s such a mess,” I growl out.
“Okay, let’s start from the top. I thought you had made a decision about Pete.”
“I have, of course I have. I’m with Cole. I love Cole,” I say adamantly.
“But…”
“But, he’s there and I’m confused. My heart and mind start racing, you know, that shit you have no control over. But I know that I love Cole and want to be with him. I just don’t get why I’m reacting to Pete this way.”
“Because your human, and he’s hot!” he laughs. “I mean, not as hot as my man crush, Cole, but hot in a funny guy makes you laugh kinda hot.”
I let out a little snort of laughter, happy that Ash gets it.
“Kennedy, it’s normal to find other guys attractive, as long as it’s looky but no touchy!”
“Easier said than done when the funny, hot guy appears to have a little thing for you!” I raise my eyes and Ash laughs, shaking his head.
I stand up. “We should get back downstairs before anyone realizes we are missing. After all, I’m the birthday girl,” I giggle, flicking my long hair back over my shoulder as I walk toward the door, slowly pulling it open.
I feel Ash’s hand on my shoulder as we make our way through the doorway. I glance back over at him smiling, but I stop dead in my tracks as I walk straight into a hard torso. I turn to look at the obstacle and everything happens as though in slow motion. As I look at Pete in front of me, his eyes dark and broody, he holds up a monitor.
“You guys ought to be a little more careful about where you’re having your secret talks,” he snarls, pushing the monitor into my hands and storming off down the staircase.
“Shit,” Ash sighs, pushing his hands through his hair. I look at him, then back at the monitor in my hand.
“What is this, Ash?” I question.
“It’s the damn baby monitor we set up for you the other day. The receiving monitor must have been on downstairs.”
I feel the color in my face drain as I swallow down hard, wondering exactly who overheard our conversation.
“I had no idea.”
“I’m sorry, Kennedy. I totally forgot about the monitor. I didn’t think they would be on.” He places his hand on the top of my back. “With any luck it was just Pete that overheard. I’m pretty sure we would have world war fucking three going on had Cole overheard.”
“Right.” I purse my lips, realizing we need to go find out whether anyone else overheard.
Come on,” I shout over my shoulder, making my way down the stairs with speed. I quickly scan the room. All I see is Pete slumped on the bar stool holding a bottle of beer in his hand. I sigh heavily. The sight of him sitting there looking so deflated hurts my insides. I wonder why he’s not outside w
ith the others.
“You go talk to him. I’ll go and mingle with the hotties outside,” Ash whispers in my ear. “Can’t promise I’ll keep my hands off Cole though, Barbie.”
“You better.” I point at him, kissing his cheek lightly before rushing over to the kitchen to speak with Pete.
I walk around into the small kitchen, on the other side of the counter from Pete, so we can be face to face. Also because I want a little space between us. He catches sight of me as I enter the kitchen. His head never moves but his eyes are transfixed on me as I walk in and lean down in front of him.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You didn’t over hear anything I haven’t already said to you, Pete.”
“It wasn’t what you said, Kennedy. It was that you were stupid enough to go into a room with a monitor and start spouting shit about us and how you feel.”
I push away from the counter, stepping back and crossing my arms. “You’re no fun anymore, Pete. I feel like this whole thing has changed you; like you’ve gone from being the life and soul of the party, to a miserable goon in the space of a few weeks.”
He huffs, “Goon, huh?”
“Yeah,” I snap back.
“Well I guess rejection will do that to you!”
“Dammit, Pete! Don’t, please don’t make me feel any shittier than I already do about this.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret here, Ken,” he breaths heavily, his muscles in his chest bulging as it rises and falls. “I know I could make you mine. I know how much you want me. And in all honestly, if you weren’t knocked up I would never have backed off. It’s purely out of respect for you and the baby that I haven’t fucking pushed this, that I haven’t pursued us. I would have kept trying until you could no longer deny your feelings for me.” He stands up, pushing back the stool. His muscular forearm rests on the counter as he leans over, getting as close as he can from the other side. “Then I would fuck you so hard until you were screaming out my name. Not his.”
Keeping Hope (Broken Girl Series) Page 21