by Kora Knight
The sensation of drowning swallowed him whole, the stream of unbidden speculations making him bonkers. With no idea what to think. Or do. Or feel. Had he been reading Scott wrong all this time?
His heart pounded faster as he picked up speed, like the stupid thing was suddenly racing with his feet. If only he could drop kick it across the frickin’ parking lot. Maybe then his head could finally chill out and forget this whole crappy night.
Tad’s eyes locked onto his ticket out of Hell. Parked under a street lamp at the end of a row, no sight had ever looked sweeter. Of course, his brain immediately begged to differ, bombarding him with images of Scott’s face. Those captivating eyes. That incredible smile… formed by those amazing lips. Lips he’d been wanting to kiss all damn night.
“Fuck.”
He inhaled a lungful of crisp night air, the stuff instantly flooding his system. It helped a little to cool his jets, but not enough. His head was just too riled up. He frowned as asphalt crunched beneath his feet, and promptly dug out his keys.
Chirp, chirp.
Man, that sounded good. Even his parking lights managed to soothe him. Like little flashing beacons waving him toward salvation. He drew in another fortifying breath. No doubt he’d be analyzing the hell out of tonight for the next godforsaken week. Maybe he was being insecure, blowing things out of proportion. Didn’t feel like it, though. Especially with the crap that went down in that bathroom. God, just thinking about Scott with Kai was making him frickin’ mental— the prospect giving his overactive brain plenty of shit to chew on.
Reaching his Jeep, he grabbed its door handle and tugged that puppy open.
“Tad.”
Every hair on the back of his neck stood. Scott was right behind him. And he honestly wasn’t sure if he was happy about that. Initially, he’d been dying to catch him in private. But now? After all that business inside?
Clutching the side of his open door, he forced himself to turn around. “Scott. Hey.”
Tall, dark and sexy came to a stop. “Where you going?”
Ugh. Just keep it short and to the point.
“Uh… Heading home.”
“Home? What about your friend’s birthday?”
Tad shrugged. “He’s pretty torched. Won’t even notice I’m gone.”
Scott frowned, eyeing him and then his Jeep. “So, what? You’re gonna drive now? After you’ve been drinking?”
“I haven’t had that much. And I ate a big meal beforehand.”
Scott stepped closer —too close, in fact— and inhaled deep through his nose. “You smell like beer.”
God, Tad could feel the heat emanating off his body. Made him want to lean right in and palm the guy’s warm pecs. A gruff voice echoed in the back of his mind. Kai’s hands have probably already been there. Sean’s probably have been, too.
Tad tensed at the thought. Ugh, he couldn’t do this right now. Not with so much crazy shit still banging around in his head. And chest. He was just too raw. Needed to leave. Get away from all things Scott.
Shaking his head, he turned to his Jeep. “I’m good, dude. I swear.”
Scott’s iron fingers gripped his bicep and twisted him back around. “Tad. You’re not driving.”
Irritation building, he clenched his teeth. “Actually, I am.”
Scott scowled. “What the hell. You pissed at me? That I showed up here or something? ’Cause it’s not like I knew you’d be at this club.”
Tad gave his arm a tug. “No. I just don’t wanna be here anymore.”
“Fine,” Scott countered, still not letting go. “Then let me drive you home.”
Tad shook his head stubbornly. “Dude. I’m good. Swear to God. Just… go back inside with your friends.”
“Tad,” Scott growled. “I will kick your ass if you get behind that wheel.”
Goddamn it. Why was he being so difficult? Tad bit back a curse. He really needed Scott to let him go. And not just because he wanted to kiss the guy —right after he punched him in the face— but because at any minute, his mouth was going to bust like the Hoover fucking Dam. Gushing about pansy emotions, like how all that stuff back at the bar made him feel. And he’d be damned. Not when the two of them were finally on equal ground. Nope. Last Tuesday he’d finally proved his worth. No way was he taking that back.
Time to make a break for it with the oldest trick in the book.
“Look,” he muttered, muscles readying to dive. “I appreciate your concern. I do. But it’s not necessary. Go ask my friends how much I drank. Or better yet, take my word for it and go back to your friends. You know,” he deadpanned, gesturing toward the club. “Those two big fuckers standing by the door, staring us down as we speak.”
Scott paused and glanced over his shoulder.
Go, go, go!
Snatching his arm free, Tad jumped into his Jeep and quickly slammed the door. Scott whipped his head around, eyes flashing furiously. Chunk went the locks as his engine gunned to life.
“Tad,” Scott growled. “Do not piss me off.”
Tad’s brows shot up incredulously. Don’t piss him off? Was he serious? More images of Scott and Kai sliced through his reeling brain. Yeah, pissed off didn’t even begin to describe the shit that he was feeling.
Shoving it into reverse, he glared at the guy. “Go back inside, dude. I’m going home.”
But as he gunned his Jeep backward and out of its spot, Scott snarled and smacked his hood. Tad’s spine shot ramrod stiff. That punkass did not just hit his Jeep. And give him that threatening stare. Not after the crap Tad just endured.
Nostrils flaring, he flipped Scott the bird, then hit the gas and drove off.
***
Thankfully, his drive home was easy enough. No law enforcement and plenty of green lights. But as he pulled to a stop and cut off his engine, all he could do was frown. The night had tanked so damn fast. And all because of Scott. Which was completely screwed up since up until now, he’d always had the opposite effect. Yeah, all that bullshit back at the club was definitely doing a number on his head. Each little event spliced together and running on an endless loop.
He rubbed his face and cursed, actually wishing he had drunk more. So he could forget all that crap had ever even happened. So his chest would ease up and chill.
His eyes slid over to the passenger side floorboard. He still had Breck’s birthday gift shoved under the seat. An easy-enough-to-replace bottle of 80-proof Fuck It. Oh, yeah. His brain would be getting a scrub after all.
Unlatching his seatbelt, he leaned over and snagged it, not bothering to take it out of the paper bag. After a couple resolute cap-turns, he brought the stuff to his mouth.
Bye-bye, bad vibes. We’ll reconvene tomorrow.
Bottoming it up, he relaxed his throat and let the stuff pour right down. Three languid swallows, and a quarter of it was gone. Tad winced at the burn, then did it again.
Two-thirds remaining… one-half… one-third…
Too bad he needed to breathe. Not that there was any reason to kill the whole thing now. Air filled his lungs as he set the thing down and absently stared out the windshield. In a couple of minutes he’d be flying high. Or maybe even—
The curt bark of brakes had him jumping in his seat, an angry engine’s rev following suit. Tad glanced over his shoulder, then froze like a statue. Fuck. Scott. Blocking him in with his Challenger.
The dude threw open his door and shoved out of his car, Disturbed’s fast-paced tempo surging from his speakers.
“Shit,” Tad cursed, fumbling for his keys. His door flew open a millisecond later.
“Get. Out.”
Whole body tense, Tad peered at the guy. Dayum. Someone looked exceptionally pissed. Made Tad wonder if maybe he should—
Scott’s big hand reached in and fisted his shirt, then yanked him out of his seat. Next thing he knew, his back was getting slammed against the side of his Jeep.
“What the fuck!” Definitely not the kind of roughhousing Tad typically liked to
“You could have killed someone, you stupid prick. You could have killed yourself!”
Tad’s own livid fire roared back to life— fanned by vodka, making him see red. “You know what?” he shouted, giving the guy a shove. “Don’t even. I told you I barely drank, and I hadn’t.” He pointed to the bottle in his Jeep. “See? Waited ’til I got home. Sure would’ve been nice, though, to’ve gotten the benefit of a doubt.”
Scott stepped into his personal space, glaring angry daggers. “When it comes to drinking and driving, I don’t play that shit. It’s why I offered you a ride.”
Tad pursed his lips. “Yeah, well, I was trying to get away from you, so that would’ve defeated the purpose.”
He turned to go, but Scott grabbed his arm and yanked him to a stop. A wave of inebriation sloshed against his skull. Ah, crap. He was about to do the really drunk dance. Which always came with a nice big serving of diarrhea mouth. Saying too much about stuff that he shouldn’t.
Scott looked downright offended. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You can’t even be in the same building as me whenever your boys are around?”
Tad laughed bitterly. “More like whenever yours are.” Scott frowned, clearly confused. Tad shook his head. “Go play with your friends, dude. Max. And Kai. And Sean. I’m pretty fucking sure they’re already missing you.”
Aaaaand the diarrhea was officially flowing.
Abort conversation. Abort, abort, abort!
Pivoting on his heel, Tad kicked it into gear.
Angrily, Scott reached out and tugged him back, making Tad even dizzier. “What the hell? Are— Are you jealous?”
Fiery resentment churned in Tad’s gut, coiling every muscle tight. The guy had some serious nerve to sound surprised.
Fuming, he met Scott’s eyes. “You know how I feel about you. I told you on Tuesday.” He shifted his weight and squared his shoulders. “So, yeah, seeing Kai all over you, and Sean for that matter, too, wasn’t exactly fun.” He shook off Scott’s hold and gestured to the distance. “I mean, fuck, dude. How would you like it if I had… a bunch of…”
His words tapered off as understanding dawned. “Damn,” he muttered, eyes diverting in realization. “And there’s my answer.” He exhaled hard and looked back at Scott. “You wouldn’t care if the roles were reversed, because you don’t even want me like that.”
Scott just stood there, balking and shit. Surprised, maybe? Embarrassed even? That Tad had figured him out?
Tad’s ribs seized hard with vicious pain. Holy hell, they weren’t kidding when they said the truth frickin’ hurt. Groaning, he covered his face. “Fuuuck. Why did I kiss you? I knew better. God, I knew better.” His insides felt like a hurricane was capsizing his effing heart. Turning, he stalked out from between the parked cars and headed for his apartment. He needed to get away before he crumbled. Nobody needed to witness that shit.
“Tad,” Scott ground out, hot on his heels. “Wait.”
But Tad forced his feet forward, not daring to look back. Crap, his chest hurt so freaking bad.
“Goddamn it. Stop.” Scott’s fingers grabbed his wrist and locked like manacles.
Head raging, Tad spun around. “What? What the fuck do you want from me?”
Scott stiffened, his expression hardening. “That’s a loaded question.”
“Yeah? Well, then let me ask you this: What the fuck am I to you?”
“You know what you are to me.”
“Do I? Cause I’m pretty sure I don’t. I mean, I thought I did. But now I’m not so sure. Because clearly I’m not your man. If I was, you’d never have behaved like you did at the club.” He chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “And you’re definitely not my friend. No friend of mine makes me feel the way you do.”
Scott’s jaw muscle ticked, his fingers squeezing tighter. “And how exactly do I make you feel?”
Tad’s heart pounded violently. He needed to shut up right freaking now. “So many ways I can’t keep track,” he blurted. “But then, when I think I’ve got it figured out? Everything messes back up. Which means I’m always confused. It’s exhausting, dude. And frustrating as hell.” He groaned and scrubbed his face. “God, I thought things were finally making sense. Thought we were finally making sense.”
“We make more sense than you know,” Scott murmured. “Let’s go inside. I’ll make you some coffee.”
Another grim laugh rose up Tad’s throat. “Yeah, right. We both know what’ll happen if you come inside. And it won’t be chatting over coffee.”
Scott stilled. “You’re drunk. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh, but you would if I was straight?” He paused with a snort. “Although, I guess ‘straight’ isn’t exactly the right word, is it. Let’s go with sober. You’d have no problems hitting it if I was sober.”
Scott bristled defensively. “You never seemed to mind. Always gave it up pretty easily, actually.”
Tad’s insides deflated, his smirk turning sad. “Ah, see? Now we’re getting somewhere. The answer to my initial question. What I am to you. Which evidently is nothing but a challenge. To do what, though? See if you could fuck me out of the closet?” A fresh surge of pain sliced through his ribs. This couldn’t be happening. Shit had always felt so real.
Scott’s jaw clenched tighter. “Shut up, Tad. You’re talking out your ass.”
Tad shook his head, all the night’s events coalescing in his brain. “I don’t think so. I think I’ve nailed it on the head.” He laughed sardonically. “Though, hell, with all this talk of asses and head, maybe we should just get it on— unless you’d rather go back to Kai.”
A low growl rumbled in Scott’s throat. “Jealousy doesn’t become you.”
Tad threw his arms out to his sides. “Why the fuck would I be jealous? You’re not mine, and I sure as hell ain’t yours. That much I think we’ve established.”
“You’ve established. Truth is, you’re not ready to be mine.”
Tad pointed at him angrily. “Don’t turn this shit on me. Because whether I’m ready or not makes no difference. You don’t want me like that. I’m just someone to scratch your itch.”
Scott’s features darkened. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I never pursued you for sex. It was you who came back to me. All I’ve ever done was all I ever could. Wait. For you to open your eyes and see me. Really see me. Standing here. Waiting. For you.”
God, Tad wanted to believe that so bad. But actions spoke louder than words. “Is that what you were doing tonight? Waiting for me in that bathroom with Kai?”
A shadow of chagrin settled on Scott’s face. “That wasn’t what it looked like— what your buddy walked in on. Kai was just showing me some ink on his thigh. Had it done this afternoon and wanted to show it off.”
Tad paused. Could it really be that innocent? Shit, he wished, but there were so many other factors. He eyed Scott skeptically. “So, how come he couldn’t keep his hands off you at the bar?”
Scott exhaled and dragged a hand through his hair. “He’s not normally like that. I think he was trying to piss Breck off. Something’s seriously up with those two.”
Now that Tad could actually buy into. Kai did act weird around the guy. Still…
“What about Sean? You two looked awfully friendly.”
Scott shook his head. “He’s been talking to me about Max. Wanting advice. So, I guess we’ve sorta become friends. But that’s the extent of it. Never anything more.”
“And Max?” Tad mumbled, watching his eyes. He’d been wanting to know that one for ages. What better time to ask. “You ever wait for me with him?”
Scott’s gaze was rock steady. “There hasn’t been anyone since you.”
Tad frowned uneasily. Because typically, if shit sounded too good to be true? Then yeah, it normally was.
Scott pursed his lips, clearly frustrated. “Tad, when you asked me what I wanted from you and I said it was a loaded question? I meant it. Sure sex with you is incredible. I love it. Would hate to live without it. But sex isn’t everything. And it isn’t particularly hard to get. I could get it anywhere. So could you. But nothing worth having is easy. It’s the hard stuff I want from you. But it’s the hard stuff you can’t give.”
Tad coughed a laugh of surprise. “Are you kidding me? I’ve given you everything I’ve got.”
Again, Scott shook his head. “Not everything.”
“Seriously? Dude. I’ve turned my whole world upside down for you. What else do you want from me?”
Scott stepped back into his personal space and palmed the back of his head. Tad’s heart hammered fiercely. The guy was suddenly way too close— and Tad was way too drunk. God, just the smell of him was fucking with his balance.
He clutched the dude’s sides to keep from falling just as Scott’s mouth crushed to his. Hot and restless, anxiously moving. As if trying to explain with his very lips what he wanted, what he needed. But somehow his kiss felt searching, too. As if looking for something important… from Tad.
Scott growled and pulled him closer, breathing heavily against his mouth. Jesus, the urgency rolling off his body. As if he needed to take just as badly as he needed to give. Fireworks exploded inside Tad’s belly, lighting up his chest, unraveling his head. Shit, any second and he’d be going up in flames.
He clutched Scott’s hips tighter as a moan tore up his throat. Until now, he hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed this. Scott’s physical affirmation. That this thing between them was real. And not some psycho, one-sided fantasy that Tad had managed to concoct.
Scott hands dropped down to palm his ass, pressing him even closer. Tad’s brain cells reeled. Intoxicated in every way. Making his heart beat way too fast, making the whole world spin.
Suddenly, he wished he’d never touched that bottle. Had just left it under the seat. Because, God, how he wanted the clarity of this moment etched in his mind for—
Boisterous male laughter sliced through his haze, followed by car doors slamming. Fuck. He and Scott had been going at it right in front of his building. In plain frickin’ sight. Lit up nice and bright by the parking lot’s many street lamps.
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