“You and Lil have seen a lot and lesbians nowadays take our freedoms lightly, freedoms you fought so diligently for.”
“I like you. How come Gigi hasn’t brought you before?”
“Gigi doesn’t like to mix parts of her life. That way if she does something to piss someone off she’s got other places to run to. I only got to come because she doesn’t want her wife to think she’s off with her current infatuation. Alex trusts me, or at least thinks I’m harmless.”
“I see. Well, I know how we can remedy that situation,” Fran said, with a mischievous glint in her eye.
“How?” Mallory asked, fearing the worst.
“We’ll make you a member of the Infamous Lesbian Activists,” Fran said, flagging Lil over.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Mallory said, envisioning the black robes, bloody chickens, drums and firelight.
“Of course it is. We need smart, insightful, courageous women like you. Anyone who wears pajamas in the middle of the day is a true anarchist in my book. That does it. You’re drafted,” Fran said.
“I don’t think Gigi’s going to like this,” Mallory said.
Lil leaned over while Fran whispered her the plan. She nodded.
“Don’t worry about Gigi. She’s going to need your company for a while from the sound of things,” Lil said.
“What’s wrong with Gigi?” Fran asked, the picture of maternal concern.
“I’ll tell you in a bit,” Lil said, heading off to resume her conversation with Gigi.
“What was that about?” Gigi asked, perturbed at being interrupted. She never came running when Alex called. Usually, Gigi couldn’t tell you where her girlfriend was at a party to save her life. They came together and they left together. It briefly crossed Gigi’s mind that perhaps it was her own behavior that was causing the rift between her and Alex. Maybe it wasn’t her infatuation with Ollie that made Alex so angry; rather it was Gigi’s lack of attention. Was it possible she had grown complacent? The thought of it horrified her. If she was one thing and one thing only she was a good lover. Did being a good lover allow for being inattentive? Gigi wondered.
“Fran wants to make Mallory one of the Activists. Mallory is worried you won’t like it,” Lil said.
“It’s fine. Actually, she’ll be a big help. She’s very bright,” Gigi said.
“And you’ll probably need a chaperon for a while,” Lil added.
“What I do isn’t right, is it?”
“Someday Gigi you’ll realize there is more to life than sex and when you do, it would be nice to have the skills necessary to make a decent life with another person. At the rate you’re going you won’t have a lover and your circle of friends will all be people you’ve slept with. It makes for bleak company. Believe me.”
“Take it from one who knows,” Gigi said.
“Yes. My advice to you would be to stay away from Ollie, be extremely nice to Alex and hopefully everything will blow over,” Lil said, putting a comforting arm around Gigi.
Three
Mallory sat upright in Dr. Kohlrabi’s office looking the picture of sound mental health, not to mention she was sporting a tan from playing badminton all weekend with the Activists in Yarnell.
“So how was your trip?” Dr. Kohlrabi asked.
“It was incredible. I even got past my beyond-the-city-limitsanxiety phobia. I think I might be able to travel again. I have missed traveling. I’m certain the chances of running into Caroline are greatly diminished as long as I stay in the Northern Hemisphere. Right?”
“She went back to Brazil, correct?”
“Yes,” Mallory replied, trying to block out the sudden barrage of images she was seeing. Caroline standing on the beach in Rocky Point, her sunglasses sliding down her petite nose. Caroline kissing her beneath the star filled night on North Mountain as she guided Mallory through the initial courses of making love. Caroline moving in and all those intense joyful days that followed, times when Mallory thought the world was a happy, shiny place. Those were always her first thoughts of Caroline. The downhill moments would come later and they usually cascaded into the moment Mallory realized that Caroline had been lying to her. She didn’t know what the deception entailed but Mallory sensed it began and lived in the grip of its terror until the day Caroline announced she was leaving.
“Mallory . . . ?” Dr. Kohlrabi asked, trying to bring her back to the present moment.
“Yes, wonderful weekend. I was practically adopted into the clan and I played topless team badminton with a slew of older women. There were breasts everywhere. It was very liberating as well as enlightening.”
“How did you play badminton with your foot?”
“I played back and Gigi ran around a lot. We got a five point handicap. To the Activists nothing is impossible.”
“Why topless badminton?” Dr. Kohlrabi asked, trying not to conjure up pornographic images of Playboy bunnies at the mansion engaging every man’s fantasy.
“It’s a reclamation of our bodies kind of like going back to the matriarchy where women were strong and not simply objects of lust and fancy,” Mallory replied, knowing she could only reveal certain facts about her weekend initiation.
She couldn’t tell the doctor about standing by firelight in the middle of the desert with her hand jammed in her crotch repeating feminist affirmation statements. At first she had felt like a fool but when she was surrounded by twenty other women doing the same thing she forgot to be scared; instead she was moved by the intense feelings of women coming together in joint purpose. She felt like she was experiencing the kind of moments she had only read about in the early days of the women’s movement.
“I see,” Dr. Kohlrabi replied, thinking of her daughter’s newly installed breast implants whose only purpose were to incite lust and fancy in the opposite sex.
“When I got back I went to see Del,” Mallory said, turning the conversation to her present concern.
“Oh,” Dr. Kohlrabi prodded.
“I invited her over for dinner,” Mallory said.
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“I was hoping you could tell me,” Mallory replied.
“It’s a step forward.”
“I had to tell my mother because she wanted me to come over.”
“And that worries you?”
“My mother is more scarred from Caroline leaving than I am. She prefers me being celibate and not dating.”
“Are you dating Del?”
“I don’t know,” Mallory said, thinking about the morning. She had put a brilliant pair of blue silk dress pajamas on, and her favorite gold tie. She was looking at herself in the mirror and she undid her hair so it hung long and curly around her neck and fell to her breasts. Mallory hadn’t worn her hair down since Caroline left. Caroline adored Mallory’s long flowing pelt. She used to comb it lovingly. Was this a sign? Mallory wondered. Was she more interested in Del than she was admitting?
“You’re going to have to decide one day.”
“I know,” Mallory replied.
“If this is something serious between you and Del I would like to meet her. If she was willing of course.”
Mallory looked mortified.
“Maybe we should think on this for a short time and discuss it later,” Dr. Kohlrabi said.
“Definitely,” Mallory said, getting up.
“You still have ten minutes,” Dr. Kohlrabi said, looking at the clock.
“I think I’m done for today.”
“All right,” Dr. Kohlrabi replied, trying not to take affront.
***
Del was trying to get out of her office early because she wanted to buy flowers at the gift shop and then get a bottle of good wine at the Sportsman. She knew it was packaged romance but she couldn’t help herself. Mallory made her feel romance acutely. She felt like she wanted to take candlelit baths, go for walks in the moonlight, and picnic on grassy knolls—which in Arizona could only be found on a golf course. She wanted to experience
every romantic fantasy that came to mind.
She was still marveling at the fact that Mallory had come to the hospital. She’d stood in the cafeteria and called Del on her cell phone. The orderlies were threatening to take her to security because they were certain she was a patient. Del came down to rescue her.
“I only came to invite you to dinner,” Mallory said, trying to regain her composure and straighten out her pajamas as she scowled at the departing orderlies.
“You have gorgeous hair and I’d love to come for dinner,” Del said.
“Wonderful,” Mallory replied.
“Is this a date?” Del asked before she could stop herself.
“If you wish it to be,” Mallory said, blushing.
“I do.”
“Seven o’clock okay?”
“Perfect. I missed you,” Del blurted, knowing she would kick herself later. She did her best not to look completely mortified.
“It’s not a bad thing . . . missing people. Is it?” Mallory asked.
“I don’t think so.”
Del had spent the day replaying this scene in her head again and again trying to recapture every nuance. She was floating in this daze when she opened her office door and ran smack into Kim.
She nearly flattened her.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Del said.
“Are you in a hurry?” Kim said, straightening her stethoscope from its currently askew position.
“Not really. I just have some errands to run.”
“Maybe we can talk later,” Kim said, backing away.
Del could sense something was wrong. Kim looked tired but she also looked emotionally drained and Del knew she didn’t have to look far to discover the cause. She knew that Kim was upset with Ollie but she didn’t know how things had been going. Kim wasn’t one to open up unless she was under considerable duress.
“Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk. I’ve got a couple of iced mochas in my fridge.”
“But your errands . . .”
“They can wait. Come on,” Del coaxed.
“I’m sorry. I just need someone to talk to, someone with perspective that I can trust,” Kim said.
“I’ll do my best,” Del said, handing Kim her iced coffee and taking a seat on the couch.
“I’m going to break it off with Ollie . . . permanently this time,” Kim said, studying her hands and sliding off a gold ring. Ollie had given her the ring as a show of good faith. To show her that she was loved and that she didn’t have to worry about lack of commitment, that Ollie loved her, and her exclusively. How stupid and naïve she had been to believe her.
“You two have had trouble before?” Del asked gently.
“Yes, the same kind, always the same kind. Thank god we don’t live together. I suppose that’s why we don’t live together—because she can’t keep her hands off other women. Why is it so hard? Other couples manage. She’s always played around, or at least flirted with other women but this time it’s different. How am I supposed to hold my head up when she’s trying to screw Gigi? I shouldn’t have to put up with that! “ Kim said. Her face tied up in a grimace.
“No, you shouldn’t,” Del said, taking her hand.
“I haven’t called her.”
“Has she called you?” Del asked, trying to tread lightly.
“I don’t know. I ripped the phone cord out of the wall so I wouldn’t be tempted. It’s an extreme measure but I can’t trust myself not to call, not to let her back in. I wanted to tell someone so I would have to live up to it, really let her go this time. I’ve got to move on. Right?”
“You should be happy and well loved. If you’re not getting it from Ollie . . .”
“I’m not,” Kim said.
“Okay then. What are you going to do?” Del asked.
“I’m going to need a shoulder for a while,” Kim said.
“I’m here whenever you need me.”
“I knew I could count on you,” Kim said, squeezing Del’s hand. “Why aren’t there more women like you out there?”
“You had your chance,” Del teased.
“And now you’re taken.”
“I hope so.”
“You know, Mallory is not as strange as I first thought, you know with the pajamas and stuff. I think I’m beginning to understand extreme behavior,” Kim said. “She’s awfully pretty.”
“Yes, and smart, driven, odd and sexy all rolled into one. I can’t get her off my mind. She invited me over for dinner. We were only doing lunch before.”
“So it’s like an official date then,” Kim replied.
“I think so.”
“Well, no one can say you rushed into this one,” Kim said, remembering it had been months since Del had first met Mallory.
“No, but I kind of like that. I’ve had enough of those ‘sleep together the first week and then get to know each other later’ sessions. Needless to say, they didn’t work out,” Del said, instantly reliving a slew of bad love affairs.
That was one of the things she liked about Mallory. She made her feel fresh, like falling in love for the first time. If only she’d known Mallory then. They could have been high school sweethearts, the kind that last.
“I’ll testify to that,” Kim said wryly.
She had succumbed to Ollie all too quickly and been suffering the consequences ever since. She was now counting the hours in a day and working as much overtime as she could find. At least work kept her mind off Ollie and the insidious blues of losing a lover. It was worse than quitting smoking. This time she was going to do it. This time she wouldn’t let Ollie talk her into forgiving and forgetting. How many times could she overlook her playing around?
How many times was she going to fool herself that Ollie didn’t sleep with other women? How could she call this a relationship when her partner moved from woman to woman? It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
“I should let you go. Thanks for talking,” Kim said.
“Are you okay?” Del asked, looking the picture of concern.
“Yes, thank you. Are you sure you don’t have any friends just like you?” Kim teased.
“Nope, left them all in Chicago,” Del said.
“You go have a good date,” Kim said, getting up.
“Do you think it would be corny if I brought flowers and wine? I know it’s packaged romance but Mallory makes me feel romantic,” Del said.
“I would love it if a woman brought me flowers and wine,” Kim said.
Del smiled.
Ollie sat on the hood of Kim’s car wondering when the hell her girlfriend was going to show. The roses were starting to look a bit droopy. Ollie gave them a swat to try and freshen them up. Kim was usually punctual and Ollie usually wasn’t. She was discovering that waiting wasn’t much fun. The connection of course was totally lost on her because Ollie never took the time to analyze her own behavior. The only behavior she was interested in was the ulterior motives and manipulation of others for sexual favors. Quest and conquer were her primary goals. And what was wrong with that, she asked herself. At least I know what I want. And right now I’d like my girlfriend to show up.
Kim finished up her paperwork, read the latest nurse’s magazine cover to cover and finally packed it up to go home telling herself she could get through another night of not seeing Ollie. She planned her evening so that every moment was full until bed. Then the long night of counting sheep, which wasn’t working, began. Inevitably Smackers, the cat, would jump in the middle of the bed at ninety-nine sheep and she would have to start over.
It would be three o’clock in the morning before mentally exhausted she would doze for a few short hours. She was contemplating asking one of the doctors for a prescription because she couldn’t keep working these long shifts and not sleep. And it was all Ollie’s fault for being such a wretched little shit, Kim told herself as she trudged across the parking lot to her car.
In her current state of preoccupation she was practically right on top of Ollie before she saw her sittin
g there, her face hidden behind the bouquet of roses, her eyes looking as pensive and remorseful as she could make them.
“Hi, these are for you,” Ollie said, thrusting the roses before her.
“No, thank you,” Kim said, opening her car door and throwing her backpack in. She was trying to buy herself some time. This was not what she expected. For this she had no plan. She quickly ran through her mental litany of why she had to stay away from Ollie.
“What do you mean no thank you?” Ollie asked.
“Exactly what I said, now get off my car and out of my life,” Kim blurted before she had a chance to censor. Maybe the litany was working.
“Come on, I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late. It’s over.”
“What do you mean it’s over? I tried to call but I couldn’t get through,” Ollie said.
“I ripped the phone out of the wall.”
“Why?”
“So I wouldn’t call you,” Kim said, trying to take deep breaths to keep her composure.
“Why wouldn’t you call me?” Ollie said, still not getting the picture.
“Because we’re over. I want you out of my life.”
“What do you mean?”
“Over as in goodbye,” Kim said, gaining momentum. She slid the gold ring Ollie had given her off her finger and handed it to Ollie.
“Here, I believe this is yours. I’ll have your stuff sent over,” Kim said, feeling a giant wave of fear coupled with exhilaration wash over her, like the thrill one gets from skydiving.
Ollie watched her and despite her usual confidence in being able to win Kim back she was beginning to sense the gravity of the situation. “You can’t be serious. We need to talk. Look Kim, I’m really sorry and it won’t happen again. I promise. I just got a little out of hand. I love you. I don’t want us to be over,” Ollie said, grabbing Kim’s waist and trying to pull her close.
Kim could smell her fear. She pushed away.
“You’ve said that before,” Kim countered. “Now go.”
Ollie stood stunned.
“But I love you. I can’t just leave it like this.”
Saxon Bennett - Talk of the Town Page 6